One year. It had been exactly one year since his world was basically shattered before his eyes

Cold, pristine tiles beneath his feet and the dripping of water pounding somewhere in his head. Such a quick, rhythmic beat to it as though each of drop of water from the faucet of the bathtub was a substitute for a clock ticking away the seconds that passed him by. But it was still so quiet; so,so sickeningly quiet. The white, pristine tiled walls that surrounded him were closing in on him as well, trapping out all sounds and locking him inside the very core of all his problems.

A cell that kept him away from all the things he hated and trapped him with the one thing that could still make everything better.

At some point, the dripping water became a whisper that blended in with all the stray thoughts that lingered in his mind. But yet he was still so aware of the passing seconds and even minutes that seemed to fly by, and he could never quite catch up with them as he was still stuck in the past; unmoving and unwilling to move forward. He didn’t want to catch up. Maybe he liked it where he was. Catching up meant leaving everything he still cared about behind and he couldn’t do that. The present was all of the things outside the door behind him, and he wanted to keep them all out. They scared him, were disgusted with him and made him feel disgusting. They judged his every thought, move, word, breath, and very existence. They tried to hurt him more than he already was and it was the few times that he was glad he no longer had a heart or they probably would have hurt him.

It were the only times he was proud to have given it away.

His back was to the door, trying to keep out any intruders who might dare disturb his few moments of peace with himself even though the door was already locked. He couldn’t risk anyone getting inside. And as he heard the voice behind the door calling his name, like a gentle whisper drifting in the wind of the night, he pressed himself further against the door. He couldn’t be disturbed. Not yet. But the voice got louder and he pulled his knees up against his chest and hugged them tight, shutting his eyes as he mouthed pointless little prayers aimed at a god he didn’t even believe in anymore. It was funny, ‘cause maybe at one point he did believe that there was someone watching over him, protecting him and welcoming him with open arms. But all his faith was torn right out of him and he was left as just a mere empty shell. There was only one thing that could still make him feel alive, that could still make everything worth it all.

And as the voice grew louder, coming closer in search of him, he knew he had to hurry. It didn’t take long for the stomping of hurried footsteps to break apart the silence he let engulf him, and somewhere perhaps that pissed him off as everything he built broke apart in an instant. The panicked knocks on the door behind him were so clear and sharp in his mind but he fought against them, wanting to block everything out. They turned to angry pounds on the door and he could feel them vibrating against his back, causing him to curl in his toes and let  them scrape against the tiles in a manner that would’ve been painful had he not been far too used to it already. The voice was so beautiful, so worried, so scared, as it tried to call him back to it, bring him back to reality and he knew the person wanted to help him back into the present, but he wasn’t ready for it. He didn’t want to be helped and he thought he made that clear enough already.

“H-Hyungwon? Please…” the doorknob rattled and he praised himself under his breath for making sure he remembered to lock it beforehand, “open the door…” He didn’t want to; Hyungwon couldn’t look at him-- or maybe he didn’t want his friend to see him in such a state. Again. He couldn’t bare the look in his eyes, the sound of him choking his sobs back down, and that hideously fake smile he would put on just to cheer him up. He doesn’t want to hear the disappointment in his voice again.

But he did want to feel his embrace.

“Don’t do this, Hyungwon…”

Hyungwon threw his hands over his ears to block out his voice and the knocking that pounded in his head like a drum. But he could still make out the little shuffling on the other side of the door that told him that his friend was probably sitting against it too, his ear pressed to the wooden panels of the door.

He wanted to so badly feel his arms around him, holding him close and whispering little empty words of nothingness into his ear just to cheer him up. He wanted to feel how the heat radiated off his body to provide some kind of warmth against the cold tiles. Most of all, he wanted to cry into his arms while spilling everything that he kept inside; every little secret that he locked away in the protective shell that became his mind. But he couldn’t. No one would believe him, not his best friend nor his boyfriend. So what was the point? He could spill out everything and cry for hours until his tears dried out, he could beg them to believe, he could tell them everything in perfect detail, he could give them proof and everything; but who would believe him?

