Light footsteps made its way down the stone pavement. The street was busy with school kids and workers going home. Compared to the fast paces of the other pedestrians, Kyungsoo took his time. It was rare that he got to leave earlier than eight p.m.

Linkin Park was loud in his ears and his steps were small, slow. There was a certain serenity in walking slowly within a fast-moving crowd, staying to the side of the walkway. His eyes watched, seeing the grey or navy coats of the adults and bright yellows and whites of the students.

All of it blended with the beige pathway, the green grasses, the black or silver cars and the cold grey buildings. He hummed, looking up at the sky to see the blue, white and pink mixing together. The sky always made him stop, thinking of caramel.

Blue, like Jongin's denim jacket today, folded up to his elbows with brass buttons clinking. Wrinkled at the arms but crisp at the torso.

Pink, like Jongin's hair, always styled messily, the tone of pink going lighter as it spans from the hairline.

And white, like Jongin's lace crop top, showing off his toned stomach, creating a flutter of attraction to go haywire once again inside Kyungsoo.

Ethereal was the sky, as ethereal is Jongin. His laugh addictive like candy, his skin irresistible like caramel being poured and his smile easily followed.

He gulped, feet quickening, making his way to the station as fast as he could. The female voice of the announcer was heard a thousand times, informing the arrival and departure of the trains, but Kyungsoo didn't mind it at all. He was sketching, his fingers tingling as it drew line and curves alike, the black forming a realistic shape against stark white.

What's done is a portrait of Jongin, his beautiful smile wide on his face. Kyungsoo added a few crinkles by his eyes and hummed in satisfaction.

He smiled back at the picture, closing it and holding it on his lap as he waited for the next train. He gasped when he saw it was already eight. He had spent two hours at the train station- just drawing Jongin.

He his lips in worry. The female voice announced the next train's incoming. Kyungsoo stood, making sure to stand behind the yellow line as the train came. The wind from the train blew Kyungsoo's hair into disorder and he tried salvaging it a little.

The train doors opened and Kyungsoo stepped in, cool air hitting his face. It was as he was sitting down that he realised he left his sketchbook outside. Quickly standing up, he jogged to go out again, except the doors shut right at that moment. He stared in dismay at the bench outside, further being engulfed by the dismay when he saw a male picking his sketchbook up curiously.

Pink hair, denim jacket, caramel skin. His heart skipped a beat as Jongin looked up, eyes catching his.

Everything became a blur as the train sped away.

•

There was the clacking of keyboards, keys that have become a white so old, it was almost yellow. Kyungsoo was editing the last of his essay in a corner, further shrinking into himself when the door clanged open. Three figures walked through. Kyungsoo couldn't remember the other two but that one pink-haired male was unmissable.

He was dressed in a simple beige button down today. It was loose, probably two sizes bigger than himself, making Jongin appear much slimmer than he already is. His pink hair was still messy, as per usual, and Kyungsoo stared in wonder as Jongin pushed his hair back, gold immediately catching Kyungsoo's eyes.

The earring was a conjoined piece. The leaves at the helix trailed to the single rose on the lobe. Kyungsoo's hands itch,fingers grappling for his bag, searching for his sketchbook.

Oh. Oh yeah.

He looked up helplessly, peering at Jongin and hoping he could somehow get it back without asking the other for it. It was impossible though. Kyungsoo mulled over the consequences before standing up, going only a step ahead before sitting back down.

He couldn't. The chatters of the class were loud and no one would probably notice him if he asked Jongin for it now, but it was too risky. He didn't like attention, and he didn't want to talk to someone so attention-grabbing; as much as he liked to look at him.

There was a thud as Kyungsoo sat back down. He looked up, eyes closing in on Jongin setting the book on his table. The sketchbook was opened to the latest page, a picture of Jongin smiling with the sky nearing sunset, pink and blue hues fusing.

Kyungsoo felt a sense of dread seeping from his eyes to his heart. He's caught now.

"You drew me hyung?" Jongin asked, smile easy as per usual, "This is amazing. Like, really truly amazing."

Kyungsoo was surprised. He had expected a creeped out look as the most minor reaction- but Jongin is happy. Happy?

He glanced down at his drawing, seeing Jongin with a unicorn on his shoulder too, a rainbow sprouting from Jongin's head to the back of the unicorn.

"This is so cute,really." Jongin exclaimed, reminding Kyungsoo that the male was still in front of him. "And I'm honoured."

"Honoured?"

"Yeah,you drew me, a normal person into an artwork." Jongin said, hands playing with his earrings. "And this whole book is filled with the different outfits I wear. I'm impressed."

"You're not weirded out?"

"Am I supposed to?" Jongin questioned. His lips were pursed quaintly, head tilting to the side as his eyes widen by just a little. Whether it was intentional or not, Kyungsoo didn't know, but hell, Jongin looked adorable.

"No, it's good that you're not." Kyungsoo finally murmured, taking the sketchbook to place it back in his bag. Jongin stood still, hands reluctantly resting on each other as he nodded, quickly walking away.

Kyungsoo saw a glimpse of red when Jongin walked back to his friends. A small circle of colour blooming on Jongin's cheeks as he looked hesitantly at Kyungsoo again, smiling when he sees Kyungsoo looking at him too.

Kyungsoo smiled back, taking out the sketchbook again and resting his pen on a page as it weaved- the side view of the tanned male slowly being transferred from ink to paper.

•

Kyungsoo had a convenient part time job. It was at his school, which means if his classes ended at 3.45, he could just have a shift at 4.00, with some time to spare.

It was a routine. Get in the green door, greet the old Mrs Song, put his bag by the receptionist's desk and make coffee. Then, he would start arranging items in the office, run some errands, entertain Mrs Song- before he knew it, he'd be done.

Today, there was something off. The first thing he noticed when he ran to the office was that the green door had been repainted. It was a plain white now. He spent a good minute just staring at the new colour, before realising he still has a job to catch and going inside. The second thing was that he was five minutes late, the second hand strangely on the number one, instead of the normal twelve. The third and final difference was that the coffee was a different brand, an Old Town on the packets instead of Nescafe. This would mean a new technique of making the coffee taste good. He sighed.

Kyungsoo hated change. He breathed in routine. When something changes, something would catch in his throat and he would try to choke it out. He continued on with work though. Life waits for no man after all.

At least the sound of the water pouring into the cups were still the same, a few drops splashing and landing on his hand. He grabbed the cups and passed it to every office member, heart faltering when he reached the receptionist to see Jongin there.

"May I help you?" Mrs Song inquired. Jongin was about to reply before glancing up, seeing Kyungsoo. He excused himself from Mrs Song, walking to Kyungsoo.

"Here." Jongin's arms were extended, a pink lunchbox perched on his palms. Kyungsoo looked at it questioningly, eyes on the lunchbox before looking up to Jongin.

He took the lunchbox warily, "What is this for?"

"I liked your drawing. It's a token of appreciation I guess." Jongin scratched the back of his head, his cheeks were pink, eyes lined with a beautiful mauve that Kyungsoo didn't realise before. Maybe he just freshly applied it.

"Oh. Thank you." Kyungsoo murmured. He was kind of scared. Not being weirded out was one thing, but giving him presents and such? Jongin was strange.

Jongin bowed quickly before jogging out. Mrs Song sneered, her eyebrows wiggling. Kyungsoo only shook his head, placing the lunchbox beside his bag.

When he opened the lunchbox later in the afternoon, he and Mrs Song gasped together. The contents were cute, adorably formed sushi rolls. They were in the shape of a circle, seaweed being the substitute of features, such as eyes, nose and lips. What it becomes is simply rice faces. The fishballs were pierced with heart-handled sticks and there was a small flower-shaped paper tucked beside the sushi rolls.

