BE WITH YOU.

 

 

Phase I: He left.

 

When he — Mark Tuan — decided to call it quits and leave Choi Youngjae and their two (adopted) children, Nayeon and Jeongyeon, he didn’t leave anything behind but painful memories when nights turned into days of fighting and days turned into nights of drinking, when he would come home, completely drunk, and call Youngjae his “dream wrecker”, and when their children would run behind Youngjae because Mark was being too mean.

 

It has always been his dream to build his own architectural firm, like what he promised his late father, but when they decided to get married and build their family, the dream fleeted and fleeted away from his grasp until bills that need to be paid keeps on piling up and their children going to school is deemed more important that what he promised his late father.

 

“He probably forgot that he promised his father to take care of me, too,” Youngjae mournfully mutters over another shot of tequila. It was the night after Mark decided to leave and he was drinking with his workmate and friend, Taehyung.

 

It wasn’t that bad in the beginning. It was all good in the beginning.

 

After they got married, it was all sweet kisses when they woke up in the morning and passionate nights after they got home from work. Bacon and toast for breakfast was just a side dish for the warmth they always loved when they cuddle, deciding whether or not work was worth to leave their bed and each other. When they decided to have a kid two years after they got married, it was something they’ve both always wanted.

 

Nayeon was only three years old then. She was a considerate kid, all good.

 

But Jeongyeon was her second skin. She loves Mark and Youngjae but she also loves Jeongyeon and she would never leave Jeongyeon behind.

 

They got Nayeon and Jeongyeon at the same time. While Nayeon was prim, Jeongyeon was more naughty. She would always play tricks on her older sister and sometimes, it’d be too much — but nothing too much that a kiss on the cheek and a simple but sincere “I’m sorry” can’t fix.

 

“How’s Nayeon and Jeongyeon?” Taehyung quietly asks, sipping for himself a light mixture of whiskey and vermouth.

 

“The kids are alright,” Youngjae fondly answers. “I guess they miss Mark but they don’t miss seeing him loath me as if I am his life’s biggest mistake.”

 

“Do you know where Mark is?”

 

“Do I want to?” he gives a wry smile. “I loved him, Taehyung. And I still do, honestly. But he left me. He left me and our children. He doesn’t want me, us, anymore.”

 

It didn’t happen overnight. He didn’t give up on their marriage over night. It was a long, difficult process of accepting that his husband was getting more and more estranged from him and he did everything he could to make it somehow work. Even just a little. He almost thought of quitting his job that was putting food on their table to get several jobs that would allow him to feed his family when Mark told him he would be quitting his job as an architecture on someone else’s firm to build his own. It was Mark’s selfish decision but he wanted to support him anyway, if they can still have him.

 

But he did so much already. He couldn’t do anything anymore for someone who left, could he?

 

What he can do is live and work for their — his children now. Mark had filed a divorce and he would be signing them willingly as soon as he gets home.

 

 

Phase II: Without him.

 

It wasn’t easy at first. Nayeon was only nine and Jeongyeon was only eight when Mark left. After six years of being a parent with someone, it wasn’t easy at all to suddenly be a parent of two alone. But he loves Nayeon and Jeongyeon more than anything (or anyone) in the world. They were probably his saving grace when Mark left him — his children because for them, Youngjae thinks he can possibly do anything.

 

He wasn’t sure how he was holding up. He would wake up at five in the morning to prepare breakfast and lunch for the three of them and to make sure that the kids wake up on time at six. They have to leave home at seven to arrive on time for work and school. In the afternoon, he would leave office at exactly five because the kids’ classes end at three and he didn’t want them to wait any longer.

 

“Appa!” Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s shrills of excitement when they see him was nothing compared to the stress and fatigue he was feeling two months now after Mark left them.

 

Youngjae’s face immediately brightened and he opened his arms to hold his daughters, kissing both of them on their head and picking them up from the ground. His body was literally craving for rest but he wouldn’t trade this kind of warmth for anything.

 

“How’s school?” he asked them.

 

“Jeongyeon didn’t eat her carrots!” Nayeon immediately said.

 

“I’m not a bunny like you!” Jeongyeon proclaimed, laughing as she hugged her daddy tighter.

 

“Am not a bunny!” Nayeon shouted.

 

“Is a bunny!”

 

“Am not!”

 

“Is!”

 

“Okay then,” Jeongyeon suddenly said.

 

Nayeon grinned triumphantly.

 

“You’re a rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit!”

 

Nayeon shouted angrily at her sister and it kind of deafened Youngjae. Jeongyeon was still laughing when he put both of them down. He looked dearly at them and waited for them to calm down. Nayeon was already teary eyed and Jeongyeon was already looking apologetic.

 

“Jeongyeon,” he calmly began. “Bunnies or rabbits aren’t the only ones who eat carrots. I eat carrots. Am I a bunny?”

 

The younger girl looked sorry at him as she mutters. “Nope, appa.”

 

“And do you really think your sister’s a bunny?” Youngjae continued.

 

Jeongyeon gave her older sister a glance and looked down. “Nope, appa.”

 

“Or a rabbit?”

 

“Nope, appa.”

 

“We eat carrots because it’s good for our eyes,” he further explained. “Not because we are bunnies or rabbits, okay?”

