Milk

You didn’t say anything and it was over
I didn’t say anything either and that’s how we ended

We sat in silence on the school roof top, a place where we would always hang out. She has that usual cold aura all over her, unconsciously expressing a face most would find b*tchy. But I know, this façade of hers hides a passionate and nice girl. She’s more than meets the eye.

We were best friends, we were childhood friends—we know everything about each other. From the length of our hair to the tips of our fingers.

We’ve memorized the small mannerisms we have when we were happy, sad, angry, or nervous. I’ve memorized the cartoon she still keeps on watching. She memorized the songs I’m always singing. And whenever we were sad, we memorized the steps that we had to take to keep each other on the ground.

There was no secret between us; even if we had one, we would never be able to keep it. To each other, we were like open books, each word in our pages were familiar and clear.

If ever we stayed unmoving in dead air, we didn’t mind; we understood each other with little glances, as if our voiceless stares were a new way of communication.

So in that day, the moment she looked at me with those cat-like eyes, I knew. I already knew before she even said a word.

The moments before are still so clear

The summer sun is hot and my entire body is heated and I’m dizzy
I’m feeling a little out of it, I drink something cool

“Krys, how about we go get ice cream?”

“Oka—wait what about you Am?”

“I’m fine, I have to study for a remedial exam anyway.”

I waved her goodbye. She was about to do the same when an arm places itself around her shoulders and gets her attention. As if she forgot what she intended to do, she smiles and laughs without a care.
Sigh

I went home carrying a gallon of ice cream, I have no idea how I’ll be able to eat all of it since I really don’t like ice cream very much. I kinda bought it without thinking.

“Maybe Kry—“ Oh yeah, that’s right. She has her own ice cream. I took a spoonful of the cold dessert. As I ate, I realised that even this can’t alleviate my burned and suffocated throat.

My heart that got hurt because of you is in pain

I’m really an idiot. I should’ve told her when I had the chance. Now my heart feels like it’s going to be ripped out of my chest. Cliché, I know. I never believed the whole ‘My inside are being thrashed around’ stuff whenever I read such stories; but I guess they were true are after all.

My head was throbbing in pain, the sides of my eyes, red. It didn’t take me a while to realize; I expected this to happen. But it was only when it really occurred that I found myself trapped in the dark hole that many have been a victim to; heartbreak.

The memories burned hot hurts

When we were kids, we used to hold hands all the time, our parents would find it cute at how we laughed and argued who has the larger hand.

“…Krys, can we hold hands?”

At middle school, she got rejected by this so-called pretty boy, Minho. She cried on my shoulder, but that’s all I could offer, I didn’t know what to do. Then suddenly, I had this somewhat bright idea.

I told her to wait there in that empty classroom. Believe me, it was hard to let go when I saw her state, but I smiled warmly and said ‘I’ll be back’. When I did, I had an apple and mango juice in both hands. I told her to pick one. She smiled.

That’s when I found out that she was allergic to apples, but mangoes were her favorite.

“Hey I bought these. I don’t know which one is your favourite so…”

Which was her spirit animal? Well not exactly spirit animal, but she loved cats. I liked them too, but I was more into dogs. So I got 2 dogs as my pets. She whined at me, asking why I didn’t get a cat. I would chuckle at her cause she eventually loved my puppies anyway.

“Hey… let’s take care of this fella; how about we’ll call it… Moss..?”

But those were from the past. Things like those can’t be easily forgotten, but I bet they’re being rewritten by someone else now.

Then I saw the white and cold milk in the kitchen, what should I do?

“Babe, you alright?”

“..Huh.. oh, I’m fine.”

Soon, I met this girl that goes by the name of Luna. She was bright and bubbly, a completely different image from her. She was like my star in the darkness, guiding me back to the ‘happy’ part of the world.

For a moment, I wanted convince myself ‘Yeah, I’m with Luna, she’s with him. Everything’s gonna be fine.’

Hmm my milk, I pour it on my burned heart, pour it on my heart, pour it in my heart, my milk, burned

Things didn’t turn out great with Luna. She realised how I still had feelings for my best friend. Sure she was fine in the beginning, but I knew she was getting hurt. She noticed how I frowned, how I was always in deep thought, thinking about her. Eventually she confronted me about this, and it resulted to a fight in my house.