'Enjoy your late lunch (early dinner?) hyung!' was all the note said but Kyungsoo could feel the flames underneath his cheeks, his heart warming as he took a small bite.

After much contemplating, he took his pen and sketchbook out, hands sketching the lunchbox and a small chibi Jongin sitting by the fishballs and sushi rolls, huge eyes peering upwards.

Kyungsoo smiled, writing down a bubble for Jongin, writing down the words on the card. He drew a bubble at the edge of the page,adding his own reply. Later, after work, he slipped it through Jongin's locker, forehead leaning against the surface for a while before leaving for home.

'I did enjoy lunch. Thank you for the adorably-crafted lunchbox. Did a fangirl of yours give that to you or did you buy it? Thanks nonetheless.'

•

Lunch was uneventful for Kyungsoo. As had been mentioned, Kyungsoo loves routine. So lunch usually consisted of the same type of sandwich, same lunch buddy, same line of mumblings heard.

In truth, Baekhyun babbles- a lot. He talks about the widest world issues to narrowing it down to his own personal ones. Kyungsoo listens to it like it's just one sound. An endless CD playing till a chime from his phone reminds them both of classes.

He notices things again. How his usual table was empty and after much frantic searching, he sees Baekhyun with Sehun. Sehun and Yixing and Jongin.

Jongin.

His heart stuttered, his steps slow as he made his way to the table in the centre. He had seen Jongin earlier and today he was wearing a lot more makeup than usual. Kyungsoo had to be honest. Whenever Jongin wears noticeable makeup, his inner fanboy would be too much to bear.

He loves Jongin in makeup. He loves it so much he made his own artwork of Jongin in makeup to a poster that he sticks in his cupboard.

Jongin kept it simple today with the clothes, a baby pink chino paired with a plain white shirt, leather jacket draped over his shoulders. His shoes were a leather pair of loafers, no socks and no accessory except a gold watch. His pink hair had been combed back, a stray hair curled in the middle.

Then; his makeup. His eyes were a simple brown and black combo, no liner, no mascara- just eyeshadow that had been buffed into his outer eye area. He had contoured a bit too, making his features even more defined that it already is. And his lips were coated in a deep dark purple. An almost black colour but the purple sheen was glaring. Kyungsoo felt a thrill run down his spine.

Baekhyun grinned up at Kyungsoo, very much aware of Kyungsoo's adoration for Jongin. "Hey Kyungsoo, Sehun invited me to sit with them, you don't mind, do you?"

"I would have liked a warning next time, but it's fine." Kyungsoo replied, quickly turning around to shuffle back to his own table. A hand clasped around his wrist and he glanced back, ready to retort for Baekhyun to let go. Except, it was Jongin who was looking up at him eagerly, lower lip bit.

"You can sit with us too hyung," Jongin said hopefully. Kyungsoo could hear Baekhyun's monologue of killing Kyungsoo if he didn't say yes. So he nodded, staring at the ground too much to notice the immediate smile he placed on Jongin's face.

He untied the eye patch to fix his hair a bit, hands roughly tugging the hair down. He placed the string around his head, eye patch placed carefully on his left eye.

"I got your artwork just now hyung." He heard a shy whisper to his right and he looked at Jongin, "It was adorable,thank you."

Pink and brown looks so well together, Kyungsoo thought, staring at the pink flush against the deep skin. Jongin had a shy smile on his face too, hands playing with the chopsticks in his hand.

"You're welcome," Kyungsoo replied, clearing his throat as his eyes wandered to the lunchbox in Jongin's hand. "Oh yeah, was that bought? Mrs Song was asking,"

"Oh um," Jongin hesitated, eyes shifty. "Actually, I made these myself."

There was a three second pause as Kyungsoo properly processed the information. "You made that? Wow."

"It's easy actually, I can teach you sometime." The pink flush seems to be turning almost magenta, Jongin's slender pointer scratching his cheek.

"Hm, I'd like that." Kyungsoo replied, not exactly knowing why he said it, but not wanting to take it back either. Usually, he would be flustered by now, shaking his head and finding a reason to avoid breaking his routine.

"Great!" Jongin exclaimed suddenly, hand slapped over his mouth when he realised how loud it was. "I'll tell you when and where soon."

Kyungsoo nodded,eyes finally looking back at the table to see three pairs of eyes looking at him and Jongin. "What?"

"Nothing." Baekhyun replied, smirk intact as he looked at Jongin then Kyungsoo again. "Must be nice to be oblivious to other people's third-wheel nature."

Kyungsoo didn't get it but Jongin immediately turned as red as he possibly could.

•

The rain was heavy at night. The clouds overshadowing the town made the sky looked black and everything seemed a blur to Kyungsoo. He couldn't even see the sycamore tree he has just opposite of his house.

He grumbled about being soaked wet as he walked to the kitchen, dumping his clothes in the laundry basket and grabbing a new pair of pyjamas. Taking out a pot, he set about about to cook, grabbing the instant porridge, tea bags and utensils. Two minutes. That's how long the porridge cooks. He took the pills out of the cupboard, placing the jar on the tray as well as the bowl of porridge and cup of tea.

He opened the door to the room and stared wistfully at what is, vaguely remembering of what was.His mother had long hair. What used to be taken care of was now a tangled mess. He gently tapped her on the shoulder, trying to smile when she looked up at him in confusion.

"Dinner?" He whispered, grabbing the bowl and a spoon. He blew on the spoon a little, feeding her slowly. Three spoonfuls and a pause. Two spoonfuls and a pause. One spoonful.

There was barely anything in the room. White walls, white bed, white closet. No mirrors or pictures were decorating the room at all. It's a wonder his mother hadn't gone totally insane.

"Mom, are you sure you don't want anything in your room?"

"No," was the usual reply and today was no different. His mother barely talks after the incident. Kyungsoo should have expected it, really.

He left her after giving the necessary pills, his own self walking to the toilet and taking off the eye patch. He cleansed his face, the bottle giving off it's last remnants. He needed to buy a new facial cleanser, and a bottle of shampoo too.

The eye patch was left in the cupboard behind the mirror. He didn't immediately go to bed though, there were some minutes where he would just stare at the mirror in his room. Right eye staring at his blind left one. What had once been a dark brown is now a very washed out grey- almost white.

Forgiving is as good as love, isn't it?

•

"Hey hyung," a voice whispered loudly just as Kyungsoo took out his Enid Blyton book, ready for a small nostalgic fest. He lifted his eye to see green eyes staring back. He blinked once, vision panning out to see the full image.

Jongin was adorable today. He had always dressed classy and just a little bit of funky that Kyungsoo had to really look again. Then again, it was still classy no matter what, only he took the tone a little to the adorable side.

He had a light blue cotton shirt on with white cuffs and white lines of ruffles down the the front. Black pants covered his legs and a pair of black velvet shoes to pair with it, an oval gem with golden details circling it. That part was normal.

His head part was something Kyungsoo immediately felt an itch to draw again. One, Jongin was wearing green contacts. Two, he had a pink blush on his cheeks, his eyes were shadowed with a rose tone and his lips were the a rosy colour too. Fake freckles scattered all over his cheeks. And three, his head had a pair of cat ears perched. Cat ears.

"You look cute." Kyungsoo said before he could stop himself. Jongin immediately blushed, his natural flush deeper than the makeup offers.

"You think so?" There was a second of Jongin just looking down and fixing a bit of his shirt before muttering a 'thank you', "that's not what I'm here about though. Uh, about the lunchbox offer? Want to do it today? At my house? After school?"

Kyungsoo stared, "Oh,I have work though."

"It ends at eight right? I have ballet till eight too, so it's fine right?"

"I guess so." Kyungsoo nodded. He hadn't really meant it when he agreed to be taught but it would never hurt to try, he guesses.

