The flashing lights flicked and sparkled, a sea of photographers shooting away to their hearts content.

A rehearsed smile here, a practiced stare there, and all to capture the same angles of my profile, of my figure set against the white back drop. A microphoned voice ordered the lead actress to join me, setting the cameras ablaze once more. An arm gently resting on her hip, we posed and smiled together, turning to the left, then centre and then right. These constant appearances and schedules of the two of us taking every ones recent attention.

The movie was a hit, selling millions in the box office and raving reviews were made of the cast and filmography. It was my first movie, bringing even more surprise to the level at which the film had been produced. A rookie actor, stealing the hearts of millions in their debut work. A rare thing, something unheard of. Almost impossible some would even say.

But I did it. The impossible, un-impossibled.

 

~~~

 

I roll to the side of my desk, the top half of my body slipping off the side as I jolt myself from sleep. Quiet laughter rolls through the room, all attention candidly on me as the teacher proceeds, only a side-eye towards my disruption. 

Ignoring this laughter I wipe the small amount of drool from the corner of my lip, trying my best not to appear as dead as I feel. A top Korean actor that was still in high school, even one that was at the age of eighteen. Well seventeen really but you know how it works. And on top of that a student just trying to maintain their grades, two sides to the one coin I had become this year.

In this school it wasn’t unheard of for students, predominately idols, to be of some kind of a celebrity status. My own classes being a mix of first and second year, my grade lower due to constant absence and international citizenship. I was a year older then the kids in my grade, repeating a few courses due to the lack of time I was actually attending classes mostly away for filming. And with all my efforts slowly paying off, now most of my absences were from events and other guest appearances that asked for my name.

I had hardly any friends my actual age too, most of the actors and actresses I hung around with were in their mid to late twenties and up, meeting the younger ones was always rare. It was lucky that the company that I was contracted in had young people, they worked mostly with idols and musicians. The acting side of the company was fairly limited to under twenty people, excluding those few idols that had stepped onto the acting scene. I don’t know if I ever could be called a “trainee” in terms that I participated in the music side of things. I was scouted, but went a different path and even when I visit the office, I feel somewhat out of place, never really bumping into my own “kind”. 

An alarm on my watch starts buzzing and I begin packing up my belongings, shovelling my things into my bag with a literal sweep across the table. I was busy with a schedule for the afternoon, and was now using my early leavers circumstances to go. Was it a photo shoot, or a cf that I was doing today? Maybe I was lucky today and it was only an event, I could catch up on lost hours of sleep.

Shuffling out of my seat with much more noise then appreciated, I bowed towards my teacher. I think it might have been Mathematics that I was leaving, one of my better subjects that I was apologetic to let my teacher down in. Never the less I don't stop to look back as I fly from the class room.

The intense increase in attention I received often had the strange accompaniment of fans, girls and the rare boy keeping immediate tabs on my whereabouts. Most people who were fans of mine were older, but being young drew many peoples eyes towards me, not leaving out the fact that I did look different from most everyone anyways, a touch of 'foreign blood' as they would have called it.

I walk-run through the halls, a quick shuffle as I near the entrance of the school and try to obey the rules of no running in the hall.

No ones waiting by the front of the school once I get there, so I take to awkwardly idling by the curb, not knowing what to do with the exposure and my early arrival. 

There is always the chance now that someone would approach me, for a photo or an autograph. And to be honest? I was very much not used to the relationship celebrities developed between their fans in Asia, it was much different in western countries, a more star awe. I’d had a few fan signs by now, the famous film having been out since February, and I had made appearances in a drama or two as a special guest. Everyone was waiting for my next film or even if I would get the chance to be a lead role in the next hit drama. I was young, but I could pass for a couple years older, though the roles I’d taken had me play my age. The younger boy capturing the mature hearts of woman. It was lucky that I had played such an image in the first place.

As I was sidetracked by the absence of my thoughts and the constant outlook for my manager, I didn’t notice the small shadow lurking its way towards me from behind.

A hand latched onto my shoulder and I dropped my bag, my things sliding all over the place as I spun furiously away from the intruder. I moved my hands in front of me as her cackling rang in my ears, head already back in a fit of laughter.

Dahyun stood in all her mischief, laughing hysterically at my surprise as I continued to settle my heart from its near heart attack.

“I swear to god…” I curse her under my breath as I bend to retrieve my belongings, grumbling and mumbling the whole time as Dahyun continues to hold her sides and laughs. I make towards her, pushing her into a head lock and ruffling her hair, still continuing to laugh at my expense as she tries to pry my arms off her clumsily.

“You just- it was so- I can’t believe I scared you so easily!” Dahyun starts up her second fit of laughter as two others make their way to where we stand, Dahyun still in her head lock. 

Tzuyu had begun to pick up the rest of my supplies while Chaeyoung decided it would be fun to join in on Dahyun’s taunting, telling me how “your face was seriously like this” and pulling said face in the most exaggerated way she could, her hands adding to the emphasis.

I release my hold on Dahyun and move towards Tzuyu who has already put everything back inside my bag, proceeding to dust off the dirt and gunk that had gotten on to it. I make a point to snarl at Chaeyoung, clicking my tongue at her still demonstrating face, gaining only more laughs from the two bullies. Tzuyu hands me my things and I take note to be extra giving towards her in the future, the only one of the mankne line who hadn't made fun of me, though she does let a sly comment pass every now and then.

“Do you have a schedule today?” Tzuyu asks, accent still underlining her words in that monotone voice. I nod my head, casting my eyes to the end of the street where two identical white vans were coming our way. It was expected that TWICE was still heavy with events to attend, places to go, of course the three would be picked up today, it was a surprise for them to even turn up to school in the first place.

“What about you?” I turn to Tzuyu, gesturing towards their incoming car.

“Photo shoot.” Chaeyoung chimes in from behind Tzuyu, playing some sort of game with Dahyun as they take turns holding onto Tzuyu, who only stood ignoring them, paying attention to me.

“You’ll be at the office tonight?” She says and I kick myself for almost having forgotten. My attendance being asked for the meeting taking place tonight.

Our cars arrive and both doors slide open. I look inside the girls’ car, to see if any of the other members are inside, but no, they’d already be at the location. I bid them all farewell, sending Dahyun a glare which she returns with a smile of her own.

I jump inside my own car as their's drives off.

It was a photo shoot after all. At least I wouldn’t have to wait for eight other people to get their make-up and hair done.

 