We broke up. It didn’t hurt. And I found Victoria.

Hmm my milk, I drench my cut up heart, drench my heart, drench my heart My milk, cut, ma ma ma milk, on my cut up heart, milk

“Ahh…ber~” Hyuna moaned in our kiss. We were outside in a nearby park. It was never our intention to make out, it just happened. Well, technically it wouldn’t happen if not for the circumstances.

She was there clinging onto him, feeding birds with bread crumbs. Hyuna was there with her sweet gaze.

Choose, pain or pleasure?

When the bell rings, the bling bling sparkling morning comes

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. Turning it off, I come into senses that there was a girl with me, she was . Nothing else covered her except the blanket that we are currently sharing.

A question appears in my head. Honestly, I don’t remember her, she’s a new face… yet also a familiar one for some reason.

What was her name, Sulli? Ellin? Distraction?

The world gets languid but my heart boils, who will know about this?
When the bell rings, the bling bling sparkling ahh

So she’s not affected.

She didn’t even notice my constant hook ups with strangers, she probably forgot about me. I felt as if all the memories we shared from before were only dreams, fleeting things that’s sadly faded to nothing now. And that’s not even the worst (for me).

What’s sadder was the fact that everyone around us acted normal, as if everything is where it should be, and I’m the only idiot here screaming that it’s not.

I stood there, watching them talk and freely show affection towards each other as if they were the only persons in the world. That scene was taunting me right at my face; my whole body was boiling in unresolved anger.

Things aren’t supposed to be like this.

The summer sun is hot and my entire body is heated and I’m dizzy

Jerk, I was a complete jerk.

It was one of those rare times when they fight and she runs back to me, seeking for comfort. I give it to her. Of course I would. I did not hesitate to be with her and ignore my current girlfriend.

She was sad. She wanted to let loose. We made a midnight drive. I wanted her to have fun. ‘Forget your useless boyfriend’ I told her.
We ended up in a club. Then we ended up drunk. Then my hands were on her hips, her face dangerously close to my mine. Then her eyes were obviously lusting over me.

I know, cause I did the same.

I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you

Her lips grazed over mine, I can’t control myself. Her scent was luring me in.

The booming music made me braver for some reason; I was drunk just from seeing all those people dancing to the beat. And now intoxicated with alcohol, I felt like I can conquer the seven seas.

I stepped closer.

And closer.

Closer.

I need you right now yeah yeah

Kiss

My heart that got hurt because of you is in pain

I woke up, but not because of my annoying alarm clock. I found a figure next to me in my bed, but it was no stranger. I frowned, but it was not because I didn’t like what happen last night. And I sighed, something I’ve never done early in the morning.

I recollect my thoughts, but there was no need to try remembering anything because I do remember everything, I know exactly why I am here, with her, in this situation.

Hastily, I got a piece of paper, my hand moving like a mad man, afraid that she might wake up any minute now.

‘You were drunk, you started stripping, I didn’t do anything. There’s medicine in the kitchen and some spare clothes in my closet. Use them, I don’t mind.’ I ended with a dot.

The memories burned hot hurts

I took advantage of her. I was never really drunk. It was frustrating cause, I loved it.

‘But it was wrong’

Guilt washed over my system, the first time I actually felt bad even though I’ve been carelessly dating everyone.

Later that day, I saw her again with her boyfriend. She apologized to me even though deep inside I should be the one doing the ‘I’m so sorry-s’.
She explains that everything is fine with him again; just a small misunderstanding.

Complete bullsh**

We talked, we conversed as if nothing ever happened between us. She waves and leaves me with a goodbye, and her boyfriend bows with his irritatingly handsome face.

Then I saw the white and cold milk in the kitchen, what should I do?

For some time, Bora was the talk of the school, when I got involved with her, everyone suddenly knew who I was. My friends keep on telling me that I was part of the ‘big leagues’ now.

Honestly speaking though, even as everyone would die just to touch her hair or kiss those lips of hers everyone kept on saying were absolutely ‘delicious’( as if they already tasted it just from seeing them), I find myself tasting nothing. Everything was black and white, plain and tasteless.

