HAPPY BIRTHDAY REE MY SMOL BUB MY LIL BEAN MY CHILD MY SMOLSMOL I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH! 

i know its rees birthday and so i was probably supposed to write something she really likes but ree is an angst monster and i am nOT REPEATING THE MISTAKES i made with cold hands ok so we can forget that ever happened and FOCUS ON THIS FIC INSTEAD YAY

um... i tried to make it kinda angsty? (loollllll no u didnt tea) and ree might recognise a convo we had on twitter that was the inspiration for this fic :) 

REALLY THOUGH ITS KAISOO AS IF IM GONNA KAISOO ANGST LIKE KAISOO MEANS FLUFF DAMN I SHIP KAISOO tea stop getting distracted youre scaring the nice readers 

EITHER WAY, I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY IT. its very cheesy n fluffy n cliche n like everything ive ever written before but helLO i like it that way merci beaucoup

i feel like i have so much more to say but literally im dying from school and work and life i hope everyone ismanaging you can do it dont forget to make time for yourselves as well keep smiling my lovessss. hideously unbetaed and probably a grammatical pile of pooooop but live with me ok 

i love you all (espesh u ree have a great birthday i love) ILL SEE YA SOON 

love, 

Tea <3333

Kyungsoo awakens with a kiss pressed to his temple. 

He grumbles quietly, still feeling worn out and sore from the night before, and he keeps his eyes tightly shut. His bedsheets are fresh and warm and snuggly and he has no intention of getting up any time before 10am. 

Lips flutter over his forehead again, and Kyungsoo complains, a little louder this time, knocking his head into the body that’s being such a nuisance. 

The body chuckles, a hoarse croaky sound that rumbles through the crisp morning air. The lips return, smothering the top of Kyungsoo’s dark silky hair with a thousand more kisses. 

Kyungsoo smacks his lips together and at last surfaces fully into the land of the awake. “I want to sleep.” He complains, lifting his head and squinting through puffy eyes at the reclining form of Kim Jongin. 

Jongin grins. “I know you do, gorgeous. But it’s a very special day.” 

Kyungsoo gives him a withering look. “I know it is. And it will still be a very special day if you let me sleep a little bit more.” He flops back down again, this time dropping his head on Jongin’s bare chest. “Cuddle me.” 

“Do you even have to ask?” Jongin says, slinging an arm around Kyungsoo’s waist and tugging him in closer. 

It’s quiet for a while, and Kyungsoo closes his eyes again, prepared to fall back to sleep. However he finds, to his irritation, that he’s properly awake now and he isn’t going to be able to fall back to sleep again. “Jongin.” He whines. 

“What?” 

Kyungsoo can hear the smirk in his voice. He sits up, opens his eyes and prods a finger at Jongin’s chest. “You’ve woken me up now. I can’t go back to sleep.” 

Jongin laughs—properly this time, because his eyes crinkle up— and Kyungsoo is momentarily breathless. He knows there is nothing more beautiful than Kim Jongin, he’s known that for years, but the realisation still manages to stun him every time. There is no better Jongin than the Jongin he has right now— the one lying relaxed in bed in only a pair of loose sweats, with one arm behind his head, one arm around Kyungsoo’s waist, with messy, ruffled bed hair and with skin that glows against bright white sheets like caramel and toffee and sunlight and warmth and everything Kyungsoo could ever want and everything he could ever need. 

It sends shivers down his spine when Jongin looks at him like he is doing now. That sense of pure joy in his laugh and the adoration etched into his eyes as he looks at Kyungsoo’s sleep swollen, acne marked face. It’s the look of a man so madly in love that he can’t see imperfections any more— he only sees them as perfect, intrinsic features of the one he loves. 

Jongin lifts a hand and traces his fingertips across Kyungsoo’s cheekbone. “Five years.” He whispers to no one in particular. “I’ve been in love with you for five whole years.” 

Kyungsoo draws in a shuddery breath, feeling the heat flood across his cheeks. He has never been a fan of his looks, he’s never viewed himself as beautiful (especially not compared to his boyfriend) and he drops eye contact, embarrassed that someone as unearthly as Jongin gets to witness him in such a bare, pure state. 

He can still feel Jongin’s eyes tracing his features though, even as he tries to hide under his fringe that desperately needs cutting. 

Jongin’s hand settles to rubbing intricate patterns on Kyungsoo’s hipbone just under his sleep shirt, his thumb warm and soothing as it traces into the groove. “Five whole years and you still do that.” He adds. “You’re beautiful, Soo. Breathtakingly so.” 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, his lips twitching at the corner. “You have to say that. You’re my boyfriend and it’s our five year anniversary.”

“Just because I have to say it doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” Jongin murmurs. His tone is so deep, so warm, and so sincere and it (as it always does) cracks Kyungsoo’s resolve. 