 

Jeongyeon slowly nodded her head.

 

“If someone else teases your sister a bunny, will you feel good?”

 

The younger girl shook her head.

 

“Because you are sisters, you have to look out for each other when daddy is not around, right? If someone sees you teasing your sister, they will think it’s alright and they might do the same. Your sister might get hurt. Do you want that?”

 

“No,” Jeongyeon slowly said.

 

“You have to protect each other,” Youngjae continues, giving them a warm smile. “So when I’m away —”

 

Suddenly, Jeongyeon’s eyes water and she was the one who was crying instead of Nayeon. “Would appa also go away? Like appa?” She was talking about Mark, of course.

 

And upon the thought, Nayeon was also crying.

 

The moment broke Youngjae’s heart. “Oh, no, no,” he quickly said, pulling both of them into a tight embrace. “I’m not. I’m not going anywhere. Don’t cry. Appa is not going to leave you. Appa is not going anywhere.”

 

Jeongyeon slightly pulled away. “Promise? I won’t tease Nayeon-eonni anymore. I promise. Please, don’t go away, appa.”

 

“I won’t,” Youngjae promised.

 

“Promise?” Nayeon said again.

 

“I promise,” he told them, hugging them tighter. “Don’t cry anymore, okay? I promise appa is not going anywhere.”

 

Nayeon and Jeongyeon hugged him back as if their life defended on it. He could give up anything in this world but his daughters’ smiles. It broke his heart that they were this scared that he would leave them because they already saw someone important leaving at such a young age. They were never meant to get hurt this young. No kid is.

 

He promised himself then that he would never let anything or anyone hurt them. He’d die protecting them as any father would to his daughters. With or without Mark.

 

 

Phase III: Help.

 

“How are you?” Jisoo concernedly asked.

 

“Alright, I guess,” he answered with a tired smile.

 

She looked concernedly at him. She was an old friend of him and Mark — and also Nayeon’s homeroom teacher now. She’s been giving extra hand to Nayeon and Jeongyeon and sometimes, she would take them at home first when Youngjae was late to pick them up after school.

 

It was after a parents’ meeting when she was able to ask how Youngjae was doing three months after Mark left them.

 

“Are the kids having trouble?” Youngjae worriedly asked.

 

“Oh, no,” she immediately answered. “Nayeon and Jeongyeon are both smart girls. They are excelling in all of their subjects.”

 

He smiled.

 

“I’m worried about you,” Jisoo continued.

 

“Me? I’m okay,” Youngjae said again but it was not convincing enough.

 

He knew his eyes were dark and he is getting thinner every day. Sleep was already an option because he would rather keep his eyes open than have nightmares of someone taking his daughters away or hurting them in the meanest way. Overworking himself was better than thinking of the infinite possibilities of separating from Nayeon and Jeongyeon.

 

He knew it was an irrational thought. His divorce case with Mark concluded a month ago and he has full custody over their children. That was his only condition with Mark and he was more than willing to give it to him because his dream was more important. But what if social workers found him unfit to be their father? What if they force him to let his daughters go? What if Nayeon and Jeongyeon can’t adjust without him?

 

Jisoo stared at him long enough.

 

“What?” Youngjae finally asked.

 

“I know this babysitter,” she began.

 

“I can handle my kids fine, Jisoo,” he quickly interrupted her.

 

“I know you can,” she answered. “But you don’t seem to be very good at handling yourself, oppa. I know it’s been four months already but you are vanishing! You need help.” She looked at him with sympathy. “He’s actually my cousin and he’s good with kids.”

 

He understood she was only trying to help but he couldn’t think of leaving his kids with a stranger.

 

“Just meet him first, will you?” Jisoo tried to convince him.

 

He had said no then. But it became inevitable two weeks later when the company made him attend a seminar at Jeju for three school days. He had been dodging overnight seminar for months and the company just wouldn’t take no for an answer now.

 

“Oppa,” Jisoo answered the phone after the second right.

 

“I have this seminar at Jeju for three days, Jisoo,” he explained immediately. “Can your cousin look after my kids for three days? It’s just for three days and —”

 

“His name is Jinyoung. Park Jinyoung. I’ll send you his number.”

 

 

Phase IV: Jinyoung-ahjussi.

 

He was supposed to leave on Sunday but he decided to stay until Monday morning because he wasn’t sure how to leave his daughters even temporarily with a stranger. Before, when he had to leave for a few days, his heart wasn’t heavy because he knew Nayeon and Jeongyeon would be fine with Mark. This was the first time he was going to leave them with a complete stranger and he wasn’t sure what he was feeling.

 

When he met Jinyoung, who was a couple of years older than him, his first question was, “Are you married?”

 

It surprised the older man who gently shook his head and answered, “No. Why?”

 

“How are you good with kids as Jisoo said?”

 

Jinyoung nodded in understanding before explaining, “I was an elementary school teacher before I decided to quit teaching to pursue music. I’m a freelance singer now so I use my free time to babysit.”

 

Youngjae looked at him with eyes full of suspicion. “Nayeon is my older and Jeongyeon is my younger. They wake up at six during school days and finish school at three in the afternoon. I usually pick them around five to five-thirty and they are done with their homework then. You can pick them up at three and help them with their homework at home. We eat dinner at seven and they go to bed at nine.”

