I have always enjoyed my life, not even once did I ever complain about everything that I’ve got, and whatever I might be getting. But, life isn’t as simple as you thought it would be, that is when I get to face something I have never imagined before; being the one who ruins everything, destroys everything.

At the age of twenty-two, I met Jung Taekwoon. He is two years older than me, and also the one who considers me as an important person in his life. I am more than just happy to know him, and I hope he also is. We have been in a relationship for almost two years and it has always been good with a little amount of fights and bickers.

Taekwoon is a quiet man. He only talks when he needs to, and he rarely shows his smile. It gains a negative vibe to other people that he finally is crowned as The Scary Man or The Ice Prince. But Taekwoon doesn’t give a damn about it because actually he is a nice person who will easily smile when he sees kids and cute little animals.

This morning, Taekwoon came to my house to ask me choosing the gowns for our wedding day. Yes, we are going to be married soon. He proposed me a month ago on my 24th birthday. I still clearly remember the way he shyly held a bouquet of roses and stood in front of my house door. My parents too, were surprised. Knowing that Taekwoon would never do such thing considering how shy he is, they just smiled and even patted his back from being brave enough to propose me.

My parents really like Taekwoon. They were the ones who introduced me to him two and a half years ago during the gala dinner which was held by my father’s company. We became close to each other after some meetings and several weekend dates, and we officially became a couple when Taekwoon said he loves me while watching a movie.

I manage to come downstairs when I think I’m done with the preparations. Putting on my flat shoes, I walk to the living room and find Taekwoon sitting comfortably with both my parents sitting across him. He looks up and smiles once he sees me.

“Are you ready?” He asks me and stands up. This man looks really handsome with a plain white blouse hugging his lean frame, black jeans covering his long legs, and a pair of black leather shoe are perfectly made for his large feet. Everything about him is perfection, and it is a miracle that he dropped his heart for me.

I slightly nod and give my parents a goodbye kiss on each of their cheek while Taekwoon gives them sweet hugs. We head to his car which is parked in front of my house and I take a seat next to him. The weather is really nice, the sky is blue, and cherry blossoms are still blooming. This is my favorite season, spring.

Suddenly I feel so nervous. Taekwoon might have sensed it since he keeps stealing some glances at me and even squeezes my hand every time we stop at the traffic light.

“You okay?” He asks, reassuring me. I hold his hand back and pat it several times to make him sure I am okay. “Yes. I’m just feeling nervous. I’m sorry.” I answer back. Taekwoon takes my hand and kiss it lightly while his eyes keep concentrating on his driving. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be nervous.” Taekwoon’s short answer doesn’t help. I still feel that kind of nausea in my stomach, signaling that I’m having a terrible nervous attack.

“Are you not?” I ask him. The man next to me sighs, “I am. But I believe that it’s going to be really okay. Trust me.” That is. Jung Taekwoon has been trained to hide his expression. He said he’s nervous but from what I’ve seen, he doesn’t show any kind of emotion which tells me he is nervous. He looks cool and calm just like what he has always been.

I don’t know why I am being like this. Is it because I’m going to be somebody’s wife soon? Or is it because I’m still not sure of my feelings yet? I have no idea. The moment where I knew Taekwoon has that feeling toward me I keep on asking myself the same questions every night.

Am I really good for him?

Do I deserve him?

Taekwoon has always been so nice. He treats me like princess, he comforts me when I’m down, and he would listen to all my stories. But there is one story that Taekwoon has not heard, and I will never want him to hear that sooner or later.

I’m still debating with myself when Taekwoon pulls over. I look up to see that we’ve finally arrived at La Florro, the boutique and event organizer where one of Taekwoon’s friends works as a wedding consultant. “We’re here.” He said while helping me out of the car. I gulp down my saliva, being more nervous as I step inside the building with Taekwoon holding my hand.

I am welcomed by a woman dressed in a nice floral-pattern summer dress. She is at my age, her name is Kwon Ara. Taekwoon knows her because she is currently in a relationship with his best friend.

“The prince and his princess are finally here!” Ara shouts loud enough once she sees me and Taekwoon walking toward her, making all the employees who are currently still doing their jobs turn their heads and look at us. “Can you please be a normal girl for a day, Kwon Ara?” Taekwoon replied in a low voice but that’s loud enough for me and Ara to hear. The latter just chuckles, “Well. I can’t.” She sticks her tongue out like a five year-old girl and Taekwoon just sighs in defeat.

Ara hugs me tightly before letting me in to pick the wedding dress. Taekwoon, on the other hand is busy roaming his eyes on the suits and tuxes. I bit my lower lip and take a glance at my surrounding.

What if he comes here? What if he sees me now?

“Haneul?” Ara waves her hand, snapping me back to reality. I realize now that I didn’t pay attention to whatever she was saying. “I’m sorry. I’m just lost in thought. What are you talking about?” I say, feeling sorry for not listening to her.