Kyungsoo looks up and meets Jongin’s gaze. 

“I love you.” Jongin says with the softest of expressions. 

Kyungsoo lets out a meek squeak and flops down, tucking himself under Jongin’s arm pit, and he presses his nose to the warm skin across Jongin’s ribcage. It should be gross, but Jongin always smells good— like vanilla, chocolate and home. “I love you too.” He whispers.

“It’s a good job I have good hearing.” Jongin says, smiling. “Or I wouldn’t have heard that.” 

Now Kyungsoo doesn’t have the pressure of Jongin looking at him he finds it a lot easier to speak the thoughts that he’s usually too embarrassed to vocalise. “That’s why we’re perfect for each other.” He glances up and Jongin is looking down at him, smiling indulgently. 

“Five years… That’s incredible.” Jongin sighs in wonder. “You’ve been mine for five whole years.” He squeezes his arms round Kyungsoo tightly. 

Kyungsoo is smiling too as the realisation kicks in. “Do you remember that time we broke up though? Back in university?” 

Jongin snorts. “Of course I do.” 

“So technically we’ve only been dating for four years and ten months.” 

“We’re not counting the break up we both know that was an awful mistake.” Jongin smirks. 

“If you think about it,” Kyungsoo says, turning to rest his chin on Jongin’s shoulder so he can look him in the eye. “We’ve only been dating consistently for… two years and ten months.” 

Jongin wrinkles his nose up. “Who’s counting?” 

“Not me.” Kyungsoo confesses, scrunching his nose up in reply. 

They hold eye contact for a view seconds before they both dissolve into giggles. Kyungsoo turns to hide his face in Jongin’s neck to try and stifle his laughter but it doesn’t work because Jongin starts tickling butterfly kisses down his neck when he won’t look at him. “S-stop!” Kyungsoo manages to gasp out and Jongin finally pulls back, tears of mirth in his eyes. 

“Lord, what were we thinking?” Jongin says, shaking his head and wiping a tear out of his eye with the back of his hand. 

“Oh god knows.” Kyungsoo replies, settling into a comfortable position again on Jongin’s chest. 

“What was the excuse we gave again?” 

“We said,” Kyungsoo begins, laughter starting to bubble up his throat again, “We said we didn’t think we were in love and that we were just infatuated.” 

“We actually broke up because we thought we only wanted to sleep with each other!” Jongin starts cackling again. 

Kyungsoo’s small frame shakes with laughter as he smacks Jongin in the side and tries to get him to calm down. “It’s funny now but at the time it was hell.” 

“Oh, I know. Poor Sehun, I think I cried on his sofa for a week.” 

Kyungsoo smiles softly down at Jongin. “Why did it take us two months to get back together though? I was suffering on day one.” 

Jongin looks up accusingly. “Well I for one would have got back with you after half an hour but someone said we should give it a proper try first.” 

“Did I say that?” Kyungsoo looks mildly horrified. 

“You don’t remember? You also said that you thought we’d be better off as friends.” 

“No I did not!” Kyungsoo looks scandalised. “Did I really say that?” 

“You did!” Jongin says. 

Kyungsoo grins ruefully before snorting rather inelegantly. “What an idiot.” 

Jongin guffaws again but settles down again as he thinks back to possibly the worst time in his life. “It was actually really hard, thinking about it. I didn’t remember much of it at the time because I was so heartbroken.” He puffs out a small laugh. 

Kyungsoo frowns. Jongin has always been cagey about what happened in those two months, and Kyungsoo isn’t sure he wants to hear what he did to the boy but he feels like he should. “What— what was it like? For you, in that time we broke up?” 

“Have I never told you?” 

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I never asked and every time I got near the subject your little face used to crumple as if it was going to cry and I— I couldn’t handle that.” 

Jongin looks a little surprised, and twists his fingers through Kyungsoo’s. “Well. I did spend the first week on Sehun’s sofa. I didn’t leave and he had to set me up a bed there. I don’t think I could bring myself to have a shower for about two weeks and Taemin said they couldn’t get me to eat for about four days.” 

Kyungsoo’s jaw drops but Jongin squeezes his hand reassuringly. 

“I cried everyday without fail. Even when I moved back into my room I used to spend my days acting like I was normal and then at night I’d sit on my own and sob for hours, to get it all out of me so I could face another day I guess. I didn’t dance. At all. I didn’t dance until we got back together.” 

“You didn’t dance? At all?” 

“Not once. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Every song I listened to came back to you somehow. Every time I walked near the studio I used to remember you sitting there and watching me practice. I used to remember how you’d sing.” Jongin chuckles quietly. “I was a broken man.” 