 

“Jeongyeon doesn’t like vegetables. She is a picky eater with vegetables. Nayeon isn’t but Nayeon is allergic with peanuts and shrimps. She’s get really itchy if she eats even a little bit of it. They can watch TV until nine but they have to be by bed after. Their uniforms are already ironed and I bought groceries in the fridge. Don’t forget to lock the doors and the windows and check on them before going to sleep.”

 

“Nayeon likes SNSD’s songs. Jeongyeon loves Lilo and Stitch. And —” Youngjae notices Jinyoung smiling. “What?”

 

“We’ll be fine, Youngjae-sshi,” Jinyoung told him because everything Youngjae was telling him now, he already told him yesterday afternoon when he arrived at their house. As a matter of fact, Jinyoung already listed everything Youngjae said.

 

Youngjae looked at him worriedly. “They’re only nine and eight. They get scared easily and sometimes, they get tantrums but they are good kids. They are not much trouble. Please, just — Just take care of them for three days for me, please.” He was pleading now.

 

“I will,” Jinyoung said with a gentle smile. “I promise.”

 

He stared at him because no one makes promises with him anymore after Mark left besides his children. With heavy heart, he left his daughters and their house at four in the morning to make it to Jeju at eight to Jinyoung.

 

Three days was long even though he was constantly checking on Nayeon and Jeongyeon by calling to their house every morning and evening. It was like he went abroad and wouldn’t be back for three years because their calls would usually consist of a lot of “I miss you, appa” and “When are you coming home, appa?”

 

He was supposed to be relaxing at Jeju like his workmates but all he could think about what his daughters.

 

“I’m home!!!” It was the only thing he wanted to say for three days and boy, was he glad he finally said it on Wednesday night after two cruel nights of being away from home.

 

The room was dark and no one was running to him like Nayeon and Jeongyeon would. Youngjae was beginning to panic because of the hundreds thoughts that were making his mind go crazy. What if Jinyoung was a serial killer? What if he killed Nayeon and Jeongyeon? What if he wasn’t the person Jisoo thought he was? What if social workers already took Nayeon and Jeongyeon because they thought Youngjae already left them? What if —

 

“SURPRISE!!!” There was suddenly a colorful rain of confetti falling to his face when the lights open and Nayeon and Jeongyeon ran to hug him.

 

Youngjae has never been so closed to crying after four months since Mark left.

 

“I missed you, appa!” the two little girls tightly hugged their father.

 

“Oh, I missed you two spouts very much,” Youngjae hugged them back.

 

Jinyoung walked towards them, starting to clean up the mess of confetti on the floor, smiling at the scene.

 

“We have spaghetti, appa!” Jeongyeon proudly announced. “I helped Jinyoung-ahjussi!”

 

“I helped, too!” Nayeon raised her hand as if she was on a classroom.

 

“You both did?” Youngjae fondly messed their hair a little. He didn’t even realize how much he missed them until now. He both picked them up and carried them. It was only then that he was able to see Jinyoung.

 

“Welcome back, Youngjae-sshi,” he smiled at him.

 

It was probably the first time he felt like smiling genuinely at Jinyoung. “You cooked spaghetti?”

 

“Yeah, well,” Jinyoung began, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. “It was the fastest we could pull off in such a short time and the girls were eager to surprise you. They both really helped.” He lightly laughed and they both understood how a nine and an eight year old kid could help with spaghetti. “I’ll just clean this up and I’ll go.”

 

“No, eat with us,” Youngjae immediately said. It was only friendly.

 

“It’s alright, Youngjae-sshi,” Jinyoung began.

 

“Eat with us, Jinyoung-ahjussi!” Nayeon said again.

 

“Eat with us, Jinyoung-ahjussi!” Jeongyeon concurred.

 

That night was the first time someone sat on Mark’s seat for a meal. That was the first time there were four people in the dining table instead of three. Youngjae looked at his daughters who were eagerly messing their mouth with spaghetti sauce because the noodles was delicious and was thankful that they didn’t realize what he just did. After four months, sometimes, it would still come to him during late nights when he would check on Nayeon and Jeongyeon or early mornings when he was preparing breakfast that Mark was gone.

 

The kids watched TV after eating dinner and Youngjae helped Jinyoung with the dishes.

 

“How were they?” Youngjae asked.

 

“They were good kids, as you said they were,” Jinyoung said with a fond smile. “I could kind of understand how difficult it was for you to leave them.”

 

“Yes, but some people actually find it easy to leave them,” Youngjae found himself saying before thinking about it properly and he caught himself just in time to look at Jinyoung’s sympathetic eyes. Those weren’t eyes of pity but somehow saying “It’s hard but you’ll get through this”. “Sorry, sometimes I just slip and —”

 

“You don’t have to apologize, Youngjae-sshi,” Jinyoung immediately said. “This is your house. You can pretty much say whatever you want.” He smiled.

 

“Thank you, Jinyoung-sshi,” he said, smiling back. That was the first time he called him by his name and strangely so, it didn’t feel so strange.

 

“Nayeon, Jeongyeon, say goodbye to Jinyoung-ahjussi,” Youngjae called to his kids when their babysitter was about to leave.

 

The two girls immediately ran towards the door and Jeongyeon looked up with squinted eyes. “Jinyoung-ahjussi is not staying?” she innocently asked.

