Six
The Lifetime Kids“Hyung!” Minho exclaimed.
As Taemin screwed the lid atop his bottle of water, he glanced up at the doorway just in time to see Minho pat the back of his long-time brother, ushering him through the door with the same enthusiasm he would greet a football match. His face was resonant of such joy also, flaunting a glittering smile and wide, silvery eyes.
Pushing himself upwards with two arms already pulsing from the exertions of his practice, Taemin ruffled his hair and stood quite casually, one shoulder slung downwards and head tilted to the side, as he awaited his turn to greet the final member.
After Minho had bequeathed the small man a bout of wisely-worded praise and encouragement, it was then Kibum’s turn to offer a sarcastic remark on how the man’s outfit in his last performance had been unfashionable as hell. After the tirade of laughter from the pair, Jinki gave the man a gentle, welcoming hug, exchanged a few light words and finally allowed the man’s strong, albeit weary, gaze on Taemin.
Taemin smiled.
Jonghyun was dressed all-too-sweetly for what was meant to be but a mandatory practice. His sweater was large and drew upon the hidden beauty of his narrow frame, and across his shoulder he held a bag, full of spare clothes and water bottles. He was brunette now, the blonde having been dyed out, and although Taemin had seen the pictures, it was his first time seeing the all-too-familiar hazel of the elder’s well-styled hair in person. It suited him. It suited him beautifully.
“Taemin-ah!” Jonghyun exclaimed, breaking the maknae from his other-worldly obsession and strolling closer to inspect the tired form of his dongsaeng. About a metre from the younger, Jonghyun leant forward with an introspective gaze, and cocked his head in wonder, forcing Taemin – and subsequently the others – to laugh. Such was the routine borrowed from their time together as rookies: Jonghyun’s thorough inspection and bashful exploration.
“Hello,” Taemin nodded, almost shyly, finding his eyes intrinsically drawn to Jonghyun’s. As the elder straightened, a smile graced his lips, and Taemin felt his body convulse with some form of ardent passion. No matter how many times he would see Jonghyun, reuniting from every brief time spent apart would always cause broken-winged butterflies to flutter tiredly through him, their little antennae crooked around the base of lofty dreams. He'd missed Jonghyun. He'd missed him so dearly.
But all too quickly, Jonghyun’s attention was elsewhere, as he snapped his head another direction. The dejection in Taemin’s gut had no time to fester however, as Jonghyun posed the statement: “Kibum, you look pale.”
If ever there was a fracture, it was now; in the hands of the practice room – all polished wooden panels and wide, encompassing mirrors, yellowed by the overhead lights – Kibum did look pale. But as did Jinki, and as did Minho, and as did Taemin, and as did even the tanned singer himself. Sheepishly, Kibum peered his head at one of the many mirrors and furrowed his brows.
“Hyung,” he consoled, nipping at the concern in Jonghyun’s voice, “we've discussed this already, I'm completely better, I haven’t been sick since the day we got back. Stop- stop fretting.”
“I'm not fretting,” Jonghyun tried, “I'm just-“
“Yes you are,” Kibum interjected, “isn’t he, Jinki?”
“I'm not," Jonghyun declared, lazily slumping his bag in the room’s corner. Glancing at Minho for a nervous exchange, Taemin raised an eyebrow and Minho inconspicuously shrugged a shoulder. The mood had become so stringent within mere seconds, and was almost as tempestuous as the room’s tepid heat.
“Guys,” Jinki attempted meekly, as Kibum eyed him longingly for support, “we've literally just met up again and you're already arguing?” The smile that edged his lips was nervous and coy, and Taemin blessed him for his patience, but could not atone for his methods at dispersing the quiet disagreement.
“It's just annoying,” Kibum moaned, rubbing a bare arm softly, “every time I see him… He's instantly-“
“Oh, curse me for caring,” Jonghyun broke through, melodrama lacing his words. He rolled his eyes and sauntered towards Taemin, so close the dancer could inhale the scent of his sweet cologne. Uncontrollably, the maknae stiffened.
“No, it's not caring, it's treating me like some kind of kid who can't strap his own shoes.”