"I'll meet you at the train station later hyung." Jongin said, leaving Kyungsoo with a cheeky smile as if to subtly remind Kyungsoo of the whole reason Jongin started talking to him anyway. He sighed, grabbing his sketchbook and letting the image of Jongin in his outfit work as a drive for him to draw. Guess his Enid Blyton fest will have to wait another day.

•

His steps were quick. He had a fleeting regret that he won't be able to walk leisurely as per usual, but he was already three minutes' late as it is, he's not about to try and add on more.

When he finally reached the platform, face red and chest heaving, Jongin was already there. Oh god Jongin still looked so good while Kyungsoo was just a mess.

He fixed his hair, walking to Jongin with a small smile. Breath still heavy, he greeted him. Jongin beamed as he looked at Kyungsoo, expression transitioning to alarm when he sees the sweaty state Kyungsoo is in. He grabs a tissue packet from his backpack and hands it over, only nodding at Kyungsoo's appreciative glance.

"I live at Street 23, you don't live that far right?"

"Nope, I live over at 35 so it's fine."

The train ride was silent. Not awkward- at least not for Kyungsoo. He enjoys quiet journeys anyway, where he silently stands in one corner of the train and stares out the window at the passing buildings, trees and other stations. Jongin seems to enjoy the same as he stood in front of Kyungsoo and looked out the window too.

It was the moment Kyungsoo entered Jongin's house that he realised how different him and Jongin is. The walls were painted white with modern art hung along the walls and some small sculptures on the surfaces. Jongin seems rich.

"Nice house."

"Hm? Thanks," Jongin replied, walking straight to a door at the end of the hall, "I don't really like monochrome though."

The white door opened and Kyungsoo had to gasp. The living room had seem so beautiful but so cold,Jongin's room is a direct contrast.

The walls had been pasted over with a vintage flower wallpaper, browns and pinks blending together. There were some white drawers and white bed frame with mauve bedsheets. The floor was white marble and he had a whole part of the floor with knitted dolls lined up. There was one on the bed too. It was a small penguin it's wide eyes had deeply wrinkled eyebrows.

"I made them myself." Jongin said and Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows, impressed.

"You're like that one shoujo manga I read, Otomen?" Kyungsoo wondered, remembering one of his favourite mangas. It was true, though. Jongin has the same characteristics as the male protagonist.

"You read Otomen?" Jongin asked, his tone rising. Kyungsoo nodded and Jongin made his way to a wooden cupboard by the corner. He opened it to reveal the full collection of Otomen, from Volume 1 to 18. "I love Otomen."

Kyungsoo neared the cupboard, mouth agape and eye wide like a little kid at the candy shop. "Wow, you even have Ore Monogatari. What the- you have Zig Zag?"

"It's a guilty pleasure okay." Jongin replied, cheeks reddening by just a little. "Did you watch Otomen's drama?"

"Please don't remind me that the exists. Why is it not an anime? The casting is horrible."

"I know right? And the Ryo Miyakozuka is so basic ,how could they do that to such a strong character?"

"I know!" Kyungsoo supported, eyes rolling just at the thought. "And Asuka is too handsome, like I know he is supposed to be handsome, but he just doesn’t seem right."

Kyungsoo didn't realise it, but they chattered about Otomen and other great Shoujo mangas as they walked to the kitchen. Then and there, a sense of comfort seems to veil his heart, making it seem light as they continued to talk.

The art of making bento was complicated. Jongin put a lot of thought, skilfully shaping the rice balls into flowers, adding some fried tempura as a fence and nori beds beneath the flowers. The rice flowers had salmon roe in the middle, acting as the bud. "There, not so tough right?"

"Uhh.. I think so?" Kyungsoo supplied, eyeing the lunchbox charily. Jongin didn't see or didn't care for the doubt and grabbed a new box with some more rice, nori and tempura.

"You can try now."

And so he did, failing and looking up at Jongin hopefully for his expertise. Jongin only laughed, telling him he could do it although he himself was almost convinced he couldn't.

"Oh wow, I'm actually done." Kyungsoo held the lunchbox in his hand, grimacing at the sloppy handiwork and falling roe. The tempura didn't even stand carefully and he had eaten a little bit of the nori.

"That looks good hyung!" Jongin quipped and Kyungsoo could cry at how nice the other was being. He merely shook his head though, following Jongin to his room to eat the lunchbox they just made.

"You eat mine and I'll eat yours." Jongin said as soon as they sat down, transferring Kyungsoo's lunchbox with his own. Kyungsoo would have protested but Jongin was already digging in, a hum of satisfaction leaving his lips.

Kyungsoo ate the lunchbox Jongin made, tongue appreciating the taste. Jongin would make a damn good husband. "You're just like Asuka, except you don't hide under a façade of manliness."

Jongin smiled bashfully, head bowed. "I used to hide, but I saw an ad of guys dressing up once, and it was just..."

"I mean, clothes aren't supposed to be a barrier. Fashion is supposed to make you shine, your inner thoughts, your inner moods on the clothes you wear. Your interests clear even before you spout a word you know?" Jongin continued, eyes almost dream-like. Red suddenly shot through his face and he looks down, murmuring. "Sorry I was rambling, wasn't I? I just get all passionate."

"It's fine." Kyungsoo said, a smile forming on his lips. For some reason, his heart felt warmer, his body suddenly restless. "It's nice that you're very passionate about it. Makes drawing you all the more worth it."

Jongin looked up, lips slowly parting before joining again, gulping. "Thank you hyung."

Jongin looked down again, the redness dying down but still very much there Kyungsoo bit into his chopsticks, holding it there as he felt his calves tensing. There was a certain purity about Jongin. Every time he laid eyes on him, it just added to the attraction. It didn't help that he has a personality to match.

Makes liking you easier too.

•

"Sleepover? What are we? Ten?"

"Oh come on Kyungsoo, don't act like you don't actually want it," Baekhyun retorted, wiggling his eyebrows. "Besides, we have some celebration in order!"

"What celebration?" Jongin asked, Kyungsoo and Sehun nodding in agreement to the question.

"Well, 13th January is in between 12th and 14th- so you know, your birthdays?"

Kyungsoo looked at the pointed fingers towards him and Jongin and his eyebrows raised. "Your birthday is on the 14th?"

Jongin nodded, scratching his cheeks shyly. "Yours is on the 12th, what a coincidence."

"You could even call it fate," came Baekhyun's cheesy one-liner. Kyungsoo rolled his eyes,focusing on Jongin rather than the other males (specifically Baekhyun).

"So, what do you want for your birthday?" Jongin looked down, eyes on Kyungsoo's hand, lips pressed together.

"I don't mind hyung," Jongin replied, "As long as we get to spend time with each other, that's fine by me."

The others cooed, some mockingly, others genuine, but Kyungsoo could barely hear it. His heart was loud- thunderous almost. Jongin seemed red from the tip of his nose to the perimeter of his jawline, bashfulness simmering atop his sweet words. It makes him all the more adorable, all the more..likeable.

God, Jongin needs to stop. Kyungsoo fears the fast pace of his heart. There was a rush of excitement, sure, but all in all he could hear his mind begging him to not.

To please not fall in love.

•

13th of January came all too soon. Kyungsoo went to Baekhyun's apartment, Jongin's present in his hand. The place was decorated mediocrely since none of them wanted to clean up a lot, so they ended up only letting some balloons float to the ceiling. Kyungsoo helped with the food but a call of his name has him running out of the kitchen.

Ephemeral. If Jongin only needs one word, then Kyungsoo could offer that. A beauty truly from somewhere out of this world. Perhaps Kyungsoo is exaggerating but some things needs to be tweaked with exaggeration because that's how greatly it needs to be expressed.