 

Youngjae and Jinyoung exchanged glances.

 

Jinyoung kneeled down and held Jeongyeon’s shoulder. “I’ll visit you, okay? Would you like that?” Then, he looked at Youngjae, “If appa allows?”

 

Jeongyeon profusely nodded.

 

They waved goodbye with the promise that Jinyoung would visit Jeongyeon and Nayeon. Youngjae closed the door and carried both of his daughters. He wasn’t sure how he was carrying both of them but he didn’t like carrying one of them and just holding the hand of the other.

 

“Do you like Jinyoung-ahjussi?” he asked them.

 

“He sings beautiful songs to us, appa,” Nayeon said. “His voice is beautiful and he is kind.”

 

“He helps me draw!” Jeongyeon added. “He’s not very good at it though but he cooks delicious food.”

 

Youngjae lightly chuckled.

 

“He also plays with me and Jeongyeon,” Nayeon continued. “And he told us to continue being kind because appa is kind.”

 

“He said that?”

 

Nayeon nodded.

 

“You like him?”

 

They both nodded.

 

“More than appa?” Youngjae smiled.

 

Their shouts of arguments that they love him more than anything or anyone in the world can probably be heard until the next block until Youngjae said, “I love the two of you more than anything or anything in the world, too.” He kissed them goodnight and lightly went to bed himself.

 

It has been so long since he felt this kind of serenity.

 

 

Phase IV: Family.

 

It was three weeks later when they saw Jinyoung on the grocery.

 

“Ahjussi!” Nayeon and Jeongyeon came hopping and running towards him.

 

He immediately smiled when he saw the two running towards him as their father quickly followed with their cart of goods. He picked the two of them together like Youngjae would, not wanting either to be left on the ground.

 

“Nayeon, Jeongyeon, how are you? I missed you!” Jinyoung fondly said.

 

“We missed ahjussi, too!” Jeongyeon said, hugging him tighter on the neck.

 

“How’s appa?” Jinyoung asked the girls.

 

“Appa?” Nayeon said with wonder in her eyes. “Appa is okay.”

 

The baby sitter smiled as he put them down because Youngjae was a couple of feet away from them already. “Hello, Youngjae-sshi,” he greeted with a warm smile.

 

“Jinyoung-sshi,” Youngjae greeted back. “You’re also buying groceries? It’s the first time we saw you here.”

 

“Yeah, well,” Jinyoung said, scratching the back of his head, “I live alone so I don’t need groceries that much.”

 

Youngjae listened and for a moment, neither adult said anything. Nayeon and Jeongyeon looked at the two of them until Jeongyeon got tired and she pulled her father’s hand towards the sweets and Nayeon quickly followed.

 

“See you, Jinyoung-sshi,” Youngjae said.

 

“See you, Youngjae-sshi.”

 

It was one week later when Youngjae had another seminar at Busan.

 

The following month, he had two seminars at Busan and at Daegu. One of them was for an entire week. He was going crazy because the most he was away was for three days. Jinyoung was the first name to enter his mind to leave his children with ever since that seminar on Jeju two months ago.

 

“Call me if something happens,” that was the only thing Youngjae said now unlike an entire book of reminders he told Jinyoung twice the first time Jinyoung babysat his daughters. He still looked worriedly at him but there was now assurance in his eyes that Jinyoung will take care of his kids.

 

“I will,” Jinyoung answered. “You’ll be late. You must go now.”

 

“Right,” Youngjae said.

 

He was about to leave already when Jinyoung called him quietly because it was only three in the morning then and Nayeon and Jeongyeon (and the entire neighborhood) were practically still in their dreams. He was holding Youngjae’s laptop that he almost forgot on the couch and a packed kimbap.

 

“Thanks,” Youngjae said. “My presentation’s here. I’m dead if I forgot this.”

 

Jinyoung nodded with a smile.

 

“What’s this?” he asked about the packed lunch.

 

“Food?” Jinyoung answered, smiling.

 

Youngjae lightly laughed.

 

“In case you get hungry on travel,” Jinyoung told him.

 

Youngjae looked at him and for a moment, he wanted to reach out to him to hold his hand and squeeze it. But he remembered he was running late and this person in front of him was his daughters’ babysitter. Nothing more. “Thanks,” he settled for that.

 

It was after his one week seminar and he arrived home to Jinyoung hiding behind the couch when he asked him.

 

“Jinyoung-sshi, what are you doing?” Youngjae asked in confusion.

 

Jinyoung grabbed his hand and pulled him down beside him before answering. “We’re playing hide-and-seek, Youngjae-sshi. Nayeon’s looking for me and Jeongyeon now.”

 

He stared at him for a long time, unaware of the other things he has in mind but the thought that this man was kneeling behind the couch with him, holding his hand and telling him to be quiet because he was playing hide-and-seek with his daughters.

 

“Do you want to stay with us?” he asked without more thinking.

 

Jinyoung didn’t think he heard him right. He glanced at him and asked, “What?”

 

“Do you want to stay with us?” Youngjae repeated his question. “I mean, you can still pursue music. Just stay with Nayeon and Jeongyeon when I’m not home, pick them up at school at exactly three so they wouldn’t have to wait two more hours. Be their full time babysitter?”

