if then (6 times winner never happened and the 1 time they did)

1.

Jinwoo stares at the papers in front of him. His father grunts roughly and Jinwoo knows what he’s going to say. Every man in Korea has to eventually see these papers but Jinwoo is just barely out of high school and he has a dream that he has to follow.

“Go to the army and stop wasting time with that silly dance school.”

Jinwoo inhales sharply because even though he knows it’s coming, it still hurts. Wasting time, that’s all he’s been doing. Who’s going to cast a dumb island son of a fisherman when there’s beautiful, more talented boys all over Seoul? He’s heard the speech a million times and it never stops stinging.

“No-“, he tries to say, but his father cuts him off.

“Jinwoo-ah,” he says, rubbing his hands over his eyes, “Just listen to me this once.”

Jinwoo wants to argue back, wants to tell his father how much progress he has made. Jinwoo wants to tell his father that he’s going to get out of this little fishing village and make it big in Seoul. That his father should trust him just a little longer because he’ll make it and he’ll make him proud.

But his father looks so tired. The bags under his eyes are noticeable against the dark skin tanned after hours in the sun. He thinks of his father staying up at night with only the rickety lamp , going through the bills and cursing softly. He thinks of how thin his father has gotten in his face but bloated in his belly as he consumes only the cheapest packs of ramen and the plainest rice and kimchi in order to save money to feed Jinwoo and his sisters.

He breathes in. Breathes out. His father coughs in his hand and the only sound left is the creaking fan. He grabs the pen and fills out the forms and his father pats his shoulder with a grim nod of acceptance as he gets up to leave.

A few weeks later, sent off with a small, sad smile from his father, he skips dance school for the military conscription exam. He passes. He’s young and fit and he’s given a month to settle concerns before enlisting. It’s likely he’ll end up as an active duty soldier but the compensation is better and he wants to help his father as much as he can.

The next day, he stops by the music school for one last class because even though he’s going away for two years, music has always been his dream and he can’t just quit it cold turkey. As he warms up, the girl next to him turns to him and gushes about the new CEO of the school coming to the school to scout for potential talent.

Jinwoo doesn’t think much about it. He wouldn’t have been scouted anyways. The girl continues to gush about the young and handsome CEO and he tunes her out… until she says, “I think he’s from YG Entertainment,” before laughing quietly to herself.

Jinwoo shrugs and turns back to his stretching. “Who cares,” he says finally, when all his muscles are loose, “He didn’t cast anyone anyways.”

After class, all his muscles are sore but in a good way, where all the endorphins flow freely and leaves warmth and accomplishment in its wake. He settles the paperwork and officially leaves the Joy Dance Plug In Academy. Before he goes home, he stops and turns around and lets himself mourn a dream that had to be buried under the island tides.

jinwoo misses the day seungri comes to his dance academy and is never casted. he enters the military instead and debuts as an actor rather than a singer, known for his handsome face but comedic roles. he is offered an mc role for a new idol group’s concert but he has to decline because of prior commitments. when asked if he has any regrets, he always pauses before answering.

2.

Taehyun lifts his chin higher, let’s the cruel whispers go in one ear and out the other. His knuckles are scraped from his last fight and the pain in his stomach is a reminder that he can’t do anything. He’s already had to change schools and he can’t make his mother worry anymore.

He passes the audition, just barely, going down on his knees to sing and who knows, maybe they saw something in him. Maybe they saw his desperation to become an idol, to be able to make money doing what he loves so that he can support his family. Taehyun becomes a trainee and moves out to live in the dorms. His brother peaks out from his room to wave a lazy hand goodbye before shutting the door again.

In front of the trainee dorms, his mother straightens his jacket and ruffles his hair, saying in a low voice, “You’ll be okay, right? Call me when you need me, okay?”

Taehyun smiles, a little sadly, because he can read the meaning behind her words. I’m worried this will be too much for you. You don’t need to be an idol to make music. You don’t need to make money to help us.

“I’ll be fine,” he tries to assure her, but he’s not so sure himself. YG hasn’t debuted a boy group in four years and he’s not exactly YG’s style.

His doubts are confirmed. The environment is fierce and every trainee there seems like giants in their skill. He feels so small.

The comments don’t help. He knows he’s pretty and has a feminine face but the snide remarks make his face burn. The rumors circulate that he prefers men and most of the male trainees leave a wide berth around him and refuse to change in the same room as him. Only a few encourage him. He hates it.

