Sehun stares at his reflection in the mirror. He has been staring for a while now. He doesn't know what he is waiting to see. The dullness in his eyes won't leave, it has arrived since last month and won't go away. 

He lets his eyes drift from his gaze to the blood trickling down his chin. It's color is brighter than what comes out of an injury he gets at any other part of his body. He guesses it makes sense, this one comes right out of his lungs, in the company of big tinted pink magnolia petals. 

He notes that his blood doesn't stain them and that is beautiful as much as it's terrifying. 

Sehun doesn't blame the magnolia for wanting to grow in him. He doesn't blame the person he likes for not liking him back. He doesn't blame his feelings because they give him happiness as much as they give him pain. 

He blames himself for falling in love with another boy. He blames himself for liking someone he doesn't even know more than a good morning and a goodnight, because he never had the courage to ask him out. He blames himself for being the coward he is. 

There is another coughing fit coming up and  he does his best not to tumble over, shrink in himself and cry. He wants this to stop. The magnolia petals are unforgiving and each passing day he feels the roots of the flower taking over whatever little space is left on his lungs. 

He vomits the petals and he pants. His eyes staring down at the red dots on the white porcelain sink, he wishes all this would end with a happy ending but it feels more hopeless than it should. 

There is a knock on the bathroom door and Sehun flitches. The voice coming from the other end sounds worried and even though muffled from the door between them Sehun recognises it all too well. 

He lets out a pained moaned and grabs hard at his shirt as another wave of coughing and throwing up hugs his lungs. He hates this. 

He wonders how he can love someone he doesn't know. How can he grow such huge feelings that the plant in him is suffocating him, is killing him. 

He doesn't know. 

He splashes cold water to his face. He fixes himself to seem presentable, he flushes away the petals and opens the door. 

There he is. The one who doesn't love him back, his downfall. Sehun hates him for wearing such worry on his face. For sounding so hopeless, just like Sehun feels. 

Sehun pushes past him, dismissing the other with a small "I'm fine" as he goes back to his post. The latter stares at him walking away, something tagging at his heart. 

He turns around, spies inside the small bathroom tries to find anything out the ordinary. He finds a petal, fallen near the sink; he briefly wonders how it ended down there. He dismisses it, throwing it on the small bin near the sink; he has to go back to his post, he's there for work, not gardening. 

~

It was after a bad seizure, a month later that Sehun decided to have the surgery. 

He found it sad that he remembered the feelings but he didn't feel them anymore. He willed himself not to think about it. It was for his own good. 

No more night terrors, no more seizures, no more magnolia petals. 

He could now breath again, live again, no more pain. 

Maybe the loss of feeling was what gave him the courage to the his no-longer crush about it. He pulls him over at break, he doesn't feel anything but emptiness even though the other smiles at him brightly. 

"I like you" the words spill out and he frowns slightly at the words, he is too occupied with correcting himself that he doesn't notice the other's smile widening even more. 

"I'm sorry" he apologizes and the smile drops, confusion taking over. "I meant to say I liked you" Sehun corrects himself and confusion slowly turns to a frown. "I had the Hanahaki Disease" he doesn't feel like explaining what it is, the latter can search it later at the internet if he really wants to. "But I did the operation.." he sighs, turns slowly towards the glass door some meters to their front. "I can't feel anything towards you anymore, I guess we can be at least friends if you would like to hung out at some point" he mumbles and he doesn't know why he still wants to keep some kind of ties with the other boy but he guesses it's the least he can do to appease the lost part of himself. Appease the magnolias. 

"S..sure" the latter replies. 

Sehun turns to smile at him, glad they can at least hung even if he doesn't feel anything for him anymore. Even if Sehun is a shell of his former self. But the other is not there and Sehun blinks confused. 

He doesn't know what to think, so he goes back to his post for now. 

~

Chanyeol stares at his reflection in the mirror. Blood trickles down his chin and he tags at a petal to remove it from his mouth. It had stuck on his velum but he manages to pull it out. He laughs at how the petals don't get any stains from his blood. 

He cries but he doesn't make any sound. He should have guessed it was too good to be true, the other boy was suffering just like him a lot longer than he has. 

He decides he deserves this. For not speaking sooner, for not trying to talk to other more, for just smiling from the other side of the room, for not trying at all. Such a coward. 

He deserves this. 

He will roll with it, till he can't anymore and he will need the surgery too, just so he can live with the knowledge that all of this could have been avoided only if he didn't wait for someone else to make the first move. 

He deserves this. The pain. The tears. The blood. 

The magnolia petals.