‘The Hanahaki is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals.’

                                                                

‘This thing is a bull.’ that the first thing that come up at his brain after he read about hanahaki. ’It’s totally a bull.’ Yoongi think this is only a rumour when he read this for the first time, well that changed after he went to toilet and then throws up flower petals, Gardenia. Yoongi realized this thing is real after he throw up flower.

‘But how?’ Yoongi say. ‘Well at least I know I still loving Jimin even though I told myself I don’t loving Jimin anymore. ’But now, how I survive from this thing?’’Aisshhh, whatever as long I don’t have to do something that make me forget Jimin its okay, so now I must go to studio.’ Yoongi say

‘Jin-hyungggg, I’m out till tomorrow, have thing to do at studio’, Yoongi say to Jin ‘But Yoongi, we will go out, don’t you want to go with us to amusement park?’, ‘Jin asking to Yoongi, ‘No hyung, can’t do. Have a lot works waiting. ’Yoongi respond to Jin,’alright then, don’t forget to eat lunch and go back home.’, ‘Kay, hyung’. ‘My god, sometimes Jin-Hyung can little bit like a protective mom’, Yoongi thought to himself. ‘Well lets go to Studio'

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​At studio...

​'Ummm.. Geez it’s so hard to think what to write'​ ​​Yoongi thought to himself, 'what I should wr....', when he talking to himself, he feels like going to vomit. He rushes to the toilet and fall as white gardenia petals stream out from his mouth uncontrollably. Its feel like all his whole being going out from his body. All his suffocated feel burst out from his chest. He feels helpless and hopeless from all his vomiting. He know, that if this thing continue, something bad will happen.

He can do operation, but he know the best. He don’t want to forget all his feeling to Jimin, even though he know the consequence​of one-sided to his health. He can’t easily forget Jimin, because Jimin is the one who make Yoongi become Yoongi right now. If he forget Jimin, he feels like he will forget the reason of his whole being and he right now. Even the price of loving Jimin is his life, he can still alive with his love. He can still alive with Jimin beside him, no knowing anything. So he gathers all the flowers petals and dispose of it down the toilet. It his secret, no one can’t know it.

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Yoongi only can stand aside, watching Maknae line with each other so happily. Even though Jimin don’t smile happily at him, but looking lovely and happily to Jungkook and Taehyung. 'Hey kids, dinner ready', Jin shout it to Yoongi and Maknae line. Jin only mention Dinner, but maknae line already bursting with happiness, happy to eat some food after fooling around.'Yahhh, don’t become hyper. I only mention food, not some this like amusement park or mall.’ Jin shout again to maknae line. 'Sorry hyung, it just we really hungry’,’ What ever, just eat slowly and be grateful after you eat it.’ ‘Okay hyung.’Maknae line respond to Jin

 

‘Yoongi, do you want to eat with us or not?’ Jin asking to Yoongi, ’No hyung. I already full. I’m just gonna go to bed’, ‘Okay, but if you feel hungry at midnight just go to kitchen and heat up the food, kay?’’Kay, hyung. Night’, ‘Night Yoongi.’

 

Before Yoongi know it, after he reached the bedroom, he suddenly he want to vomit and rushes to bath room. He fall to his knees and the white petals stream out again from his mouth. He feel more helpless again and more hopeless. In his mind he already counting the petals that stream out from his mouth, but the petals way too much, much more from his last counting. He know it, he can just counting time before the flowers really burst out from his body and whole being. But the important things is, he can already feel it, soon one of the members will be know it.

 

After he done vomit all the petals, he scoops the pile slowly and start counting. He counting but, he thinks he can’t count it anymore, because he feel dizzy and empty from all he was doing before. He can just only hope that he can still alive, before the members know it from him, not from his death bed with flowers piles up beside his bed.

 

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Tomorrow coming, and the day become busier with member’s schedule. After they finished it, the day become night and now they back to dorm. Even though Yoongi exhausted and must sleep, he still awake. He still awake because he must work again on their comeback songs.