~~~

 

The time came around for the meeting to be held and as always I was one of the last few to arrive.

Most of the time the meetings would only consist of talk about music, upcoming comebacks and performances that were going to happen amongst the artists. I kept to the back with my staff, every now and then adding a comment to them or on the off chance other employees. All in all these meetings had never really had anything to do with me, the rare actor amongst the idols. 

I was one of those privileged sort that was very grateful to the connections they had, especially when your parents were long time friends with J.Y. Park himself, others always found it weird how I was a lot more informal with him, I guess it’s what happens when he’s basically changed your diapers.

The staff continued to talk about the company’s plans for the rest of the year and until the start of next year. It wasn’t until right at the end, when I’d decided that I was thirsty and hungry that they called upon me, a mouth full of chips and one on its way to my mouth right then, frozen mid air. I swallowed my food and made my way forward, handing my chips to my manager as all eyes found me. Some of the others were quietly laughing.

Out of everyone currently promoting under JYP Entertainment, I was the 2nd to youngest actor (the youngest being Kim Jimin), but I was certainly the least experienced, my official acting debut falling a month after TWICE’s. I nodded my head for the staff to continue, trying to regain my composure. 

From the corner of my eye I saw my manager pass my chips over to someone, another TWICE member for me to get back at, damn Momo.

“Since your rise in popularity, the requests for you have been crazy.” I nod my head, adding a small thank you as I keep my hands folded in front of me. “So we’ve decided that as a bonus, you will be doing a lot more appearances, cf’s, endorsements, interviews, guestings, whatever. We are going to give you as much exposure as we can.” I bite back my remark that I’m already as heavy scheduled as it can get, money hungry idiots these people are. But I nod for them to continue, one positive attribute of the the experience I can gain.