His body is proof, but how could anyone believe him when he explains why? Sometimes, he can’t even believe it himself; the thing that he fell in love with in the past.

For who would believe him when he tells them that he had loved a vampire?

It was such a strange feeling though; hating the one you love, disgusted by the one thing that kept you alive. Maybe that’s why he did it. Maybe it wasn’t to feel alive, but instead a way to remind himself of why he needs to keep holding onto his hatred. Or maybe it was fear that he still held onto.

“Hyungwon? I-I…” the voice from behind the door sounded so desperate, so worried, and Hyungwon knew he didn’t want to cause his friend any harm. But… “Minhyuk is coming over soon, don’t you want to say hello?” there was a hint of happiness behind the tone, but he knew it was for show. He could still hear the tears and the pain in the words that slipped into his head, reminding him instead of yet another reason he had to be happy: Minhyuk. His boyfriend.

With a sigh, Hyungwon knew he couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t worth it. The scars and bruises and reminders weren’t worth the two second long high he would receive in return. It took him what felt like an eternity to stand from the floor, the dripping of the faucet still ticking away the seconds somewhere in the back of his mind, his legs weak and barely able to support his weight anymore. It’s not like he weighed much anymore, having let himself practically rot away for a year with the support of pills and the inability to keep down anything that he ate. With a hesitant hand, he unlocked the bathroom door and pulled it open, looking down at his friend who had been seated against it.

“Hyungwon!” His friend shot up, tiptoeing just to throw his arms over his neck and pull him into a hug. There were tears staining the shorter man’s cheeks, his voice was harsh from his dried out throat and even almost incoherent between the loud, ugly sobs that forced their way out. “You’re okay, right?” Pulling away from the hug, the man held onto Hyungwon’s shoulders tightly as he looked up at him with tears in his eyes.

“Kihyun, I’m fine,” Hyungwon whispered, not daring to even attempt to put a smile on for show. His friend Kihyun had always been there for him, always tried to protect him even when he didn’t understand. Hyungwon would never tell him anything either, but that would never stop Kihyun from giving him a shoulder to cry on and arms to lean into.

And no matter what Hyungwon did, he’d never be able to repay him for it all.

---

“Remember when you were blonde as well?” Hyungwon could feel how the fingers twirled a lock of his black hair between them, the touch gentle and maybe even a little comforting. He looked to his side, seeing his boyfriend sitting beside him and just staring at his hair with a somewhat nostalgic look on his face and a smile, probably letting himself fall into his memories. “I miss that style so much.”

Minhyuk’s hair was practically white, always an odd and beautiful contrast with Hyungwon’s. “I thought you liked my black hair better?”

“I do! But it’s been a while since I saw your blonde hair. It suited you so well.”

“When you finally stop bleaching your hair I’ll go back to blonde.” Hyungwon put on a smile, sinking down in his seat on the couch so he could rest his head on Minhyuk’s shoulder.

Being with Minhyuk were some of the few times Hyungwon was still happy, always having an easier time finding his voice when he was with him and even putting on genuine smiles. He loved Minhyuk so much and with all his heart,but he knew he didn’t love him as much as the boy did and Hyungwon hated himself for that. Minhyuk showed him nothing but love and happiness and cared for him every second of his life and he would give him anything, do anything for him; but Hyungwon could barely even say aloud that he loves him. He didn’t know how or why Minhyuk loved him, how he could continue to cling onto him like he was his life when Hyungwon did nothing in return but hurt him.

And Hyungwon was so disgusted with himself that he knew ‘hurt him’ was such an understatement.

“I miss my black hair actually, so maybe,” Minhyuk caressed the younger’s cheek so comfortingly with the tips of his fingers, smiling down at him softly when Hyungwon closed his eyes and slowly let himself drift into a sleep with Minhyuk’s shoulder as his pillow.