“Kibum…” Minho breathed, confidently adding his own voice to the fray, “you know that’s just Jjong’s way.”
“Yeah, well, he can change it,” Kibum mumbled, “because I'm fine. Clearly, I am fine.”
“I'm just worried,” Jonghyun admitted, already trying to mend the shattered bridges, as was his 'way'. “You know I don’t mean wrong by it, Kibum.”
“Look,” Jinki began, infecting his face with that silly grin that seemed to lighten the mood no matter the feeling. His skin flushed handsomely and Taemin couldn’t help but feel the slight stressing on his own thoughts seep backwards, tugged away by Jinki’s warm, familiar smile. “Can't we just… Just get around to practicing? Or talking? Come on, guys, we haven’t all been together in weeks – not since America – and personally, I'm dying to know what you’ve all been doing with your time, besides the things in the headlines.”
Kibum shrugged a shoulder petulantly, before nodding, distant. Though not sick, there was still something different about Kibum, yet Taemin was unable to understand it. The man’s posture was further slackened than usual, and his eyes nowhere near as charismatic or enticing. Even his hair lacked the same volume, expression rimmed with a lurking tiredness that could manifest at any time – as it undoubtedly just had with Jonghyun.
“Well,” Minho grinned warmly, folding his arms and rocking on the back of his heels, “guess who finally learned how to cook the best ramen on the entirety of, well, the planet.” Smugly, he tilted his head and puffed out his chest, but before Taemin could be thankful for his hyung’s animated interest, a sarcastic remark cut him down.
“Well, not Taemin,” Jonghyun jibed, and Taemin couldn’t help but laugh. He playfully elbowed his hyung as they tried to force the lingering tension in the air to nothing but residue.
“Aish, stop joking through my glory!” Minho complained.
“Sorry, sorry,” Jonghyun pardoned, holding up his hands. “Continue your tale of wonder, Mr. Choi.”
And so Minho continued, using vivacious hand gestures and a fervent smile, compelling laughter from three of the four men around him. Though Taemin did chuckle alongside the crowd, swept in by the muted happiness around him, he couldn’t find himself able to focus on Minho’s exaggerated story. He could only find himself able to focus on the one man not laughing like the rest, the one man not even trying.
As Minho began to list to Jonghyun the ingredients that had created his ramen, Kibum strolled towards his bag in the room’s corner, and bent down to get a drink of water. Nobody diverted their attention, for nobody cared to, but as Taemin silently watched, he could see the languid heaviness in Kibum’s movements, a stiffness that resonated even as he hunched down and quietly ped the faded, blue bag. Tugging out a bottle of water, Kibum momentarily stared at the label, eyes glazed over; were he in a photograph, he would have been the halation, an infinitesimal blip not known to be rectified. He took a small swig and screwed the cap back on, slowly, carefully, as if his movements were aggravating the plastic. Whilst Jinki cracked a joke and Taemin roused a fabricated laugh, Kibum stood, stoop-necked like a lamppost, and scratched the back of his head. He watched his hyungs, and then his eyes awkwardly fell to one of his dongsaengs, and they tried to communicate something but it was of a language foreign to Taemin.
A second later, Kibum slipped out of the door, unnoticed.
“I loved that,” Taemin heard Jonghyun sigh, and it jolted him back into reality as he realised where he was, and how odd he must have seemed, the only piece of quiet in a conversation so vibrant. He rubbed an arm with a cold, clammy hand, suddenly unsure of himself.
“Of course you loved it,” Jinki shrugged, stuffing his fists into the pockets of his maroon hoodie, “isn't it your favourite film?”
Taemin frowned. Movies? How had they gotten to the topic of movies?
“I'll be back in a second,” he interjected suddenly, “bathroom.”
Taemin dismissed himself from the group and set towards the door quickly, wiping his forehead and rolling his shoulders. He glanced briefly at his appearance as he passed – his hair was a tousled mess of black, beset by the remnants of perspiration, and his baggy top was both unfashionable and unfitting – but paid little heed. He'd paraded through the outside corridors in worse attire, he believed, and he doubted anyone would see him anyway – at least, not before he'd managed to actually locate Kibum.
