Jimin took in a deep breath as his eyes clenched shut, feeling his heart hammering against his ribcage almost painfully.

He wasn’t like this, he wasn’t one to doubt anyone and maybe that was why he had been hurt so many times over the years; but Jungkook had been acting off the past days and Jimin was just, well… insecure.

They had been dating for years now and not even once Jimin hadn’t felt a bit insecure about it, always a bit scared Jungkook would realize he wasn’t attracted to him anymore and just leave Jimin behind, broken and sad.

Jimin opened his eyes when he heard Jungkook’s laugh -for the umpteenth time that afternoon and not thanks to him- and forced his eyes to look at the couple sitting comfortably as if nothing was wrong with the world.

As if Jimin wasn’t having a mental breakdown and his heart broken at the sight of his boyfriend being goofy and completely comfortable with a woman. 

But, isn’t he gay? One would ask; No, Jimin would answer. Jungkook was not gay, or at least that was what he said when he finally got the courage to confess to Jimin, I’m just attracted to you, hyung. 

Jimin was flattered then, the fact that very-straight Jungkook accepted he had feelings for his friend -his male friend- and decided to act on it always gave Jimin the motivation to keep working for their relationship to work, but at the same time was what scared him the most. That was Jimin’s insecurity; the fact that he didn’t have s, nor nice and smooth curves, soft skin and delicate features that would make Jungkook go crazy.

He felt like crying as the thoughts kept popping on his mind, images of Jungkook kissing a woman, leaving him, saying he didn’t love him anymore; It all just fueled that anxiety that wouldn’t let him sleep at night sometimes. He gasped for air as the first tear fell down from his eyes and decided to spare himself the suffering. He hauled a taxi and went home, to curl himself into his -their- bed and cry until his eyes weren’t capable of it anymore. Jungkook would be home late, anyways.

-------------------------

Jimin grew accustomed to awake alone on bed, it had been happening for the past two months already. He would wake up, Jungkook’s side of the bed already cold, sheets thrown away haphazardly and some of Jungkook’s clothes carelessly thrown on the floor.

Jungkook had always been a bit messy, Jimin was the one to make sure that their apartment was always nice and clean; the older maybe nagged at Jungkook too much, now that he thought about it, scolding him if he didn’t wash the dishes or if he forgot to do the laundry.

Maybe that was one of the reasons Jungkook grew tired of him.

He decided to go get something for breakfast after a furtive glance at the clock told him it was too late in the morning to keep lazying around in bed, even if it was his free day and the previous night had been exhausting enough to make him want to curl in bed and sleep until the end of the days.

He poured some coffee on his mug, some milk and two teaspoons of sugar, just to try to sweet up his sour mood, and sat on the kitchen table, eyes half open but thoughts already running wild inside his head.

He couldn’t help but think about his relationship with the younger boy. He always thought they were meant to be, after all Jungkook was Jimin’s true and first love, not to mention the one who helped him come out the closet when they decided to be an official couple. Jimin had always known he was gay, early on his teen years when he started to have more interest in boys than girls gave him the first hints, but it wasn’t until he was in college and met Jungkook that he actually admitted to himself his uality. Jungkook was the first one to know, and then Jimin’s closest friends -Taehyung, Jimin’s best friend, will always be hurt about it, though- and helped Jimin to be secure about who he is.

Jimin developed a crush, but he knew better than act on it, despite Taehyung’s words of encouragement,  by the simple fact that Jungkook was straight. The younger one had always  had girlfriends and never once mentioned being curious about experimenting with people of the same . That’s why he was so surprised when Jungkook kissed him one night, suddenly pecking Jimin’s lips in the middle of talking while they were out drinking. Jungkook had panicked,  his hands shaking when he confessed to be thinking about Jimin in ways a straight man shouldn’t think about another male, but that his feelings were too strong to ignore.

It had been difficult at first, but they managed to make it work. They had been each other first everything and Jimin had wished, maybe foolishly, to be also each other’s last everything.

He whipped away angrily the sad tear that was falling down his cheek. He had promised last night he wouldn’t cry anymore but the pain was too strong to ignore. He had been giving Jungkook his everything, the least the younger could do in exchange was to tell him if he had stopped loving him back.

He had hated himself at first when he had started doubting Jungkook, but the facts were piling over each other and Jimin couldn’t help but to assume things. The other would always give the excuse of being too busy with work: “My boss is bitting my lately, so many projects to work on and so few time.” he had said once, when things started to go downfall and Jimin had said nothing, he wanted to trust Jungkook because the other had never given him a reason not to. But what got Jimin suspicious was how Jungkook started to get a bit jumpy with him, putting his hand on the screen when he received a text message, inventing obvious excuses for when he got home too late, the lingering feminine fragrance on his clothes. Jimin didn’t want to jump into conclusions too soon, but Jungkook was giving him reasons to doubt. Hence why he decided to follow around his boyfriend.