---

The summer heat was probably what got to him, but Hyungwon felt so light headed all afternoon as the sun beamed down on him for hours on end all since morning. Saying that he was pissed off wasn’t even a start to describing just how he felt, and it actually didn’t help how Minhyuk continuously dragged him around the fairgrounds from stand to stand. The blonde looked so happy and like he was having the time of his life, practically bouncing around with his unbelievable amount of energy despite the heat that was slowly killing Hyungwon. He could hardly breathe even with shorts and his t-shirt sleeves rolled up all the way up to expose his shoulders to some kind of breeze (or the lack of any) yet Minhyuk wore a long sweater that was so noticeably too big on him as the sleeves fell past his fingers. It was one of Hyungwon’s sweaters that he had given him a few months ago and the blonde seemed to always wear it whenever they went out together. Even Kihyun had made a few comments about how Minhyuk never seemed to take the sweater off, which always just earned a few awkward laughs from Hyungwon and Minhyuk both.

Hyungwon frowned and maybe even got a little bit more pissed off whenever he saw him wearing that sweater in such heat, but he knew why he did so he never said anything especially considering it was because of him the Minhyuk had to wear it..

As the blonde pulled him by the wrist to an ice cream stand, one of the brightest smiles on his face that Hyungwon had ever seen, Hyungwon couldn’t even muster up enough tolerance to order anything for himself so Minhyuk was forced to do that for him. “Here!” he said cheerfully, handing Hyungwon the small plastic cup filled with mint ice cream and pieces of chocolate sprinkled on top. He knew exactly what Hyungwon liked.

They sat at a small bench eating the ice cream as quickly as they could as it had already started melting by the time Minhyuk even was finished ordering. “Can we go on the ferris wheel next? Then let’s try out a few roller coasters before we look for something to eat for lunch!” Minhyuk wasn’t even finished with his ice cream yet but he was already planning out their next hour or two.

Fortunately for Hyungwon’s sanity, the ferris wheel wasn’t too far away and they got in it quickly, sitting beside each other. Minhyuk could barely sit still even in the cramped compartment as he had himself attached to the window beside him, his mouth open as he stared in awe at how different everything looked from the highest point. Hyungwon, on the other hand, really couldn’t care less. He had one leg thrown over the other as he only sunk further into the uncomfortable seat and frowned at the way it just made his clothes stick to his body from the sweat more and more. And he was staring straight ahead but not really staring at anything at all.

“Hyungwon! Look! You can see one of the roller coasters from here!” Minhyuk pointed out, settling down in his seat just to give Hyungwon a better view from the window. The brunette barely spared it more than a glance as he said nothing.

Minhyuk frowned, watching how Hyungwon’s eyes looked straight ahead once more as he allowed himself to get lost in thought. “Are you…” he said a hushed tone, suddenly feeling sick. “Are you not having fun?” When Hyungwon said nothing in response, not even glancing at him, Minhyuk felt his heart sink. The funny thing (or pathetic thing rather) was just how common that situation was and Minhyuk figured he should be used to it after months, but it still killed him inside. It still crushed his heart into a million pieces and it becomes harder and harder to pick up those pieces on his own each time.

It became harder to stop the tears and the self-hate that came with it as well; the feeling of disappointing Hyungwon and just how pathetic Minhyuk saw himself as whenever he did.

He could do nothing. He was useless. Unnecessary. Pathetic. Uncaring. Unloving. Desperate.

To him, Hyungwon did everything for him but Minhyuk couldn’t even make him happy on a date. He was clingy and he knew that more than likely annoyed Hyungwon. He was breaking from the inside out; he could feel his whole body trying to collapse onto itself, and his mind was trying to shatter itself piece by pathetic little piece. But he couldn’t lose Hyungwon.

He was nothing without Hyungwon.