I can’t taste sweet, sour, or spicy; it’s like my taste buds were numb. Numbed by her.

It makes me feel as if this charade I’ve been doing will never heal me. She was different; not just by her skin; but who she was. I’m still absolutely infatuated to her.

Hmm my milk, I pour it on my burned heart, pour it on my heart, pour it in my heart, my milk, burned

Who is this person I’m kissing? Is it Henry? Eric?

Right, I’ve been into guys recently. This Kevin dude was really sweet and nice, I thought I would’ve fallen for him if not for the fact that he has a girlfriend.

…Actually, why would that stop me? I can go on right? I’ll seduce him, I’ve been doing that for a long time now, this should be no different.

Hmm my milk, I drench my cut up heart, drench my heart, drench my heart
My milk, cut, ma ma ma milk, on my cut up heart, milk

“Love you~”

“Err.. yeah, see you later..”

So have you heard about Yeri? No? Well I’m sure you know Irene, she’s the current A-list girl in school after all.

The thing is, I’m going out with the two of them.

I know, I really am stupid. Juggling between this cute freshman and this hot cheerleader is completely ballsy. I know how the whole spectrum worked though. Say a bunch of lies and everyone will believe you have a clean record. It works every single time.

The scars of love keep hurting, it won’t get better, it just gets worse
What to do, what to do, what to do without you? Woo woo woo yeah

Okay, so a bunch of lies won’t work. For some reason, they found out about my two-timing, and embarrassed me in front of her.

I had to kneel down and say sorry as if my world was crumbling. But not because of them, it was because of her. She looked at me in disgust, like she couldn’t believe I actually did something like this.

When I was done, she helped me get up. I shouldn’t had my hopes up since the next thing I knew, her hand flew off to my face.

Looking through the glass bottle, this world is round
I don’t care, I’ll see it however I want

Huh. It didn’t hurt as I thought. It stung; my left cheek had a red mark. But I was fine.

Tears were on the edges of her eyes. I wanted to wipe them off; but I had this pathetic expression, something that said nothing but longing and hurt.

Her eyebrows furrowed, a frown forming on . She was reading me, trying to get a hint of what I was thinking.

For the first time, she didn’t understand me. She didn’t for a very long time now. And when she realized that, she hugged me. I didn’t know what to feel at that moment.

Her warm body was pressed against mine. I know a thing or two about being wrapped around another person; but this was different. It had emotion. You don’t just describe it as ‘hugging’, it was more than that. For us, it was ‘understanding’.

Yeah, I understood and accepted it, it’s not that complicated because it was always white

Everyone’s eyes were on us. I didn’t need the attention, all I needed was her.

So I took her hand, clasped it with my own, and ran away. I didn’t know what was happening, but whatever I was doing, it felt right.

I brought her to the places we’ve been in since we were kids. The river where I accidently fell in, the mountain on which I piggy back ride her until we reached the top, the playground where she first called me ‘stupid llama’.

Everywhere and everything that we shared, I wanted to show it to her again; cause that’s what we were, whatever label you can pin us in (if you even can), that’s what we are since the beginning.

I just want her to remember that, I just want a moment when she’s not looking only at him. I just want a second of her smile that’s meant for me, not anyone else.

If you change that, then what?

If you changed that, well, you already know. I’d end up in hell, trying to grasp anything that can put me back together, while she was in heaven, with him.

Hmm my milk, I pour it on my burned heart, pour it on my heart, pour it in my heart, my milk, burned

The sun was slowly moving down, I know that sundown was near, just a few more minutes and my time with her is over. She’ll be back with him, and I’d be back to… whatever.
Well that was until she said. ‘…hey, can I stay at your place tonight?’

So fresh, so fine, now I’m finally cooling down
Ma Ma MILK cut Ma Ma Ma MILK cut

I brought her over. She made her way towards her favourite spot in my couch. Some things never change.

She took the remote and the tv, changing channels like she used to do. When she found one that had a corny movie, she gestures for me to seat with her. I did.

She leaned her head on my shoulder, her hands sneaking their way on my waist. I didn’t budge, and she comfortably placed herself in my personal space.