Are sighs, “I was saying about the concept and what color would suit you the best but you seemed to be wandering around Neverland. Tell me, what’s going on?” She puts her hand on my shoulder and squeezes it lightly, giving me her trademark reassuring smile. “Nothing. I was just admiring all these dresses.” That’s it. The guilt rises inside my heart but I think it’s safer to lie than tell her the truth that I was, indeed, thinking of someone else. Another guy. And it wasn’t Taekwoon.

“Alright then, I guess you are already impatient to try them all. Let’s go!” Ara grabs my hand and pulls me toward the dressing room. Just when I am about to protest, I see him walking with his hand inside his jeans pocket and everyone in the room greets him in an instant. Here I feel my cheeks reddened, my blood suddenly rushes to my head, and the temperature inside the room suddenly becomes so hot.

He is here.

Cha Hakyeon is here.

For a second I think this world is spinning when I meet his eyes; the same eyes that looked at me deeply, the same eyes that used to give me courage when I was having a hard time during my old days. For a moment I feel like having trouble breathing, that is when Hakyeon smiles at me, giving me that warm feeling I’ve been missing for so long.

He is Cha Hakyeon.

Taekwoon’s friend.

Ara’s boyfriend.

My ex-boyfriend.

We dated seven years ago when we were still in high school. Hakyeon was the leader of our school’s dancing club, while I was a part of the student council. He was the one who taught me how to enjoy this life. He taught me dance, he brought me out for some snacks and he showed me everything I had never seen before. In a simple way I can say he’s my savior. But everything didn’t work as we planned. My father knew about me dating him, and he told me to leave him or he would make Hakyeon pay for everything. I hated my father for being too greedy and I still do. But I couldn’t risk his life so I obeyed the errand.

I left Hakyeon and moved to Canada to continue my study. We lost contact. I busied myself with tasks and everything that could distract my mind from thinking about him until finally I went back to Korea five years later, and that time when I met Jung Taekwoon.

A year ago, Taekwoon brought me to a party which was held by one of his closest friends. I didn’t think much so I just gladly accepted the offer without knowing that I would meet him there. Between the talks and chatters, I felt the urge to hug him tight and released the anger that had been boiled inside me. But we just stood as the two strangers who barely knew each other when Taekwoon introduced me to him as his girlfriend, and Ara introduced him as her boyfriend.

“Honey, why are you here?” Ara’s loud voice brings me back to reality. I look up to see Hakyeon smiles sweetly at his girlfriend and it hurts me so much. The girl approaches him and gives the tanned man a chaste kiss on the cheek before hugging the frame that I used to hug often when I was younger.

I hurriedly look at another direction and find Taekwoon walking towards me. It slices me into pieces when I realize that I’m still in love with the man who is now being in someone’s else embrace while the man I should be in love with is now walking, smiling sweetly without having any idea of what’s going on inside my brain.

“Am I not allowed to visit my girlfriend’s workshop?” Hakyeon says. “You’re just going to disturb her, anyway.” Taekwoon butts in and it gains laughter from Ara. The three of them are laughing while I’m just here, standing like an outsider with pain slowly crawls in my heart.

“You okay?” Taekwoon asks, hands perfectly wrap around my torso. In a split second I can see Hakyeon is looking at us with unreadable expression set on his face, but he quickly swift his gaze once our eyes meet. “Yeah. I’m just hungry.” I couldn’t find any perfect excuses so I just come with the fact that I’m feeling now and it makes me regret immediately.

Taekwoon looks at his wristwatch so does Hakyeon. “Ah, it’s lunch time already. How about we go eat together? I recommend you a nice place,” Taekwoon says, gaining nods from Ara. “Great idea! Hurry up!” The petite girl answers enthusiastically.

“But…”

“You don’t like it?” Taekwoon asks me. How should I say? Of course I like it. But having Hakyeon with us, it’s a little bit tricky. I don’t want Taekwoon to notice everything. I just don’t want something to happen or else I will ruin the moment. “No. I do. Let’s go.”

We go to the Italian restaurant which is recommended by Taekwoon and choose the seats next to a window so we can see the view. Each of us picks the foods and beverages, and while waiting for the orders to come, Ara and Taekwoon do the chit-chat about the wedding concept. I steal a glance at Hakyeon whose expression can’t be read, and slowly clutching onto my own skirt because it hurts me so much to see him so close, yet so far.

“I’m going to the washroom.” I excuse myself and both Ara and Taekwoon nod, then continue their chit-chattering. I can’t stand the atmosphere so I just decide to go and calm myself, that’s why I used washroom as an excuse. After washing my face, apply a little amount of loose powder and retouch my lips with a liptint, I am ready to go back. Sighing, I open the door of the washroom only to be greeted by a hand that pulls me harshly. I yelp, but the owner of the hand immediately shut me up by covering my mouth.

It is a man. And he drags me back to the cubicle female toilet. Wait. It’s not right!

