Maybe I should have seen it coming.

Maybe I should have known that it already started when you first asked me where I would be when you would go and I answered that I would stay and wait for you.

You only smiled, looked away into the sunset and said that you would do the same.

Yet there is a difference between you and me that I should have seen way back when you asked that, way back when we were innocent childs who had the whole wide world in front of them and nobody to hold them back.

Because no matter what, you would always be the one leaving.

And I would stay behind waiting for you.

It’s our first day of High School when you tell me that you are excited for the many adventures that are ahead of us, and I am standing slightly behind you and wondering if we would even make it together.

When I voiced my worries you would only say that we would stay together, since that’s what best friends do and I’m not so sure what hurts more, the fact that ‘best friends’ sound so easy and normal for you or that your statement doesn’t seem to align with the one that I am replaying over and over again.

But it’s the first day of High School and you look happy so I don’t say anything about it, instead taking your arm and trying to get to our first class.

You first notice him during lunch break, and ever since then you can’t seem to stop talking about him and really, it’s getting annoying but I don’t say anything because you are happy when you talk about him.

You are happy when you see him

You are even happier when you find out that after the holiday will be over, he will be in one of your classes.

Your smile lights up my world when you tell me that you have his phone number, and the sun looks like it’s dying next to your happiness when you scream that you are going on a date with him.

And really, I couldn’t do much, because for you, we were still the bestest of friends in the world, one odd couple that couldn’t ever split apart.

For me, the world seemed to change completely.

Because with him in your world, you would walk away and I would stand here waiting for you.

That’s what I promised, isn’t it?
To wait for you when you walked away from me.

Even if you didn’t know that you did.

It’s 4 AM and College is starting in a couple of hours and my heart hurts, because since the years have passed by the distance between us seems to have grown and now it isn’t only me, it’s also you who noticed it.

You don’t try to change it, and maybe that’s what hurts the most.

It’s 4 AM and I’m crying while you’re gone, and it’s one of those countless moments when I realise that I really lost you.

Maybe I didn’t have you in the first place.

It’s 4 AM and you’re standing too close to me and I want to do something but I don’t know what, because I will probably offend you no matter what I do.

You’re asking why I’m not around you anymore, and I can’t help but scream at you. Because my heart hurts and my world is shaking and really, it’s not fair that I’m the one who should be blamed right now.

You walked away, and I waited.

And I waited for so long that you didn’t seem to come back any more.

And I turned around and walked away for the first time in my life.

And you walked back and expected to see me but I wasn’t there, and you got mad, but really, can’t you see what is wrong in this situation?

You’re crying and I upset you, and I’m so sorry for my actions and i don’t know what to do or say, so I’m standing there watching you run away and it hurts even more than all these years of waiting, because back then I would at least know that you would come back, because it’s what you promised me and what I promised you.

I broke that promise, didn’t I?

It hurts so much more to see you walk away and know that you won’t be coming back, but it’s only once you slammed the door shut that I know you’re gone forever and you left me with a broken heart and a bag filled with shattered promises.

And I’m crying, because you left me and it’s my fault that you did, and I’m sorry, but you won’t take my apology because what kind of friend even am I?

The one that doesn’t seem to know when to tell the truth, because really, this could have all been avoided if I told you of my feelings way before but you would have walked away if that would have happened and really, I’m not so sure what would have been better.

My heart get’s broken in any given ending of this ed up story.

And it’s all my fault.