Dear diary

This is me again Taeyeon and again another heartbreak just watching my best friend spending her time with another boyfriend. I mean come on that’s the third one this month and it’s going to have the same ending another heartbreak for her. Then that’s going to be another day of her crying her hearts out and me there comforting her. Yea that’s good for me but its hurts more than it giving me that moment of joy just seeing her broken and lost. She so innocent and pure, she doesn’t know the real meaning of love but maybe that’s why she is going around trying to find the meaning of love.

I just want it to be like our childhood, the times where we play all day just the two of us and where we do anything we want I miss though times especially the times where we write notes to each other on poker cards. I can’t take it anymore watching her it hurts me more than her getting hurt. I’m thinking of transferring to America but I can’t I love her.

As I finished writing my diary I look to the side and see the decks of poker cards with messages written by me and Tiffany. I smile at the times at we had but as I turn to the other side my smile disappears as I see the unread cards written by me. The cards that I wrote for Tiffany expressing my feelings since you started to fade away from me. The ones that I never gave to her as it will wreck our friendship.

I get up from my set and walk towards my draw where the decks of unread pokers card lie and pick up one my most recent card as it says

 My Fany Fany Tiffany

My brighter than mushroom Tiffany

Do you know how much it hurts?

Please realise who been there for you

Please come back to me

I miss you so so much

I start to cry as all emotions comes rushing, I fall onto my knees just wanting to have never have known you. I sat there for hours doing nothing but just hoping that you would come back to me until my mum calls me too dinner. I just replied that I’m not hungry and to be left alone. I stayed on my bed a wake throughout the whole night just hoping that my time with you will come soon as I can’t stand this pain anymore.

The next day just like any other day me feeling like there is no point to life without you. I go through the all day without seeing you, trying to avoid you knowing that you will be with him and this will just cause my pain. I try to have fun with my friends but it’s just not right without you, nothing feels right without you.

My parents are getting worried about me but I always say its fine but they know wants wrong because they don’t see you anymore. They are trying to help me by introducing me to other girls but I don’t want them I just want you. I know that is impossible but I still hope there is a chance.

I graduated from school just like everyone else, seeing you going up the stage to get your certificate makes me happy but just as you get off the stage I see you boyfriend that you had for two years, I still can’t believe that he didn’t hurt you yet. It just hurts me seeing you together with him but want can I do we moved away from each other these years. It’s like you don’t know me anymore, you always hang with you boyfriend and never we me anymore.

My parents decide for me to move to the America for university, I disagree to it but they said it’s for the best. They gave me a week to think about it during the week I thought all and hard. I try to think of reasons for me to stay and go but they both ended up being you. I went to the place where we both play during our childhood times the big oak tree in the local park where no one baring goes.

As I got there, I saw the last person I wanted to see it was you and your boyfriend sitting at the base of the tree, hugging looking up at the stars and saying lovely words to each other. I quickly run away trying my best to keep my tears in as I got into the house, I went to my parents and told them to get me the earliest ticket out of here. I went into my room taking out a bag putting in the stuff that I’m going to bring with me. When I done packing I look around seeing if there is anything left and all there is all my memories of me and you. I took a few decks of the poker cards that you and I wrote messages on, a few photos and the bracelet that you gave me.

The next day is my flight but I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye although I don’t have the guts to confess my feelings towards you so I decide to write a letter.

So here I’m with this letter that I written last night telling you how I feel. My dear Tiffany I hope you have the best time of your life with your boyfriend and as you know the beginning of this letter is a page I tore out my dairy. In the end I leaving for good, see you maybe in the next life time.

Your best friend

Taeyeon

I read this to myself one last time as I put it an envelope, close it off and put it in your mail box. I get back into my parents car and drive off knowing that at least you know my feelings, thinking what is there for me now.  

I know its not that good but please do give some feedback