 

Jin and Namjoon already tell the members to sleep because tomorrow their day will be busy again. Yoongi already have the beats, the one he doesn’t have is only the lyrics. While him writing, he thought about Jimin today. ‘Jimin look more handsome each day. God I know I can’t have him, but I still wishing he can love me too.’, while he thought about it, he feel he (again) will vomit. He run to the toilet and then the white petals stream out more uncontrollably. The white petals that coming out from his mouth, the amount is much more than yesterday. He know that he will not alive as much as he know tomorrow, next week, or next month. What he still not realize is there shocked Jin behind him.

 

‘Y..y..yo..Yoongi….’, ‘Hyung?!’,’Yoo….Yoongi, how long? How long Yoongi you have this illness?!’, ‘It’s about 3 days now hyu....’, ‘3 DAYS?! YOU HAVE THIS ING ILLNESS ABOUT 3 DAYS, AND YOU DON’T TELL ME?! YOU KNOW THIS ILLNESS DANGEROUS YOONGI’ Jin yelled at Yoongi. His face become red because all his shout. ‘Hyung, calm down. Your shout will wake up the others. I don’t tell you about this because I don’t want you all to become worry about me. Yes I know me selfish, but I don’t want you all began to react like you did’. ‘Who Yoongi? Who the one that don’t love you back?!’ Jin start to shout but then remember Yoongi word, he lowered his voice. ‘Hyung its Jimin.’, Yoongi answer his hyung question without emotion on his face, but you can still hear fondness, love, admiration, hurt, and sad in his voice.

 

‘Yoongi…. You know you can talk everything to me right. I won’t judge you, you know. Even this problem… You can tell me. Anything. Don’t just bottled it up on you or it will exploded, like your feeling right now.’  ‘Okay hyung. I don’t know how long I will live, but I want to spend my last day with you hyung. I at least want to make up all the time we don’t use together.’’Alright Yoongi. Whatever do you want as long it makes you happy, I will do it with you. Just live your life alright.’ ‘Okay hyung. Tonight we sleep first but hyung, can I cuddling with you hyung?’. ‘Okay Yoongi let go back and sleep.’

 

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It’s been 2 weeks, 2 weeks since Jin know Yoongi illness and keep it a secret between two of them, 2 weeks since Yoongi become unusually (for members) really close to Jin, 2 weeks since Jin see Yoongi vomit White Gardenia Petals and each time it’s getting worse, 2 weeks since Jin make a promise to make Yoongi happy, even though its only for a while. As long Yoongi happy, Jin happy too.

 

All member become curious and suspicious with them at their first day bonding together, like they asking themselves, why Yoongi-Hyung become really close with Jin-Hyung, why Yoongi-Hyung don’t work with his music or go to studio recently, or why Jin-Hyung suddenly spoil Yoongi-Hyung. Their question can’t be answered for a while and after they settle down with their curiosity, they don’t care anymore

 

Yoogi sometimes wondering, he wondering about why he fall in love with Jimin, why Jin-Hyung want to make a promise to him, and other thing. All his thought, all his feeling, he pour it to his last song, “Save Me”. For him, this song is really have deep meaning to him. All his feeling, all his hope, all his dream and feeling, he pour it to this song. Alter he finish up this song, he then rushes to Jin, to ask his opinion on his newly made song.  For Jin its perfect. It’s perfect for their comeback. But before Jin finish his opinion on Yoongi song, suddenly Yoongi rushes out and go straight to Toilet. After he reached it, he suddenly omitting all white petals. Jin who shocked also run to Yoongi and help him through his vomiting sessions like he always do when Yoongi vomiting.

 

When he finish it, Yoongi and Jin got shocked with how many white petals that streams out from Yoongi. I seems like it can be counted anymore. Yoongi who has been so strong for 2 weeks, suddenly break down in front Jin and Jin only can offers his comfort to Yoongi, hoping that this will pass by, and this only a dream. ‘Let go home Yoongi. You will rest for today.’,’Alright hyung.’

 

 

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Yoongi give a lot of thought about the event that happened today. He know he cannot longer to alive anymore. Yoongi realise it and its okay with him. Like what he say from the first time he realise he got this illness he will never his choice. Even though it’s hard to breathe, even though it’s hard to do anything, he know he must write a goodbye letter first. He want to say goodbye to members, especially Jimin and Jin-Hyung. So he write it. He write it with his heart and hope that everyone will do well and never forget him.

