I woke up with a start, my eyes wide open as I took in my surroundings. I was in my room at the main family house, my paternal grandma's to be precise. Of course. I remembered staying the night and the whole week before that since my boyfriend left for his overseas schedules. That wasn't the weird part though. What gave me such a shock was hearing his voice just before I opened my eyes.

I'm dating an idol, Mark Tuan to be precise, and he went to Canada days ago, with his group, GOT7, for a fan meet. The day he left did not really end on a good note with me throwing a massive tantrum that would have put my six-year old brother's mega tantrums to shame.

I knew he was leaving like he always did. We hardly had time for each other, so the previous week, I had all my work pushed back to later days of that same week, the day he would leave to be exact. I wanted to spend some quality time with him, but the previous Wednesday, he left for Japan for some magazine interview. I was sulky but I had to rein it in because it's his job. He returned the following morning only to leave for Canada later in the afternoon. That's when I snapped.

Mark came to my apartment to tell me goodbye, most probably expecting me to see him off with a loving smile on my face that he would hold on to until his return, but I gave him such a hard time, the inner demon in me appearing on the surface.

It was just several hours before his flight when he dropped by but I didn't want to talk to him, unable to bear the thought of saying goodbye to him again for the hundredth time within the span of our three-month relationship, and our year-long friendship before that. It had been a series of hellos and goodbyes. Hell, we even officially became a couple overseas during one of his scheduled performances.

Despite that, I was happy with him and I am so madly in love with him so much so that I could not bear the thought of being away from him for long periods of time. Call me obsessive and clingy but that's just really what I feel about Mark. I love him so much that though it hurts to see him go every single time. I put a smile on my face and see him off with the hope that he's gonna come back to me safe.

"No matter what happens, I'll always come back to you, and though I can't be with you all the time, I want you to know that I'm thinking of nothing but you and coming back home to you," he told me before. I had that to hold on to, and the promise I made with his mother that I would endure and be there for him unless he does something stupid.

I held on to those words for months and I guess I couldn't help but snap already the moment he was leaving for Vancouver. I clung to his leg as if my life depended on it, refusing to make him leave. He had to call Jungkook, my best friend, to pry me off his leg because he can’t bring himself to do it. The worst thing was that I was just buying more time for myself to be with him and I knew that I would have let him go anyway because he has no choice but to go and I have no choice but to accept that.

It was just three days and yet I was losing it. I can never forget the look on his face when he walked out the door, looking torn between going and staying. I wanted to stop crying then and smile and tell him to go and break a leg at their show, but I couldn't. Instead, I held on for dear life to Jungkook who also came straight out of the airport from Fukuoka after a fan event. Knowing him, he would have stayed for me but duty calls and I am not a selfish brat who would stop him from doing what he wants even if I behaved like one that certain instance. Kookie had to stay with me for two days straight making sure I was fine until he had to deliver me himself to my grandma's because he's busy, too.

I must be a frustrating person to be with. Mark tried to call me while he was in Canada. I picked up once and never again because I go on a crying jag whenever I remember him. The last thing I wanted was a reminder. I felt so heartbroken that I could not even concentrate on anything at all, but that's silly because I knew he would come back anyway. I'm just being a plain idiot.

The last message I got from him didn't sound so good. He said he misses me but I chose to be a 'goddamn pain.' My boyfriend, who would usually just have sweet words for me, called me a 'goddamn pain.' I deserved it. Later, he apologized for saying it, and we finally talked on the phone.

"I miss you," he said and I responded with the same words, almost falling apart. I tried to sound calm on the phone but really, I was crying and I was trying my best not to sniffle and sob because I knew it was the least I could do after I threw a fit.

Thinking about it the sanity out of me, and my brain was probably playing tricks on me. I could have sworn I heard his voice but I guess I did not. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to start my routine. I washed my face and brushed my teeth before getting changed into a pair of black tights and an oversized HBA hoodie, Mark's, before heading to the dresser to get my hair fixed.

Just when I had myself convinced that I was just daydreaming, I heard Mark's voice again, this time, it was that distinct laughter I've grown to love since I met him. The neat ponytail I was planning turned into a messy bun when I realized the sound was coming from downstairs. It was already 2 PM when I got out of bed so the house was alive with chatter and people bustling about, my grandma, her employees and my cousins that is.

I didn't say anything