Author’s POV

Being a mentally challenged person is hard, especially if your own enemy is within yourself. We people are very judgmental towards our own kind, may it be physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally, and socially. A person with split personality is hard to deal with, so is a person who constantly forgets things like a short-term memory loss.

But even with serious type of sickness, a person or two can move over if someone is there to support him or her.

An ill person can go with every challenge if their love ones, who truly love them ‘til death, are there to stay by his or her side forever. Love is like a rollercoaster ride, sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s scary, but everytime we ride it up, only one feeling will always stay inside our heart and mind. It’s the adrenaline.

‘Our love has a one of a kind color that only the two of us have and can explain.’

- KryBer

Amber’s POV

“How the hell am I supposed to get there if I’m totally going around in circle all this time?!” I flared over myself as I go back to the same spot I landed my feet onto once I left my bus. Fuming in annoyance towards my stupid self, I ran randomly on every direction my path is leading to. I wasn’t looking at my surroundings so after a swift left turn, a person bumped over me, HARD.

I quickly got up, even though I feel dizzy, so I can help the person I bumped onto. Lending out a hand is all I can do as I stare at her. She’s groaning in pain and a bruise is very visible on her right knee. Panicking because of what I’ve done, I quickly looked for a first-aid kit inside my luggage. “Wait a sec, ok? I’ll treat your wound, just please … don’t be angry at me.” She looked puzzled at me but still nodded while keeping shut.

Once I got the kit, I grabbed her hand and gently pulled her for a seat on the bench of the bus stop. She quietly sat down and stared at me. I prepared the cotton balls with alcohol, antiseptic cream and band aid. I then carefully held her wounded leg and start aiding it.

“Bear it a little. It will be finished immediately.” I said calmly. Once done, I slightly massaged her leg. I raised my head, only to see a very scary and intense glare that can pierce your soul anytime you stare at it.

Without any warning, a hard slap came through my cheek. A sharp shrill was heard before my vision became blurry. “Hey, you ert! Don’t try to act like you’re fainting or something and explain what you are doing to me!” A girl, with cold beautiful face in front of me flared out of nowhere.

‘Oh no, have I done something wrong?! Please, remember it, Amber! Before this girl kills you!!!’

Having no other choice, I kneeled formal and bow down until my head is over the ground. “I’m so sorry if I ever done something! I swear, I can’t remember it and I don’t have any idea!”

Sensing her presence more close to me, I closed my eyes tight. “Hey.” She called out. With opened eyes, I slowly raise my head, now ready for any other hit from her and looked directly at her eyes. It shows no anger anymore but full of worry and guilt.

‘Why? Why should those beautiful cat eyes shows sadness when it was supposed to be glaring furiously at me?’

“I-I haven’t forgiven you, not yet, but if you really want to explain and apologize then … can we go for a drink right now?” She offered with a slight smile on her lips. I don’t understand. My heart is beating fast and it’s very irregular for someone who didn’t run a miles. This unknown and dizzy fickleness, it’s like I’m dazzled over her cold figure. ‘This is ridiculous! I can’t explain it at all!’

“O-ok.” I replied. I felt my cheeks burning with our closeness. I can’t remember anything about what I’ve done, but for now, the thing I’ll only think is this. ’A beautiful girl bumped over a stupid guy and they suddenly had coffee afterwards.’

That day, I explained everything about myself and she somehow forgave me. She then told me things about her. We’re not so different after all. We’re both suffering from an illness we didn’t want to have but unable to take away. She has a split-personality syndrome while I have a short-term memory loss.

By the way, her name is Krystal Jung Soojung and she’s two years younger than me.

She’s also fluent in speaking English like I do. After that event, we started seeing each other and not long after, we became close friends. We had our ups and downs most of the time because of our illnesses, but we fully understand each other’s state so without any farther do, we’re able to immediately work things out. As we get closer together, something here in my heart is growing.

Also, for some reason, everytime my illness attacks me, Krystal is the one and only that come in my mind and never disappears. She’s the only person I don’t, and I can’t, forget no matter how many times my short-term memory loss occurs. You became my special someone.

A day then comes where you said you’re having an interest to this guy who just moved in your neighborhood beside your house. That time, I felt scared and angry at the same time. I don’t understand why but everytime you mentioned him my illness always comes back, though this time … I’m also forgetting about you. The first time that happened, you thought that was only a joke to change the topic, but you saw me giving you an accusing looks, you then became sad.

I somehow remembered everything, somehow remembered what bothered you and I. By then, I’ll come back doing anything and everything for you to forgive me. I know it’s you. My world started escalating all over YOU.