Stepping out into the corridor, the transition was an unsettling one. The soft haze of the practice room was replaced by the clean kiss of white walls and a strict atmosphere, the corridor empty and refined with a dead minimalism. Doors dotted the corridor, leading into dance studios and practice rooms, yet it was a labyrinth Taemin knew well - knew thoroughly, in fact. For years he'd been traversing the halls here, and though the colours of the walls and the tiling of the floor had changed, the layout had remained a constant, foundations never jarred even given the modernisation of the company.
Taemin set off quite aimlessly, unsure of where to go to find Kibum. He had decided to check the bathrooms first, for they seemed a rational place to begin, but if Kibum wasn't there, Taemin strongly doubted he could find him; the building was one of convoluted nooks and crannies, holding a plethora of hiding spots were one informed enough to find them. Walking quickly, determinedly, Taemin reached the bathrooms just mere moments after he'd set out, urged on by the dry beat of his heart.
When he entered, he barely noted how everything in here was just as meticulous and polished as the area outside. It seemed untouched by human hand, each surface reflective and every mirror caressed by a livid sheen. The door creaked as Taemin let it drift shut behind him, and he blinked around the bathroom hesitantly, noting that all the cubicles were empty. By a sink, the furthest from Taemin in the black and white, marbled bathroom, Kibum gazed in the mirror, vision empty.
“Kibum?” Taemin pressed carefully, lacking the confidence to walk any closer. No matter how many years he'd known the rapper, he was still unprepared for such confrontations. Taemin didn't do this kind of thing. Jonghyun did, Minho did, and even Jinki could if his mind-set allowed it, but Taemin? Taemin was as helpless and inefficient as a shattered lightbulb. Skin prickling at the lack of heat in the room, Taemin trailed his finger along the counter for the sinks, awaiting acknowledgement.
“Yeah…” Kibum breathed, more an answer than a question. Taemin blinked. Maybe Jonghyun had been right. Kibum did look awfully, awfully pale now, cheeks a strange ashen and body oddly small beneath his over-sized clothing. Swallowing thickly, the dancer took a meagre step, and asked, “Is-Is everything okay?”
“Of course,” Kibum provided, but his voice was weak and vapid, and Taemin didn’t believe it for a second. It unnerved him how, outside, his hyungs could laugh and joke and live in the arms of their obliviousness, but, in here, in Kibum's world, a fear was creeping up Taemin’s throat, parching it, and leaving him for fodder.
“I don’t believe you,” Taemin muttered, and Kibum simply shrugged, uncaring. Biting his bottom lip, Taemin rolled a shoulder. This wasn’t his thing. This wasn’t his thing at all.
“Do you really feel better?” he pondered, words verging on a whisper. It seemed whatever he said would upset something, the room’s chastised equilibrium, or the trepid balance between the men. Inevitably, however, he upset it, as Kibum snapped his neck to face Taemin and shot him a pointed glare.
"Yes."
Taemin nodded, jarred.
“You don't seem it, hyung.”
Kibum jutted out his lower lip and turned to fully face Taemin, arms folded and eyebrows furrowed. He was enraged, maybe only mildly-so, but enough to cause a flutter of nervousness within Taemin. This wasn't how he'd forecasted the encounter.
“Do I look sick to you?” Kibum asked, gesturing grandly. “I haven't been sick in weeks! The fainting was just a one-off thing, and I've been absolutely fine ever since, but everyone is treating me like I'm- like any minute I'll just collapse, and I-“
“If you're so fine,” Taemin proposed, hugging his elbows, fraught at the conversation, “then why are you getting so angry? Nobody is out to- to get at you, Kibum, we're just-“
“Because you all keep treating me as some kind of hospitalised patient!” Kibum exclaimed, eyes wild, passion untampered. “I just want to be treated normally. God forbid something actually was wrong with me…”
He trailed off then, noticing the unease in his dongsaeng’s stance. Taemin didn’t deserve this unrefined rhetoric, for it seemed he was the only one that hadn’t been coddling Kibum as a mother would a new-born. As the dancer lowered his head, impassioned by a pointless, yet undeniable, guilt, Kibum pursed his lips, and released an overdrawn breath. It suddenly seemed very confined in the bathroom, very lonely.