 

After he write the letter. He feel something will burst out from his body. He know what is it. He accept his destiny, he know this is the last time he will see this room. Take it. All if you want. As long you happy, I will be happy. Know this Jimin, that I love you till my last breath and thank you Jin-Hyung. The last thing he see before he sleep forever is a crying Jin

 

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When Jin go back to his shared room with Yoongi to go back sleep, he doesn’t expect it. He doesn’t expect that he will see a beautiful room fill up with white Gardenia petals with it circling Yoongi. He doesn’t expect it and he shocked but snap out of it and run to Yoongi. The last thing he heard from Yoongi is his confession to Jimin and a thank you to him. He scream and sobbing. He scream as loudest he can.

 

His scream, make the other woke up. The members run to Jin-Yoongi shared room. When they reached they got shocked to death. They don’t expect to see the same thing that Jin saw earlier. It became really silence, when suddenly Taehyung get sobbing too like Jin too. And the chaos happening. Everyone become sobbing mess while they see soft smiling Yoongi, sleep forever with white gardenia become his blanket, his bed, and his crown.

 

While they crying, Jimin find a letter beside Yoongi.’H….he…hey Gu…guys’, He scream while sobbing, ‘WHAT?’ Hoseok respond angrily to Jimin. ‘Yo….Yoong… Yoongi Hyung left us a letter. ’WHAT? Why you don’t tell us.’ Taehyung then rushes to Jimin side and say ‘Well Jimin, re….read it as lo…loud as y…you ca…can.’ Taehyung say while he hiccup. ‘Alri….Alright I will read it’ Jimin hiccup a bit while he say that.

 

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Dear Jiminnie

The first time I see you when I know you special is when we become a team that Bang PD-Nim make

You different from other. You look like an innocent, pure and shy soul

You smile at me, looking like you know me before we meet from the first time

I look back at you, but you back again seeing someone, and smiling again

 

The second time I meet you when I know I like you, when I walk to dorm

I walk away from studio at 5 a.m., going to dorm

Suddenly when I reached the dorm, you at the front, waiting and smiling for me

Your smile still same like the first time I see you

You say hi and I don’t know what to say

After you say hi, you suddenly went to inside the dorm and left

 

The third time I meet you I know I love you, when I see you at my dream

I walking with someone who is so beautiful, and look angelic

We happy but I don’t know that is you

We happy laughing and joking around with each other

Suddenly I saw other person.

It look more beautiful than you, but it don’t look angelic like you whole being

After I saw it, you go, you leave me for other

That the first time I know I wouldn’t have you from the first time I see you

 

I know it only my dream to have you

My dreams always about us

But before I knew it, while I write this, I throw up flowers

It’s Gardenias. It’s just like you pure, innocent, and lovely

I know I will never have you

But I’m still happy looking at you happily when you give your smile to the person that you love

Even though I will die because my love for you

I still happy because the last thing I see is you smiling and say I love you to me

 

I know our love will not bloom

I know you late to realize that I love you from the start

I know you will never love me like I love you

But that okay

I wish you will happy with other person that you love

I wish you will not regret when you remembering about me

I wish we will be together at another life

Because I know our love will find each other in other life

I still loving you Jimin, I still do

Because you are the reason of my whole being

 

My love is just like you

Innocent and pure

Just like Gardenia that I like

I wish we can be with each other

But I know we can’t

Remember that I will always love you

 

Till other life, that will bring us meet each other

Your beloved friend

-       Yoongi

*And boys, remember to look after each other. I’m still your friend and Jin-Hyung, Thank you to keep this a secret. Let’s fly with our beautiful wings to our future

 