 

“Are you serious?” Jinyoung couldn’t help asking.

 

“If you don’t want to, I don’t want to impose,” Youngjae began, suddenly feeling unsure.

 

“I do want to, Youngjae-sshi,” Jinyoung interrupted him quickly. “I’m asking if you are serious.”

 

Youngjae looked at his eyes. “I’m serious.”

 

“Ahjussi!” Nayeon suddenly appeared on top of the couch and was surprised when her daddy was also behind the couch with Jinyoung. She immediately jumped from the top of the couch down and yelled, “Appa!”

 

That was the signal for Jeongyeon to show herself wherever she was hiding to run towards her father.

 

“You sprouts missed me?” Youngjae hugged the two of them.

 

Nayeon and Jeongyeon nodded.

 

“Will Jinyoung-ahjussi leave now?” Jeongyeon asked sadly.

 

Youngjae and Jinyoung exchanged glances.

 

“Do you want me to stay?” Jinyoung softly asked.

 

Like how they would with everything in their lives right now, they turned to Youngjae. Nayeon asked, “Can ahjussi stay, appa?”

 

“Do you want him to?” Youngjae asked his daughters.

 

“I want the four of us to stay forever!” Jeongyeon answered.

 

“Me, too!” Nayeon agreed.

 

“Well, if Jinyoung-ahjussi is okay with it, I’m okay with it,” Youngjae finally said.

 

It took some time for Youngjae to adjust waking up at six not to cook breakfast but to kiss his daughters good morning first thing in the morning because toast and bacon was already ready for their breakfast at the dining table. It took some time for him to get used to someone welcoming him and his daughters home when Jinyoung didn’t have anything to do for the evening. It took some time for him to adjust to waiting for someone home in the evening to.

 

Usually, before, Mark would send him a message telling him to go to bed without him. And he would still wait because that’s just how Youngjae was to Mark. He would wait for him no matter how much he told him to go to bed first.

 

“I write songs,” Jinyoung told Youngjae one morning when the kids were still asleep. “When they don’t sell, I sing at bars or festivals. Wherever they need someone to sing something. I dream of producing my own album someday.”

 

“I haven’t heard you sing,” Youngjae said.

 

“You haven’t?”

 

“Nayeon and Jeongyeon told me you sing to them a lot but I haven’t heard you sing.”

 

“Would you like to hear me sing right now?”

 

“Now?” Youngjae asked, surprised. Then, he shrugged. It was a Saturday morning anyway. “Why not?”

 

You have different eyes

Among people who want others to be perfect

I know that beyond your mask

You are the only person who sees my true intentions

 

I can’t, it hurts too much

My face gets red even though I don’t have a fever

I can’t anymore

Honestly, I want to be just a man in front of you

 

If you’re okay with me like this

I’ll throw away everything and come to you

It hurts too much

My face gets red even though I don’t have a fever

 

When Jinyoung finished singing, there was something in his eyes that wasn’t lost in Youngjae’s.

 

“Did you write that?” Youngjae broke the silence.

 

“Yeah,” Jinyoung said. “I tried selling it but no one wanted it.” He chuckled a little.

 

“I would.”

 

“Too bad you’re not a producer, Youngjae-sshi.”

 

“Too bad,” Youngjae laughed along wit him.

 

It was one evening when Youngjae arrived home late to see Jinyoung talking to some guy. He looked like he was discussing something funny because of how close they were. Without meaning to, he kind of slammed the door, surprising Jinyoung and the guy he was with.

 

“Youngjae-sshi, this is Jimin,” Jinyoung immediately said. “Jimin, this is Youngjae-sshi, my employer.”

 

“Are Nayeon and Jeongyeon already asleep?”

 

Jinyoung looked surprised to see Youngjae mad. He wasn’t sure what happened at work but work never seemed to upset Youngjae that much. “Yes, they’re already asleep,” he quietly answered. “Jimin and I were just talking about our new song —”

 

“It’s okay. I’ll go to bed,” Youngjae interrupted him and went upstairs. He wasn’t even sure what he was mad about. He was just mad.

 

He really was supposed to go to bed already but not before kissing Nayeon and Jeongyeon goodnight. He quietly went inside their room and said his goodnight, slightly waking Nayeon up but she quickly went back to sleep. He looked at his daughters and still saw them as his purpose in life. He still wouldn’t trade them for anything or anyone in this world.

 

He told himself he should stick that thought in his mind instead of getting mad for no particular reason.

 

Jinyoung was outside the kids’ room when he went out.

 

“Did your friend leave already? I’m sorry I was a bit impolite earlier to your friend,” Youngjae began.

 

Jinyoung looked at him and didn’t say anything.

 

“I was just tired with work,” Youngjae continued.

 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you he was coming,” Jinyoung apologized as well. “I should have called you or asked for permission.”

 

“You don’t need to ask for my permission or anything, Jinyoung-sshi. You live here pretty much as I do,” Youngjae told him.

 

“Yes, but —“

 

“It’s okay. Goodnight.”

 

“Why were you mad?”

 

“I wasn’t. I was just tired.”

 

“Were you jealous?”

 

“What?!”

 

“I figured because we were sitting so close,” Jinyoung continued, staring at Youngjae’s eyes and studying it.