“What are you doing here?” I ask, half panting once he releases my mouth. Here, standing in front of me is Cha Hakyeon. We are in a small toilet cube with him holding my hand and I’m having trouble breathing because of our distance. He doesn’t reply, instead he wraps his hands around my waist and nuzzles on my neck. I have to hold my breath because of the sensation, and Hakyeon doesn’t seem to notice. He keeps on holding me like that.

 “Hakyeon…. We’re in trouble if someone finds us.” I say, matter-of-factly. “Just one minute. Let me hug you like this for just a minute before I let Taekwoon have you.” He answers, his voice muffled. I gulp down my saliva, not knowing what to do when Hakyeon’s warm breaths slowly touch my neck, sending shiver down my spine. Once he calms down, Hakyeon brings my face up and our eyes meet. I try hard to hold back the tears by biting on my lower lip. “Why… Why did you appear when I was ready to forget you? WHY SONG HANEUL, WHY?” Hakyeon shakes my shoulders hard, making me wince in pain. “It’s not fair, don’t you think so? I loved you Haneul, and I still do. Tell me now, do you still love me?” Hakyeon repeatedly shakes my shoulders and I just keep my mouth shouted. I miss him, I love him, and I don’t lie. He is the one who could make my heart flutters, he is the one whom I badly in love with, he is the only one.

I’m glad that he still loves me the way he did. But it hurts me really bad when I look at him in the eyes. Did he suffer this much? Did I hurt him that bad?

“No.” I answer while shifting my gaze. I can’t look at those eyes. I just can’t. Why is he being like this? Why is Hakyeon making everything hard?

“Really? He asks me again. I nod, still refuse to look at him. “Then look at me. Say it again while facing me. Can you?” He shakes my shoulders once again. I slowly turn my head to look at him and there he is, looking at me with sad expression all over his face. I take a deep breath, readying myself to say the biggest lie I might ever do in my life; telling Hakyeon that I’m no longer in love with him.

“No.” And that’s when I feel it again; the warm touch of his lips that I’ve been missing. Hakyeon kisses me hard, letting me savoring the taste of his lips. I was shocked and managed to push him but his hold on me is stronger. He kisses me like there is no tomorrow, he keeps kissing me until we run out of air, and he still does when I hear some muffled voices outside the toilet.

We pull away and I try hard to not make any weird noises while Hakyeon manages to calm his breathing. He still holds me by the waist, and we keep in that position until the women who just entered the toilet are gone. Once we can’t anymore hear the sound of them talking about this and that, I push Hakyeon away. I can feel my legs wobble and slowly I become so weak. Hakyeon’s touch made me weak, and I hate that.

“Don’t.” I say while opening the door, “Don’t be like this. It’s over, right? You and I are over, aren’t we? Please Hakyeon, let me live my own life and I’ll let you to do so. You have Ara and I have Taekwoon, and see? I have this thing on my finger to remind you that I belong to someone else.” I show Hakyeon the silver engagement ring that Taekwoon bought for me when he proposed me a month ago, the same thing which is now lingering around his ring finger.

The door jerks open and I quickly run away before Hakyeon could see my tears. I see Taekwoon and Ara who are still talking about the venue and slowly approach them with my brain barely working. I can still feel those lips, Hakyeon’s lips which landed softly on mine. I can clearly remember those eyes, those pleading eyes which begged for the chance. I just can’t get rid off of him because Cha Hakyeon is still Cha Hakyeon, the one who is able to turn my world upside down.

“Why were you taking it so long? Are you okay? You look so pale.” Ara bombards me with questions once I take my seat. I look around to search for Hakyeon’s presence but he doesn’t seem to be here yet. “Ah, no. Nothing happened. I’m okay.” I manage to calm. Taekwoon looks at me with his eyes full of worry. He squeezes my hand and I do the same to reassure him that there’s nothing to be worried for.

“Where is… Hakyeon?” I ask, feeling the sudden lump inside my throat when I say his name. “He said he wanted to call his colleague, I don’t know. He hasn’t come back yet.” The petite girl shrugs, then takes a sip of her melon squash. I look at Taekwoon once again, and the latter replies with a smile; the smile which is barely shown to other people, the smile that can heal the wound, but is not enough to repair my already broken heart.

I, once again feel bad for him. For loving me till this part, for taking care of me till this time, and for being here by my side. I know Taekwoon doesn’t deserve this. He deserves better than just loving someone who doesn’t even know how to love him back. He’s too good for me.

After what seems like an eternity, we decide to end this lunch with no presence of Hakyeon. Thank God, or everything would have gone really awkward. He said there’s something going on with his project so he needed to come back to his studio. Taekwoon and I bid goodbye to Ara and tell her we’ll be going to meet on Wednesday to discuss about the venue, and the short haired girl agrees.

“You seem to be dazing out really often today, what’s wrong?” Taekwoon asks once we arrive at my house. It’s already past seven in the evening and my parents usually go to the grandma’s house on Saturday and won’t be back before Sunday. It seems like they do it again tonight. “I’m just…. tired?” I answer without thinking.

I pull out the spare key from my purse and unlock the door. “Is it okay i