After Jimin read it outlound, everyone cry. It’s really different from the Suga that they know. They regret that they never realize that Suga had a Hanahaki even though had a suspicious that Suga had a Hanahaki, they still not realize. Everyone sobbing while they remembering Suga, no Yoongi. Yoongi who always lazy, their genius producer and composer, their hyung and donsaeng, their grumpy grandpa, the one who always fix thing that RapMon broke, their friend that not good at express his feeling, now left them. Their precious hyung and dongsaeng left them. They regret it, they feel guilty to never realize what Yoongi hide for almost 3 weeks. Jin regret it. Jin regret he can’t spend more days, hours, minute to have a good conversation with Yoongi again. Hoseok regret it. Hoseok regret he can’t together with Yoongi for the last minute of Yoongi life, before the last light shine on his eyes. Namjoon regret it. Namjoon regret that he can’t spend more time to compose their group song with Yoongi anymore. Tehyung regret it. Taehyung regret that he can makes his hyung happy before he last moment on his life at this world. Kookie regret it. Kookie regret that he can’t talk again about everything to his hyung and be happy together again. But the one who regret the most Jimin, Jimin regret it. Jimin regret that he too ignorant to his hyung, because his ignorant he don’t know that his hyung love him

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Yoongi, his hyung leave Taehyung alone. Yoongi, the one who always understand Taehyung left. Taehyung sad because his grumpy hyung who always take care Taehyung left him. Taehyung regret it. Taehyung regret he not realize that his hyung become different, he just only thought that Yoongi only need some space alone because Yoongi stressed about their comeback. He regret too that he never say thank you to Yoongi after all this time he did to BTS, he, and ARMY. Taehyung regret it and want to turn back time just to take care his hyung like Yoongi always do to him.

(Hyung im so sorry. Thank you for everything Hyung –Taehyung)

 

Yoongi, Jungkook’s hyung left. His grandpa hyung left him. Yoongi, the one who sometimes spoil him left him. Kookie sad and confused, why his hyung never told him about his disease to him. Kookie know that his hyung can trust anything to him. But why this problem, Why Yoongi don’t share it with him. He regret it, that Yoongi-Hyung only can bottle it up on him and don’t tell anybody. Kookie can only hope that his relationship with his hyung more close so that he can share anything to Kookie

(Im sorry Hyung. I grateful I can spent times with you Hyung-Jungkook)

 

Yoongi, Namjoon bestmate left him. Yoongi, the one who always fix things that he broke left. Namjoon can’t cry. Namjoon know that it will not good to cry after his best mate because he know that Yoongi don’t want people sad because of him. But Namjoon can’t help to cry a little bit because his friend left him. The only thing that Namjoon regret is he never know about this, even though he had a suspicious about his friend and don’t spent time with Yoongi before he died.

(Im sorry Hyung. Im too busy that I forget about you Hyung. Forgive me please-Namjoon)

 

Yoongi, Hoseok’s patner and bestfriend gone. His patner at SOPE gone and left him alone. Hoseok feel little bit depressed about this. He can’t let the fact go that the reason Yoongi died because his love to Jimin. Hoseok cant let go that his friend died because his love to his other friend. Hoseok find its hard to believe because the Yoongi he know will move on when he know he cant get Jimin. Even Yoongi had told Hoseok that he can move on from Jimin. He regret he cant see past Yoongi and know that his bestfriend lie to him about that. He can only hope that Yoongi happy now without Bangtan boys and Jimin.

(Im sorry Hyung. I cant see past your mask. I hope you feel loved now-Hoseok)

 

Yoongi, Jin’s roommate and bestfriend left Jin alone. He left Jin to look after their dongsaeng. Yoogi who always care about Jin health left him. I repeat left him alone. Jin then remember Yoongi and cry more. Jin remember again their momments for about 2 weeks. Yoongi who at their momments suddenly become more sensitive and more cuddly. Jin can only hope that Yoongi back again so they can spend days together again like they always do when they alone.

(Im sorry I cant do more to you. I hope you know that we love you-Jin)

 

Yoongi, Jimin favourite hyung loved him, and he never realize it. Yoongi who always have ways to make Jimin laughing and smiling, loving Jimin after all this time and for him, its okay Jimin not love him, as long Jimin happy with someone else. Jimin right now feel selfish, never knew his hyung loved him, and now, Yoongi left Jimin. Jimin know he late to love Yoongi, but he still can dream that Yoongi will comeback alive somehow and they will live happily, loving each other. Even though its only a dream Jimin wish it will become real, because its hard to let him go, after he fallin in love with Yoongi.

(Im sorry Hyung I cant realise it. I hpe you know I love you now-Jimin)

 

“Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so, then you know you can go your whole life collecting days, and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.”