“He asked me out.”

I blinked.

We were sitting on my bed just spending our free day resting. Literally. I looked down on my lap to see Jieqiong fumbling with her hands. I grabbed them, stopping her.

“What did you say?”

I gulped.

“I told him I wasn’t sure.”

She looked up at me, as if she was expecting something.

My fingers started playing with hers and I looked at the wall across from me, feeling the emotions leave my body.

“Why not yes?”

I acted like I didn’t see hurt flash through her face. She took her hand away from mine and sat up. I knew what she wasn’t going to ask, but I still gave an answer just by looking at her.

“Do you want me to?”

“No.”

I looked away. Her chuckle was bitter.

“I’ll tell him yes then.”

In that moment, I pretended like my heart didn’t shatter.

I was never sure when exactly it happened, falling in love. With her. It was like a gradual realization followed by hard denial. How could I be foolish enough to fall in love with my best friend?

The quiet moments. Our hands always seeming to find each others. The longing gazes. My thumping heart. All of which I ignored.

Did I think she liked me back? Sure, there were definitely one too many moments where things could have gone further.

There was an unspoken bond we had. Kind of like soulmates, as cheesy as that is. Even the people around us noticed; we ourselves noticed. So what was stopping us?

Me.

Negative thoughts plagued my mind whenever it thought about who can make me happy in life. Would they leave me? Would they stay faithful? What if it doesn’t work out and she ends up hating me?

To put it shortly, I was scared.

“Chaeyeon unnie!” I sighed when I hear Doyeon’s voice behind me. I turned around.

“Yes, Doyeon?”

“Do you know where Kyulkyung unnie is?” Pang. My heart. My eyes darted from Doyeon’s expecting ones.

“She already left.” Doyeon blinked. “... to go on a date.” I ignored her sympathetic look she probably wasn’t aware she was giving.

I started to walk when I felt her hand pull me to a more secluded place. “Unnie.”

I didn’t look up, not even caring to hide how sad I felt.

“Are you okay?” I laughed at her silly question while she gave me an unamused look, crossing her arms.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I said a little too sarcastically. Her face got even more serious.

“Cut the crap. The whole world knows how you guys feel about each other.” I looked away, embarrassed. “I’m sorry unnie, but it’s getting pathetic and sad now seeing you two being so obvious and not doing anything about it.”

I stared at her, hard. But I couldn’t even be bothered to argue back. She was right anyway. But was I going to do anything about it? No.

Doyeon sighed. “Unnie, make her yours. Before it’s too late.” I just stood there as she left.

I definitely took Jieqiong’s patience for granted because the next conversation we have, she explodes.

“Are you serious?”

I was caught off guard by her reply when I told her to say yes to being his girlfriend. It had been date three when the guy popped the question to Jieqiong.

“What?” I looked at her, pretending to be confused, acting innocent. I could see the anger boiling in her eyes.

Her laugh was stingingly bitter. “You really have got to be kidding.” She covered her face in frustration. Oh no, was everything going to come out right now?

I saw her walk towards me. I was frozen in place. She softly pushed me up against the wall. I kept in my gasp and hoped that she couldn’t sense my obvious nervousness.

Her face was too close, but I noticed her eyes soften. She put a hand on the wall, next to my head, and leaned in. I closed my eyes, waiting for it.

Instead, I felt her hand gently caress my cheek. A tear fell down without my permission. I open my eyes to Jieqiong staring at my lips. She looked up.

“Do it.”

“Are you sure?”

I closed my eyes again. But it never came.

“Nayoung unnie?” She glanced over from her book.

“What is it Chaeyeon?” I pondered over my choice of words.

“What if I said I had feelings for someone I can’t have?” I ignored her eye roll. She closed her book.

“Who says you can’t have her? Just grow some courage and confess. It is way too long overdue…” She trailed off.

Now I felt like I was just grasping for excuses. Excuses to not go through with my feelings. I could have happiness, but instead I’m wallowing in the comfort of sadness and loneliness.

“Look, Chaeyeon. You two have something. And it’s special. And that boy she’s dating? He’s nothing but a waste of time if you ask me.”

“A waste of six months? I don’t think so.” Nayoung gave an apologetic look.

“Better late than never.”

I don’t know when the last straw was. Perhaps it was when I walked in on her with him. I had been doing well with avoiding the two of them together, until now.

Right now, I was on the roof of our dorm building, staring out into the city. Breathing in, I thought of different ways this could all play out. Do I take the coward’s way out? Or do I get over my fear of being happy and fight for her?

I heard the roof door open and I didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was. My position on the edge of the roof must have looked unsettling because I heard the fear in her voice when she called out my name.

“What are you doing?!”

I stood still, looking down at the roads this time. Here goes nothing.

In another life, I’d like to think I had the courage to tell her how I felt sooner.

We were sitting on my bed, with her head in my lap. Our hands were intertwined as I mustered up the courage to say the three words I’ve felt all along once again.

“I love you.” She sat up and looked into my eyes with her sparkling ones. “I’ve loved you all this time and I’m sorry for not being ready sooner.”

Jieqiong leaned forward and rested her forehead on mine. “I know.” She whispered.

My heart fluttered when our lips touched. How did I ever fear and doubt this feeling of immense joy? I was wrong and selfish to have kept my feelings unheard to the one person who needed to hear it most.

But now, as I felt her arms around my waist and her soft lips on mine. I felt fearless.

“I love you, too.”