Baekhyun thought it wasn’t meant to end like this. No, forget that, he thought it would never end.

So maybe that’s why he is on the floor, eyes full of tears and trembling lips, his delicate hands holding a piece of paper with letters written in black ink that didn’t make sense to him.

He read the letter one time after another, but he just couldn’t understand it. What kind of joke was Sehun putting on him? This just couldn’t be true.

But he read it again and again and again, and it started making sense, all the clues were there, all the smiles that every time were getting smaller, all the times they hold hands with less strength, all those stares without the light that once was there and all those times where tears were involved.

Sehun wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, he was far from being perfect, all those time when he couldn’t express himself or when his friends were more important or when he didn’t think some things were significant but obviously were for Baekhyun but the smaller wasn’t perfect either, the extreme jealousy Baekhyun felt sometimes were one of the reasons of constant fights but at the end, not being perfect was one of the things that made them real. One of the things that made them perfect for each other.

It was a lonely Friday night when Baekhyun came back from work finding all the lights turn off, holding a piece of that chocolate cheese cake Sehun loved from that cafe right on the corner of the street, with a little smile on his face as always.
He thought that maybe his boyfriend was tired, lately everything has been more difficult at Sehun’s work, so he just wanted to brighten up his boyfriend’s state of mind and relax him a bit.

His smile only got bigger at the thought of his cute gigantic boyfriend sleeping on their bed and the fact that he could cuddle with him all night.

He walked to their room and noticed the door slightly open, trying to not make any sound he opened it to find no one. 

He the lights.

Sehun wasn’t there.

And neither were his things.

He walked around the room noticing that Sehun’s computer wasn’t on the desk. He noticed how Sehun’s shoes were nowhere to be find. He opened their closet and Sehun’s clothes weren’t there. 
Baekhyun started freaking out, moving everything, trying to find something, anything from Sehun that could give him hope that this wasn’t happening. He found nothing, just nothing.
He could feel how tears started filling up his eyes and his thoughts were becoming too much. He couldn’t move, he wanted to walk, to go running to find Sehun, but his legs didn’t listen. 
Trying to calm himself, he closed his eyes and started inhaling and exhaling air.
When he finally calmed, he started walking to their kitchen, finding everything just there, he was hoping for something that could give him an explanation, he let the piece of cake on table and he decided to go to their living room, and on their couch, that couch Sehun had begged Baekhyun to bought because it was perfect for them, he saw it, the piece of paper.
He walked that way and with trembling hands he took it and not prepared for what he could find in there, he started reading it.

“My dear and beloved Baekhyun,

First of all, I am really sorry and I know this may be kind of shocking for you, so I’m really sorry.

I don’t know how I should tell you this, believe me that this is just as difficult to me as it may be to you.

You know I have never been good with words, I think I’m the worst, that’s why I’m taking time to write this, to explain everything and make this somehow less difficult.

So, I want you to remember all those memories we did together, please don’t doubt they are real, all of them are real just as my feelings for you.

But if we think about our future and the things we wanted, maybe we could tell that, well we weren’t meant to be.

You wanted a family and I just wanted you, you wanted a big house and I just wanted a place for the two of us, you wanted a big and fluffy dog to spend time with and I just wanted to spend my time with you, you wanted to travel the world with me and I just wanted to be anywhere by your side. 

And I understand you wanted a better life for both of us, you wanted us to be happy. I really do understand, but I don’t understand myself.

Since the first time we met, I knew it, I knew we weren’t going to be together until death, and I knew I was just going to hurt you, but I guess I was selfish.

I mean, have you looked at yourself on the mirror? My precious Baekhyun, you are so perfect, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. So as any human being, I wanted the diamond between rocks, and let me tell you that you were and still are the most shining and beautiful of them all.

And just as I thought, I have made you cry too many times, for the most stupid things, and I tried Baekhyun, I really tried to kiss you for every time a tear fell from your eyes, I tried to hold you close to my heart for you to hear that it only beats for you and I tried to make you feel better on those times you put yourself down, but I can help to think that it wasn’t enough, I can’t help to think that you deserve so much more.

, can you believe I’m crying right now? I never wanted to hurt you, I just wanted to cherish you all the time and every time you needed me, but I can’t stop myself and I keep on hurting you.

I want you to remember that even if I’m not here, you’ll be okay, everything will be fine and never doubt that your love for me wasn’t enough or that you should have tried more, because that’s not it puppy, it’s my fault that we couldn’t work, I assure you that you’ll find someone better, someone who will love you so much more, someone who will give you everything you deserve and someone who doesn’t make you cry all the time as I, unfortunately, do.