“I'm sorry,” Kibum breathed heavily, “I didn't mean to shout.”
“It's okay,” Taemin responded, raising his head again. When he caught eyes with Kibum, he noticed that the elder indeed was truly apologetic, for the remorse he spoke was exalted with a ticking constant. “You're just… You're annoyed, I understand.”
“Things have just been needlessly complicated recently,” Kibum admitted, drumming his manicured nails against the counter. “I'm starting to feel my age, I think.” He laughed then, but it was a sad laugh, a retired one.
“We're still young,” countered Taemin, a ghosted smile flickering across his lips.
“Not like we once were,” Kibum mumbled, his response almost a tired echo of his often strong tone. “After all, we can't be young for a lifetime, that would be- well, it would be-“
“Absurd?”
Taemin and Kibum both jumped, startled, at the third voice in the room. Neither knew how long its beholder had been listening, and neither dared ask, as they pivoted towards Jinki when he entered the bathroom, hesitantly.
“Are you two quite finished your catch-up?” he joked, eyes flitting between Taemin and Kibum mischievously. “We've work to do.”
“Yes, sir,” Taemin mocked, ghost forming the body of a grin across his full lips.
“That will be leader and all around great guy to you, Taeminnie,” Jinki rebuked, and before Taemin could gasp in false horror, Kibum seemed to have shaken himself from his depressive stupor.
“Then let's go!” he rallied, stalking by both Jinki and Taemin to the doorway. As he passed, Jinki frowned at Taemin, but the maknae could simply shrug. Even the leader had noticed something wasn’t quite right with Kibum.
“Come on!” Kibum chimed, already halfway down the corridor. Loyal and obedient, Taemin simply followed.
•••
Secret;
I made you a secret
From twine and from string,
I want you to keep it,
Confined to your dreams.
From twine and from string,
I want you to keep it,
Confined to your dreams.
Bound up and knotted,
Tied tighter than youth.
Don’t let my secret
Fall from your mouth.
Tied tighter than youth.
Don’t let my secret
Fall from your mouth.
•••
Hey
-Jonghyun, 19:28
Hi
-Taemin, 19:33
What's up?
-Taemin, 19:33
Guess! >.<
-Jonghyun, 19:34
Yah! How am I meant to know?
-Taemin, 19:34
Come on!!! It isn't exactly difficult
-Jonghyun, 19:35
...
-Taemin, 19:35
Wait... Writing?
-Taemin, 19:35
:3
-Jonghyun, 19:35
Of course
-Jonghyun, 19:35
What are you up to?
-Jonghyun, 19:36
I'm at the dorms
-Taemin, 19:36
The dorms?! Why?
-Jonghyun, 19:36
Convenience?
-Jonghyun, 19:36
I just felt like it
-Taemin, 19:37
But it feels quite empty without you all
-Taemin, 19:37
Aish, Taemin! You're too young to become sentimental
-Jonghyun, 19:38
Hey! What's wrong with staying here? We did for years, after all
-Taemin, 19:38
It feels like home
-Taemin, 19:39
I'd come over and keep you company but... Work >.<
-Jonghyun, 19:39
You should call the others and see if they could come around, it'd beat being alone, right?
-Jonghyun, 19:40
No, it's okay
-Taemin, 19:40
It's a good place to think
-Taemin, 19:40
About what?
-Jonghyun, 19:40
Just things
-Taemin, 19:40
Oh...
-Jonghyun, 19:40
Secrets, then
-Jonghyun, 19:41
I wouldn't go that far
-Taemin, 19:41
Just stray thoughts
-Taemin, 19:41
Worries?
-Jonghyun, 19:42
Stray thoughts
-Taemin, 19:42
Ah, you're so cryptic
-Jonghyun 19:42
Can I ask you something?
-Jonghyun, 19:43
Anything
-Taemin, 19:43
Unless it's weird
-Taemin, 19:43
Respect my privacy
-Taemin, 19:43
Or something
-Taemin, 19:43
Hah~
-Taemin, 19:43
Is Kibum genuinely mad at me?