“You will also be doing collaborations, with actors, actresses, comedians and artists in, and outside of the company, but mostly with the other JYP artists.” I nod my head, taking in all this new exposure. “You also have countless offers for dramas that we ask for you and your staff to go through. That will be all.” I nod my head and bow in thanks, making my way back to the edge of the room.

It isn’t until they move on that I feel my shoulders release their tension, my back finding the wall for support. Momo comes to my side, her eyes watching curiously over me as she eats, she offers me some but I decline. Her brows drop in worry and she squeezes my shoulder deciding to stay standing next to me as the meeting carries on. 

I stand in a daze, all of this work coming so quickly and almost…effortlessly. For a rookie all they want is the chance to promote themselves as much as they can, to gain fans and chances to give back to everyone that has helped them. And for this all to come so quickly for me, maybe I am more than just a pretty face attempting to act. Maybe my training and love for the art is the beginning of my adult life. I feel a smile crawl onto my face, causing me to shiver at the anticipation for things. The far off thought of how easy I could stuff things up comes right at the back of my mind. I wasn’t a very problematic person in the first place.

The meeting ends with everyone clapping and congratulating each other, wishing for the continued success to come. I bow to the seniors, many of them patting me on the back and congratulating me as we pass through the doors, everyone going about their own business. I hang back waiting for some of TWICE so we can go back to the dorms. 

Nayeon had invited me over tonight, something about how they hadn’t seen me for months as I was leaving early and missed them or coming home late and went straight to sleep without giving them a hello. Nayeon had feigned disappointment and was beginning to sulk when I’d started to decline. It was only from the invitations of Jeongyeon and Jihyo that I decided that yes, I should visit them. Nayeon had started to complain that I didn’t love her as much as the others at which everyone had already started ignoring her again.

Momo was still by my side, waiting along with me. It takes us a while to spot anyone but Momo eventually notices Mina, who's standing behind Jeongyeon and Tzuyu. We move to them, Jeongyeon already ordering food for when we get back to the dorms, Momo sliding to her side to listen to the conversation, repeatedly asking for jokbal before Jeongyeon finishes. Mina smiles towards me, patting a hand to my back and ruffling my hair.

“Goodness, if it isn’t our two siblings. Finally having long lost contact with each other!” Dahyun comes from out of nowhere, slinging an arm around my shoulder in her fashion of teasing. Mina and I both make a face towards her, at which Nayeon points out makes us look even more alike.

Many have noted the fact that both Mina and I have close looking features, which we both can’t actually notice, no matter how much we’re told about it.

Mina can only sigh, shaking her head as she moves to talk with Momo and Jeongyeon.

“Mister big shot here, getting all the calls.” Nayeon motions for me with her hand, waiting for me to hug her. I give her a high five instead, moving out of arms reach when her face turns sour. “Yah! I’ve known you since you were barely walking and this is how you treat me?” Nayeon crosses her arms over her chest and pouts, turning her back to us, Dahyun and I pause for a moment before turning to each other and continuing our conversation, much to Nayeon’s dismay. She mumbles under her breath about how her kids aren’t as appreciative of her as they should be.

“So you coming back with us, or you going to get the food?” Dahyun begins to move and I follow her along, everyone beginning to make their way out and towards the cars.

“You don’t expect me to pay for this do you?” Dahyun shrugs her shoulders, greeting people as we pass and bidding the staff goodnight.

“You are the one raking in the figures.” I nod my head in agreement.

“That is true, but I heard that TWICE is becoming well off too, and I’m your guest so…” Dahyun makes a start to protest, making winning noises with her nose. I cave to her begging. “I’ll invite you all over once, and pay for it all…eventually.” She makes a fist in triumph, not forgetting to make sure I keep my promise with a pinky swear.

When we get to the car, Dahyun, Nayeon, Chaeyoung, Mina and I opt to be the ones going to the dorm to tidy up a bit, whilst the others go and retrieve our food. The girls talk about whatever they talk on our way back, filling me in every now and then. I sit quietly nodding along to their conversation for a while, eyes slowly closing themselves as the noise of he car sings me to sleep. Until Chaeyoung brings up my earlier torment in a call of laughter.

“He threw everything he had up into the air, I thought he was almost about to cry.” Chaeyoung relays the story of how Dahyun had planned it out quite a bit before hand when they first noticed me on my own. I sink back into my chair, Nayeon patting my knee reassuringly as Dahyun and Chaeyoung rattle on about the story.

