Youngjae woke up with pain in his eyes. After he cried through the night and didn’t sleep maybe only two or three hours, it was difficult to get out of the bed. But he couldn’t stop living. He had to go to university like nothing had happened. There was an hour left before the first class. He straightened up and rubbed his eyes.

  Worse…

 Now it wasn’t only the pain that was piercing his eyes, but his vision turned blurry as well. For some reason, it didn’t want to get clear again.

 Youngjae felt like he was about to break out crying again. He tried to hold himself for a little more. Only for the rest of the day.

 He looked next to him, and surprisingly, there was no one sleeping on the pillow. Initially, he didn’t want to believe his eyes, so he wanted to make sure Jaebum was gone;

  'Jaebum? ' he shouted as he started to paddle on the sheets. No answers were coming. It was too silent. Not a footstep, not some plates clattering. He was obviously out.

  But what was he doing at seven o’clock in the morning?

 The black-haired dropped himself back on the bed. His previously built up plan about resisting not crying had collapsed after about a minute. He placed his cold hand on his forehead in order not to let anyone see he was crying. Although it really seemed like there wasn’t a single soul besides him in the flat. He was soundless. With widely opened mouth and clenched eyes, without any noise. He was grabbing the sheets next to him stronger and stronger from one second to another.

  'Youngjae' a weak voice accosted him. He stopped but didn’t open his eyes. He kept his hand on his forehead as well. He was aware of that who it was and actually didn’t want to believe it.

  How did he come there? Jaebum wasn’t at home, then who had let him in? And why was he there?

 The black-haired clearly felt the other had sat down on the mattress. He didn’t want to be seen in that state.

  'Hyung' Yugyeom accosted him again, now with a slightly more powerful tone.

 This time, the mentioned boy eventually straightened up and opened his eyes. He didn’t look at the other, just pulled up his legs, hugged them tightly to his chest and placed his chin on his knees.

  'How could you come in?' he asked still staring at the end of the bed.

  'Jaebum called me to have a look at you. He had to go to some last-minute audition that is held for graduates'

 The elder sighed. He finally lifted his head and looked at his best friend. The blonde was sitting next to him with tilted head, being busy with a piece of a fringe of the blanket that was thrown at the end of the bed. He looked just as sad as Youngjae was. Like he had an eye on the top of his head, he felt that the other was watching him. Yugyeom looked up at him. The shorter’s eyes started to get filled with tears again. With a sudden movement, he opened his arms and embraced the younger. He broke out crying again on his shoulders.

 Yugyeom sympathetically his back and said;

  'Sorry' this simple word left his mouth. He was whispering, it was almost inaudible. The hot breath as he was saying it touched Youngjae’s soft neck and gave him goosebumps. As soon as he realized what he was about to feel, he quickly backed and immediately stopped crying.

 Yugyeom was aware of why the other pushed him away. He didn’t want to get offended or anything, so just started to explain the situation as if he was asked to, which apparently, he wasn’t.

  'Your hyung said I’m the only one who he could think of. He said he trusted me and that he hoped I could console you' there wasn’t any sarcastic tone in his voice. It was the sincerest he could ever do. Actually, Yugyeom felt like he was the bad. Jaebum was so nice. He trusted him, while he had known nothing about the other’s feelings towards Youngjae. 'He doesn’t know that right?' he asked with trembling lips.

  'He doesn’t know what?' the elder asked back. It was so unnecessary. He was completely aware of that. But still, he had a slight hope for something else.

  'What I feel' he moaned out. It was still awkward to confess, especially for the second time. For some reason, he thought the first thing his friend did was telling it to Jaebum. He had just realized how much he loved him.

  'He doesn’t' Youngjae said and tilted his head. His eyes were jumping from one point to another like he was thinking so hard. 'Yugyeom' he suddenly said and lifted his head with an incredible speed. He waited for the other to concentrate entirely on him, and continued; 'When did you realize that? How come I suddenly become important for you in that way?' he was talking so fast like he was rushing to somewhere.

 Yugyeom gave an embarrassed laugh. He knew that question would come up sooner or later. But it wasn’t that easy to talk about his love towards Youngjae, who was already someone else’s,

  'I have never known that. You were always just a friend for me. I’m not gay. I’m into girls. But when I realized you felt something towards Jaebum, I felt betrayed. I started to make friends with the cool guys, but they were nothing like you. I missed our friendship. I missed you. You left me for him. I was kind of depressed because of that. And then, I have talked to Jei. She told me that they broke up with Jaebum. I got shocked and was hoping for that the reason wasn’t you. She said nothing about anyone else dating Jaebum. But I needed to talk to him. I did. He told me he was seeing someone else. Well, he didn’t tell me, but it was obvious because he was blushed throughout the whole conversation. And then, I talked to you, like I was almost one hundred percent sure about that. And how you spoke, it made everything get an explanation. So I knew you liked boys. And the fact you have fallen for Jaebum made me sick. Because it could have been me as well. And damn, I wish I was him so bad'

  'So when you accused me, you weren’t even sure about it? ' Youngjae asked with devasted face. The younger shook his head. His facial expressions revealed that it made him relieved that now he told him everything. The last thing he wished was that they still remained friends.

 However, Youngjae didn’t doubt it. He was glad he finally knew about everything, and couldn’t get mad at Yugyeom again. He missed him as well. And felt so responsible for the blonde’s depression. He wished he wasn’t gay. So Yugyeom would have never fallen for him because he would have never got knowledge of that. He wished everything was just like before. He wished he would have never collided with Im Jaebum. Although it really looked like Yugyeom’s and Youngjae’s friendship didn’t change, but the black haired knew it would never be the same. Because a friendship can’t be stable if one loves another. And what if he falls for Yugyeom eventually? Because at that moment, he felt like that was happening, little by little. But not because his heart wanted to behave like that, but because he was sorry for his best friend.