A/N: I apologize for mistakes. Updated via phone and unedited so it's inevitable. Will edit someday. Hopefully. (but not really-)

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Lilacs were his favorite flowers.

They were supposed to symbolize innocence, youth, the experience of first love.

Lilacs were Sehun's favorite flowers. At least, it used to be.

He doesn't necessarily loathe them, but he just can't stand the sight. It reminds him of the painful reality he irreversibly needs to face. Sehun's never been one to put on a brave face nor keep secrets, but with the changes in life, he needs to cope.

It started one snowy December evening. He had just come home from meeting his friends at a nearby restaurant for dinner-- an early Christmas celebration since most of them would be spending the Holidays with family. It had been fun, he recalls vaguely talking and joking with the odd bunch he considers as friends. They had all been there, save for one, but Jongin had a flair for the dramatic and always insisted that grand entrances were the way to go, so it came as no surprise.

Everyone's already dug in, presents contently set beside them when Jongin bursts into the place, a bag overflowing with messily-wrapped presents in hand as he dramatically makes his presence known. It still manages to amuse some of them, but Sehun only rolls his eyes, far too used to the older's antics-- that's what happens when you've know the bloody idiot since diaper days. What surprises him, though, is the significantly short boy trailing behind his best friend, a shy, hesitant smile on his face as he peeks from behind Jongin.

Kyungsoo is his name, Sehun learns as Junmyeon ushers the newcomers to the table, and he was Jongin's plus one. There wasn't really an unspoken rule about bringing dates, but as far as Sehun could remember, it's always been just their circle of oddballs. He couldn't really tell if it was just him, but the fact that another person was added to their group made him feel a little awkward.

Or maybe that was just the ugly side of him acting out with the influence of the green eyed monster.

He wouldn't dare admit out loud, but he's always been somewhat protective when it came to Jongin. The sudden introduction shouldn't have bothered him as much as it did, but the ache in his chest was a constant reminder that everything happening in front of him felt so wrong.

Jongin looked so happy, and content, and in love.

Sehun couldn't decide which was worse-- that Jongin was in love with someone not him, or the fact that Jongin probably never even seemed to take notice of him other than 'best buddy' material.

He had fallen all too quiet that Luhan had to ask him if something was wrong to bring him back to his senses. Sehun denies, whispering back a flimsy 'just a bit under the weather' excuse, earning a shrug and a reminder to take medicines, especially with his history of sick