Jimin felt horrible, hiding on the shadows and watching like a creep his boyfriend. He hated this feeling of distrust, the fact that he was doubting Jungkook. He was tempted more than once to forget it all, go home and wait for Jungkook to get back home for a session of cuddles.

But then, he saw them. He had been waiting, sitting on a bench near the building Jungkook worked at -but not close enough to be spotted-  and fighting with the chilly wind of autumn that threatened to turn him into a popsicle, when he saw Jungkook and a petite girl walking out the building and amicably talking while making their way to some random direction. It wouldn’t mean much to Jimin if not because the girl had her arm perched on Jungkook’s own and smiled up at him with fondness on her eyes and Jungkook was returning the gesture. They seemed close, and Jimin felt his world crumble.

Everything else around him was blank as a knot formed on his throat, and with his heart pumping furiously inside his chest he stood from the bench and followed them, maintaining his distance and just observing as they walked around the busy streets of Seoul. They stopped to some shops from time to time, she pointing her finger on the windows shopping to every jeweler’s they passed by and Jungkook just nodding with half a smile on his lips, but they would walk away after he mumbled something Jimin couldn’t hear from where he was hiding.

They ended on a coffee shop and Jimin standing around the corner watching his boyfriend get stolen by a stunning lady. She was truly beautiful, light brown hair, long and surely silky at the touch, small frame, cute smile. It had hurt so much.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as his phone buzzed. He decided to ignore it, not in the mood for whatever it was reclaiming his attention, but the device vibrated again against the wooden table so he grabbed it and unlocked it to find a couple of messages from Jungkook.

I’m coming home early tonight, babe

let’s have a dinner date

-------------------------

Jimin jumped startled when the front door opened that night. He had been on edge all day, thinking about their date and what was Jungkook planning. He couldn’t help but think that that date was going to be their last one together, getting nervous and anxious to the point of throwing up all the contents of his stomach after getting something to eat.

He sat straight on the sofa, muting the TV as Jungkook entered the room, a soft smile on his face and looking as gorgeous as ever.

“Hey.” greeted Jungkook, before kissing softly Jimin’s temple. “I’m finally home early, huh?”

“Yeah…” mumbled Jimin with his eyes closed. He released a soft breath, contented with the simple touch of Jungkook’s lips against his skin. Jimin had missed him a lot, and it hurt him to know that it was going to end like this. “I missed you.” he added in a whisper.

“Me too.” chuckled Jungkook before pecking Jimin’s lips. The older closed his eyes again, wanting to scream at Jungkook for lying, to call him out, but he refrained. He didn’t feel brave enough for it now. Jimin had decided to let Jungkook do it, so he could embrace what they have for as long as the younger would let him.

“Are you ready? We are going out for tonight’s date.”

“What?” mumbled surprised Jimin and watched as Jungkook went to their shared bedroom while getting rid of his necktie.

“Since it’s been forever since our last date I thought it would be nice to have a fancy dinner.” hollered Jungkook from the other room. Jimin heard the wardrobe door squeak as Jungkook was searching for nice clothes to put on. 

The older silently walked to the room and reclined his weight on the doorframe, watching Jungkook undress, admiring the soft curve of his muscles and the silky skin he had the pleasure to touch so many times. Jimin had Jungkook’s every scar, mole and birthmark memorized.

“What, you don’t wanna go out?” asked Jungkook while changing his socks.

“Aren’t you tired from work?” questioned Jimin. Jungkook observed him, blinking owlishly with those big doe eyes that the older loved so much before standing up and walking to him.

“I’m tired, yes, but I want to have a nice evening with you.” he mumbled softly. Jimin looked down as Jungkook grabbed him by his hands, feeling the knot forming again on his throat. Those hands he loved so much had been touching another person that it wasn’t him. “Hyung, are you ok?”

“Yeah, sorry. Let’s go out.” he said, forcing a smile on his lips as he separated himself from his boyfriend to go get changed.

-------------------------

When Jungkook said a fancy dinner, Jimin never thought he would end in one of those restaurants that charged even for just breathing inside the establishment.

Jimin knew they couldn’t afford such place, their salary wasn’t high enough to pay for a single cup of water but here they were, sat in a table for two with shiny cutlery, expensive wine on their glasses and candles to add a touch of intimacy.

