I am not normal. My brain works differently. People like you don't understand because only I can hear my thoughts hammering my head with useless things. I was born in a normal family, a father, a mother, a younger brother and a younger sister but why am I the only one like this? I haven't experienced something traumatic where I have to witness my parents fight and divorce or anything like that.

No, it's something different; I experienced a different childhood. My heart is filled with hatred and yet I don't understand why. What I experienced was not a big problem to others but it was so unfair. I hate it so much that I feel something like this; hatred, anger, resentment and negative feelings.

I once told my younger sister that I would die when I reach 30. She looked at me with pitiful eyes and kept asking me why. The reason was simple; because there is no reason for me to live. I simply live my life so my parents do not have to worry, acting like the son they perceive me to be. The normal kid that is like everyone else, even though my brain works like a broken artificial intelligence.

 

"Jimin, before I take a chair and throw it at your face, eat your damn pizza," Taehyung called out to his best friend. Jimin groaned and got up from his couch, lazily walking to the table and sat down. He took a slice and ate it, chewing slowly with his eyes drooping.

"Taehyung, why did you order like, five extra large pizzas? We are never gonna finish it!" Jimin threw his hands in the air as he finished his slice and took another one, taking one big bite.

"Is that a challenge?" Taehyung raised his eyebrows and pointed at Jimin. "Is that a challenge?" He smirked before he pointed to the wall clock hanging above the fridge. "In forty-five minutes we will finish everything, with me pretty much eating everything."

 

"Taehyung, what the hell you ate everything! I didn't eat !" Jimin propped his elbow on the table and rested his cheek on his hand. His face frowned as he saw his closest friend eat the last slice in one bite. "It's only been thirty minutes!"

"I never back down from a challenge!" Taehyung laughed as he his hands cleaned, giving the messy haired boy a thumbs up. Jimin rolled his eyes and called his domestic helper to clean up the table. The bespectacled boy smiled and took out a stack of papers.

"I'm gonna go to the mental hospital, wanna come?"

"Errr."

"My GPA is 3.35 but I'm way smarter than that so I'm doing the IQ test so I can show to whatever university I want to get into that I'm smarter than whatever shows."

"I wanna know how smart I am too." Jimin took out his wallet and took out a few fifty dollar notes.

"You think this is enough to pay for the test or do I need more?"

"Rich bastard.... The full report thing is like eight hundred bucks." Taehyung adjusted his spectacles and looked grudgingly as Jimin took out, even more, fifty dollar notes.

 

"So I'm 210 and you are 234. Nice number." Taehyung looked at the report with his best friend beside him. The seat underneath them was uncomfortable, to say the least. It was scorching hot as the sun shone brightly on the shiny metal surface that was finally covered by the two.

The entire world seemed to be in place. There were families walking around the park, the water fountain looked as pretty as ever, and there was an ice-cream parlour within sight. However, inside a certain brain, there was chaos, there was insanity, there was...

A pigeon!

The distracted boy walked to the harmless bird and stomped his right foot a meter away from the bird. The unaware bird, in fear, flapped its wings and flew towards the elderly couple sitting by the tree. They were shocked and chased the pigeon away with their frail and wrinkly hands.

"Taehyung what are you doing?" A deadpanned voice asked.

"I just felt like it." He shrugged.

Taehyung walked back to sit on the blazing hot, metal bench and took the results from Jimin's hands. "They said I could have gotten a higher grade but because of my ADHD, my IQ score became 210."

Jimin nodded at the information and yawned, patting his stomach. "I'm hungry."

"Looks like today is a sunny day," Taehyung smiled and kept the results in his bag, "ice cream?"

 

"I am just happy to be alive this year."

"So what do you wish for next year?" My dad asked as we sat in a circle in the living room. Our family tradition.

"I wish to be alive," I answered calmly.

"And well?" My sister chirped as she looked at me with bright, innocent eyes.

"No Maeyoung, I will never wish for it to be well."

"Why?" She looked like she was about to cry. The youngest child, the one who experienced many, many things I wanted to experience when I was her age.

"Because in my life, there's no such thing as well. I'm just glad I'm still breathing."

"Taehyung!" My mother harshly whispered to me, "don't say things like that!"

My mother is someone I can never get along with. She doesn't understand the slightest of my feelings.

 

Taehyung was walking to the bus stop like any other day. He was third in line in the queue. The bus came thirty minutes later, already having a long line behind him. Taehyung walked up the stairs only to have a huge, fat middle age woman standing right in front of him.

The line behind him starting talking. They were annoyed. The woman was standing at the top of the staircase and was blocking everyone who wanted to move to the empty bus.

"Excuse me, could you move?" Taehyung asked, trying to sound as polite as he could. The woman moved a mere one centimeter. She looked at Taehyung with an irritated look before taking out her phone to call her friend.

Taehyung was even more pissed than he already is. normally. He squeezed his way in by pushing the woman towards the side of the bus. He made it through with a few thin strangers who managed to squeeze past the fat woman.

"真的没礼貌! 去死!" (How rude! Go and die!) She shouted in Mandarin, probably to insult in another language so that no one could understand.

But Taehyung wasn't just anyone.