He comes in, pastel green sweater with random placements of pearl beads with champagne satin pants, his head was already possessing a birthday party hat. Jongin smiled when he saw Kyungsoo, walking to the older and placing a party hat on his head too. "Happy belated birthday hyung."

Jongin's hand lingered in the strands as he adjusted the hat carefully. His finger slid on Kyungsoo's face as he slid his hand down the sash,tying a ribbon at the chin.Kyungsoo looked up at him, a sneaking whisper lingering in his mind. "Happy advanced."

The words hung in the air, Jongin's hands still under Kyungsoo's chin, eyes still on each other's. "Hyung.."

"Hey guys, eating time !" Baekhyun's voice cut through the tense air. Kyungsoo found his shoulders drooping in relief, letting out a breath he didn't even knew he was holding.

"Hyung?" Jongin's hand was held out and Kyungsoo grabbed it. They walked to the kitchen, hand in hand. Kyungsoo forces himself to look at the food instead of just Jongin’s hand. He marvelled over the food spread on the table, his lips lilting.

"I cooked your favourite Carbonara so eat a lot okay, Kyungsoo baby," Baekhyun cooed, pinching Kyungsoo's cheeks lightly. He swat it away, picking the fork up to eat.

The dinner was way too noisy. Each clank of spoon on plate, glasses being thudded back on the table, mouths opening to challenge with a joke funnier than the last.

It resulted in a too-red faced Kyungsoo, clutching his stomach as he begs for them to stop.

Later, Jongin was the first to unwrap his presents, smiling when he saw Kyungsoo's and opening it first. Inside was a choker with a purple moon charm dangling. Along with it was a drawing of Jongin staring at the moon, hands gripped tightly around the choker.

A 'thank you' would have sufficed but Jongin had other plans. A whiff of some sort of honey-like floral scent invaded his nostrils as Jongin hugged him tightly. "I love it hyung, thanks,"

Breathe, Kyungsoo reminded himself. His arms slowly crept up from the floor, hugging Jongin in return.

His warmth felt nice. His present and presence was nicer.

•

He left the living room for a while, smiling at the group as he excused himself. Quickly dialling the number he knew by heart, he counted five seconds. The line connected and a raspy 'hello' was heard.

"Hey mom, are you alright?"

The line was quiet, only sounds of heavy breathing. "Kyungsoo?"

"Yeah?"

"You won't be home tonight?"

"No, uh I have a birthday party at my friend's." Kyungsoo said, heart starting to burn.

"Oh." his mother replied, keeping quiet again. Kyungsoo counted five again, "who's birthday is it? Is it that Baekhyun kid?"

"No, uh, it's mine."

The silence could be burnt by the flames engulfing his heart right at that second. A small whimper left his lips when his mother let out a staggering breath. He hoped, gripping his fist tightly. Maybe today she would cry and tell him she's sorry. Maybe she'll finally come to her senses. That's what happens in drama shows, right?

Reality is reality and after five seconds, his mother whispered a "Happy Birthday" before the line went dead.

30 seconds.

•

It was a whisper that caught Kyungsoo's ears. He looked away from the quiet street in front of him, finally deciding the bicycle he'd been staring at was a light turquoise, and not a blue.

Jongin was by the sliding door, smiling. He came to sit beside Kyungsoo, a plate of cake in hand. "Hyung, did you need some alone time?"

"I did," Kyungsoo muttered, taking the plate with a grateful nod. "I'm fine now, though."

Jongin nodded, eyes looking out to the street, smiling as he stared at the sky. Kyungsoo followed Jongin, noting the navy blue and how the moon looked so yellow against the dark blanket.

"Is that bicycle blue or turquoise?" Jongin suddenly asked. He was peering hard at the location of the bicycle, eyes squinting.

Kyungsoo gaped. "I was asking myself that too, I think it's a light turquoise,"

Jongin snickered, a 'really?' leaving his lips as he looked back at the bicycle. "Hm, turquoise."

Jongin leaned back against the chair, head landing on Kyungsoo's shoulder softly. Kyungsoo could catch a whiff of honey. His heart hummed.

"Hyung?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you think of me?"

Kyungsoo blinked. He looked down at the tuft of pink hair. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" Jongin now got up, looking at Kyungsoo with a pout on his lips.

"We're not close enough for me to know." Kyungsoo said, resting his head on his hand. "I can't just judge you by what I presume is your personality, right?"

It was silent. The crickets seemed to sing even louder now. Kyungsoo looked at Jongin, about to apologise if he had somehow offended him in some ways. To his surprise, Jongin was smiling.

"I made the right choice." Jongin murmured, grinning when he sees Kyungsoo tilt his head. "We'll get closer right hyung?"

Kyungsoo is scared. He doesn't want to delve into something that created a monster in his mom, but he finds himself unable to reject the idea because it does sound appealing. It sounds like everything he had ever dreamt of.

He's more scared of disappointing Jongin.

"Of course we will. Time will play it's duty."

•

Tick tock.

His mom muttered chimes. Muttered seconds. Muttered hours. She wakes up with an announcement of the date, the day and the time. She would look at her husband with a light grin, watching the sun teasing his skin.

She touches his hand. It was rough. She notices the ring missing but decided to ignore the emptiness, instead looking back at his face. She knows their marriage is on the brink of falling into a bad, bad turmoil. Her love stays and that's enough, right?

Tick tock.

No it's not.


•



The lunchbox becomes the norm. Dark skin warming his becomes a constant and husky whispers of inside jokes is a uniform thing by now. Kyungsoo convinces himself he doesn't like it, but the incessant heart beats and warmth trickling all over his body- along with his blood- says otherwise.

Maybe he does like it, a little too much.

He ignores the looks Sehun gives him, ignores the pushing Baekhyun does, he ignores it when Yixing gives him a secret smile, and even ignores the burn on his back, or on the right side of his head. Jongin is looking at him, he knows he is. He acts like he doesn't, he just stays frozen, fiddling with his pencil and gripping the sketchbook extra tightly.

There's one person he couldn't ignore, though.

His Mom wasn't meant to see anything- but she did. She stared at the drawing for a long time. Kyungsoo had left it in the room while he went to grab the pills that he forgot earlier. The drawing was of Jongin during the birthday party. Green sweater and champagne pants detailed to life, with his party hat almost slipping.

"You like him, don't you?" His mom looked at him. He couldn't tell what she was feeling. was set in a straight line, her eyes monotonous.

Kyungsoo grabbed the sketchbook away from her hands, trembling as he placed two pills on her hand. She didn't say anything else, just gulped down the pills and stared out the window afterwards.

Kyungsoo was scared, scared that when his mom says it, his own mind was agreeing, his heart thumping in approval. He walked up to the door, breathing in to calm himself.

"You don't have to deny it Kyungsoo."

•

Kyungsoo the weathered edges. The snow was falling now. The temperature had sunk low, and white was against every surface. Kyungsoo watched time flew. He stared as lunchboxes grew into an omnipresence. He watched as the pair of just him and Baekhyun re-solidify as five. He felt as his heart beat two times faster when eight p.m comes and Jongin would come running out of ballet, his lips stretched wide when he sees Kyungsoo.

He fell, and his heart fell with him. He was in the middle of the pavement on the way home. Luckily,the street was empty. The snow was cold against his buttocks but he couldn't even bring himself to care. His neck was burning- his eye too.

Fear was a clawing creature, hooking it's sharp nails deep in his mind, deep in his heart. It's black mouth would open and whisper to him. "Kyungsoo,love will only bring a disaster. Look at what it did to your mom,"

He got up on staggering feet, fixing the eye patch and shaking his head. He closed his eyes and quickly wiped at the lone tear. Kyungsoo doesn't need to look at what love did to his mom, every time he sees his right eye- he knows.