“After all the times I’ve laughed at your awful jokes and told people you’re fun, this is what you do to me?” Chaeyoung makes an effort to reach across the back of her chair and whack me.

“Whyyyy…. I am funny.” She turns to Mina, eyes pleading. “I’m funny right?” Then to Nayeon. “I know how to have fun?” From the silence of the others Chaeyoung throws her head back against the head rest, turning her head back and forth as she squeezes her eyes shut. “You guys are so mean.” Nayeon pats Chaeyoung’s head in her motherly manner, the rest of us continuing to laugh at her expense. The girls move on, talking about other groups and idol stuff. 

I keep my eyes to the darkening skies, wondering why all of a sudden, I hadn’t seen Sana anywhere. She would always make an effort to see me when ever she could, and even though I hadn’t seen any of the TWICE members in weeks, I had seen her most recent. 

I was coming in late one evening and had coincidentally bumped into a sleepy Sana. She’d gotten skinnier since the last time I’d seen her. her arms and legs showing her muscles more prominently. She’d given me a lopsided smile, mumbling a hello in her soft squeaky voice, which honestly had woken me up with a start at how cute it was. I watched her enter the dorm, where she shut the door with a final good bye.

To say I… liked Sana? Maybe, she’d certainly taken my interest every time she’d ever talked to me, whether it be in Japanese or Korean. And we certainly hadn’t ever developed a relationship since TWICE has their dating ban, and she was somewhat older then me by two and a bit years. Apparently it was strange to date a male who was younger than you, but you could date one that was ten plus years older?

It was easy to tell -but apparently not to some- that I definitely felt a little nervous around Sana compared to the others. With Sana it was a feeling that was underneath it all, a resting tension that I wanted to go away.

Either way, Sana hadn’t graced me with her bubbly smile today.

“Noona? Where was Sana Noona today?” Nayeon turns her attention to me in an instant, holding a hand to her chest in shock as the others continue talking.

"Did you just call me 'Noona'?" I roll my eyes, hating her over dramatic act. She purses her lips, collecting herself as looks off to the side, acting like she's trying to recall.

“She was there.” She determines with an unsure tone, she nods her head a couple of times before turning back to me. “Yeah, she was there. Why? She didn’t say hi to you?” I nod my head solemnly, my dismay at Sana’s neglect showing. Nayeon pulls me to her side, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Aww…it’ll be alright. I’ll pay attention to you.”

“Isn’t it the other way around unnie? You always complain how Theo doesn’t care for you as much as he does for say Mina unnie or even Tzuyu.” Nayeon raises her hand to Chaeyoung, clenching her teeth towards her and she flinches back. Nayeon settles back down with a sweet smile on her face, continuing to pat my head.

“I would never.”

I sit back from Nayeon, looking between them. “But’s it’s true, Mina noona never whinges when I don’t text her back straight away.”

Nayeon and Dahyun both speak at the same time, surprised by my answer.

“You text Mina?!”

“I don’t whinge!”

Mina nods her head, making a noise of affirmation as she pulls her phone out, going through the messages between her and I. She faces the screen towards the others and shows them the constant back and forth texts, equal amounts messaged between us both.

“We mostly talk about new games and stuff.” 

Nayeon quickly goes through her phone, I roll my eyes at my contact name that reads 'Teddy Bear😘😍', she flips her phone to show us the message exchange between Nayeon and I and everyone immediately bursts into laughter. The messages consist of mostly Nayeon, and then my every now and then reply of a simple one word answer.

“You are so mean to me.” It takes some time but I eventually Nayeon’s trust with a bribe of whatever she wanted, telling her that we would get it whenever she wanted it, she accepted without another thought and we arrived at the dorms.