A year later, he decides to leave YG Entertainment. He’s seen enough to know that the idol life, especially at YG, is not right for him. The other trainees tell him they’re sad to see him go but he wants to tell them that he’s even sadder for them who are stuck in an endless cycle looking for a debut that won’t come for a long while.

He looks around at the room that he’s spending his last night in. All the other trainees have left for midnight practice. The bus ticket back home lies innocently on the table, cleared of the rest of his belongings that lay neatly packed in his suitcase. He closes his eyes and remembers the screams of the fans at the concert he got to be a background dancer for. He wraps that feeling of ecstasy in his heart and lets it carry him through the next years.

taehyun leaves yg and returns to college where he gets a degree in music composition and production. he secures a position as a producer and composer at the company where his brother enters in as a trainee. he writes their debut album and some of their other albums, shooting them to popularity. he also releases music on the side through his soundcloud, where he amasses a pretty big following. although it’s not how he imagined it would be, he would say he’s content.

3.

Seungyoon glances at his phone and then back to his computer screen. Blinks twice. Checks again. The message from his mother congratulating him for his success is still on his phone and the chart rankings on the computer has yet to change. Number one.

He can’t believe it. It’s not even that popular of a song yet his cover is ranked first on the charts? This is good, he thinks. I could win this. He goes to sleep with a strange sense of accomplishment, like this could mean something bigger. Like he could finally repay his mother for all the wrongs he did against her.

He doesn’t. He places fourth and it hurts a little, falling from number one. The night he is eliminated, he cries. He refuses to answer his phone and when he wakes up the next day, eyes swollen and head aching from crying too long, he has twenty missed calls from his mom and a message. It’s okay. You did great. I’m so proud of you. He cries again.

There’s no doubt that he’s still popular though, a sought after contestant. The first offer he receives is from Antenna Music and he almost readily accepts because he got so far under them. However, there’s still lingering doubt that not winning leaves. Is he good enough to succeed outside of a big company when he can’t even win Superstar K2? He’s not sure.

Seungyoon tells them maybe and waits. As the end of the year approaches, no big name company contacts him. He calls his mom and asks what he should do. The Antenna Music offer is still up and he knows it might be too good to pass up if no other company is going to contact him.

His mother’s soothing dialect comforts him through the decision. “Seungyoon-ah,” she says, the Busan drawl wrapping his heart in warm nostalgia against the cold Seoul night, “You will succeed wherever you go.”

He bites back that he failed, that he didn’t win Superstar K2, that he didn’t make her proud and that he’s so sorry. But she’s his mother and he’s her only son and she knows exactly what to say. “Seungyoon-ah, I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, umma,” he chokes out, still feeling that bitter sting of disappointment. He lays awake and traces the cracks in the ceiling and lets them make his decision. They tell him nothing he already doesn’t know.

“Hello? Yes, this is Kang Seungyoon. I was told to call when I made my decision.”

seungyoon signs with antenna music as a solo artist. he releases his first album within a few months of signing and it hits number one on a few music charts. he films a fanta commercial and when his contract with them is over, a boy group takes his place. his next albums do well and he even earns the opportunity to act. he records his own osts and they hit big in korea. on a music show promoting his 2^nd full album, he passes the new yg group and briefly wonders what it would be like to have been in a group instead of working solo.

4.

Seunghoon stands in front of the YG building and lets his mouth drop at how big it is. Seoul is so different from Busan. He takes a picture in front of the building, prints it out, and writes “my goal” in red ink on the back. He pins it to the wall in his little apartment that has just the slightest view of the YG building from the rooftop.

He auditions for K-Pop Star and does well. He doesn’t win but he’s among the top of the finalists and he’s pleasantly surprised because he doesn’t think his singing or rapping were really up to par with the other contestants. He’s pretty sure his dance was what pulled him through.

During the show, he makes good friends with the other contestants and he keeps in touch after he’s eliminated. The group chat rings with all sorts of funny messages. Only when the first “I got casted!” message is sent, does he begin to worry.

It’s not like he hasn’t received love calls from different companies. Some he’s researched and thrown aside because they’re literally no name companies with sleazy CEOs who have no idea how to run an idol group. None of the big name companies has contacted him yet and he spends the spring Seoul nights in his apartment waiting for his phone to ring.

Finally, one day, as he closes the tab to buy bus tickets back home because it feels like he failed in getting casted, his phone rings. It ends up being a JYP casting manager who offers him a trainee position at JYP. It’s a shock because he had been aiming for YG throughout the entire show. Just as he’s about to answer, another call from an unknown number comes in.