We were the same like before. Though we used to criticize and laugh at movies like these. Right now, we were motionless; the whole atmosphere was quiet, but it was the kind which I missed.

It was the silence with her.

Hmm my milk, I pour it on my burned heart, pour it on my heart, pour it in my heart, my milk, burned

Days later, I find her crying, right now she’s bawling while saying things like ‘You liar! you bastard!’.

I was about to move in, to do what I was supposed to do; hug her, give her a mango flavoured ice cream and watch a bunch of horror movies.

I didn’t though, he already did it for me. He hugged her while saying sorry. He offered ice cream, and asked if she wants to watch some movies.

I retract myself, looked at them as if I’m just a stranger who unfortunately ran into a lover’s quarrel. I’m not, but they seem to forget everything around them, so I acted like one and took my leave.

Hmm my milk, I drench my cut up heart

Then one night, I saw her buying dried mangoes in a convenience store. When she saw me, her face lit up. I joked if she was pigging out, she giggled.

"It’s for you stupid"

Cute.

I thank her. She pays for her Slurpee, and we decided to have a night walk.

Everything’s so different during the night, the town was less quiet, and the air was colder. Based from my knowledge taken from novels and movies, this was the part where I’m supposed to put my jacket over her shoulders and say. ‘It’s fine, I’m not cold’ she’ll blush and say a ‘Thank you’.

But that didn’t happened. She mentioned something about the niceness of the cold air as she feels it brush her hair and skin, and asks if I ever felt that way. I said maybe, and she pinches my arm.

We ended up removing our jackets, trying to prove that we can withstand the weather. I can’t, neither can she.

And here we are at my place again, only this time we were shivering, but we were laughing like the fools we are.

drench my heart, drench my heart

I was going to get blankets to warm ourselves since we were shaking like abandoned Chihuahuas in the rain.

I told her to wait again. ‘I’ll be back’ I said. However, this time she wasn’t crying, this time her hand caught me. She looks at me and says

something, and it was what I’ve been waiting for this whole time.

“We broke up.”

I tried looking at her face to see if she was sad, devastated…. or heartbroken.

She wasn’t. She had this shy smile etched on her face.

I could only guess what she’s thinking, but my heart beat went fast, and my mouth hanged open.
I asked. “Why?”

“The movies weren’t that great. He brought me to a boring place.”

My milk, cut, ma ma ma milk, on my cut up heart, milk

I smiled. “Where do you want to watch then?”

“With you”

“Alright then, I’ll bring you to a place called ‘with me’.” And she grins. She’s too beautiful.

I pour it on my burned heart

We watched a movie, another one of those mushy tear-jerking ones, but we paid no mind to the story. We gave little side comments about it. Seriously, the main character was too head over heels for this one guy.

We laughed, and then looked at each other, our eyes beaming with warmth.

Before we even said a word, we understood…. And at the same time, we didn’t.

I pulled her to an embrace, she reciprocated it, and she even held me tighter. When she did so, I clung onto her body, as if I wanted to feel she was really there; that I wasn’t dreaming. But even if I was, I don’t want to wake up.

Again, I didn’t know what was happening. Millions of butterflies surged in my stomach and my cheeks had a tinge of pink. She chuckles at my expressions, saying that I was like a ‘cute llama’. I was embarrassed at first, but I got used to it.

After all, these little exchanges between us went on for weeks.

My MILK

Every time we met up, it wasn’t how it used to be; but I prefer it this way. Her glorious cheeks rising whenever I gave this lame joke, or the way she playfully flicks my forehead just because. It was almost surreal that she didn’t even pay any attention to others, as if… I was her happiness(?)

I’m being sceptical for a reason. There were those times when she would give a dull aura; it wasn’t cold, it was the kind which would make you wonder if she was sad(?). I failed to notice her unhappy tones, I mean I saw them, but… I just didn’t understand them.

I tried to cheer her up; indirectly asking what’s wrong. She said ‘nothing’ and immediately changed her mood. She pulls me towards a candy store, and I shrugged off my worries. Maybe they weren’t as serious as I thought, maybe she’s stressed with school work?

I pour it on my burned heart

Her eyes were painted with translucent liquid that day. She cried on my shoulder, sniffing every once in a while. I didn’t bother asking whatever made her this sad. I know better than hurt her even more than she already is.