He threw himself from his seat and onto his knees in front of Hyungwon. He brought his hands to Hyungwon’s knees and held onto them for dear life as his whole body trembled in fear and he could practically see his whole life flashing before him already. “I-I’m s-s-s-sorry! I’m s-so sorry!” each syllable had to be choked out as he struggled to speak against his tears and ugly sobs. “P-Please, H-Hyung...won! I’ll d-do better...next…next t-time!”

Hyungwon stared down at him, his leg still crossed over the other as he watched his desperate pleas. His pathetic, desperate pleas.

“T-T-The ride’s almost over!” Minhyuk said with tears staining his cheeks, his eyes red and puffy already, and a soft smile on his face that told an entirely different story. “We’ll l-leave and go...right back to my a-apartment! I-I’ll prepare a bath for you a-and you can relax there…”

Hyungwon leaned forward, using his hand to force Minhyuk to lift his head to him, and smiled at the blonde. He closed the gap between their lips, feeling little vibrations against his when Minhyuk moaned in satisfaction and gratitude. The kiss was short-lived, but when Hyungwon pulled away he saw a smile on Minhyuk’s face and he used his thumb to gently wipe the tears off his boyfriend’s cheeks.

---

The very second they returned to Minhyuk’s apartment he ran a hot bath for Hyungwon just like he said, and while Hyungwon was relaxing in the bath Minhyuk decided he’d prepare a snack for them as well and immediately darted for the kitchen. Hyungwon sat in the bath oddly, keeping his knees against his chest so he could fit himself against the width instead. It was extremely awkward as sometimes bathtubs were already too small for him to relax himself in normally but there he was, his toes up on the side of the bathtub while his back was pressed almost painfully into the other side.

He stared at the wall on the other side of the bathroom, thinking once again on how it had been a year. Exactly one year since he last saw him. A year and he still couldn’t stop thinking about him. A whole year and he was only getting worse with each day that went by. Or maybe there were somethings he was doing better at than he had months ago, like how he managed to get through the morning without having to show Kihyun what a ing mess he was. How ed up he was.

Kihyun and Minhyuk, they didn’t know anything. They thought they both knew, but they didn’t know of all the thoughts that plagued his mind every second of every day, or the way that he could practically hear his own blood pulsing through his veins if he strained his ears enough. How he was slowly destroying himself and he liked it that way.

Or how perfect the unmarked areas of their flesh looked to him.

His fingers twitched at his sides, pruny from soaking in the hot water for so long. He was losing it again, he could feel it; that familiar feeling as he felt himself slip under and what little bit of himself he still had left was pushed away. It always happened when he thought about him, and it was no different. He had the privacy, he had the time, and he had the water to wash it all away when he was done. Usually he hesitates for a few minutes, trying to fight with himself to not do it, but that time all his desires got the better of him and he let himself fall into a moment of weakness.

He didn’t even notice at first, either, how he accidentally soaked the tiled floor with water when he threw his arm out of the bath too quickly and brought it up to his mouth. The only thing he was aware of was the coiling in his stomach and how his shoulders tensed up against the way he ran his tongue over his wrist. He would always lose complete control of himself in those moments as he turned into something else. Something dangerous that sometimes even scared him. Something that wanted to hurt him. Something that wanted to hurt Kihyun and Minhyuk.

Something that only got stronger each and every day.

Something demonic.

Something like him.

As he placed his teeth around the side of his wrist, feeling how his bones moved beneath the surface, he felt his whole body relax as it knew the release was coming. And couldn’t keep himself waiting, biting down slowly just to give himself time to feel that beautiful scream build up in his throat. It came out in short, muffled, deep whimpers as he pressed down harder and harder and harder. The flesh tore against the pressure; he loved the feeling whenever it did and god the sound of it tearing open to allow his teeth to sink in was like music to his ears. It didn’t take long until he felt drops of blood on his tongue and just after the disgusting yet rich taste of blood began to fill his throat, washing over him and making him actually feel content for once that day, that he finally felt at peace.