 

Youngjae looked away because he was afraid Jinyoung was going to see through him. He maintained his stoic expression and said lastly, “I’m going to sleep. Goodnight, Jinyoung-sshi.”

 

But Jinyoung grabbed his hand and pulled his towards him. “That’s mean, Youngjae-sshi,” he softly said, holding him captive. “You can’t be jealous over nothing because my eyes only see you.”

 

Youngjae’s heart beat in a way it hadn’t beaten for a long time. Longer than when Mark left them. He buried his face on Jinyoung’s shoulder and they stayed like that for a couple of minutes before the door opened and they almost jumped their skin. Jeongyeon was rubbing her eyes and was looking innocently at them.

 

Then, she walked towards them and kind of hugged their legs because that’s how far she could reach. “I wanna hug appa and ahjussi, too.”

 

Youngjae can’t help chuckling, letting his younger daughter hug them (their legs) for several seconds before carrying her back to bed. When he was able to put her back to sleep, he quietly went out of the room to still see Jinyoung outside. To be honest, he didn’t have any idea what to say to him after what happened.

 

“You don’t need to answer, Youngjae-sshi,” Jinyoung gave him a small smile. “Goodnight.”

 

“Jinyoung-sshi,” Youngjae began.

 

Jinyoung waited.

 

“I was jealous,” he confessed.

 

Jinyoung’s mouth was open for about ten seconds.

 

“What should I do?” Youngjae asked.

 

And that was the second time Jinyoung hugged him. “Nothing,” he told him softly, “because there was nothing to be jealous of.”

 

This time, Youngjae hugged him back.

 

“Strawberry or blueberry?” Jinyoung asked the kids one Sunday morning when they woke up earlier than usual and he was still preparing their breakfast. He was supposed to prepare fried rice but decided against it because he figured the kids would like pancakes more. Maybe he’d just cook fried rice for Youngjae and him after.

 

“Strawberry!” Jeongyeon happily said at the same time Nayeon said, “Blueberry!”

 

A fight was about to commence just as Youngjae was coming out of the bathroom but Jinyoung quickly said, “How about strawberry for Jeongyeon and ahjussi and blueberry for Nayeon and appa?”

 

The kids nodded at the idea and they watched Jinyoung make pancakes and waffles for them.

 

Youngjae kissed Nayeon and Jeongyeon’s head and settled beside them, watching Jinyoung cook as well. It was endearing how Jinyoung would let Nayeon and Jeongyeon taste some strawberries and blueberries that he was going to put on the waffles and pancakes. Youngjae couldn’t help himself smiling.

 

It has been six months now. He couldn’t understand how they were holding up — but no, he quickly changed his mind. He kind of understood how they were holding up. Nayeon and Jeongyeon were his life’s treasures but they had some help. Jisoo was always asking how they were doing and was always ready to give a helping hand. She introduced them to Jinyoung.

 

Life wasn’t bad at all. Life couldn’t be entirely bad at all.

 

Mark left. But he was still here with his kids. And now, with Jinyoung.

 

“How about appa?” Jinyoung’s sweet voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts.

 

Youngjae blinked his eyes at the blueberry that was approaching his mouth. He carefully chewed as he looked at Jinyoung’s expectant eyes. “Delicious,” he said with a grin.

 

Jinyoung smiled back.

 

“How about we go picnic today?” Youngjae suddenly suggested.

 

“Family picnic!” Nayeon yelled happily.

 

Youngjae and Jinyoung exchanged smiles again as the kids excitedly talk about their family picnic.

 

 

Phase V: He returned.

 

It was a couple of weeks after when there was an unexpected but understandable shriek from the kitchen too early for a Monday morning. It was only usual for Jinyoung to be up at five in the morning to prepare breakfast for Youngjae and the kids but there weren’t usually shrieks that was included in preparing breakfast unlike this morning.

 

“Who are you?!” Jinyoung looked accusingly at the man who just opened the kitchen door.

 

“Who are you?!” the man accusingly looked back at Jinyoung, dropping his bags on the floor and the keys on the kitchen counter.

 

Youngjae immediately ran downstairs when he heard Jinyoung’s scream and there wasn’t a word to describe what he felt when he saw who was with Jinyoung.

 

“Mark?”

 

Jinyoung looked at him. “He’s Mark?”

 

Mark, at the same time, asked, “Who is he?”

 

Youngjae stared at his former husband hard. He wanted to scream most of all because who was Mark to come back now, after almost seven months, and ask who this person cooking breakfast for him and his children was. He should have changed the keys right after Mark closed the door behind him that night when he decided to pursue his dreams and give up his family.

 

But he didn’t want to give him his anger anymore. He didn’t want to give him anything anymore.

 

“You don’t get to ask that,” he simply said, staring deep in his eyes.

 

Mark opens his mouth to say something but didn’t get to when Nayeon descended from the stairs. He looked at her with longing eyes and wanted to hug her but she only looked at him and ran behind Jinyoung and Youngjae.

 

“Baby, why are you up?” Jinyoung kneeled down to pick her up.

 

“I heard ahjussi scream. I got worried,” Nayeon answered, touching Jinyoung’s face endearingly. “Ahjussi is okay?”

 

Jinyoung softly smiled at that and said, “Ahjussi is okay.”