“Can we afford this?” asked Jimin softly. Jungkook chuckled and Jimin bit his lip nervously.

“Don’t worry about it hyung, just enjoy tonight’s dinner.”

Jimin had never reasons to doubt Jungkook, his tone always firm and secure gave the older one so much reassurance; however he had never reasons to think Jungkook had been cheating on him until that day, so maybe that night Jimin would end up heartbroken and on jail for not paying for his dinner. Was that the younger’s plan? Was he mean enough to end their relationship after a good dinner date?

The night went on rather calm, considering Jimin was waiting for the moment in which Jungkook would break up with him. The older could tell something was on the other’s mind, Jungkook’s hands were kind of shaking and he had knocked out his glass of wine a couple or more times, chuckling forcedly and apologizing awkwardly at their waiter for the mess.

Jimin felt kinda relieved then than it would mean something for Jungkook; if Jungkook was nervous it meant that it wasn’t easy for him to break things off. At least it didn’t feel as if Jimin were nothing.

“Hyung.” Jungkook called to get Jimin’s attention. He looked up and saw Jungkook fidgeting on his seat, his forehead a bit damp with sweat and eyes wandering in nervousness. Jimin knew the other so well it scared him sometimes. “I need to tell you something…”

“Ok” he whispered, feeling the suffocating knot forming on his throat again for the umpteenth time that day. He had tried to be ready for this moment, but could he ever be ready for the love of his life walking out the door after tearing his heart apart?

“Uhm… It’s been a long time since we got together, right? We’ve been a couple for a very long time and I know It’s been rather hard for us to find ourselves and be comfortable with what we have, but we did it and I’m so proud of who I’ve become thanks to you. I’ve always tried to give back to you the same love I received from you and this past years together have been awesome…”

“But?” asked Jimin with a broken voice when Jungkook paused for a moment. Jimin could tell the other was thinking, recollecting his words as to speak coherently and not tumble across his speech like he tended to do when he got too nervous.

“But I think it’s time for a change… for us to try and experience new things so, that’s why- I, well… I thought- , I’m so nervous…” Jungkook mumbled the last part and Jimin just observed with tears threatening to fall from his eyes as Jungkook whipped his sweaty hands on his pants. Despite the nervousness Jungkook seemed eager to simply spill it out. Jimin didn’t know what to do with himself.

“Hyung, I… I love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone and- I had rehearsed this but it’s a ing mess…I- I want… let’s get married.”

“What?” asked bewildered Jimin trying to blink away his tears. Jungkook was flushed until the very tip of his ears, it would be rather adorable if not because Jimin was busy trying to catch on on what was happening.

“I said I want to marry you.” answered Jungkook more determined. His hand flew to his pocket and rested softly a small velvety box in front of Jimin. “I know I make a lot of mistakes and that it’s hard sometimes, this past month hasn’t been easy at work but waking up beside you every single day is what motivates me to keep going. I love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I want you to be mine for the rest of my life.”

Jimin stared at the box in front of him open mouthed. That had been a turn of events he didn’t expect. He was ready for hurtful words from Jungkook’s mouth, for his heart to break and for the countless days of himself buried on his bed crying non stop. 

And that’s why he started crying, a strangled sob came out of his mouth as the guilt started consuming him, all the culpability crushing him down for even doubting Jungkook was cheating on him, for believing for a split second this amazing boy didn’t love him anymore.

“I’m sorry.” he blurted out, snapping one hand on his mouth to try to muffle his sounds while the other grabbed the box. The last thing he wanted was to attract attention to them “, I’m sorry- I-“

“Sorry? What for?” asked Jungkook dumfounded, panic lacing his words. “Is that— is that a no?”

Jimin shook his head, he was crying so hard he couldn’t even formulate words. He curled down on himself, the tiny box opened on his hands and the shiny silver ring greeting him.

“Hyung…” Jimin felt Jungkook’s strong arms embrace him; he didn’t even notice when Jungkook had stood up, but the younger had kneeled beside him to drag his small frame against his strong chest, and the warmth emanating from him helped Jimin calm down a bit, his familiar cologne invading his nostrils. “Come here…” mumbled the younger and helped Jimin stand from his chair and lead them out. 

The restaurant had a beautiful terrace with dim lights and big bushes of flowers, beautiful scenery for couples to enjoy romantic dinners if not because the chilly air of autumn made it impossible at that given moment.

Jimin clung into Jungkook for dear life, his face buried on the younger’s chest and surely staining it with his tears and wrinkling the material with his vice-like grip. Jungkook felt so good against his body, lean and muscular and strong, his big and warm hand running up and down Jimin’s back as to calm him down.