•

His subconscious tells him no. It tells him to turn around and quickly run away, but he stupidly stays. Jongin catches up to him. Jongin in his stupidly adorable lilac cashmere sweater and flower crown, grey contacts steel-like.

Kyungsoo smiles a little, his eye ravishing and basking in the beauty.

Damn it, Jongin.

Yesterday he had told himself that he will try to let these feelings dissipate. It wasn't Jongin's fault that Kyungsoo likes him, and it's not his burden to bear that Kyungsoo fears love.

So he stays and lets Jongin near him. He stays and stares at the quirk in Jongin's lips, listening to him chatter about Haikyuu. He stays and lets his hand brush against Jongin's, feeling the gush of warmth rushing all around. Up his arms, down his torso, around his cheeks.

He stays and questions how exactly he's going to not like Jongin, now that he's already slipped.

•

Kyungsoo didn't know how, but they're at Jongin's house again, munching on prawn crackers and seaweed strips. On the screen is the ending sequence of Haikyuu. Kyungsoo sighed. Jongin's room was still it's vibrant self and the penguin plushie was tucked in between Kyungsoo's legs. He patted it's head softly.

"You know," Jongin started and Kyungsoo turned his head to him. "That plushie was made while I was actually thinking of you,"

Kyungsoo blinked, peering down at it again, smiling when he finally sees the resemblance. In his mind, the fleeting thought of how the plushie was made within days of them first meeting each other passed through. "How long did it take?"

"Two weeks, at least?" Jongin pondered, tapping his chin. "I take quite a long time, because I'm still new at it."

Two weeks. "So that would mean you made it even before we talked, right?"

Jongin's eyes widened and his face reddened. He stumbled over his words, trying to stutter out a plausible reasoning. Kyungsoo snickered to himself. Jongin was extra adorable like this.

"It's fine, I drew you before we even talked too, remember?"

Jongin sheepishly nodded, smiling a little. "Does that mean you liked me even before?"

Oh. Kyungsoo was caught now. What was supposed to be a reassurance had backfired on him completely. He looked away from Jongin's intense stare, catching sight of a fabric peeking out of Jongin's closet.

He stood, ignoring Jongin's indignant whine and carefully opened the doors to the closet, taking out the piece.

It was a dress. And a gawkingly beautiful one at that too. It was a light blue, the type that is almost white, long-sleeved and sleek with a sheer fabric at the front. Patterns of lace the only way someone could hide from baring their chest's skin. The bottom was a long skirt, flowing like water.

"Hyung," Jongin's mewl interrupted Kyungsoo's study of it, quickly taking the dress away from Kyungsoo's hands and shoving it back in the closet.

"Did you make that?" Kyungsoo asked, still amazed at the immense detail. The fabric had been such a perfect choice, and the stitching had been meticulous too- Kyungsoo needed to draw that on Jongin.

Jongin nodded and Kyungsoo sat back down, taking out his sketchbook and quickly drawing. Jongin sighed, he knew when Kyungsoo got into his frenzy drawing moments, the best he could do was keep silent. So he went out, making dinner for the both of them.

Kyungsoo let a smile upturn the nature of his lips, making the fabric look as light and billowy on Jongin as he can. Just as much as Jongin had made it look like a natural stream, he had to portray that with his pencil. Jongin came back right when he was done and he showed the piece to Jongin. "You'd look so pretty,"

Jongin glanced at it briefly, groaning. "Too bad I won't ever wear it."

"What?" Kyungsoo's face fell a little but he tried to catch it. Jongin bit his lips, wringing out his hands and cracking his knuckles nervously.

"I'm still insecure about wearing skirts and such." Jongin murmured, tracing the skirt on Kyungsoo’s drawing tenderly. Kyungsoo took Jongin's hand, squeezing it once.

"It's okay, one day the confidence will come, and I'll make sure to capture it as how I see it." Kyungsoo replied, beaming at Jongin, wanting to wipe away the doubtful look. "You know you look beautiful no matter what you're in, right Jongin?"

Jongin's eyes were shining, and he murmured shyly, "I don't, but if you look at me that way, then it's fine for me."

"No, Jongin listen," Kyungsoo placed his hand on each side of Jongin's cheeks, determination blazing. "It doesn't matter what I, or any other think. It is simply you- if you feel like wearing a dress and you feel beautiful in it, then do it. Don't dress up for me, or for anyone else."

Jongin's hands were atop his, and Kyungsoo could feel the heat of his cheeks on his palms. He was getting ahead of himself, he knew, but he couldn't help it. Even the most confident people have their insecurities, who would have thought?

"I won't dress for anyone else hyung, not for you or society, just me." Jongin grinned and Kyungsoo grinned back, letting his hand fall away from Jongin's cheeks.

It was as Kyungsoo left that Jongin said thank you. And they both knew it wasn't just for spending time with him.
 

•


"Hyung, help me with these?" Two bottles were shoved in his face and he glanced at them briefly.

"Nail polish?" He murmured, eyes still on his sketchbook. He was at the eyes, and lord knows he at drawing eyes. It needs his utmost attention. "I'm bad at precision. Can't you ask anyone else?"

Another brief glance. Jongin pouted, setting the bottles on the sketchbook. "Hyung, please,"

Kyungsoo sighed. He looked up at Jongin, picking the colours up. Kyungsoo took Jongin's hand gingerly, not noticing the slight smile Jongin gives him. He ignores his brain marvelling over the beauty of his hands.

It's just hands, Kyungsoo.

He knows though, as a person who adores drawing people that Jongin's slenderness was something to be envied. It was bony and pudgy all at the right places. His knuckles were a shade darker than his golden tone, but was that an imperfection?

Is it an imperfection if Kyungsoo finds it beautiful?

"I already painted on the base coat," Jongin said, grinning widely. Kyungsoo wonders why Jongin doesn't just continue on since he already started alone anyway, but the action was innocuous. Nothing wrong just going with it.

It was when he had finally fixed the last finger that he finally looked up. Kyungsoo had been so focused, he hardly noticed the silence.

Jongin was simply looking at him. The stare was directed at his eyes. Specifically,the right one.

Without warning, Jongin reaches out,thumb softly patting the blue-veined lid. He shudders out a breath, his heart pumping itself too quickly. The rush of blood to his cheeks was instantaneous and he closed his eyes.

"You're so beautiful,hyung."

His eyes snap open. Wide eyes stare at almond-shaped ones. He couldn't understand Jongin's serious expression- he didn't want to.

A small rose bloomed on Jongin's cheeks then, his head hanging as he looked down, hand resting on Kyungsoo's shoulder. He chances up, his fingers gripping tighter.

"I like you hyung, will you go on a date with me?"

A fish is out of the water, he thought as his lips open and close numerous times. He finally jumped up, bowing and running off, hands covering his mouth, fingers squeezing his cheeks lightly.

He almost said yes.

•

Kyungsoo dreams one thousand cotton candies, twelve rainbows and one Kim Jongin almost every night. He dreams of yellow and pink because apparently that's his interpretation of happiness in colours.

Tonight he dreams of cold steel. One hundred stabs of a sharp knife, twelve horses parading in arrogance and no Kim Jongin.

An eyeball rolls around the surface of the water, floating like a lily pad. He crouches, hand reaching out to grab it. Just as his hand makes contact with the water, a black hand pulls him in and he flails. His arms try to reach for an old root, or the ground, but to no avail.

The water surface becomes a distant thing. He stares up, letting the hand drag him even lower. There's nothing he could do.

On the sand of the water, Kyungsoo walks, finding himself able to breath. The bubbles flutter around him, like small wings. He stops when he sees the tombstone.