 

~~~

 

The five of us sat around the living room, playing a game of cards and watching a recent drama. We’d tidied up and set up the eating area with the appropriate cutlery, not forgetting the spoon and fork that I always use.

Soon enough the others arrived in a bustle of hoots and calls, hands full and mouths watering. Everyone gathered by the entrance, helping the collectors through.

Behind the stampede of hungry, working girls, was Sana. Making eye contact with me instantly as she stopped in surprise. Moving towards her and taking the food from her hands I nod my head in greeting. She calls a thank you as we make our way to the others, my nervous bout finishing when 

Once we all settle down and begin hacking into the food, everyone catches up with one another, asking questions and laughing away. I sit between Nayeon and Jihyo, one feeding me every now and then and the other bickering with me respectively. I take note that Sana sat herself as far from me as she could without having to give me much eye contact at all. Something was definitely up. But she still laughed and had fun with the others as she usually would, with the exception me.

The conversation had slowly turned into dating and relationships with most of them having no experience, or just the one off chance of a crush in their pre-debut days. The talks then turns to me and my dating ban free career.

“It’s so not fair that you don’t have one but.” Chaeyoung whines and everyone begins to make fun of her and her never ending interest in romance.

“It's to give me experience in emotions and stuff, well that's what they told me." I state, hating the attention they all train on me. "It's not like I date anyway."

Jihyo raises an eyebrow to my words, taking a bite from her chicken, everyone quieting down in silent interest.

“Then what do you do?” I shrug my shoulders, looking to the food in front of me. Trying to not give away how awkward this conversation has made me feel. Sooner or later the truth will be pried at of me by these singing-dancing monsters.

“You know, this and that.”

“Ah, we don’t know this and that. C’mon…spill.” I raise my eyes to the girls and find that every one of theirs is on me, waiting in anticipation and excitement, even Sana watches in shocked awe.

“I’ve…done 'that' before,” I watch slowly as everyone's faces change to shock, surprise and confusion. “A couple of times actually.” Some of them let out a noise, honestly not comprehending the idea.

"Wait, what does he mean tha- HOLY CRAP!" Dahyun covers her ears, trying to erase whatever picture has come to her mind.

Tzuyu looks around with a confused stare still on her face, Mina leaning in timidly to explain the meaning. She nods her head, mouthing the word to a startled Mina who only buries her face into Tzuyu's shoulder.

“Oh my god, and he’s only eighteen, I haven’t even done that.”

“How does he even have time?”

“Who was it?” Nayeon asks.

I say the actress' name and gasps are heard all round. Momo even sends me a thumbs up, Nayeon clapping me on the back like I’d won some competition.

“But- she’s like seven years older than you!”

“She’s not that old, and she’s really easy to talk to.”

“And get in bed with it seems.” Chaeyoung remarks, gaining a hit from Jeongyeon who scolds the younger one for her jealousy.

“Do youse normally talk about this stuff? I mean, it’s a bit of an awkward subject isn't it?”

“Your the one who’s saying it with their own mouth.” Dahyun interjects, her embarrassment evident as she tries to look anywhere but at me when she speaks. “I mean, you didn’t have to tell us.”

“Your’e our only source of information about this stuff.” Nayeon continues eating next to me as she nods in agreement to Jihyo’s words, the older ones not surprising me with how comfortable they are about the topic. “You’re the only gossip we get.”

“Who else?” Tzuyu chimes in from beside Sana, everyone turning in surprise at the youngest’s interest. Tzuyu looks to the others, realising their shock. “He said a couple of times.”

Momo makes a noise in agreement as she reaches across the table for more food, clearing up the left overs.

“Yeah, anyone that we know?” I rake my mind for names, the number being small but stretched between time. Was there an idol? I think she said she was from Oh My Girl, but I always confuse that group with Lovelyz and Stellar. OMG it is. But, Nayeon and Jihyo are huge fans of them, so I don’t know how they’d take it.

“Um, there was someone from a girl group.” They wait quietly for me to continue and I chew at the inside of my lip. “Ahhh, do you know Oh My Girl?” 

Nayeon and Jihyo’s faces fall as the words leave my lips. Jihyo pins me to the floor, Nayeon getting up to retrieve a pillow to smother my face with as they curse and threaten me in their anger. It takes them a while to settle down, everyone finding the situation humorous as the two relax, paying keen attention to ignore everything I say.

“How could you contaminate them like that?”