Probably you are wondering why I didn’t tell you all of this in person… the reason it’s really simple, it’s just because looking at you will only make it harder, and I know that if I look into those perfectly shaped puppy eyes and those pinkish and kissable lips I will not contain myself and I’ll keep on being selfish and keep this thing we call relationship where everything I do hurts you somehow.

I know asking this doesn’t make sense but I need to tell you this.

Puppy, have I ever told you how I felt when you first kiss me?

I remember all of our friends laughing at me because I couldn’t be man enough to just confessed those burning feelings I had, and still do, for you, since the first time I saw you I felt that way, I felt my heart beating faster when you looked at my eyes or how I found myself smiling just at the thought of you, but I guess I didn’t tell you anything because I wanted to protect you from all of this. 

I remember how Jongdae was smiling and how he told me in the ear that you were outside with some guy I didn’t knew and that I should do something about it; at first I didn’t mind, I didn’t want to be a bother to you, I mean you had right to be with your friends alone, but I started thinking about all the things that guy could do to you and anger started filling up my veins, I wanted you to myself. Selfish, right?

I remember going outside and ready to scream and maybe hit someone, sorry not sorry, when I saw you, I know I tell you this all the time but you really look gorgeous when moonlight is illuminating you, kind of cheesy, I know, but it’s the true.

I remember how our eyes met and you smiled, that perfectly rectangular smile that still makes me weak, even if you don’t show it as much as before, actually that it’s one of the reasons why I’m doing this. I want you to smile as much as you used to.

I also remember how you pronounced my name, with that honey voice of yours that made my legs go weak.

And I just remember how you got close to me and with those pretty hands you hold  my face and looked me with shiny eyes full of something I couldn’t quite understand, and said that you were in love with me.

I remember how I grabbed your pink cheeks and how they felt under the touch of my fingers, slowly I brought you near me and kiss you.

It was the perfect kiss, our lips perfectly made for each other, I could feel my heart beating and wanting more, I wanted all of you, I didn’t want to hurt you at all.

Baekhyun I just…I love you so much, enough to let you go, enough to for once be selfless and let you have all those things you want in the future with the right person.

And please just move on, forget about me and be truly happy, don’t look out for me, don’t ask my friends about me, just don’t think about me, I know you can do it, that’s why I’m writing this instead of telling you in person, that is the reason I’m already gone.

Truly yours, Sehun.

PS. I love you so much puppy. I’m so sorry.”

It shouldn’t be like this.

He was supposed to come back home to the only man he loves and will ever love, he was supposed to cook and eat dinner with Sehun, even if after they ended up buying pizza and joking about never cooking again, he was supposed to take a shower with him, lights turn off and only candles illuminating the enough to see Sehun’s face up close and smelling the delicate vanilla smell and he was supposed to kiss him and made love all night and wake up in his arms feeling safe and loved.

He shouldn’t be crying, shaking and screaming Sehun’s name.

He never thought Sehun was thinking about leaving him. 

Four years with him weren’t nothing, he gave Sehun his better years and his best smiles, if only Sehun would have talk to him and explained how he felt, how he thought that he was hurting Baekhyun, maybe things could have gone better…Maybe Baekhyun was the one who should have tried more, he should have tried to control his jealousy and he should have tried to know more about Sehun’s thoughts.

When he finished overthinking about everything, Baekhyun stood up and with the piece of paper still on his hands he went to their bed, he lay down and hold Sehun’s pillow close to him, still smelling like that cologne his loves so much and that maybe he would never smell again, and with tears still falling from his eyes he closed his eyes.

Before falling asleep he thought that maybe tomorrow will be a better day, maybe Sehun will think about this and come back home, maybe all of this is just nightmare, maybe everything’s going to be alright.

But at the end…

Tomorrow wasn’t a better day.

Sehun never came back to him.

This was never a nightmare.

And nothing was alright ever again.

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I finally finish this. word count: 2000

I don't know if I should keep the "angst" tag, I mean I don't think it's that sad, I like to think this was more of a closure?? I don't know haha, also I wanted to made it longer but I thought that this way was better, what do you think? :D 

Why I like to write this kind of thing for Sebaek?? I swear I love them. 

The next thing I'm writing about Sebaek is just as sad, damn. I try to write something happier.

So I told this before but this is inspired by Already Gone by Sleeping at last, such a gorgeous song.

But anyway, COMMENT and tell me what you think about this!! :D 

Also if there's any mistakes please tell! That way I can change them.

XOXO :*