He pauses, debates whether picking it up would be worth it, and then hangs up on the unknown number. “Yes,” he whispers excitedly into his phone, “Yes, yes, I’ll be there bright and early in the morning.”

Seunghoon runs up to the rooftop and screams into the night air, “SCREW YOU YG. I GOT CASTED INTO JYP.” Only the arousal of birds and their squawking in the night answer him back.

seunghoon misses the call from the yg casting agent and instead becomes a jyp trainee, where he is set to debut alongside fellow contestant park jae-hyung as the rapper in a new boy band. before debut, he competes against yg trainees and although he, mark, and jackson can’t beat the yg trainees, he’s praised by the judges for his rapping skill. alongside being a rapper, he also choreographs his brother group’s dances. he gets invited on many variety shows for his wit and humor. although he is teased for his kpop star days of being a yg fanboy, he always responds with that it must have been fate that jyp contacted him first.

5.

Minho likes his group members. They’re a trio and they mostly do ballads, so he feels kind of useless but he likes where he’s at. He mourns having to leave Block B but the company was a mess and they were suffering.

BoM isn’t what he imagined he would be doing. Minho has always enjoyed the underground scene more than the clean cut image of idols but he’s always thirsted for the fame and support that popularity brings.

BoM is a no name group from a no name company and Minho hates it. Instead of writing rap songs and yelling out the injustices of the world, he’s slow jamming to soothing ballads. It’s not enough.

He misses Block B. He’s listened to their latest albums and he knows that this is the stuff he could see himself doing. But BoM is too small to engage in that type of rap heavy, dance heavy, power songs.

On nights when it feels like he’s stuck, that he’s hit a dead end, he calls his mom and he texts his sister. He calls in the middle of the night when none of s can hear his regrets, when none of them can find out that he wants to leave them behind.

His mom offers advice but she doesn’t know anything about the music industry. She comments that YG is holding open auditions soon. She talks about Gunhee and how he is a trainee at Starship. Minho holds on to the options.

His sister offers her advice because she’s in an idol group that isn’t working out either. They’re set to disband after a year and she feels just as lost as him. She tells him to hold on a little longer, that he’ll be much happier if BoM succeeds than if they disband.

Minho hangs up the phone and makes his mental lists of pros and cons. The next day, he talks to the company head and asks to be allowed to use the studios so that he can produce his own songs. He also asks if he can return to the underground part time, because his fire is starting to burn out and he needs the rough and free feeling of performance to reignite his passion. Surprisingly, they let him.

minho returns to the underground and also produces bom’s next album, which puts them on track to be a more well known group in korea. his underground productions get popular and he joins show me the money season 3 where he defeats the yg idol rappers. sometimes he finds himself writing songs for groups a little bigger than his that almost, but don’t exactly, fit his group’s style and he wonders if some other group could have done the songs justice before he saves them in a file lost in everything else.

6.

The lights dim and cheers ring out from the audience. The audience is chanting loudly and proudly for the group of boys that worked their asses off to stand on stage. Jinwoo feels a tear slip down his face and he doesn’t dare look at the other boys because he knows they’ll be crying as well.

“Team B, Team B”, the crowd shouts as Team A stands in the darkened portion of the stage. The six boys are crying too, hugging each other, and smiling so big that the only glint you can see from their eyes are the tears.

For a moment, the world had gone silent. And everything broke at the call. Like all the sound had come rushing in and disoriented the whole world. Jinwoo allows himself a smile. Jinwoo allows himself a few more tears before he moves to wipe them away.

Taehyun doesn’t say anything, can’t when if he does his voice will crack with unshed tears. Can’t otherwise he will not be able to properly congratulate the winning team. It hurts because they didn’t make it. It hurts because they weren’t enough. It hurts.

Seungyoon doesn’t cry. He does not allow himself to because he knows the battles have been fought and they have lost the war. He wants to reach out to wipe Jinwoo’s tears and pat Taehyun’s back. He wants to hug Seunghoon and let Minho use his shoulder to cry on.

He doesn’t. It feels like it was his fault. As their leader, he should have tried harder, he should have not let his voice crack during Go Up, he should have written a better song that would have won the hearts of the audience. It’s his fault.

