29 February 2016

We Are Banned From Walmart Forever

It was 10pm on a Thursday, EXO, the twelve member team, was bored. Since Suho, the leader (he acts more like a mom), was exhausted, and therefore sleeping, there were only eleven members awake. Without anyone to control them, they're were bound to get into trouble. Tao, Chen, Kai, D.O., Sehun, and Luhan were sitting on the couch, while Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Lay, Kris, and Xiumin were sitting on the ground. Baekhyun being the brilliant human he is says, "Let's break into Walmart!"

"No, wh-why would you even suggest that?!" Xiumin says.

"Why wouldn't you break in is the real question" Chanyeol states.

"Because we don't want to get arrested!" D.O. and Xiumin argue.

"How about we get bubble tea?" Sehun says, in attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah! Let's make the maknae happy!" Luhan says excitedly.

"No," Kris says sternly, "that's a horrible idea, and the bubble tea place wouldn't be open this late."

"Um rude," Baekhyun says, the sassy eyeliner prince (he obsesses over guyliner). The boys, after arguing for half an hour, decide to leave at 12am. After getting ready and dragging

around an angry D.O., they finally got ready around 11:45 pm. Luhan gets in the car and motions the other ten get in. "Hurry up," he says, as he begins to become impatient, "we don't have all day you know."

"You try to get nine men-children ready," Kris says as he pushes Xiumin into the car. The rest file into the car after their hyung, as they don't want to get pushed too. Luhan started to drive towards the store, while the other members were fighting for an unknown reason in the back.

"Why are you wearing sparkly eyeliner and black sparkly clothes?" D.O. asks Baekhyun.

"We just agreed on wearing black, no one told me that we couldn't wear sparkly clothes," Baekhyun replied.

"Yeah, but no one said that you could either!" Kai exclaimed.

After a couple more minutes going back and forth, they hear Luhan speaking in a monotone saying, "You have arrived at your destination."

"Stop pretending to be the GPS lady!" Chanyeol screams.

"I'll stop when you start acting your age!" Luhan retorts.

"I act 24," huffed Chanyeol, "right?" he asked D.O., only to get an eye roll in response.

The eleven boys finally get out of the car and make their way into the store . They argue about where to go first, and finally decide to just walk around. As they are walking, they see brand names that make them question the company's sanity. "Tuan Tuna?" Kai asks, "Why would anyone name tuna that?"

"Wait a second, isn't that Mark (Tuan) hyung from Got7 advertising that tuna?" asks a very confused Sehun.

"Oh my god...it is," Tao says.

"Guys! Look here!" says a very excited Chen, "It's Jackson from Got7!"

"Woah what? He's here?" questions a clueless Lay.

"No you idiot, why would Jackson (Wang) be here at Walmart at 1 am," says Kris.

"Um actually, it's 12:59 am," Baekhyun replies smartly, earning a kick in response from Kris. The younger surprisingly manages to dodge the kick.

"I knew my Hapkido skills would come in handy someday," boasts Baekhyun.

"Anyway, you were saying," Xiumin asks, facing Chen, "what about Jackson?"

"He's on this rice bag and he claims that rice made him hot," replies Chen.

"It makes him warm?" Lay asks, clueless again. Everyone stops what they were doing to and starts to stare at Lay blankly. "What, is there something on my face?" he asks.

"How stupid are you?" Tao states, "He meant hot as in attractive."

"Oh," Lay says.

They walk down the aisle and pause as they see two brands titled "Naughty Casserole" and "Enjoy the Mayo." "Wait a second, isn't that D.O. on the casserole box, and Luhan hyung on the mayonnaise?" Chanyeol asks.

"Enjoy the mayo!" Luhan shouts.

"Naughty Casserole!" D.O. sings.

"Aren't those the misheard lyrics of our songs 'History' and 'Mama'?" Kai asks.

The boys begin walking down an aisle filled with water when they see Sehun on a water bottle with the brand "we-het, ye-het." They question him about it, but he is too embarrassed to answer any of the questions. They hear a crash and turn to the sound, only to be greeted with the sight of an unidentifiable person dressed up as a ladybug fairy. "What was that!" the members exclaim in unison.

"Oh hey guys!" the person, now identified as Taehyung (V), says excitedly.

"Aye yo wassup!" Kris shouts from behind Kai.

V strangely responds with "Turn up!"

"Will you two shut up," D.O. retaliates, "and Taehyung, do you even know what turn up means?"

"Hey V," Kai says, ending the minor conflict, "do you know what that crashing sound was?"

"About that...Jimin rented a bulldozer today...I wasn't sure why, but now I think I do," V nervously responds.

"What do you think happened?" Xiumin asks cautiously.

