I dunno what I'm gonna do in such day.... I feel stupid, useless anxious and totally frustrated...
What should I do with my longing heart, the heart that was depleted in the worst way
as this person that I consider as my all don't know about my existence, probably celebrating this day with...


Ah who could it be?? The members?? Family?? Or his lucky secret girlfriend"
I cringed at my own thoughts as my heart shrinked , I was by the shore, telling my dilemma to the most comforting thing to me , the sea
How did I end up loving him????
I can remember how I started to like everyone, but you it just happened ever so slowly that I didn't even realize I was already drowning
and it's too late for anyone to save me...

Would I ever be able to see you?? Just glimpse would be more than enough, but then I'm greedy, I wanna see you on this special day
the day you came to this world is blessed ,hug you tight, wish you a happy birthday, thank you for being the best part of my life
you are my smile and my tear, my source of happiness and sadness, the reason for my heart to beat.
Aish!!!!!


I'm so desperate this isn't fair!!! How can life be so unfair, how can he be this cruel!!
makes you fall in love so deeply that you can't run away from him and just walk on you
but he didn't at the same time because he don't even know what he's doing with me, but I still want him.


"YESUNG OPPAAA! KIM JUNGHOOOOOON!! YOU DEVIL!!"
and some how the song popped up!
the first comeback after he finished his enlistment ugh!! wtf now??
 I shoke my head to distract myself from how much I'd missed him while he was away
"PUNK "!!!!
"I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!"
"HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEE!!"

"ouch that's so touching.."

I stopped my hysterical screams and then looked at the source of the voice
I found a familiar figure standing not far away from me ,when the hell did that guy appeared???
And why he seems so lost in thoughts, I'm not sure but he gives the impression that he is searching for something
that he doesn't even know what it is, so now i'm wondering ,did he meant me with what he just said?
Or was it out of the blue cuz he looks really lost??


I observed him from a distance
And a crazy random guess of whom this person could be popped in my head
shaking my head again to get rid of the stupid thought but it didn't work as I kept wondering if it's really him or not....


it's really funny how I think I would recognize him when I still didn't fully see his face and have never actually met him before....
I decided to take a closer look ; just to clear my doubts, more like proving myeslf wrong...


The body frame seems skinny yet stringy which indicate he is losing his fitness?
What the hell I'm saying really???
The head looks bigger than it's suppose to be for someone in his size, I'm not saying he is petite though
he has long legs and small feet , thin arms and surprisingly tiny hands.


I can only see the side view of him , I still can't see his face clearly.
he is wearing one if those cute designed caps that matching his style in clothing 
the oversized printed shirt along with the ripped jeans, just like your style..
fancy swag...


Aren't those enough proofs to me that the one standing there clueless or thinkin deeply 'I really can't tell any more' is him.


"Oppa" I called him
The guy turned to look at my direction And now I fee like everything is in slow motion as the handsome face of his looking at me with sharp gaze

I immediately felt lost in the Hypnotizing dark brown orbs and I felt my breaths became uneven
I didnt know what to do except staring back at him; with the same intense.
Suddenly his features soften as a delicate smile crept his small cute lips.
his charming eyes now some how sparkles with joy???
he took a few steps toward me and closed the left out distance between us
You are right infront of me now..


I still can't process this information inside my brain, less than half meter separeting us
Now I wonder if im hallucinating...

I looked at your tired smiling face, you lost so much weight
you most have been working so hard lately and not having enough sleep nor eating properly
Your jaw line became pointy as your chubby cheeks I used to adore are no longer there.
Now you are before my own eyes ; I've become worried more than ever

but then again how can I make sure that I'm not dreaming??

And like you were reading my thoughts you parted your lips "you are late"you said with your slightly husky voice
My eyes widened in disbelief, almost fell from their sockets
My mind was screaming , my heart beats quickened their pace
I wanted to reply but I was still stuck in trance to say anything
And before I realize it tears were forming in my eyes.


Yeah thats how it is whenever i think of you , let alone you being here , infront of me..
how can I regain my composure when the person I treasure the most is right before my eyes.