“Amber…” It was the first word she ever said to me since suddenly barging in my room and collapsing on my bed.

“I… still miss him..”

And there it was. Behind the bright smiles she would beam at me whenever we met up, was a sad, lonely girl. She was broken. And I never realized it.

Her heart probably ached like mine, her head probably hurt just thinking of the endless situations of being left alone by the person she loved. She had wounds that were invisible to me; I was so dumb.

She had a burned heart.

“I don’t want to feel like this anymore…” She says, her lips shivering and her hands holding a tear soaked handkerchief. “Help me…”

She said she saw him today. She saw his new girlfriend, and that she was prettier than her (ridiculous right?). When I found her at that convenience store, she actually ran away from his apartment after a heated argument. Things didn’t go well apparently.

Her voice had the sound of desperation of getting out from her situation. I know, I’ve made the same sound. In order to mute that; I drowned myself in wherever midnight drives took me. Usually it’s a bottle/s in hand and a person to take home from the bar.

But I couldn’t tell her that, I don’t want to. I won’t make her go through the same hell I’ve been in.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” My hands found it’s way towards her hands. I squeezed it, reassuring her, making sure she feels everything I want to tell her. She smiles, and I too give her one.

Moments like this makes me realize things. We didn’t understand each other as much as I thought. There were cracks in our previous friendship; we just thought we knew, when really, we don’t. Sometimes smiles can be frowns and ‘I’m fine-s’ are ‘I’m sad, broken, and hurt. I need you’. It was as simple as that, but we over complicate things, leading to misunderstandings and lack of understanding.

Now we’re here, sitting in our comfortable silence. Eye contact not wavering one bit, we’re in what most would call ‘looking for closure’. I eye her with a gaze full of ‘wanting to understand’ and she gives me a ‘I want to too’.

A gust of air blows through the open windows, her hair danced along the wind. She looked breath-taking, actually, have I mentioned how beautiful she is? She makes eating bread look like a CF.

Chuckling, I fixed her hair, brushing off the strands that landed on her face. When my fingers grazed over her cheek her soft eyes captured me, enchanting me liked they had once before. Slowly, her face neared me. I guess she said more than ‘I want to too’.

Her hand that was previously kept by mine cupped my cheeks, warmness beginning to surface on our touching skin. Time stopped except for the two of us.

As our soft lips touched, I remember the night we had. I need to tell her what happened, but I don’t want to ruin this. We kissed before too; it was passionate, but not as much as this. Slow, sweet, passionate; trying to get our feelings across, saying whatever we wanted to say with a kiss.

MY milk, milk, milk

My lips were already claimed by many, but only she can make it quiver and melt.

When she pulled back, I stared at her as if I finally found the world and I knew how the seasons changed.

“I love you” “ I love you”

We both said.

We were both wingless birds trying to mend our burned hearts.

I want to take care of her as I promised. I love her too much. Plus, you can’t leave a girl like her by herself. It’s inhumane.

‘I, Amber Liu, shall be your servant forever’

‘haha, okay, then I’ll live a life of a princess forever dear servant~’

I smile at that thought, and brought her even closer to me. I won’t ever let go of her again, even if it burns my heart.

MY Milk

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: By the way, please forgive me if there are errors, notify me if there are. Oh and please comment about what you think about this story. Was it boring? did it ? was it sufficient enough to glorify f(x)'s Milk? Please tell me, I am happy to receive criticism as it improves my skills.

Woah, that was a long one-shot! I originally wanted to cut a part of it off to shorten it, but then I thought 'nah'. Also, originally, this had a tragic, sad end; but then as I wrote the fic, I kinda interpreted the song as healing someone's broken heart, so I gave it a happy end, in the end. Anyways, thanks for reading this XD.

Plus, I also dedicate this to @slho901's good friend, Ching. May you find happiness and good food (I'm hungry XD), in this world :); I hope you find your milk too, just as our dear main characters have in the story. I glorious happy birthday to you~! :D

P.S: Let's help our fellow MeUs raise f(x)'s Electric shock mv to 100m for their upcoming anniversary this september 2016 XD

-A