 

Youngjae didn’t really want Nayeon or Jeongyeon to witness this. This — whatever was going to happen with him and Mark now. He walked towards his older and kissed his daughter’s cheek. “Baby, go with ahjussi upstairs first, okay?”

 

“Appa, is appa back?” Nayeon quietly asked with fear in her eyes.

 

And he hated that. He could live with the thought of Mark leaving him but he couldn’t live seeing fear in his daughters’ eyes because they knew what Mark did to him when he was here.

 

“No, baby, no,” Youngjae immediately said.

 

“No?” Nayeon asked again.

 

“No,” Youngjae shook his head, kissing her on the head.

 

“Appa is not going to get hurt?”

 

Youngjae’s eyes soften and he just wanted to get this deal done with Mark already. He nodded at Jinyoung and gave him a soft smile of gratitude. He only mentioned Mark a couple of times or three to Jinyoung. He told him how he left them to chase after his dreams once. He told him how Mark blamed him. He told him how they met and how he didn’t think his marriage would end up like how it did.

 

“So, are you sleeping with the kids’ babysitter now?” Mark asked.

 

“Leave.”

 

“Are you screwing each other? Did you replace me that easily because you got lonely and couldn’t look for a better choice?”

 

“Leave. Now.”

 

“Couldn’t you even wait? Seriously? Our kids’ babysitter?”

 

“My. Kids.” Youngjae looked at him warningly. “You gave up your rights to call them your kids when you left us and when you asked me to sign the divorce papers seven months ago. Or do you even remember that? What are you doing here, Mark? Why come back? Did your dream materialize already or did you realize now how you not achieving your dream has never been my fault? Which is it? Because I honestly don’t have a goddamn idea why you are in my house or why I am talking to you.”

 

Mark stopped. He didn’t know what to say to that. He probably knew he was going to come back to someone but that someone probably thought he wouldn’t come back anymore when he left and made it clear to him how he was his life’s biggest mistake.

 

He took a couple of step towards the man he promised to spend his lifetime with.

 

Youngjae stepped back. “No. Don’t come near me, Mark.”

 

“Youngjae,” he began.

 

Youngjae shook his head, looking in his eyes with nothing but sheer will to stop this the soonest. He’s not going to make him go mad again. He’s gone beyond that. He has to think of his children and they were now okay. With Jinyoung. Mark was not going to destroy that. He wasn’t going to destroy anything anymore. “Leave now or I’ll call the police.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Mark whispered. “I’m so sorry, Youngjae.”

 

“I don’t care,” Youngjae said. “I don’t care what you think, how you feel. I don’t care if you’re sorry you left us. I don’t care if you’re not. It’s been seven months, Mark. Do you honestly expect me to bat my eyes for you seven months after you left us?”

 

“I was wrong seven months,” Mark began.

 

“You were wrong?” Youngjae couldn’t help but laugh. “You made it clear to me, to us, you weren’t coming back. You made me sign the divorce papers. You have me full custody over our children — and I’d die giving back any to you right now.”

 

“I want to make this right.”

 

“Are you serious? Because the only thing you can do to make this right is you leaving right now.”

 

“Youngjae, please,” Mark pleaded. “Please give me one more chance.”

 

“I gave you more than a hundred chances already, Mark,” Youngjae told him. “Every time you looked at me for those eight years of our marriage as if I was the biggest mistake in your life, as if I was the trash you so wanted to throw away your life, I gave you the chance to make it right.” He took a deep breath so he could look at his eyes. He wanted him to know how he meant every word he was speaking. “But not anymore. It’s over,” he finally said.

 

Mark bit his bottom lip and looked at the ceiling, blinking the stinging pain in his eyes away. He didn’t know it’d hurt this much. He thought this was probably nothing compared to the pain he gave Youngjae for eight years.

 

“Mark.” Youngjae’s voice turned soft. He didn’t mean to hurt him. He didn’t want to hurt him or anybody anymore, including himself. When Mark left him, he thought he wanted to get revenge, to hurt him back as much or even more but now that Mark was standing in front of him, he realized he wanted none of that. He just wanted the best for his children and he knew that wasn’t going to be with Mark.

 

“It’s okay,” Mark said, looking at him again. “It’s okay. I deserve — I deserve those words.”

 

“Mark,” Youngjae began again. “Not everything that happened in our marriage was wrong. I sincerely believe that because it was with you when I got Nayeon and Jeongyeon and they are the best thing that happened in my life.”

 

“And I am the worst,” Mark couldn’t help smiling. He thought he could return but perhaps that’s the thing that makes it hard to leave. It is never certain if you can come back again and he didn’t realize that when he left him.

 

Youngjae didn’t answer.

 

“Can I see them one more time? Please?” Mark asked. “I just wanted to kiss them one last time.”

 

Youngjae looked at him for a few seconds. “Okay,” he whispered.

 

Jinyoung put Nayeon back to sleep already when Mark went upstairs to see Nayeon and Jeongyeon. He couldn’t help but tear up realizing what he lost, not tonight but seven months ago when he decided to leave them for himself. He harshly wiped the tears away from his eyes because he didn’t want to wake Nayeon or Jeongyeon.