When it started to sting every time he harder on the wound, he pulled away and dropped his hand back in the water, staring down with peacefulness finally flickering in his eyes as the drops of blood still on his arm began to cloud the water. And he could feel how the water seeped into his wound, providing more stings that he inevitably hissed at.

Just then, the bathroom door was thrown open as Minhyuk stepped in. “Hyungwonnie,” he called in singsong. “Would you prefer vanilla or--” as Minhyuk peeked at him from behind the door, he saw the scarlet drops in the water and he rushed over to him in a panic. Dropping to his knees with a crack as he hit the tilted floor too hard (though he paid it no mind), he dug his hand into the water and grabbed Hyungwon’s wounded wrist, pulling it out to get a better look. He didn’t care that he got his sweater wet in the process.

“Are you okay?” he cried out, tears already welling up in his ears as Hyungwon stared at him blankly, his body loose and relaxed as he was still on his high. “You have to stop doing this!” Minhyuk ran to grab a washcloth and bandage and hurried back to clean up the still bleeding wound. As he tightened the bandage around Hyungwon’s wrist, he reached over and cupped the brunette’s cheek. “Come on, you should get out.” He put on a smile as he got Hyungwon to his feet and carefully helped him step out of the bathtub. With his injured wrist in one hand and his other arm wrapped around Hyungwon’s waist, he carefully walked him over to the sink where he grabbed a  towel and began to dry his hair and body with it.

Wanting to bring Hyungwon back to reality, Minhyuk smiled softly as he tried to get his mind off the wound and all the destructive thoughts that Minhyuk could only imagine. “Food will be ready soon. So how was your bath?” he asked as he dried off his shoulder.

Hyungwon just nodded though, not really paying any attention to what Minhyuk was even saying. His mind was so cluttered and he could already feel a migraine coming on, beating behind his eyes. Thoughts of Minhyuk, of Kihyun, of him were all destroying his mind and he didn’t know what to do. So he did the only thing he could think of. The only way to ease his desires. The only way to make his blood pump through his veins with adrenaline kicking in.

And he didn’t hesitate to throw Minhyuk against the wall, a hand on his chest so he could hold him against it. Their faces were mere centimetres apart as Hyungwon watched Minhyuk trying to collect himself, trying to adjust to the sudden change in the situation and to replay what had just happened in his mind. When he did, Hyungwon loved to watch all the emotions race past in Minhyuk’s eyes, their reflections  in the orbs so beautifully clear. At first it was confusion but it didn’t take long until fear began to cloud his brown eyes and obscure his vision and even Hyungwon could tell just how much it did. Fear, hate, understanding, delight, and even love all flicked in Minhyuk’s eyes at once and they all confused Hyungwon for a moment, but he didn’t let himself dwell on such needless things for long.

The blonde’s fingers curled against the wall, the tips of his fingers and nails scraping against the smooth surface. “It’s okay… I deserve it after...today.” He shut his eyes, unable to stare into Hyungwon’s any longer. They were so dark, so daring, and...so empty.

Hyungwon looked so lifeless, like it wasn’t even him that controlled his body and mind anymore. And Minhyuk didn’t want to see that. He didn’t know how, when, or why Hyungwon seemed to fade away more and more with each passing day, and he tried his very best to keep him together, but it always seemed like such a waste as Hyungwon just got worse. He was losing himself every day and that scared Minhyuk more than anything ever could.

Every day that Hyungwon grew further and further away from reality, let himself sink into an abyss of self-destruction, Minhyuk let grief take him over as he could only blame himself for it all and each piece of Hyungwon that was lost was just another piece of himself lost as well.