“That wasn’t the reaction I expected.” joked Jungkook, his lips firmly pressed against the crown of Jimin’s hair.

“I’m sorry…” he mumbled again, like a broken record. He had ruined everything. “I’m sorry Jungkook-“

“Stop apologizing, It’s ok Hyung…” cut Jungkook softly, but the hurt was evident on his voice. “I understand if you don’t want to.”

“I want to marry you!” corrected quickly Jimin, a bit louder than intended. This was all just a mess, and he had managed to hurt Jungkook unintentionally. “I just— I thought you wanted to break up with me…”

“What? Why would I-

“You’ve been so busy with work lately, I haven’t seen you at all and… You got so secretive and I just- “ Jimin sighed tiredly. He rested his forehead on Jungkook’s shoulder, afraid of the reaction he would get once he told the other everything. “I followed you after work yesterday and I saw you with that girl… she was so pretty Jungkook… I thought you didn’t love me anymore.”

Jimin waited for Jungkook to say something but as a minute went by and the younger didn’t say anything Jimin lifted his head to stare at the other. His eyes widened when he saw the younger’s ones red with a hurtful expression on his face.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook I-“

“Have I done it so badly that you don’t trust me?” interrupted Jungkook, his voice pained. It was the first time Jimin had seen him so vulnerable; Jungkook was always strong, in control of his emotions, it was a rare sight to see him cry, even for Jimin. 

“No, it’s not that. I trust you, I just… I’ve always been insecure about us because I always feel you will realize you aren’t attracted to me anymore, that after all boys don’t attract you.” explained Jimin. It was the first time he had admitted it out loud and now that the words were out he kind of felt relieved. He knew it sounded pathetic, they had been together for over five years and Jungkook hadn’t done anything but show how much he loved Jimin, but the fear was still there. It’s not always that easy to fight one’s monsters all alone.

“I love you hyung, I’ve told you countless of times…”

“I know.” whimpered Jimin, ashamed hanging his head lower again. “I know, and I’m so sorry for doubting you…”

“Hyung…” said Jungkook lifting his head up. “I love you. No girl can change that, not even the most beautiful woman on earth can make me stop loving you. Don’t doubt it, don’t you dare doubt yourself like that because you are the best thing that could ever happen to me and I regret nothing about us.”

Jimin sniffled, trying to contain the tears that threatened to come out at those words. Jungkook had told him hundreds of times how much he loved him, but Jimin wouldn’t even grow tired of hearing it over and over again.

“I’m sorry I ruined this night.” mumbled Jimin, his fingers closing around the lapel of the other’s jacket to pull him closer. Jungkook’s warm body had always been a firm and solid reassurance to him. “I understand if you are mad at me-“

“No, I’m not mad.” reassured Jungkook, gentle hands resting on Jimin’s waist to return the embrace. “It’s not exactly how I planned the night to go but I’m glad we had the chance to talk about it. I didn’t know you thought like that, I should have known and take care of you properly.”

“You do, Jungkook.” Jimin paused to his lips, overwhelmed by the situation. “You take good care of me, like no one else could do… You are the best companion and lover I could ever dream of. I would love to marry you, if you still want me…” finished off Jimin, his voice creaking more times than it was natural for a grown up man.

Jungkook pressed him closer, his embrace tightening around Jimin’s waist and his lips leaving a soft tender kiss on his forehead.

“Of course I want you, you drive me crazy Jimin.” confessed the younger. Jimin shuddered against his body, he loved when Jungkook dropped the honorifics and called him by his name. “I want you always by my side.”

Jimin couldn’t hold it anymore, not when Jungkook was looking at him with such love and want on his eyes, so he tilted his head up to fight back the centimeters of height difference and pressed his lips against Jungkook’s, a soft kiss that said so much without any words.

Jungkook took the box from Jimin’s hand, played with it with his long fingers before lifting up the lid and taking out the delicate silver ring.

“She’s just a friend. I told her I wanted to ask you but I didn’t know which kind of ring to get you.” explained Jungkook with a soft tone, delicate and affectionate as a little smile grew on his lips. “I asked her for help, she had proposed to her boyfriend a month a go and I wanted her opinion about rings…”

Jimin nodded as he didn’t know what to say, a knot forming on his throat again due to guilt. Jimin felt so stupid.

“Hyung-“ Jungkook waited for Jimin to look back at him, “Would you marry me?”

The ring slid down his sturdy finger with ease, as if made only for him, shining brightly and contrasting beautifully against his slightly tanned skin.

“Yes.” he said, wide smile to match with Jungkook’s own.