 

Youngjae and Jinyoung stood by the kids’ door as Mark kneeled down to touch Nayeon’s hair. Nayeon stirred a little and slightly opened her eyes. It hasn’t been long since she was asleep again.

 

“Appa?” Nayeon whispered. She probably thought she was only dreaming.

 

“Hi, baby,” Mark softly said, kissing her forehead. “Be a good girl always, okay? And take care of appa and Jeongyeon for me. I’ll miss you so much.” He bit his bottom lip again, fearing it might bleed anytime soon because he wanted something to hurt more than his heart was hurting now. He kissed her forehead again before whispering, “Go back to sleep now. I won’t be here anymore when you wake up and you won’t be scared anymore.”

 

Then, he tiptoed towards Jeongyeon who was slipping soundly. He couldn’t help smiling because he could still remember the moment Jeongyeon first slept with them and she didn’t want to sleep at all because she was afraid. Mark had stayed until two in the morning then, telling story after story, until Jeongyeon finally fell asleep.

 

He looked down on his sleeping angel and he didn’t know what to do for a second. “I’ll miss you two so much,” he finally said, kissing Jeongyeon’s forehead as well.

 

He stood up quickly to leave after because if not, he’d probably do something stupid like beg Youngjae to give him one final chance and to take him back. He’d probably let the police take him out of the house because every inch in him wanted to stay.

 

“Goodbye,” he finally said to Youngjae.

 

“Take care of yourself, Mark.”

 

He picked up his bags from where he dropped them, leaving his keys of the house in the kitchen counter. He saw Jinyoung standing outside the door. “Please take care of them.”

 

Jinyoung nodded.

 

“He’s gone?” Youngjae asked when Jinyoung entered the house again.

 

“He’s gone,” Jinyoung said, walking towards Youngjae and giving him a tight hug. “It’s going to be okay, Youngjae-sshi.”

 

“I know,” he whispered, hugging him back. “I know. Because you’re here.”

 

 

Phase VI: Appa and appa.

 

“Jeongyeon, hurry up!” Nayeon called to her sister upstairs. She was wearing a baby blue dress that made her look like a princess. “If we’re late again for this dance, I swear I’ll tell every guy in school you snore like an old man when you sleep.”

 

“And I’ll tell every guy in school your breath stinks,” Jeongyeon hopped on the stairs like a light fairy in yellow dress. She stuck her tongue out to her older sister like she wasn’t a high school junior and ran towards Youngjae. She kissed his cheek before asking, “How do I look, appa?”

 

Youngjae couldn’t believe it’s been ten years now, Nayeon was attending her last prom and Jeongyeon was attending her first and two months later, Nayeon would be going to university. He could honestly feel his back more now and coffee seemed to be more like water nowadays but nothing made getting older more evident that seeing his daughter grown up.

 

“Beautiful,” he told her younger daughter, kissing her cheek back.

 

“More beautiful than Nayeon-eonni?” Jeongyeon grinned.

 

“You’re both beautiful,” Youngjae said.

 

“Are you guys ready?” Jinyoung asked, playing with the car keys on his hands.

 

“Are you really going with us to the dance?” Nayeon asked uncertainly.

 

“Why? You don’t want us to meet someone?” Youngjae was quick to interrogate.

 

“Appa, no,” Nayeon quickly said. “I told you there isn’t someone.”

 

“Just somebody,” Jeongyeon teased.

 

“And you’re not going to be any different, young lady,” Jinyoung said.

 

Jeongyeon made a face. “If I ever have a boyfriend, I’ll tell you about it as soon as it happened, appa,” she said.

 

“Alright, let’s go,” Youngjae said. “We’ll be dropping you off there and pick you up again as soon as it ended, okay?”

 

“What are you going to do while you wait for us?” Nayeon asked.

 

“Maybe we’ll watch a movie,” Youngjae answered.

 

“Can I go with you instead?” Jeongyeon seriously asked. “There’s this really cool movie —”

 

“Wouldn’t want you to miss your first prom, baby,” Jinyoung told her. “You only get to go to this dance twice in your life. We’ll catch the movie again after, okay?”

 

Youngjae smiled.

 

“Appa is in love,” Nayeon sang, teasing her father.

 

“We’re in love,” Jinyoung said, winking at Youngjae. “Now, come along. You’ll be late and we’ll be late for our movie.”

 

Nayeon and Jeongyeon quickly walked outside just as Jinyoung reached his hand to Youngjae. Ten years flew so fast and soon, another ten would fly away just like that but Youngjae knew they were going to be alright because they were together.

 

“What are you thinking?” Jinyoung asked him, kissing his temple.

 

“How I’d wish they won’t grow up so fast,” Youngjae said, “and how we won’t grow old too quick.” He smiled at his husband.

 

Jinyoung kissed his temple again. “I’ll be with you until our hair were both grey,” he whispered.

 

“I know you will.”

 

 

END

 

 

 

A/N: I was unsure how to end this, honestly, but oh well. If I don't finish and post this tonight, this will probably end up in the pile of my To-finish-or-to-post stories. So yeah. This is me trying to write other genres besides angst but angst keeps on dragging me back. Lol. I'll try harder next time. Maybe I'll even be able to write proper fluff who knows.

 

How is the story? I'll probably write some proper 2Yeon, too, if I have another weekend like this one again. Happy Halloween, guys! - EK