And if letting that fear wash over him like that, drown him in his own abyss of self-hatred, was the only way to keep Hyungwon alive and with him, then he’d put on a smile as he let the love of his life destroy him piece by piece every day if he must. And that’s probably why, when he felt Hyungwon’s slender fingers pull down the collar of his sweater to expose his shoulder, he tilted his head to side to give him more access and wrapped his arms around his tall frame. It was when Hyungwon’s teeth met his shoulder did he wince and let out a small cry in both pain, fear, and anticipation, but he also put on a smile. It didn’t take long until everything began to spin, spots of white creeping into the darkness behind his eyelids and he shot them open, his mouth opening wide into a silent scream as his whole body felt so light, so empty, yet weighed him down so much at the same time.

It was when he felt that sharp pain shoot through his shoulder, hearing the disgusting tear of his skin breaking between Hyungwon’s teeth, that he let his nails dig into the taller’s back, raking his nails down his spine and probably drawing some blood of his own. But he couldn’t tell anymore as he kicked his leg forward, his nerves taking full control of his body as he tried to shove Hyungwon away. Hyungwon had to stop, the pain was too much for Minhyuk to handle and he could already feel his mind slipping away as he fought against himself and all of his screaming thoughts.

No. Minhyuk was the one that had to stop. He loved Hyungwon and he’d never stop loving him, even if it meant the pain.

But it was too late as Hyungwon pulled away and admired the violent, disgusting bite mark on Minhyuk’s shoulder that blood still oozed from before dropping his proud smile to stare into Minhyuk’s eyes. It was like a battle, like Hyungwon was screaming at him and maybe Minhyuk could even hear his screams in his head somewhere and he was fighting against both himself and Hyungwon in a battle he knew he wouldn’t win no matter which side he was on.

“Are you still scared?” Hyungwon asked, his voice so weak from lack of use. “I thought,” he put on the most wicked smile Minhyuk had ever seen, one that sent shivers up his spine and sparking warnings in his head as the brunette neared him, “you said you’d do anything for me?”

He nodded his head frantically, letting the tears stain his cheeks and his lip to quiver as he pushed himself into Hyungwon’s arms. “Of course! I’ll do anything for you! I promise.” He pressed his head against the crook of Hyungwon’s neck, sniffing as the smell of lavender shampoo and body wash overwhelmed him. Hyungwon wrapped his arms around him, neither of them caring that he was still soaked as he patted at Minhyuk’s head.

“I love you,” Minhyuk whispered, letting his words be muffled against the flesh for a moment before pulling away just enough to see Hyungwon’s face. “Because I love you and I will never stop loving you.” Hyungwon smiled so softly at him and it made Minhyuk’s heart beat faster, pound in his chest as that all-too familiar light feeling filled his stomach again as he still couldn’t help but let that butterfly feeling wash over him every time he saw Hyungwon’s smile. He felt so safe and happy and content when Hyungwon pulled him into a kiss.

---

Night had finally fallen and with it came a somewhat peaceful state of mind for Hyungwon which was a little surprising at first. Minhyuk had long since fallen asleep after they ate dinner so Hyungwon was quick to put him in his bed so he could at least sleep comfortably and without getting sick. Afterwards, Hyungwon left the apartment in a hurry as he just needed to be in the lone, quiet atmosphere of the night as he strolled through the neighbourhoods aimlessly, a gentle breeze finally blowing through.

He had no destination, simply wanting to let himself walk through his thoughts as he for once wanted to organise them. After all, it had been a year since he allowed himself any sort of peace. But there some realisations he came to that made him wish he had ignored them all and just went to sleep with Minhyuk, let his warmth wash over him as he let the night slip right past him.

As he found a small bench along the side of an street, not a single person in sight, he let the subtle sounds of the night drift around him, invading his mind and pulling out every last little thought of peacefulness and every disgusting thought that plagued his mind for a year. It was only as he sat there, thinking about Minhyuk and everything that he does for him and every way that Hyungwon hurts him as repayment, that he realised something (maybe deep down he knew all along.)

But it took him eight months to finally accept that Minhyuk was just a replacement.