Kyungsoo silently covers his mouth with his palm, tears b at his eyes. He knew it had been bad and he knew it had been painful because he’d lived through it himself— he just didn’t know he’d done that to Jongin too. 

“Soo don’t cry.” Jongin rolls his eyes. “Today’s supposed to be a happy day.” 

“But I—“ 

“Sh.” Jongin says, placing a finger against Kyungsoo’s lips. 

Kyungsoo takes hold of Jongin’s hand and holds it tightly in his own. He feels that if Jongin has braved speaking about that time then he can too. “I—I didn’t do anything either. I woke up in the morning and then I tried to remember to eat at various points in the day and then I went back to bed. Jongdae and Minseok limped me through. They used to turn up and take me out— drag me out of my room and make sure I got some fresh air. Baek and Chan used to try as well but they… at the time they’d only just got together and they were so in love, even back then, and… they tried for me but it wasn’t fair to force them to be miserable because of something I brought upon myself.” 

“You didn’t bring it upon yourself, Soo. We both, at the time, thought it would be better.” 

“I know, but I still felt guilty. I still do, now I know what you felt like. I… never knew love could do that, until then. I never thought that anyone could get so deeply under your skin. I had no idea that it would break me so badly if you took away the person who’d become my centre of gravity. I was lost, completely lost.” Kyungsoo can feel the solid lump forming in his throat. He’s determined not to cry though, because that would make Jongin cry and that is probably the worst outcome in this situation. 

“We’re idiots, the pair of us.” Jongin says. He’s doing that look again, the careless, madly in love look. He reaches a hand up to wipe away phantom tears from underneath Kyungsoo’s eyes, stopping them before they can fall. “But at the end of the day, it was fate. We’re here now, we’re together and I can tell you now I have no intention of letting go of you ever again. I always have and always will be insanely in love with you Do Kyungsoo. It honestly doesn’t matter anymore.” 

Kyungsoo lies back down slowly, resting his head in a place where he can hear Jongin’s heartbeat, steady and consistent and reassuring. “I know it doesn’t but— I know I’m not good at all of the mushy stuff and the romance stuff and the gooey stuff. We’ve been together for five years and you give me so much and I worry that I don’t give enough back to you. I try, I promise I do because I love you, with all my heart and my soul. I just want to make sure you know that.” He buries his head anxiously in Jongin’s collarbone. 

Jongin can feel the heat radiating off Kyungsoo’s face. “I don’t need you to tell me that Soo, and its not embarrassing so stop blushing you idiot.” He chastises. 

“I’m not blushing!” Kyungsoo protests weakly, rubbing his nose into the dip of Jongin’s clavicle. 

“You so are.” Jongin sings, pulling the blankets up around Kyungsoo. “But honestly, you don’t need to tell me that, you have very expressive eyes, you know. Eyes that are very easy to fall in love with. You’re good an non-verbals a lot of the time and all you have to do is look at me and I’m pretty sure I can tell what you’re feeling in a heartbeat. I’ve come to love you for who you are, and I wouldn't change any part of you because then you wouldn’t be my Kyungsoo anymore.” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise what?” 

Kyungsoo hides under Jongin’s chin this time. “Promise that you won’t fall out of love with me when I get old and ugly.” 

“I promise. I’m not allowing you to break up with me every again. You’re stuck with me you know.” 

Kyungsoo smiles indulgently. “Good.” He murmurs. His eyelids at last start to flutter closed again as Jongin’s rhythmic breathing and warm body do a good job of lulling him back to a dozy state. “Happy five years, Jongin.” He whispers, rubbing his nose across Jongin’s skin. “I love you… so much.” 

“I love you more.” Jongin whispers in return. 

There’s quiet throughout their house except for the sweet sound of birdsong. The sun is starting to peak through the blinds and the day will fully take hold in a few hours. 

Jongin peers down at Kyungsoo, snoozing lightly and curled into him like the missing jigsaw piece he’s been looking for his entire life. He studies the way their hands twine together, the way their skin melts into one under the duvet and Jongin finally realises that this is what its like to feel complete. 

“You’re staring at me.” Kyungsoo murmurs, starting to sound a little sleepy and grumpy again. 

“Can’t help it.” Jongin smiles, brushing feather light kisses across every little bit of Kyungsoo’s skin he can reach. 

Kyungsoo squirms, his eyes closed, but he has a smile on his face and god does Jongin love him. 

It’s in the peace and quiet of this morning that Jongin makes his decision. After five years, where every second has been worth it, there really is only one place for them to go.  “Kyungsoo?” 

“Hm?” 

“Marry me?” 

hello yes id like to purchase 1 kim jongin plz 

come have a folla and a holla (if u wanna u dont have to talk to me but id like it if you did talk to me please talk to me im nice and normal really pleasE) 

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