7 June 2021.

 

The jail cell is nothing but four walls and a mattress, everything grey. The lighting is artificial only, he wonder how long he'd has to spend in here to forget what a tree looks like or the feel of the wind on a stormy day. When the door closes behind him it's loud, that's one heavy chunk of metal. He carelessly dragged his feet across the floor, excited to leave the place for a moment to see the visitor he's waiting for.

 

“Jiyeon!”

 

There sat petite Jiyeon. Her soft, ivory shoulders were exposed and her cherry-red curls fell down her back. Her lips were carefully tinted red and her skin was flawless. Her brown eyes sparkling. She wore a form fitting dress of lacey periwinkle.

 

He setled himself down onto the chair with a guitar on his lap.

 

“Why do you bring it?” She asked.

 

He gives her a bright smile before repying,”Obviously singing while playing this. I made a song for you!”

 

“Really?” She doubt it.”I think─”

 

He cuts her off while glaring,”Don't give a comment before the song end!”

 

Jiyeon chuckled,”Okay fine! let's hear it first.”

 

He nods and starts playing the instrument.

 

I want to breathe, I hate this night

I want to wake up, I hate this dream

I’m trapped inside of myself and I’m dead

Don’t wanna be lonely

Just wanna be yours

 

18 march 2016.

 

There are some people who was born as a monster and there are some people who created them to be one. Just because they didn’t want it, innocent child got blamed, always throwing the babies a question of why they should be born?

 

Meanwhile, they never ask themselves of why they make it in the first place.

 

Just because the life doesn't go as they planned and wished for, they dragged the babies to die with them.

 

Meanwhile, they never try to get up and see how that fragile creatures grow up. They could be a great people who can make you proud, they can be a savior for many people. They could be anything.

 

But once again, they never try.

 

Jeon Jungkook is one of them. He has poor parents, they divorced when he’s seven and it caused his mother went down, depressed. He had lost count of how many times his mother force him to go to hell with her. Survived, he couldn't believe himself. It was when he got news that his mother died when she was crossing the road.

 

Is it his fault to have such a family? No.

 

His fault was just killing two people in his twenty, just because he thought they looked like him, tired of this life. He acted like he gave them a hand by end their life with peaceful death, or he thought so. Strangling them as their head were covered with black plastic bags so they couldn't breathe, like his mother killed the only puppy he brought from the cold street.

 

Is it his fault? No, because he doesn’t learn and no one teach him to feel such emotions people usually has.

 

He is sentenced for amount of his age. The problem is he can't get along with other prisoners and the place was suffocating so he was being transferred to hospital full people who has a mental health.

 

It was rainy day. In the muddy yard, he hugged both his knees using his hands which there are handcuffs in his wrist, doesn’t care of the rain heavily poured his body. His eyes were straight but didn't focus to one thing. Blank.

 

Has no reason to life anymore, he wonders, should he just end everything?

 

Jungkook doesn't aware that the rain stopped to fall above his body but surrounding still remains the same.

 

“What are you doing here?” Jungkook snapped. He lifted his head, only to find a girl with an umbrella right beside him.

 

“Let’s get inside, hmm?”

 

The girl touched him. She leads Jungkook to his room without having a hard time like the nurses always have, he would go wild every time someone laid their hand on him. It was different case for the girl, he’s so obedient.

 

Jungkook keeps staring at the girl until her figure disappeared completely behind the four walls after she put a dry towel and new clothes. What happened? He asked himself. The moment Jungkook saw her face, straight right into her eyes, he felt inviting by the glimpse of wonderful sight, light and colorful. It sent him a warm through his veins, until they meet in one place, his heart. His cold heart started beating unexpectedly fast.

 

Maybe, just maybe, he could hold onto someone for this once.

 

Why is it so dark where you’re not here

It’s dangerous how wrecked I am

Save me because I can’t get a grip on myself

Listen to my heartbeat

It calls you whenever it wants to

Because within this pitch black darkness

You are shining so brightly

Give me your hand

save me save me

I need your love before

I fall, fall

 

For the first time in his life, Jungkook has a proper sleep. It feels great, he doesn't have to deal with his worries and anxieties whenever he remember his terrible experience from the past in the middle of the night. But still, once he opens his eyes, he doesn't know what to do, what he wants to do, or what should he do. He doesn’t know anymore what he lives for.

 

The doctor who visits Jungkook frequently told him that he could start all over again. Could it really work while there is no one beside him but the doctor himself because others are scared even after just hear his case? In fact, society still see people based on their past, telling the reason of there's no guarantee they changed and won't do their bad anymore.