Do Hyunsik.
1970-2015

The eyeball had sunk it seems, the little circle landing on top of the tombstone. It had a dark brown pupil, it's stare directed at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo touched it, then woke up.

•

The next day, it comes as a surprise to Kyungsoo that Jongin still trails behind him when he goes home. He stops, and feels Jongin halting too. Turning around, he finds Jongin fiddling with the hem of his shirt, his stance as stiff as a board. "What are you doing Jongin?"

Jongin mutters something but the wind caught it, flinging it to nay. Kyungsoo nears him, eyebrows drawn together, "What?"

Jongin's cheeks immediately boomed red and Kyungsoo realises how close he had actually neared. He backed away a step.

"I said," Jongin repeated, clearing his throat, "I'm just going home."

"Ballet finished an hour ago and I know because your ballet instructor has to report to the office,"

Jongin bit his lips, his eyes darting left and right. Kyungsoo sighed, turning around, "Whatever,"

A hand grasped tightly around his wrist. "Even if you rejected me, it doesn't mean I have to stop liking you. We can still be friends."

Kyungsoo faced Jongin again, surprised to find a most determined look on his face. His hand was still around Kyungsoo's, although now loosely hanging. "You'll regret it."

"Maybe," Jongin chuckled, "but feelings make you do stupid things I guess,"

"It does," Kyungsoo said and Jongin doesn't miss the solemn look that settles on Kyungsoo's eye.

"Tteokbokki?"

"At 8?" Kyungsoo questioned incredulously.

"Why not?" Jongin replied, "So,are you in?"

Kyungsoo shrugged,walking to the station and letting Jongin follow.

"My treat," Jongin offered, lips stretched in a careless grin. Kyungsoo catches his gasp before it tumbles out, but he still exhaled deeply. Jongin's beauty catches him off guard every time.

"Okay, deal,"

•

Red, pink and light blue lights reflect on Jongin's face. He grips his pencil tighter as he slants the tip a little, shading it lightly. He didn't want a strong red- just a kiss would suffice.

Kyungsoo didn't realise the shadow casting over him till his mother tapped on his shoulder thrice. "And you deny it still."

Kyungsoo quirks an eyebrow, "What?"

"Your sketchbook is practically filled with drawings of this boy and you deny that you like him," his mother whispered, voice raspy from lack of use. "learn to realise Kyungsoo."

He kept quiet, watching his mom take a glass and pour it with water. Anger simmered deep inside, long suppressed grief suddenly boiling over, reaching the brim.

"You don't deserve to say that Mom," Kyungsoo stood from his seat, grabbing his pencils and sketchbook.

His anger seemed to deflate as soon as he shut his bedroom door, his back leaning against the frame. The phone rang then, and he picked it up. A glance at the screen tells him to anticipate greatly.

"Hey hyung," Kyungsoo sighed happily, placing his sketchbook on the table.

"Hey Jongin," a smile flirted his lips. "Why the sudden call?"

"I don't know," Kyungsoo hears. He imagines Jongin with his cellphone in his room, playing with his knitted dolls. Specifically,the penguin one. "I just needed to hear your voice."

"That's so cheesy," Kyungsoo laughed, Jongin laughing along with him. "You wanna grab ice cream?"

"Now?"

"Yeah,"

"Sure!" Kyungsoo chuckled at the excitement he could detect. Jongin was so precious. "It's- it's just the two of us right?"

Kyungsoo smiled. Jongin sounded so eager, just like a lone puppy. Kyungsoo just wants to pat him. "Yeah,just the two of us."

"I like that,"

"Like what?"

"Just the two of us," Jongin repeated, "I like that."

Kyungsoo chuckled, his heart hitting his ribcage hard. "Yeah yeah, see you later,"

What Kyungsoo meant to say was 'me too'.

•

His lips froze around the spoon, the ice cream a little too cold. Jongin seemed to be holding in his giggle, lips curving around the brim of his mug.

"Shut up Jongin,"

"Wha-? I didn't say anything."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. He knew what Jongin was thinking. It was winter.Who eats ice-cream during winter?

Jongin doesn't know, though. The ice cream was cold enough to numb the thoughts and feelings. So even though he winces from the too-cold condiment, it was still welcome.

"Are you okay hyung?"

"Hm?" Kyungsoo looked up, lips taut around the spoon. "I'm fine,"

His words were muffled and Jongin smiled. He thinks he hears the words 'too cute' but he doesn't let his mind ponder. The street was quiet this time of the day and the ice cream shop, unfortunately, does not have their heater working.

"Hyung.." Jongin said after a while, "do you wanna go to the beach?"

"It's winter Jongin."

"You're eating ice cream,"

Kyungsoo looked at the ice cream momentarily, "True."

The chair scraped and Jongin's follow suit, his grin wide. "You're gonna have fun.I promise."

Kyungsoo nods. There was a small awkward moment when their hands brush, but Jongin breaks it when he distances himself a little. Kyungsoo realises he hates the distance even though he knew he should be thankful. So he nears the other in return, avoiding Jongin’s questioning gaze and smiling warmly every time their fingers brush.

•

The midnight waves crashed at the shore. Kyungsoo watched Jongin prance around in his pearl coat, oxfords attempting a tippy toe .It was serene. The remnants of the sweet taste of ice cream still lingers, and a sight of true beauty in front of his eyes. Divinity- something presumed to be so unattainable yet here he is.

The symphony of the coarse sand against his feet, the choir of crashing waves, the graceful tilt of the composer's hand- much like Jongin's dancing figure. Kyungsoo wants to forget. So he does.

Jongin's offered hand was accepted and he held it firmly as they both ran near the waves, only to run back up when it comes too close. They twirl and sprinkle the freezing water at each other. They waltz, head looking up, imagining the stars as their own audience and the sand, their stage.

And Kyungsoo's heart hums, because he hasn't had happiness like this in so long. He listens to the laughs that explodes out of Jongin. He feels the warmth of Jongin's thin palm skin. He sees the bend in those thick lips, and his own curls.

Jongin leans into his shoulder, their hands still clasped. Kyungsoo lets him, because tonight is for the forgotten to be relived.

Then tomorrow, the relived shall be forgotten again.

•


Mrs Song was humming as she arranged a pot of cactus by the sink. She passed a sunflower to Kyungsoo, chuckling at his confused face. “Stop looking so sad all the time. Wrinkles are going to set in in a jiff if you’re like this.”

Kyungsoo smoothed the lines on his forehead with his hand self-consciously. He twirled the flower between his fingers, setting it by his bag. “Wrinkles are the least of my problems, Mrs Song.”

“But for you, it might just be the main,” Kyungsoo snickered, only narrowly avoiding Mrs Song’s hit. He feels his heart smiling a little along with him. The scent of the sea was still strong in his mind even though it’s been months. He can’t help it. Every moment he is reminded of Jongin’s loud laughs, and his beautiful smile. He’s reminded of the way Jongin’s hand naturally fall on his waist as they spun in circles, trying to avoid stepping on shells and wincing when they do. He remembers Jongin’s hand in his when they finally go home, swinging.

He definitely likes Jongin.

The realisation comes like a heavy anchor. It scrapes his insides, trying to find a purchase to stop. His eye water and he wipes it away. There’s no use denying it anymore. He just has to do something about it now, for real.

That night he leaves quickly after work, even asking to leave fifteen minutes early. He tries not to think of Jongin’s disappointed face as he sends a text that he’s already left.

He tries not to be disappointed himself.

•

Kyungsoo thinks he should get an award. The way he’s been avoiding Jongin would make a ninja jealous.

He begins with having lunch at the rooftop instead, then asking for his shift to end even earlier. Everything starts to work then. Baekhyun just gives him a worried look, but never prods. Of course, during class, there’s never a way to avoid Jongin so he either comes late or just right on the dot.