“It was only one of them!” I argue, fixing my hair from sticking up everywhere. “You make me sound like a predator.” Jihyo gives me a look that implies that yes, I am in fact a predator and I sigh, giving up on trying to convince them.

Finished with the meal, everyone begins to clear away the rubbish, cleaning up the area in as much tidiness that TWICE always produces, which is about an eighth if I had to guess.

Sana places her cutlery on the table, excusing herself to the bathroom and I take note on her out of place silence. From what it seems, Sana might not have wanted to know about any of my relations, thinking it unjust or disgusting for me to do.

Jihyo rests a hand on my shoulder, noticing my eyes follow Sana as she moves out of sight.

I turn to her, a frown settling upon my face. “I don’t know what to say. Is she upset with me?”

Jihyo shrugs her shoulders, getting up from her seat and moving towards a squabbling Nayeon and Jeongyeon. “Just talk. She’ll always listen to you.”

I nod my head in determination, finding the push to act on my worries. Honestly though, I’ve always been an unstable mess when it has come to confronting people, I was always someone to let things slide. But Sana hasn’t even done one of her high pitched laughs at any of my jokes, and I was really starting to feel paranoid about it.

I made my way to the bathroom, Mina sending me a 'hwaiting' as I pass. I wait awkwardly by the side of the door, listening to the girls’ conversation down the hall as the time presses on. Eventually the door knob turns and the door begins to open. I turn square on to a surprised Sana who virtually runs right into my chest before regaining her composure, deciding on a rehearsed smile as she greets me.

“Theo, what’s up?” She feigns innocence, looking over my shoulder to plan her quick escape.

“You know what’s up.”

I try to take some of the aggression from my tone, but there's still enough that Sana’s eyes move to me, her smile faltering to a straight line.

“Why are you ignoring me? You haven’t even spoken to me once.” The hurt coming through in my words and Sana seems to register my worry as her posture relaxes, her oblivious facade coming down. “Did I do something?”

The quiet of the room causes me to look over my shoulder to where the other girls quickly continue whatever they were doing, pretending to be talking to one another and busy tidying up. Sana turns me towards her and takes me by the arm, tugging me to her room for privacy from the eavesdroppers. I follow along, embarrassed that I hadn’t noticed the others listening.

Sana shuts the door quietly behind me, her rare serious expression showing as she looks to me. I have no idea what kind of an answer she would give me since her neglect was already so out of character.

Sana in a deep breath, preparing herself for something. “I heard rumours that you were…messing around.”

I show my surprise, I didn’t have a clue that there were rumours, at all.

“And I don’t know! It’s so weird to hear you talk about someone like that.” Sana rushes out, moving her hands in weird ways. “It was strange right?” She asks herself, looking to her palms. “I didn’t know how to talk to you knowing what I knew.” Sighing, she leans herself against the door in exhaustion, her thoughts tiring her out. She must of been thinking about it all day. “I knew I would embarrass myself and blurt something out when I saw you. So I decided not to see you.” Sana cranes her neck, her eyes begging me to accept her motives, for me to understand. “Does it make sense?”

I burst out in laughter, such a small thing and Sana let it eat at her to become something big. The ridiculousness of Sana words run through my mind, seeming even more and more amusing the longer I laugh. Sana begins to giggle along with me, her uneven laughter growing to its squeaking as she hits me across the shoulder.

“You could have just asked me.” I breathe out, trying to regain my breath. Sana crosses her arms over her chest, her lips forming a pout as she turned slightly from side to side.

“But it was weird. My shy and reserved junior going around doing that stuff. Who would have thought.” I pause at the word 'my', the simple claim in ownership causing my heart to skip a beat. I can’t hide the small smile that forms and make to leave the room. Sana watching me closely, moving with me as I pass her questioning stare.

“Why are you smiling like that?” She presses with suspicion and I shrug my shoulders, opening the door and quickly ducking out. “Yah! You sly boy, come back here and answer me!”

Sana follows me out into the hallway, throwing a stuffed toy at my back as she chases after me, her laughter flowing through the room. The other girls watch on as I run to Jeongyeon, hiding behind her back as the others turn to see what’s going on.

I doge left and right, Sana trying to hit me all the while, the others coming to join in on our shenanigans. Sana makes a great effort to make up for her ignoring me and I take it all happily with a secretive smile, my heart continuing it’s erratic jumps into the night.

