Pills

pills make me go numb. 

pills make me forget.

pills make me feel good.

i am addicted and i cannot stop.

 -youngjae 10/09/16

youngjae puts down his pen and looks at the clock on his table.

10:23 pm. he then looked at the pill bottle next to his desk.

jaebum wouldn’t be happy to see youngjae on pain pills again but youngjae had the urge to feel good. feel better than he has in a long time.

‘ it’ youngjae mutters, reaching over to grab the pain killers. he opens the top in a record time of 2 seconds, shakes some pills out, and throws them back. he breathes out a sigh of relief when all of them go back without trouble.

in about 3 minutes youngjae feels light headed kind of like his head was swimming. he tries to stand up from his desk but his legs won’t allow him to.

‘’ he attempts to grab his cellphone to dial jaebum’s number but his arm doesn’t move. 

his breathing starts to get more labored as he realizes he can’t move in the slightest bit. he shifts his eyes to the clock sitting on the corner of his desk.

11:03 pm. ‘jaebum should be home in 22 minutes’ he thinks to himself taking in a deep breath to try an calm himself. 

his head still swims.

his body is numb.

he starts to forget why he was so worried in the first place.

youngjae starts to laugh loudly with no reason.

he was finally happy again.

his eyes shift towards the clock once again. 

11:28 pm. ‘why isn’t jaebum home?’ he thinks to himself lolling his head back. 

suddenly he feels his eyes dampen. jaebum wouldn’t be coming back. jaebum died popping pills just like youngjae was.

youngjae wanted to go numb.

youngjae wanted to forget jaebum’s death.

youngjae wanted to feel happy again.

pills are what killed the both of them.

 at least they both went out with no worries in the world. 

- yugyeom 10/11/16