Maybe this is the cowardly way, but Kyungsoo is afraid. He is scared for his life. He shudders just at the thought of having a relationship. Let people think what they want. Let Jongin lose his feelings. At least he won’t ever be like his mother.

•

It was Baekhyun who sits him down at first. He asks how Kyungsoo’s doing, prolonging the conversation before reaching his conclusion. “What’s wrong Kyungsoo?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know perfectly well what I mean,” Baekhyun sighed, brushing his hair back. His nimble hands clutches Kyungsoo’s, “Is Sehun, Yixing and Jongin making you uncomfortable? Is it me?”

“No you know it’s not you,” Kyungsoo pipes, looking down afterwards, playing with Baekhyun’s hand. “I’m just trying to concentrate on school.”

Baekhyun’s face was enough reassurance that he calls Kyungsoo’s bull but he’s glad Baekhyun doesn’t press on and instead pats Kyungsoo’s head. “If that’s what you say.By the way, do you know when Shingeki no Kyujin’s next season is coming out?”

Kyungsoo smiled a little, happy that Baekhyun doesn’t insist on a full on interrogation. “I don’t know either Baekhyun,”

•


Collision. Kyungsoo looks up half afraid. Jongin is there, smiling down at him. His eyes wander, trying to calculate where he can run. If he could even run.

“Hey hyung,” Kyungsoo hates himself for being drawn to the voice. He looks at Jongin, smiling softly.

“Uh,hi Jongin,” Kyungsoo bites his lips, “sorry but I really need to go somewhere so,”

Jongin grabs his elbow before he could leave, gulping slightly. “Uh, sorry but can we talk?”

Kyungsoo blinks. His heart is thundering in his chest and he knows he should shake his head and leave quickly but Jongin’s hopeful face was too pleading to say no to. It doesn’t help that Kyungsoo already has a soft spot for the male.

“Yeah, five minutes?”

Jongin beamed, taking Kyungsoo’s hand and dragging him to a quieter part of the hallway.Kyungsoo notices the tucked hands, and nervous smile. He also sees the faint pink suffusing on Jongin’s profile, his ears being affected as well.

“Uh, my ballet crew is going to have a show soon, yeah,” Jongin bites his lips, his laugh awkward. It was almost painful to watch. He had gone from a comfortable dongsaeng to, to this. Kyungsoo knows this is what he wants though, so he brushes off his weeping heart. “I was wondering if you could make it?”

Jongin hands him a ticket and Kyungsoo freezes when he sees the date. “I’m not sure..”

“It’s okay hyung, if on that day you find yourself free then come, if not then, it’s fine too.”

Kyungsoo nods, murmuring a ‘thank you’ as he turned around, ready to leave. “By the way hyung,”

Kyungsoo turns around and this time he faces a more grim Jongin. He feels his heart plummeting a little. “Are you avoiding me?”

His feet skids a little, and he hears the sharp squeak of rubber against linoleum. It was loud against the silence. Jongin’s words ring in his head and he clutches the ticket tighter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Jongin. Look, we can talk next time, I really need to leave.”

Jongin nodded, and Kyungsoo’s heart throbs wistfully as he leaves, only allowing a short glance as he turns around the corner. Jongin’s devastated expression halts him in his tracks. He was looking down, staring into nowhere as his hand remained suspended in the air. Kyungsoo wonders if he was trying to reach for him when he walked away.

His heart throbs again at the thought.

•

21st of August.

Kyungsoo wakes up to screeches and he closes his eyes, quickly grabbing his glasses by the table. Cautiously he walked to the room of his mother. The white walls were already scratched with black and her eyes flash as she turns to Kyungsoo.



Fourteen year old Kyungsoo made his way to his mother. She was sitting on a stool, body faced towards the canvas, graphite charcoal in hand. It was the first year after his father’s death and he honestly expected the huge portrait.



Her eyes were wide open, her smile scarily huge as she neared Kyungsoo. Her steps swayed and her body was in trouble of dropping at any moment. “Kyungsoo dear,”

He gulps.

“Where’s your father?”



The question stopped itself in Kyungsoo’s mind, letting itself be replayed in his mind. “What do you mean Mum? You know where he is.”

His mum’s gaze was on the canvas, never straying. “But I really don’t.”

Kyungsoo propped his hand on her shoulder, his lips.He had to be cautious about fragile things like this.

Cautious,he was not though.



“He’s in a better place now Mum,” Kyungsoo said softly, carefully. Anything too loud or too sudden might surprise his mum, and he definitely does notwant that.

The graphite fell and his mum stood still, hands blackened and tangled hair fluttering a little. Her eyes were watering and she rubs it with her dirty hand. Kyungsoo nears her slowly, using his own fingers to swipe the tears away.

“Mum, it’s okay,”



Kyungsoo cries out when the sharpened end of the graphite plunges deep into his eye. He clutches it, other eye tearing up. There was a flurry of movement as he tries to suppress the pain. His body moved mechanically, brain disbelieving at what just occurred.

His trembling hand managed to catch the telephone in time, calling the hospital .His mother was the least of his worry now. He thinks he sees his mum’s apologetic face before he passed out, but he’s not sure.

“Mum, it’s okay.”


•

The sunflowers looked bright against the dark murky brown of the earth. Kyungsoo holds the umbrella upright, shading his mum as well as him from the harsh sun. His mum was placing small paintings that she apparently made with her spare time.

Kyungsoo is surprised. Usually his mum would walk back into her room and lock herself all day while Kyungsoo trudges to the cemetery alone. Today, she’s here along with him, placing small canvases.

He sits down beside her, looking at the paintings carefully, analysing each one. It was all of his late father, all smiling, laughing. Never an unhappy moment.

“Dad wasn’t this happy was he?” Kyungsoo asked. He does remember angry moments- then again, his dad had been out a lot, always for business or infidelity.

Kyungsoo’s mum smiles, leaning her head on his shoulder. Kyungsoo stiffens. This was new. “When you love someone, you tend to remember his happy moments more, because that’s when they’re most beautiful, don’t you think?”

“How would I know?” Kyungsoo grumbled, taking a chance at the canvas again.

“What do you mean?” His mum takes the canvas, forcing Kyungsoo to look at her, “What about Sketchbook Boy?”

Kyungsoo quietens, looking away, touching the smooth petals of the sunflowers. “I- I don’t love him Mum,”

The sun seems to have given up it’s relentless beating down, finally lowering it’s heat, ready to set. His mum was silent beside him. He could feel her gaze on him but he ignores it, choosing to stare at the tombstone instead.

“I’m sorry if your view on love is a little skewered,” his mum murmurs and he looks up, watching his mum pensively, “What with your dad and I, then what happened afterwards, but listen Kyungsoo. I was too absorbed into it, I already had anxiety to begin with, it has nothing to do with love.”

“Mum..”

“I’m being serious when I say don’t deny your liking towards the guy, because it doesn’t come everyday.” she continues, bunching up a handful of the earth. “Love will bring you happiness Kyungsoo, and you deserve that after all the I put you through.”

She wipes her hand and touched the skin around the bad eye tenderly. “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo could feel the tears falling, slowly at first but gradually building. His mum takes him in her arms and he continues to cry there, hand gripping the front of her shirt.



He clutches the back of her shirt as he wails uncontrollably into her shoulder. The casket was gone and already brought down to the ground but he still feels the grief linger. He finally lets it go in the arms of his safe haven. "Mum, please don't leave me too,"

No reply. His grip tightens.

•

The stage was dark and empty when Kyungsoo finally makes his way to Jongin's show. Baekhyun gives a relieved smile, but other than that, they only look at the stage, awaiting.

Thirty minutes are the only time left before the clock ticks for the end and Kyungsoo sighs. Insistence had been his mother's best friend and she had managed to convince Kyungsoo to at least watch Jongin, even if he never confesses.

