You try not to think about it, not during wee hours when you can't sleep, not during dinner time at the dorm, not during precious off days back home.

You try not to think. So that you won't feel.

Its been like this ever since, you'd worry about the coming tests back in the days just like how much your future will hold.

Its in you and you can't help but feel so much.
Much more than Hyungwon who looked more worried than your toothy grin you tried so hard to plaster onto your face first thing in the morning.

Your parents were supportive at first. Years ago when you were a little kid who would dance and sing during school performances and new years. They liked you then, when you waved your chubby arms in an attempt to appear bigger because your little body can't seem to fit the over flowing adrenaline that you get from your little  sing along session.

You wonder what went wrong.

They tell you that you can keep it as a hobby. Your task was to study hard and get into a top university. You remember the slight dip in your heart and decides not to talk about the up coming gig you are performing at.

When your friends from high school were packing for their stay in universities, you too, pack up.

Your destination was an idol agency.

The air in Seoul is cold. You sniffle softly at the back of the moving vehicle. You fall sick that night, your head spins and it's difficult to breath. A hand reaches out for you in the dark, a warm palm lands on your forehead.

"Don't get up, I'll get you some pills..Min..,"

"Minhyuk..,"

The latter scratches his head shyly and walks out.

You remember thanking him the next morning. He smiles in return, the sides of his eyes crinkles.

You learn his name before he could introduce himself.

"Hyunwoo hyung!" Another trainee greeted while he jumped onto his back.

You finally feel the slight tug on your lips after 24 hours.

Training gets tougher. Everything you thought you had knew about was not enough for the real entertainment world. Hyunwoo gives you a little squeeze on your shoulder after the agonising dance lessons.

You know he was being nice but the green eyed monster hidden away claws at the doors of your heart and you can't seem to look at his eyes.

There were 20 of you initially. Fast forward in time and you look around to find that your old converse is no longer stacked over hyunwoo's slippers. You ignore the fear that engulfs your heart and starts to arrange the footwear that had taken over the new empty spot.

"He left without telling us, and he even cleared his bed by himself.."

"This is not right... this is not right.."

You wanted to say something, but the empty bed reminded you of your fear years ago. You settle on the sofa in the living room.

Its a survival vairety show they said. You scoff at the brilliant idea.

You look at the newly added member and silently thank him for being a rapper.

Hyunwoo finds you that night, sitting by the wet laundry in the balcony. He takes your cold hands out from the tub which you were attempting to wash what ever you had stained.

"It's not the first time this happened Minhyuk .." his deep voice echoes in the cramped space.

You kept your lips shut. You don't want to tell him that you're afraid.

He kisses you softly after moments of silence. You can feel his nervousness as he inches away. Your hands act on their own and reaches out to grab hyunwoo by suprise. He let's out a soft gasp as you deepen the kiss. It was not romantic, you had basically no experience and Hyunwoo tries to slow you down, rubbing circles on the exposed skin under the hem of your shirt.

You don't realise that you were crying as you sink your face into the crook of his neck.

--

The show goes on, even if the weather is mercilessly cold and you try your very best to stay warm. Hyunwoo shuffles a little closer to you and stuffs a hot pack into your pocket.

You turn to him with a smile. You don't know how beautiful you looked.

--

 

a/n: and... that is all that i have right now ...this came up to me after listening to tim's i love you.. well.. i wanted to write about minhyuk but it seems like the plot is heading else where... this is my comeback fic i hope AHHAHAHA thanks for reading and lets all ship showhyuk because they are a match made in heaven and on earth and under the deep dark oceans