~~~

We all ended up watching a movie, Sana insisting on the film I was in but losing out to the youngest’s requests of a movie about a dog that everyone immediately agreed to.

Jeongyeon joking that Sana could just watch me act the movie out, to which Sana complains she wouldn’t be able to see the other male actors. Mina made a side comment about how that would make me jealous which I quickly defamed, the betrayal real between us siblings. We watched the movie, a happy ending resulting at the finish.

Some of them had fallen asleep, Momo, Jihyo and Chaeyoung, while everyone else headed to bed, ushering the sleepers along with them. 

Sana had moved to me as I collect my things, stretching her arms above her head as she yawned, bending her back with her hands on her hips. She shoots me her lop-sided smile as I move to help Momo to bed, she wasn’t moving at all, Nayeon complaining that that’s what I should be good for. I motion for Momo to move, giving her a few shakes that she doesn’t respond to. Giving my things to Sana, I let my hands be free as I scoop Momo up in a princess carry. She moves slightly, pushing her face into my shoulder and making strange noises as we pass through the halls.

Sana looks at Momo than up to me, the slight awkwardness of the situation setting in. I begin to walk again, carrying her to her and Jeongyeon’s room, Sana following close behind, the other girls getting ready to bed around us. I push the door open with my foot, careful not to bump Momo’s head into the door frame. Sana pulls Momo’s bed covers across and I gently place her down, pulling her hands from my shirt and she turns over with a grumble. Jeongyeon looks up from her phone, sensing the tension between Sana and I.

“I’m sure if you asked, Theo would carry you to.” Sana fumbles over her words as I say good night, quickly leaving Sana to splutter that that was something she definitely did not want me to do. I would’ve said yes if she asked though. 

I call out goodnight as I gather my shoes at the entrance, receiving faint good nights in return and one loud one from Jihyo. Sana comes from around the corner, following me out the door and to my dorm at the opposite end of the building. We bump shoulders from time to time, keeping quiet in the late hours of the night. Once we get to my door Sana clears and I turn to her, a hand on my door’s lock.

“You’ve gotten skinnier.” Sana sighs, switching her weight to her other foot.

“I eat a lot-“

“Do you? I saw the interview were you said that when you get home, you go straight to sleep instead of eating.” Sana arches a brow at my comment.

“Did you watch my vlive+?”

“Of course, I watched them all. I had to have something to do in the car. I’m a level six ONCE after all.” Sana claps her hands in congratulations, her smile mocking awe and wonder as she successfully diverts the conversation. 

I take Sana’s arm, lifting it to get a closer look, squeezing her here and there. I move my hand to her neck, pressing my fingers to her side and inspecting the area there. “Please, just be careful.”

Sana lets my hand stay, keeping her eyes locked with mine as the seconds tick on. It isn't hard for me to become trapped into her glittering eyes, my reflection clearly outlined in it's warm stare. For once it doesn't seem forced, that I can comfortably be on an equal level with her instead of just a silly dongsaeng that they felt obligated to look after.

I don't know if it was just my imagination or not, by I could've sworn that for a split second, Sana leaned into my touch.

But eventually she pulls back, letting my hand fall to my side as she brushes her hair from covering her eyes and clears in an awkward fashion. She smiles sadly as she backs up, biding me farewell as she turns and finally walks away.

I watch her quietly, her small frame gliding effortlessly along.

“Sana!” I call her name and she stops to turn to me, a question in her eyes. I'm shocked by my outburst, not really prepared to say anything, nothing along the lines of a cheesy drama scene. I can only settle for my simplest delivery of emotion. “Good night.”

Her face breaks into one of her signature smiles, her pink lips reaching her eyes.

“Good night!” She calls with a wave of her arm, turning away to stumble over her feet. She laughs at herself, looking back to me one last time before she goes.

I take note of the one trip only I saw, a clumsy moment all to myself. The chances that I’d fall for her growing with every smile or squeaking laugh she makes.

Whilst I couldn’t say the same on Sana’s end of things, she only she’s me as her junior after all. Someone who was younger and to take care of.

Pity she couldn't see me differently. I'd have to try harder to deserve it.