“No matter how many times you change your personality, I’ll still love you. After all, you play with fire on my once normal heart then you put it out with water every day and night which only made me much crazier over you.” I said tenderly.

Day after day, my feelings just kept on getting deeper over you until one day I’ve finally decided to confess to you. I didn’t care if you’ll reject or accept me. I just want to be honest.

One afternoon, exactly the time for our lunch hour, I called Krystal up and took her to a nice, private restaurant. Everything is already prepared for us. We ate happily with her completely dining over the savory, truly delicious, beef steaks. After the peaceful lunch, I offered a walk at the Han River and she also accepted it.

I was contemplating if I should continue it or not, but then the most beautiful image of Soojung appeared right through my two eyes. I was speechless. It then became my cue to speak up. “I-- “, “I hate you, I love you, my heart keeps changing.” I was about to start my confession when she spoke up, cutting my sentence. “Eh?”

“I love you, I hate you, the clock hand goes back and forth … and it won’t stop because you’re there to manipulate my tiny world.” She slowly reached out to hold my face. “Why are you so mean, Am? Why do you keep on playing with me?” I just continue to follow her gaze as she continues. “My mom used to say that you don’t know when love is near or far from you, you’ll never know when it is and how did you happen to fall for that person.”

“Krystal … what do you mean?” I stupidly asked which made her giggled at me. “You’re pretty stupid sometimes, aren’t you, Amber? Well, I can’t say anything about that since it’s one of your good traits that made me fall for you more.” She stated which got me off-guard.

“W-what?! I don’t understand, Krys? Do you … you know … have feelings for me?” I shyly asked. ‘Oh Grinch, I’m not dreaming, right?!’

“Hmm … you guess it yourself, hehe.” She sticks out her tongue and run away from me. We continuously chased each other until we’re finally tired. We end up laying our tired bodies at the soft grasses of the fine earth of our favorite spot, the park where we always meet each other and the only place we’ll go to even if we forget everything. It’s so calm and relaxing.

The cool breeze strikes our skin as we feel the nice wind, flows all over the place. It’s full of silence, just complete harmonious silence. I broke the calm presence when I asked, “Isn’t love and hate the same thing anyway?” She shot a look at me and I look back.

“It’s just the same, isn’t it? No matter how you and I love each other, we’ll still hate something about one another. It’s the same with hate. No matter how much I hate you, I’ll still go back to your side because I love you.”

Krystal looked surprised at first but smiled in the end. Tears are forming beside her eyes as she caresses my cheeks. It‘s how she shows her affection to me everytime she’s very happy. “Don’t you think it’s funny? From some point of time, just because of our stupid illnesses, things occur in a way where we’re in love or we’re in a cat-and-dog fight.” I chuckled at her statement.

“I do think so too, and looking backing at it now makes me laugh. It’s silly. We’re playing push and pull all the time.” I moved a little more closely until we’re fully beside each other. “But now that the door is open, what are you gonna do? How will we continue this now, Stupid?” Krystal’s eyes twinkled in excitement.

“Of course I’ll ask you this…“ With one swift move, I quickly stood up, held Krystal’s hand and pulled her up. She slightly bumped over my front but I gave my full support so she’s completely fine.

“I hate you, I love you. The repeating déjà vu seems to be playing with us over and over again. But if that’s the realistic case of our relationship, I’ll keep on saying this again and again. I love you of who you are and I hate you of who you are, but no matter how twisted as it is, I think I almost know that the only way is to accept it. I do accept everything from here and on so Krystal … this question … I don’t like that ambiguous answer so please answer it directly.”

I gave her a meaningful look and she nodded. “I might forget many things again and again in a short period of time but I promise you, no matter how critical it can be … you’re the only one that will stay here. I won’t forget even a little piece of details about you. All of that is because I love you so much. And now I wanna ask you … will you be my girlfriend?” I gave her my genuine smile and she did the same.

“It’s a yes, Stupid. And for the record, I can even become more of that, right, future hubby?” Krystal teased while winking at me. ‘So you’re in Sneaky Teaser Mode, huh?!’

“Ok, if you say so, but let’s do that later. I want to cherish this first.” I hugged her tightly as I spin around the place. “Haha, Your score rises and falls even now. How can you fully please your princess that way? Oh well, with just you being here satisfies me already.” She kissed the tip of my nose.

‘She’s so cute, right? Though she’s a total devil when her other persona, HellStal Mode, comes out.’

We go back to my house and spend our time cuddling and did all the sweet fluffy stuffs until we’re finally out of energy. In our relationship, we still experience all the ups and downs, again and again because of the same reason, but we’re strong so nothing can break our eternal bond.

“Now I can confirm and say it nonstop. Love and hate is the same thing anyway no matter how you look at it.”