 

This world really wasn't meant for him.

 

As usual, Jungkook hugged his knees in the corner of his room. It has been four years he’s all alone there except the nurses who bringing the foods three times a day.

 

“Uhm,” The mumbling doesn't bother Jungkook, he keeps his head down with mouth closed.”They said there's no snack today, I’m sorry.” With that, the nurse just leave after put a tray of foods.

 

Jungkook buried his head even deeper. Once his mom gave him food forcefully, he threw it up because he knew his mom put something on it. He just could eat snacks afterwards, nothing else.

 

“How could you leave just like that!” Hearing this voice again, Jungkook lifts his head.

 

“He’s psycho, okay! What if he brings harm!” The nurse seemed offended.

 

“Give me the key. I would make him eat, even if I have to feed him. Humans need foods, so he does!”

 

“But Jiyeon—”

 

“I promise I would get off there without a little bruises, just trust me.” The girl named Jiyeon tried to convinced her.

 

The nurse let out her heavy sigh, knowing how stubborn this girl in front of her.”Okay,” She handed her the key before continued,”give me back the key if you’ve done.”

 

Jungkook’s hands suddenly turn cold along with his face which is already pale becomes paler than ever. He always brave, never shaking even when a lot of police pointed him a gun and got shot on his right knee. Now, just because Jiyeon enters his room, his body is rigid. Nervous. He just doesn't know what its name.

 

“As you hear just now, my name's Jiyeon. I’m one of volunteers from University of Kirin.” She introduces herself. It explained why she wears casual clothes when the first time they meet.”I’ve known your story, you’re quite famous though.”

 

Jungkook remains silent. The warm of sun and wind that blows pass by the windows suddenly could he feels after a long time he ignored. His ears caught the chanting of birds as telling everyone that another day has begun. Everything’s strange, everything’s new for him.

 

“Today, the convenient store near the hospital is closed so they couldn't buy you snacks.” Jiyeon said while bringing the tray then approaching Jungkook.”You need to eat, please. I swear this isn't poisoned.”

 

Jungkook couldn't do nothing but shook his head.

 

“Watch me,” The boy fixed his eyes at her according to what she said. Jiyeon grabs the chopsticks and get some rice before chewing it.”See, there's nothing you should scare of, I’ve proved it.”

 

“Here, open your mouth.” Before he realized, his mouth betrayed his brain as the food already inside.”Good boy! People in this hospital must be exaggerated to name you a psycho.” She added.

 

“Is it tasty?” Jiyeon asked.

 

It was hard to say yes so Jungkook just nodded.

 

Jiyeon’s smile sent him some electric shock. He could read the meaning behind the smile everyone gave him; a pity but full of mock. This one he feels different vibe.

 

Could he name it sincere? He wonders.

 

“Yeay! You ate them all!” Jiyeon his hair gently and it makes Jungkook flustered.”May I help you with a shaving and cutting too?”

 

Jungkook get up abruptly and move to another corner. He knows his state isn’t only the problem, his appearance also take a place for being source of everyone’s attention especially his long hair, more than Jiyeon’s.

 

“Please …” Jiyeon insists, this time she uses her weapon which is the puppy eyes and a cute pout anyone couldn't resist.

 

And it works on Jungkook too, apparently. He gives her a nod.

 

So far, he questioned himself, why he always agree to whatever Jiyeon asked?

.

.

 

For about thirty minutes, Jungkook has a hard time to breathe since Jiyeon was just inches away. Smells of mint really messed his mind, not in negative side but in the opposite he wanted to touch Jiyeon’s eyes, sharp nose, cherry thin lips, pink check, chin, all of them.

 

“You look handsome now!” She complimented him with thumbs up.”Ah, it’s not like you weren't fine before, it’s just this time you look more alive,”

 

Doesn't understand what she meant, Jungkook keeps watching her collected the hair without replying.

 

“Look how great my work,” Jiyeon handed him a small mirror.

 

Jungkook jolted in confusion. It can’t be me! He shouted inwardly denying himself that the bright man reflected on the mirror is different person. Hair style with bangs that Jungkook doesn't know is being trend of people’s nowadays gave him vibe of saving ten years from his age.

 

“Do you like it?” Jiyeon asked.

 

There's still no answer from Jungkook and Jiyeon had enough of that.”It’s okay if you don't wanna answer,” She gets up, ready to leave.

 

“T-thanks,”