"Um...check the jam section," V replies.

"Why the jam sec-," D.O. is interrupted mid sentence by Luhan's new ringtone.

"Jimin, you got no jams," the phone repeats. Luhan checks his phone only to see that it was a missed call from an unknown phone number. He reasons that only the girl from The Ring would call at this time, and would say that he would have 7 days to live, so he decides not to call back.

"Why is that your ringtone?" Chen questions.

"Rap Monster said that in a video and it blew up on the internet because it was hilarious. So I decided that it was amazing enough to be the fabulous Luhan's new ringtone," Luhan answers as he pretends to flip his hair.

"Why are you speaking in third person?" Chanyeol asks.

They seemingly forget about Luhan's ringtone as they run to the jam section, where they hear more noises. The guys rush to the jam section just in time to witness Jimin break into Walmart by crashing through the walls with a bulldozer. They stand speechless as they see Jimin scrambling around, taking every flavor of jam, and quietly walking out like nothing happened. As they struggle to process what they've witnessed, they hear a faint "I've got the jams now."

Slowly, as the shock wears out, Baekhyun speaks first, "What just happened?"

"That was crazy," Tao states, "I didn't realize Jimin was that frustrated about his jams."

The now 12 boys seem to forget about the mishap and make their way to the produce section. There, Lay finds an orange and decides it is a magnificent idea to pick it up, name it Tina, and take it with him for the remainder of the night. Although knowing Lay, he probably won't keep track of "Tina" for more than ten minutes. They walk around Walmart for around five minutes, messing around until Sehun hears something strange and says, "Guys, do you hear that, it sounds like sirens."

"I told you we would get arrested now look at what you've done! This is all your fault and I-," Xiumin begins to rant, but is soon interrupted by Sehun telling him to calm down. Before anyone else can say something, they hear somebody yelling over the loud-speaker

"Attention, this is the SWAT Team, alert us of your location immediately and do not try to run or resist!"

Eight of the twelve boys shamefully stood as Luhan shouts, "We're by the greeting cards," he begins to look at the floor in regret. Unfortunately, Tao, Taehyung, and Baekhyun refuse to give up that easily. They begin to fight back against the authorities. Baekhyun and Tao decide to put their martial arts skills to use, and while Baekhyun gets away, Tao is tasered. Taehyung becomes handcuffed when he believes he has magical fairy powers and hits a member of the SWAT team on the head with his wand. They eventually capture all twelve boys and take them to the police station for questioning. They take Xiumin first for questioning. The first question was "How old are you?"

Xiumin replied, "I am 25."

Q: "Ok second question, was anybody else, other than your 11 friends, involved in tonight's situation?"

A: "One other person was involved."

Q: "Who was it?"

A: "Park Jimin"

The questions lasted about a half hour per person, and everyone had similar answers. Authorities decided to keep them for a couple days, but if they got someone to bail them out, they could leave with a fine. They had one phone call, and it was around 8am the next morning, so they assumed their bandmate, Suho would be awake by now. As they usually do, they ended up arguing in the cell. It started when Lay realized he had lost Tina and D.O. said, "Lay, why did you even pick up the stupid orange and take it with you? We all knew you were going to lose it, it's not that big of a surprise considering how foolish you are."

"D.O., please be nice, we are all really stressed out, especially your hyungs," Luhan said, staying calm. Xiumin and Kris agreed with Luhan. As the three oldest hyungs, they were supposed to be the most responsible and will have to take the most punishment for the group's actions. The Walmart representatives tell them that they aren't welcome in Walmart, which is just a nice way to say that they were banned from Walmart forever.

Around lunchtime, Suho shows up with the amount of necessary money, which is four million dollars, including the fine to pay for damages. This may seem like a lot, which it is, but $uho, regularly pays over $800 for the band's (Exo) meals. The boys left the jail to go to their dorm, in which they get scolded by their managers as Suho stares at them with a blank expression. Management is the most irritated with Xiumin, Luhan, and Kris, as expected. The company punishes them by adding new, harder choreography for the group and getting less "free time". Taehyung and Jimin's management, Big Hit, is less harsh, and makes them clean the bathrooms, which is still gross because they are used by 8 men daily. They learned a very valuable lesson that day; I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶a̶l̶w̶a̶y̶s̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶i̶c̶h̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶ ̶  thoroughly think through your ideas before you act upon them.

Author note: I just wanted to turn in my paper with "it's always good to have a rich friend", but Marina strongly disagreed so we cut that part out entirely. Other than that this is word for word. I wrote almost all of this and she edited it and wrote the last paragraphs. Thank god she exists because without her editing this would just be a bunch of incoherent ideas stuffed on to a page.