"Were you waiting for me?" I finally managed to ask as my tears escaped my eyes
You nodded slightly as a reply and extended your arm so that your hand will reach my face and wiped my tears away
"I dont want to see you cry ,not on this day" you said and smiled genuinely
I mouthed sorry to you as I couldn't find my voice anymore .


The hand that was on my cheeks made it way down to my own hand and gently held it
I looked at you with surprised expression more like shocked...
But the grin never lefted your face

You pulled me toward the beach and I followed silently,
where the sand is cooler, the chilly water touches our bare feets and it tickels a bit and I liked it .
We stared at the sight before us silently, as the waves hugging the shore then retreating was the only voice can be heard
The cool breeze passing by sending chills all over our bodies
Along with the sun which was about to set , the reddish orange rays reflecting on the sea water to create the most beautiful scenery
but to me the only thing that's making this scene perfect , is you , only you the other things are just extras.

I looked at you again , you looked so fascinated by the seascape
even when it feels bad to pull you out of your peaceful daze and quite enjoyed face ; I really RELLY had to...
"Oppa" I called you again , you hummed in response without tearing your gaze from the scenery infront of you
"Happy birthday" I said as I felt my heart started to race again and looked away from you .
You chuckled and thanked me

I glanced at you again then back to the endless sea, and after few minutes I felt a stern gaze fixed on me
My cheeks coloured dark shades of pink as a blush crept them and my heart pulse increased with every passing second
I don't know for how long you've been staring but I really can't take it anymore
I feel that my heart is going to burst any moment , and I don't even know what am I suppose to do


"You look beautiful" you whispered
And that's it , here goes the last string that's holding my sanity everything that happened so far was way too much for me to take
and now I'm screwed .

"You have no idea about how long I've been waiting for you"
Wait what??? waiting for who exactly? ?? Me??!!!!
I have to do something about this before my heart give up on me
because even if this was just a dream ,it really went over board

"Are you sure you are not mistaken?" I asked as quietly as possible
cause hell all I wanted to do now is screaming my lungs out
you chuckled amusedly and then looked ahead with a stray look


"You know what" you said and paused , I know he wasn't actually asking me so I waited for him to finish
"I know what I'm gonna say will sound crazily unbelievable but " he took a deep breath then continued
"I saw you last night in my dreams at this exact place"
"Well that's hella crazy " I whispered

well thats what I though, cuz you seemed to catch it since you giggled and said
"I don't even know why I'm saying this, but you know not really really see you , but ugh "

you seemed to struggle much trying to explain, so I just waited patiently
as if i can talk properly anyway


"I just I don't know how to explain it , all i know is you meant everything to me in that dream and we were so deeply in love
I don't even know how that could possibly be , any how I always believed that our dreams trying to tell us something
like giving us a solution , clue or a hint about the future;
and lately I've been thinking alot about how my life is empty that it lacks something so important I never could tell what it is
And when I had this dream about the perfect heavenly place with this girl in it
I didn't know what am I suppose to do so I just came here to find out what it is all about
and then a girl appeared out of no where talking to herself bout how much she is in love with me!!
I tried to keep it cool though and managed to do so some how haha!"
you said in one go then paused for few seconds and took deep breath

"Woah I think I've talked too much that you can't register everything I just blabbered" you end it with a shy laughter.


you are right , I cant register any single thing you just said  the whole thing still so sudden
and now you are  saying that you are right  here cause of me in the first place ???


I think I was hit by car and went straight to heaven before I even get here.. that sounds more logical


I just stayed silence for a while then spoke "okay you are not the one who drools over some crazy y punk through the screen...
and you know what?? Heaven is even superior than I thought it would be" I said matter of factly
"What??" you replied blinking


it you took few seconds to understand what I just said then busrt out laughing
The sight of you was out of this world now I believe he is an angel My very own angel.
"You are so funny you know" I dont even know where all the formalities had gone and neither of us seem to care
as we smiled at each other and I jabbed you slightly, and you laughed at me again.


Yeah this is what I call heaven, just me and you, and the humouros laughters.






yayyy finally i managed to post this wohoooo~
I wrote it for his last year b.day but yeah....
thanks if you spent your precious time reading it