-Jonghyun, 19:45
I mean, understand if he is but it's better if I know the truth
-Jonghyun, 19:45
Plus he hasn't responded to my messages since the practice
-Jonghyun, 19:45
Have I upset him?
-Jonghyun, 19:46
I always say the wrong things
-Jonghyun, 19:46
Honestly he hasn't been speaking much to anyone
-Taemin, 19:47
I messaged him yesterday after the rest of us were on the group chat but...
-Taemin, 19:47
Nothing
-Taemin, 19:47
Honestly I think he just needs some time after Thursday
-Taemin, 19:47
I'm worried about him
-Jonghyun, 19:48
Don't be
-Taemin, 19:48
He's a grown man, he knows what he's doing
-Taemin, 19:48
And he's also a strong man
-Taemin, 19:48
It doesn't matter what age he is or how strong he is
-Jonghyun, 19:49
What if something has happened?
-Jonghyun, 19:49
What could have happened that we don't know about?
-Taemin, 19:49
We pretty much know each other inside out
-Taemin, 19:49
I know you're probably right but I just... Hate it when he gets like this
-Jonghyun, 19:50
I feel like such a bad friend
-Jonghyun, 19:50
Like I know he's hurting but I can't do a thing to fix it
-Jonghyun, 19:50
You aren't a bad friend
-Taemin, 19:51
You could never be a bad friend to him, ever
-Taemin, 19:51
He just needs time, that's all
-Taemin, 19:51
Maybe he needs more than that
-Jonghyun, 19:52
Like a goddamn break, for a start
-Jonghyun, 19:52
Yunkyung is pushing him so much, Taemin. I've seen it
-Jonghyun, 19:52
What do you mean?
-Taemin, 19:53
I mean the constant variety shows and dramas and rehearsing and travelling
-Jonghyun, 19:53
He doesn't have time to think
-Jonghyun, 19:53
But that's the life we lead, the life we've always led
-Taemin, 19:54
No, not that
-Jonghyun, 19:54
Not that
-Jonghyun 19:54
Please don't worry Jjong
-Taemin, 19:56
I hate it when you do that
-Taemin, 19:56
Why would you hate it? Isn't concern a good thing?
-Jonghyun, 19:56
You hurting could never be a good thing
-Taemin, 19:57
Fool >.<
-Taemin, 19:57
Sometimes I wonder if you ever did grow up~
-Jonghyun, 19:57
I'm always a kid
-Taemin, 19:58
That makes no sense!!
-Jonghyun, 19:58
Why not?
-Taemin, 19:58
Well... Nobody can be a kid for a lifetime, can they?
-Jonghyun, 19:59
I guess not, but they can try
-Taemin, 19:59
I guess they can
-Jonghyun, 20:00
I should probably get back to work
-Jonghyun, 20:00
:(
-Jonghyun, 20:00
Hyung!
-Taemin, 20:01
You literally just released a new album
-Taemin, 20:01
Do you ever stop writing?
-Taemin, 20:01
This isn't music, it's a novel
-Jonghyun, 20:02
Am I in it? ^-^
-Taemin, 20:02
God no
-Jonghyun, 20:02
But I'd make a great character
-Taemin, 20:03
Have you ever read fan fiction?!
-Taemin, 20:03
No, but- more to the point, have you?!
-Jonghyun 20:03
No
-Taemin, 20:05
I mean, I just know people write it about us, so
-Taemin, 20:05
I'm just saying, obviously to someone I'm a good character
-Taemin, 20:05
I know you don't like it when I worry, but, Taemin, I worry about you sometimes~
-Jonghyun, 20:06
ㅠㅠ
-Taemin, 20:06
Why are you so mean?
-Taemin, 20:06
Because... I'm evil
-Jonghyun, 20:07
But I'll go now
-Jonghyun, 20:07
Bye :3
-Jonghyun, 20:07
Bye, hyung :3
-Taemin, 20:07
Missing you already >.<
-Taemin, 20:08
i got a sudden burst of inspiration for this story... i really hope it lasts long enough that i can update Dx
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