He didn’t love Minhyuk, he put on smiles and kissed him when he needed to be; but ultimately he only kept Minhyuk has a quick way to release all the pent up feelings and urges he got whenever he thought about him. About his love. His love from a year ago that protected him every day and made him feel safe and loved and needed and made every little pathetic moment seem precious. But then he left, taking with him every last piece of Hyungwon and leaving him as just an empty shell that practically screamed and begged to be destroyed finally.

He spent an entire year fighting with himself to forget him, but every day he just loved him more and every day he hated him more as well. It had only taken a few months after he left for Hyungwon’s feelings and thoughts on him to become some twisted and distorted blur and he wanted,needed to tell someone.

But who would believe him when he said that he had loved a vampire?

That they were even real?

He let his eyes slip closed as walked himself through his distorted memories, letting all those moments they shared in the past to flood back to him and break him. But what broke him the most of all, more than he ever thought possible, more than even he ever had, was when he heard a voice.

His voice.

Hoseok’s voice.

Throwing himself from the bench, Hyungwon turned to the side to see that familiar, beautiful, and yet disgusting face of his smiling at him as he neared.

“Happy Anniversary, Hyungwon.” His smile was so sickening, making Hyungwon wonder how he could’ve ever loved such a creature. “You look well. How have you been holding up?” he knew. He knew. Hyungwon could see it in his eyes as his words were so mocking and laced with poison.

“I look well? My friends all think I’m insane so, yeah, I’m doing just fine! Don’t worry about me.” Hyungwon tried to hold himself together, tried to return the man’s smile with his own, but he just couldn’t. The sight of him was so beautiful. Hyungwon had spent a whole year building a wall around himself to block him out, but as they both stood there, inches from each other and staring into each other’s eyes, he could feel those walls breaking as he just so badly wanted to hold him and to be held by him.

Hoseok laughed, putting a hand on Hyungwon’s shoulder in such a supporting way and Hyungwon was disgusted with himself when he felt his cheeks become hot. “Hoseok… Tell me, why a year ago did you...did you leave?”

Silence dragged between them for most likely no longer than a minute, but to Hyungwon it was the longest silence he ever found himself in. But when Hoseok finally spoke, Hyungwon questioned what he had been expecting because his words weren’t it no matter whatever it was he had prepared himself for. “Simple: You broke. And when toys break, we throw them away, don’t we?”

“‘Toys’? I was just a toy to you?” He clenched his fists, gritting his teeth as it all started to make sense. And he hated every moment of it.

“What else would you be?”

“Then,” he glared at Hoseok through his lashes, “why was I the only ‘toy’ and experiment of yours that got to live?”

Hoseok smiled, letting out a soft sigh as he stepped closer to Hyungwon, not surprised when the brunette didn’t step away. Hoseok’s blonde hair was so much more striking than Hyungwon had remembered it being, but perhaps it was because after a year of waiting and losing hope he had managed to forget some details of Hoseok. And he wished it had stayed that way.

Snaking his arms around Hyungwon’s waist, Hoseok pulled the younger closer and earned himself a small gasp in surprise when he rested his chin on Hyungwon’s shoulder. “Because you’re special,” he whispered.

That’s all it took for Hyungwon to start melting in his arms again and he felt so pathetic. He let his hatred build up for Hoseok for a whole year but there he was, finally able to tell Hoseok how much he hated him, but instead he was letting himself fall back into his arms and his cold embrace and his empty words that were still so full of hope and promises. He only then realised that even with Kihyun and Minhyuk there for him, he had been nothing but lonely that past year without Hoseok.

“Special...?” he said mostly to himself and a smile spread across his lips. He liked the sound of that.

“Of course.” Hoseok pulled away a little, smiling at Hyungwon as he cupped his cheeks and tilted the younger’s head forward so he could press their foreheads together. God, he was always so good at this stuff, Hyungwon thought. “You wanna know why?” he asked and Hyungwon didn’t hesitate to nod, doing so almost desperately as he was deprived of Hoseok’s touch and gentle words for so long and it’s all he wanted at that point. It was all he wanted for a whole year.