It’s not fair, he thinks because he still has a solo career under YG. His songs have hit all-kills. He’ll be okay. It’s not fair because he thinks of talking with Jinwoo at night in their shared room and how Jinwoo will probably quit as a trainee at YG and try for a different company or go back to his hometown or go to the military. He thinks of his talks with Minho and the direction they wanted to take the team and he wonders if Minho would have done better than him.

His posture is stiff as he moves to congratulate B.I and Bobby and he’s so happy for them but he’s so sad because he knows that his team won’t be a team again.

Seunghoon tightens his lips, let’s the faintest of smiles shine through. It’s done. This hell is done and they’ve lost. Was it worth it? He doesn’t know. The experience on stage reminds him of how much he loves to perform and to create and to dance. But now that dream is just out of reach, given to another group who deserves it just as much as he does.

It’s cruel. He could write a million lyrics on how cruel this program and even then it would not be enough to get his feelings across. He feels a little lost because it’s over and now everything is going to change once again.

Minho bends his head and lets the tears build up before he breathes and lets it go. He’s happy for the kids, they’ve worked hard. But there is a pain that builds up inside of him that tells him this is the end, this is the end.

It can’t be. It’s ridiculous. But Minho knows that even if it’s not the end for him, it’s the end for them. It’s the end for the team they threw everything into, who they fought tooth and nail for. It’s the end to all the effort they put to their teamwork and it feels like the structures that kept the team afloat have collapsed. It’s the end.

team a loses win and does not become winner. yg keeps seungyoon as a solo artist and minho as a producer and composer. seunghoon joins the yg background dancers and helps choreograph the debut for winner. jinwoo and taehyun leave the company for other pursuits. jinwoo joins the army and then signs as a dance teacher for his old dance academy. taehyun finds another company and trains for debut there, where his compositions are used for their debut album. winner has a strong debut and wins several rookie of the year awards but too many promotions lead to a long hiatus. it still hurts team a to think of win but they say they’ve all moved on and their only regret is that they could not stay together.

+1.

“The winner is…” every breath is held, afraid to shatter the moment before it is supposed to break. “TEAM A!”

The crowd roars. They scream their congratulations, they scream their sorrows, they scream and scream and scream and it’s deafening.

It falls on deaf ears. The five boys on stage are crying, crying because they’re so happy, crying because they’re so sad, crying because it’s over.

Jinwoo cries until his nose begins to bleed. He doesn’t notice until a stage hand runs over and hands him a napkin to soak him both the blood and his tears. Seungyoon does his best to not make a spectacle, tries to maintain his dignity as a leader. Taehyun lowers his head and lets himself enjoy the moment even though the tears have already started flowing. Seunghoon and Minho stand together and cry and only separate when the Team B boys come to congratulate them.

Team B have tired smiles and Seunghoon’s heart aches for them because they’re boys. They’re children that have gone through hell with them and their success could have easily gone to Team B instead. But he knows they’ll have another chance, he knows that these kids will fight until the end.

All the older artists and sunbaes congratulate them. They offer words of encouragement and advice. Even Yang Hyunsuk’s fake smile cannot deter them from the excitement and adrenaline of the announcement. They will debut.

Winner’s debut is delayed. For a year.

But they debut. And they beat the record for fastest 1^st place after debut. They secure almost every rookie award at the end of the year, despite only having debuted for a few months. It almost feels like they’re riding on a wave so big that once it all crashes down, there will be nothing left.

As quickly as they want to have their first comeback, they run into obstacles. New controversies that don’t even make sense, new scandals that sometimes do, push them back and it feels like they keep running into a dead end.

A year and a half later, they set everything up. They have a movement that’s going to carry them out of their hiatus and back into the place they want to be most: the stage.

EXIT: E is their first comeback as a group. It doesn’t do as well as the company wants but they have hopes that EXIT: X will do better.

EXIT: X never happens.

After another long hiatus, YG Entertainment drops Taehyun’s contract with Winner and with the company due to mental health issues. The boys don’t comment on it, can’t comment on it.

It hurts.

Winner debuts but does not get proper promotions despite their popularity due to YG’s bias and inability to produce another group after Bigbang. Winner only remains in the public’s eye from multiple photoshoots and Mino’s stint at SMTM4. After losing Taehyun, Winner’s fate remains unknown. But Inner Circles support both Winner and Taehyun as they go their separate paths. Both of them find success and happiness. Winner eventually leaves YG and joins Seungri’s entertainment company where they are able to make music as they want and promote as they want. They even have an album with Taehyun. Winner is loved and supported until the very end.