I know, I know, I should be posting Snow White right now, but this was finished before I could even start Snow White (lol) I wasn't named Queen of Angst for nothing. Well, this is not as angsty as I hoped, but quite... frustrating. This prompt was requested by Casanova7, who insisted that it has to be Little Mix's Secret Love Song. I was hardly conscious when I wrote this down (lol)

Then, along with my apologize, here is somewhat angsty songfic for TaecKhun in canon universe. Ah... I'm sorry.

It did not matter whether or not it was Valentine’s Day or Christmas. One just could not walk down the streets without noticing a boy and a girl, holding hands, sitting on bench at a park nearby, chatting happily across each other in a café, or entering the backseat of a cab together. Why could not we be like them? There were too many reasons that we both understood far too deeply.

When you hold me in the street

And you kiss me on the dance floor

I wish that it could be like that

Why can't it be like that?

‘Cause I’m yours

Dance floor: This might be the foremost commonplace for one to hook up, show off their charm, steal someone’s heart, exhibit their aforementioned achievement, or just simply enjoy their moment with the one they loved. Heated kisses, seductive moves, slow dances; you named it—dance floor was the perfect place. That might be, but not for us. Dance floor was yet another stage for us to perform on. It was an unwritten rule for us since we signed the pact—since we were found and trained. I wished still until this day that it wasn’t so, but this was our lives now, we had so much to lose.

We keep behind closed doors

Every time I see you, I die a little more

Stolen moments that we steal as the curtain falls

It’ll never be enough

I wiped your sweat with the towel I took for myself. You looked happy and touched by my action—I was, too—but that laugh you spouted as you saw me wipe the very same towel on my arms right after I used it on you, it brought me immense joy that my cheekbones could not return to normal. You always held my hand; you always protected me not because I wasn’t capable, but because you were just naturally protective. Everyone laughed when I messed up my Korean speech, but you took it very seriously. I could not help but feeling more deeply in love with you, knowing that you might be the only one who completely understood my struggle. You might think that I didn’t notice—but I did, sometimes I wanted to cry because you appreciated me in ways I always longed. You were the dorky nerd, double dork, triple geek—you were a sin. People said there was hardly anything I couldn’t do, but it was actually you. What couldn’t you do, Ok Taecyeon? Oh, I know what you couldn’t do: hold me in the streets and kiss me on the dance floor. You could, the fans would be thrilled, the boys would cringe (but they would laugh it off anyway because that was what they always did, our boys), but the agency would not.

 “Khun, here,” Taec said, handing over a small piece of pork belly he roasted to me by chopsticks. I did not even think before biting it down. I purposely didn’t just bite, but I let my lips touch the chopsticks. No one else would notice—it was a brief moment and everyone else was too absorbed with their share of meat. Taec, however, noted it. The glint that showed in his eyes just now told me that he warned me not to do that again, but I did not care. There was no camera here—the contract was powerless here, now—and it was normal, it was always normal for us to do this kind of routine. It was as natural as air, people said, but for me…

It was never enough, the small moments we shared so neutrally. It would never be enough the bigger small moments enlisted for us to do in the name of fan-service. It could never be enough. It did not matter how many times we did it, it was never the same—never quenched my thirst for him.

It’s obvious you’re meant for me

Every piece of you, it just fits perfectly

Every second, every thought, I’m in so deep

But I’ll never show it on my face

“Taec… please,” I gasped.

“Tone down your voice,” Taec grunted. He pressed himself against me. We were crammed in the bathroom’s shower. He kissed me wildly, hungrily. I would not blame him—I missed him all day and night.

It was midnight and we had just finished our schedule. The members were dead tired and now asleep, even our manager. Taec dragged me out of my bed and we tiptoed through Chansung and Wooyoung who slept like a pair of babies on the floor. The thought of those kids were sleeping right down the hall got us even more aroused. As inconvenient as our secretive relationship was, it was thrilling, too.

“Hurry—I want to sleep, too,” I pleaded. It was troublesome—I wanted this, but also I wanted sleep, if I slept, I would miss one perfect chance.

“Same here,” said Taec, frantically pushing down his pajama bottoms and boxer. I was pressed up the shower wall. His hands then roamed beneath my shirt. I wished there was time for more . I pressed my against his freed member. I wanted it inside now—that was how I let him know without words. He took the hint and harshly pulled my pants down, liberating my lower part.

“You sure you don’t want preparation?” Taec whispered right to my ear.

“We don’t have time. Just do it, Taec, I can bear with it,” I whispered back. He sighed and I sighed. He lubed his with obviously my favorite liquid soap. We should have taken a bottle of lotion instead, but hell, I was thankful that there was something to use in here already.

It was rough. Taec was rough. I liked it—I loved it. It was quick, but we could not even complain. It didn’t completely satisfy, but it sufficed for now. I loved how his mind synced with mine—how we simply understood each other without talking. I loved the way his coarse hands hold my waist firmly, even though sometimes they left faint red marks—I touched them and adored them in the morning, they were the solid evidence that he had his hands on me. I loved the way he whispered with that husky voice. I loved his kisses. I loved the fact that he was so competitive. I loved that he was so strong that I could climb on him without toppling him. I loved how he always acted as if everything was always all right. I loved that we were of opposite ends and we simply completed each other.

But we know this

We got a love that is hopeless

But I hated that he could not touch me in public like when we were alone. I had the liberty to get touchy because it was what I always did—but he didn’t. He wasn’t normally snuggly and touchy. He let me touch him, but he never showed it in his face that my touches affected him. I hated it, but I knew—we did—that this was how things should be.

“Khun, I have suspicions, but you and Taec, are you two really together?” Jay tried to ask me one day. I put on my naïve mask and questioned him back, asking for clearer inquiry. He backed down, unable to continue. He knew, of course—it was a given since he was really close with Taec and me—but he did not say anything, even to the members, not even us. When he left for good, he wrote a message for me and Taec and sent it to our dorm anonymously:

「Good luck, you two.」

It was short and ambiguous. It didn’t say anything else, not even mentioning our names—but we knew it was for us. Wooyoung and Junho happened to peek at that moment, but they had no idea. They were still confused with the whole charade, why our leader left, why this was happening, so they could not think of anything else. It didn’t leave any impression on them, too, afterward. I was, too, but his last message troubled me