“Because I managed to turn you into a monster without even trying.”

His words struck at every nerve in Hyungwon’s body and rang through his ears endlessly like a broken record. He was a monster. Hyungwon became a monster and he couldn’t even deny that.

“You turned me into one,” he whispered, his smile dropping. “You, Hoseok. You created this monster before you.” He gritted his teeth once more, knowing at long that if Hoseok wanted to see a monster, then he’d give him one. He’d put on the best damn show of his life. He would torture Hoseok like he did to him, he would leave him screaming and begging for mercy or begging to just be destroyed already.

He’d give Hoseok, a damn vampire, a demon.

Grabbing at Hoseok’s blonde locks and yanking his head back, taking advantage of his height as he smirked down at him. “I’m just trying to live up to your example.”

But Hoseok, he had the nerve to smile back, to grin from ear to ear as though he was proud. “No. I was nothing like this to you. I’ve seen how you treat Minhyuk, your ‘boyfriend', and you’re so much worse than I ever was.” Hoseok bit his lip in satisfaction when he could practically see how his words struck at Hyungwon’s nerves. “I broke you in the most beautifully cruel way one could, but you’re destroying that boy in the most demonic, manipulative manner that even I have ever seen.

I didn’t turn you into a monster, Hyungwon; that was all you. I just gave you a little push.” Hoseok used his strength to fight against Hyungwon’s hold just enough to place a small peck on his lips.

“Again: I’m just living up to your example, Hoseok.” Hyungwon released the blonde locks and instead held Hoseok’s head up to him by his chin. “I’m gonna turn Minhyuk into a monster just like you and me.”

And Hoseok had the nerve to laugh, to show his amusement so proudly as though he had planned all of it from the start, and Hyungwon had to stop to wonder if her had. “It’s funny, Hyungwon.” Hoseok reached for Hyungwon’s other hand and laced their fingers together. “I’m the monster here, the one you humans call demons and disgusting and dangerous. I’m the ‘creature of the night’ or whatever else bull terms you humans have created for us. But yet you, a mere human, is so much disgusting and demonic than I am.” He leaned close, their lips brushing. “You call me a monster, Hyungwon, but you haven’t seen what you’ve become.”

“I’m special, remember? I can’t let that all just be talk.” The distance between them was almost nonexistent and he began to wonder who was teasing who in the situation. “I’m just a special toy with a self-destructive mind that you destroyed.”

“No. You’re more like a bundle of broken nerves and an ever slipping sanity.”

Hyungwon smiled, actually liking his little description. He didn’t realise it at first, but whatever hatred he kept inside was slipping away each second and he blamed it on Hoseok’s hands around his waist. “Glad you came back to see the little mess you created?”

“With the utmost pride and joy.” Hoseok closed the gap between their lips but it was so short-lived that Hyungwon didn’t even have time to respond to it and that made him frown a little bit. Hoseok bared his fangs at last, running his tongue over them as Hyungwon could tell his eyes were so focused on his neck, the look of hunger burning in Hoseok’s red and bloodshot eyes.

And Hyungwon admitted that something in him awakened once again and that he never felt such a thirst as strong as that one before. He wasn’t even a vampire, but whatever thing it was that Hoseok turned him into, it thirsted for blood as well and just as much.

And in that moment, the monster inside of him thirsted for Hoseok’s blood. All of it. Just as he had thirsted for Minhyuk’s and Kihyun’s blood for so long as he felt so deprived of it. Hoseok used feed off of him so much, but in return Hyungwon used to get small tastes of Hoseok’s blood as well, letting the poison of Hoseok’s blood burn his throat far too many times.

And perhaps it was that small act of kindness as Hoseok returned the favour of blood with his own, that made Hyungwon what he was.

That turned him into a monster.

Because, even in the end, he would do anything for Hoseok. Hyungwon was nothing without him.