He doesn't want to lie but her words linger in his mind, soaking up all the space until it becomes his main focus.

The light switched suddenly, a stream focusing on a lone figure. His hair was down and his body clad in a loose white shirt. His legs in tight leather pants, feet bare. Jongin

He gives one smirk to the crowd before the music starts and he forms the first position, twirling into second, then third and fourth.

Kyungsoo thinks he makes a jeté in the middle, and some other fancy ballet terms that he doesn't know. He didn't need to know all those to be amazed.

Jongin was a fluid on stage, calm and strong like water. Carefree and cool. Kyungsoo watches closely, letting himself be splashed, wanting to take a dip because Jongin on stage was beautiful. Ethereal.

His mouth is left open as he gapes at the male on stage, twirling and pirouetting without a care, smile prettily poised. It was when he stopped and the crowd gave a thunderous applause that Jongin finally catches Kyungsoo's eye. He stops short in his bow before going fully 90 degrees then straightening again. The practiced smile was gone, replaced by a wide grin.

Kyungsoo gives a small thumbs up and the bashful blush he gets in return makes it all worth it.

•

"You made it!" Kyungsoo didn't even have a moment to congratulate Jongin before Jongin swung both arms around his neck. Kyungsoo's eye widened, his skin thrumming with delight. His own arms laid immobile by his sides. It wasn't until Jongin dug himself deeper into the crook between Kyungsoo's shoulder and neck did he lift his arms, circling the other's waist.

"Yeah, I did," he managed to breath in a moment of stunned stupor. Jongin let go of him, smile wide and drunken in happiness. Kyungsoo's soul mellowed, for him not to make that face. Why? Why is he so tender and lovely? Why must Kyungsoo fall for him?

He's so easy to love, that's why. It's clear in everyone's smiles around him, and the small edges of yellow surrounding their aura, in the crescent eyed laughs that everyone is infected with. Kyungsoo is just like everyone else. He finds his heart in awe every time. Jongin is subliminal,affecting Kyungsoo's thunderous beats and itching fingers. He craves for beauty, craves for Jongin.

"Jongin.."

The tanned male smiles, a hint of question lighting in his eyes. Kyungsoo grips his hand tightly. He takes a step nearer, holding Jongin's hand shyly in his, short fingers inserting themselves in the in between.

"I think I like you," His confession froze in the air and Kyungsoo gulps. His hand tightens around Jongin's his eyes refusing to stray from the floor.

"You mean it?" Jongin's doubtful crack in his voice had Kyungsoo looking up. His face had hope,the brightest hope with a foreboding weight of doubt.

"Yeah,I mean it," he said softly, heart lightening when he sees the doubt clear, "So.."

•

There were moments where being with Jongin was like the seal to his bag. It was a sense of completion when Jongin kisses him on the forehead before getting off at his stop. It was time saying 'yes that's it' when they walk hand in hand for tteokbokki or ice cream. It was hours of being irrevocably whole. Kyungsoo tugged at the tie tighter, grabbing the corsage by the side.

He knew the campus dance wasn't necessarily like prom but he felt like buying it when he saw it anyway. Kyungsoo smiled at the ribbon stringing out, thoughts flying to Jongin as he taps his card on the reader.

Jongin was there at the station, tanned cheeks red as he puffed out air. The autumn air might be a little too cold for what Jongin was wearing.

Kyungsoo had to stop himself in his tracks, mouth agape as he eyes the way the dress flows on Jongin's body. It was of velvet for the torso and satin for the skirt. The velvet was patched with carefully embroidered red blooms, the colour royal against the black. Briefly, he thought about Jongin's insecurity.

"Jongin?" The pretty male looked up and it was then that Kyungsoo realised that Jongin's hair had been braided too. A crown braid, Kyungsoo thinks, recalling Jongin practicing it on his mother's hair.

He had gone awfully subtle with his make up today, only highlight and pink lipstick seen. "You're wearing a dress?"

Jongin's cheeks flamed and he bowed his head, tugging at Kyungsoo's sleeves, "Well, I just thought it was about time I overcome this fear you know? Anyway what should people care whether I wear a dress or not, it's just a top with a skirt,"

"You look amazing," Kyungsoo chuckled, taking out the corsage and putting it on Jongin's wrist,patting the red hibiscus twice. "It matches too, I'm glad,"

"Hyung got it for me?"

"Well yeah,who-" Honey invaded his nostrils as Jongin embraced him. He calmly breathed in again, letting his hand pat Jongin's head, careful to not ruin his hair.

"Thanks hyung, I love it,"

Kyungsoo smiled brightly, clasping Jongin's hand. "Let's get going then?"

Jongin nodded eagerly, swinging their hands as it intertwined.

It wasn't long before they found themselves on the dance floor again, Jongin's hand on Kyungsoo's waist and Kyungsoo's on Jongin's shoulder. Some had stared at the dress Jongin wore, but more had gushed. Kyungsoo felt a bit brittled because Jongin looked too pretty. It doesn't seem like he deserved to feel what he does at all.

"Hyung," Kyungsoo glanced up, catching the dark eyes in the lightly lit hall. Jongin didn't say anything, only leaned in, their foreheads touching. Kyungsoo closed his eyes, letting his feet sway as both his hands now rest on Jongin's waist. The song playing was a soft one, mellow and fluffy.

He didn't even realise the song had ended, suddenly feeling lips against his own. He responds, lips moving on their own as his hands bunch the fabric of Jongin's dress. They parted, Jongin grinning at the hint of lipstick on Kyungsoo's lips.

The male pecked one more time on his hyung's lips, murmuring very softly; almost as if he was afraid Kyungsoo would hear, "I love you hyung,"

Two becomes one. Three words become the key. This wasn't the first time Jongin said it but this time it was different. This time,Kyungsoo pieces the words together, just like how Jongin had pieced him together too. He grips his pants, hand starting to become clammy, "I, I-"

"You don't have to say it back hyung," Jongin reassured, running his hand through Kyungsoo's gelled own. Kyungsoo remains quiet for a while, definitely not missing the way Jongin's eyes become a tad bit disappointed. He takes a deep breath, trailing the smooth surface of the petals on Jongin's hand.

"I love you too, Jongin,"

And maybe it's too soon, Kyungsoo thought, but this feeling had come fast. Attraction growing to bigger feelings and eventually, something he had feared for half his life.

He still fears it, the impending failure or the risks of getting his heart broken. Everything in life has a risk though. There's death calling at every end, pain calling at every time Jongin dances, loss at every participation of Kyungsoo in an art competition. So there might be a heartbreak at the end of this relationship, but there might also be a mutual understanding and, Kyungsoo thought as he stared at Jongin's crescent eyes and tinted lips, something even more wonderful.

Jongin was worth the risk.

"Did I hear that right hyung?"

"You did Jongin," tender peck after another, fondness planting itself deep inside, "I love you,"

Jongin’s pink stray hairs brushed against Kyungsoo’s face when the other decided to nuzzle into Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Kyungsoo grinned, as he ran his hand through Jongin’s torso, feeling the soft black velvet. Jongin only responded by hugging tighter. Kyungsoo gripped Jongin’s wrist, corsage of red hibiscuses tickling his palm a little.

Pink, like affection hitting him every time Jongin’s smile blows wide.

Black, like lust swirling in his body and leaving him breathless,

Red, like the thudding of love against his heart at even the slightest of kisses.

Jongin is a portrait of perfection and when he thinks of them both, he sees a landscape of beauty. And he's not one to hate on that kind of a masterpiece.

 

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a/n : why did i write three fics where DID I EVEN FIND THE TIME 

but hey, this is like my fave fave fave portrayal of jongin k enjoy bye