"如果我没礼貌，那你是什么来的?" (If I'm being rude, then what are you?) Taehyung retorted before moving to the back of the bus. The woman had shock written all over her face. The strangers around them were puzzled and could not understand what was going on. Taehyung smirked as he turned around and sat down at the furthest seat.

 

"Taehyung, when you speak to me, my body shakes."

Taehyung turned to his side to look at his psychiatrist. He was having his monthly check up.

"Why?" He asked.

The lady sighed as she placed her pen down. "You have so much anger in you that I can feel the pain physically even if you're just talking."

Taehyung shrugged his shoulders and looked back at the white ceiling. The unrelenting want to be the best at everything, the unwillingness to disappoint anyone, including himself, the hatred for when a single person fails to meet his standards, even the slightest bit make him go insane.

"At least I can bear the anger and move forward with a smile." He answered.

"And you're still generously giving to your friends and family without wanting anything in return. I don't understand how you do it." She replied.

Taehyung smiled at nothing.

"Ever heard of altruism?"

The psychiatrist looked at Taehyung intently.

"It is when someone loves and cares for others unconditionally." She replied.

Taehyung sat up from the bed to look at the confused psychiatrist. "Many believe that it's impossible, that it's human nature to be greedy. But I think it's possible because I believe I have it."

The psychiatrist looked doubtfully at her client. Her eyes were looking at the male with disbelief. Taehyung laid back down.

This was normal.

 

There was no passion. No goal. Nothing. His father kept pushing him to be the best there can ever be. Taehyung believes he can be the best. However, after being the best at everything, there was no one thing that stuck.

He was bored with life.

However, he was not going to die. Not just yet. He would die when Jimin finally finishes his diploma after dropping out of high school two years ago. He would die when his parents are able to live in comfort even without his money. He would die when his younger siblings are self-sufficient. He would die when the world is no longer in need of him and he doesn't owe anyone anything.

"Taehyung, if you get a girlfriend, are you going to die?" Jimin asked as they sat on the railing of the staircase.

"Probably not. Since I can't die on my girlfriend... What stupid thing are you going to do this time." Taehyung was not upset about this. His one and only friend was doing something stupid that did not involve other people's lives so this was fine.

"I want to try and feel how painful it is to fall off the railing."

"Have fun!"

 

"If you have something you want to do, go ahead and do it."

I sat on the chair, facing my younger sister who was sitting on the bed.

"Dad and mum may not support you but I, as your eldest brother, will."

I pointed to myself to emphasise my point.

"If you want to turn lesbian, or become a transgender, or perhaps go all the way to China and build an orphanage, or you can be a strip club dancer for all I care. You're 16 years old. Do what you want. I will support you always."

Maeyoung looked like she was about to cry. Maybe she was. She had written me a letter and I came to her room to talk. I told her about having anger constantly in me, that level of anger that would haunt me for life but it's fine.

She didn't say thank you. I don't need a thank you. She seemed happy and that is fine with me. She may not remember me helping her, she may grow up to tell her children that I did nothing for her.

But that's ok. As long as I know I helped her. I'm ok.

Not happy, but ok.

 

Taehyung hated his memory. He had a circumstantial memory which made him remember everything that he said, people said, events that happened at places. All that he had seen or do.

He remembered from when his dad used to punish him just because he had careless mistakes on his test paper, causing him to lose twenty marks. Taehyung knows now it's because of ADHD but it still hurt to think about what happened back then. He remembered his mother and sister crying their eyes out when his dad chased his younger brother out of the house.

"Taehyung. Do you remember the time I said my dog loved pizza?"

"Jimin, I remember everything I see or do... and hear."

"Well, my dog has stage three cancer and I think it's because of that."

Taehyung turned to Jimin with his eyebrow raised. His attention went to Jimin's dog. The dog was running around barking, jumping here and there, chasing a butterfly.

"Your dog doesn't look like someone who has cancer."

"I'm actually going to be sad when she dies. She is the only living creature I care about."

Taehyung pushed his spectacles up and walked to the dog to pat her head.

"I know."

 

Taehyung felt like everyday, he was surrounded by monkeys. The only difference was that some monkeys were more beneficial than others.

"Taehyung, I believe you can do great things."

"Believe all you want Jungkook." He simply replied.

Jungkook's friend walked towards us and greeted them.

"Sungjae! Meet Taehyung."

"Nice to meet you Taehyung. So you two are friends?"

Jungkook looked at Taehyung. There was this look that Taehyung returned that gave the answer.

"I don't think you can consider the two of us friends."

Sungjae looked at Taehyung curiously. The latter smiled in response.

"I only have one person I consider a friend," he continued, "because he understands me the most."

 

"What the Jimin?" Taehyung's naturally loud voice echoed in the empty hall. Jimin was shaking the can spray as he stood at the center.

"I'm bored. And this school ."

......

"Sounds fun."

Taehyung took a can spray and started spraying the floor. There were streaks of white, blue, red, and green. They were in Jimin's school and they sneaked in just because they could. Prior to this, Jimin had a bright idea of stealing can sprays from the art club and hide them at the hall's backstage.

They were spraying paint all over, being the most craziest they always were. Being the bored, intelligent human beings they always have been and always will be.

No one got hurt. Only sending Jimin to detention and Taehyung to nothing at all.

This was fine. This was fun.

But you're probably thinking how are these stupid stunts are fun because

You don't understand.