He said "fu- off"

But she still smile as if it was nothing

He said "don't touch me"

But she still brushes his hair with her hand when he has a nightmare. And he secretly loved this.

He said "don't follow me"

But she still follows him everywhere. Make sure he doesn't forget anything before goes to work

He said "don't speak"

But she sing instead. She know he feels better when she sing for him

He said "go away"

But she waits for him. Everyday. Everynight. She even cooks for him in the midnight

She knows him very well that it's hurts. She knows his love for music. She knows he likes to lock himself in his studio and she has to send his food every 5 hours or he will passed out the next day. She knows his favorite food, knows his favorite coffee brand, knows he has a soft spot for puppy, hell- she even knows his mood through his eyes.

It had been few months after their breakup but she still waits for him, she still cooks for him, she still asks questions eventhough he never answer, and she still stays at his apartement.

No. It's not because she doesn't have any place to stay besides his. She has big house that is ready for her, complete with maids and drivers.

It's because she still loves him. As simple as that.

But she has her limit.

That day, almost midnight, again, she waited for him. Then she heard a loud bang. She took a peek trough the window and didn't believe her eyes.

Her ex with other girl making out in front of his apartement.

She sprinted out to bathroom, locked the door, and cried.

She cried for hours. Then she prepared to meet that girl and came out.

But the girl was not there. Then she saw her ex sleeping soundly on couch. She couldn't help but cried again.

She already made her mind. She picked up her bag, putting her stuff, and was ready to go. She didn't want to come to his apartement again.

She looked at her ex for the last time. She brushed his hair with her hand for the last time. She heard his snores for the last time. And she kissed his lips for the last time.

"I'm sorry"

That was her last sentence before she go.

#

The next day he realized something was off, but he didn't know what is it.

He showers like usual. He eats like usual, only to taste something cold. He was drunk. He wants soup, but he found none. He eats while he trying to remember what happened yesterday.

He was in party, he talked to Namjoon's girlfriend, he was drunk, he goes to his apartement with a girl-

Then reality hits him hard. She is not there.

The next day he was late to his important meeting.

When he's goes back, he wonders why he never late before.

Ah, it's because of her.

Three days later, he came to his favourite coffee shop.

He greeted by Seokmin. It's Thursday after all.

“Hi, hyung! As always? Take out?”

“Yeah, mint chocochip with- Wait. No. I mean I want vanilla latte”

“Why not both?”

“Why would I drink two drinks at the same time?”

“I thought you want to give your girlfriend a surprise. Ji noona will love it for sure”

“Well, Seokmin, time to say good bye to single person in front of you”

He takes his cup, nod a little, and leaves the blank Seokmin.

The next week he passed out in his office.

He worried almost all of his coworker because he never passed out in the middle of work hour. Not before he had girlfriend. Not before he had her.

His bestfriend Jin came to his apartement. His first sentence was “what the fu- is happen to you?” Jin only swears in emergencies, so he take this as emergency.

Jin cooks for him while he listen to his newest song and sure, Jin talks a lot. He smiles bitterly. Jin always reminds him of her.

It is August already. It means a lot of things. It means four months left for christmas. It means this month is the last due of his project. It means his friend, Seungcheol's birthday. And it means her birthday too. He prefer not to think the last thing.

He decided to cleaned his apartement. In case his friends forced into his apartement like few days before.

The first hour goes well. Nothing too messy or dirty. Until he opens his old drawer. He found a pair of converse. It's hers. He gave this converse to her in her birthday two years ago.

He close that drawer.

“I really hate converse”

He thought he was fine when she is not here.

“Our love has ended long time ago.” He always says that.

But she came back into his mind.

Her clumsiness, her eyesmile, her hug, her kiss,

His breath hitches. He suddenly felt like he doesn't have enough oxygen. She take his oxygen. She's his oxygen.

Clinching into his cold blanket he whisper,

“I miss you, Ji”

Few month rolled so fast.

And finally he had a girlfriend. She resembles her, his ex-girlfriend, so much. Maybe that's why he accepted her.

She had an eyesmile, like her.

She had wavy hair, like her.

She had beautiful voice, like her.

She can cook, like her.

But, she definitely wasn't her.

“Seokmin, are you sure this is my order?”

“Yes, I'm sure. Why? Is there any problem?”

“But where are the whipping cream?”

“Hyung, I remember the last time you want it with whipped cream, you got scolded by your girlfriend. New girlfriend of course, because Ji noona loved whipped cream way too much.”

He keep silent for a second. Again, he forget she wasn't her.

“Right, she love whipped cream more than she love me.”

And then he leaves.

This is his girlfriend's birthday. He decided to became an amazing boyfriend and buys her a big plushie.

She happy of course. She hugs her new plushie tight. She say thank you to him and called him oppa. He smiles a little. She said oppa so easily despite their same age. Not like her.

Because she wasn't her.

“Oppa, look at my dress.”

He looked at his girlfriend, who wears fluffy pink dress.

“Looks good. Where are you going?”

“On my friend's party. I told you hundreds times already!”

“Ah. Wearing this dress?”

“Of course! What else?”

“My shirt maybe?”

“What? Are you crazy? Who wears his boyfriend's shirt on party?”

She did.

They had an argument.

Not a big one. But she just can't understand his passion for music. He had to stay until midnight for finishing his song, he had to train his artist's voice, he had to gone to other country for a week or longer.

“Why you can't understand me?” she said

It's you who can't understand me, not like her. Because you weren't her.

In the end, she leaves him. Not in good way.

She tired of him, he knows that. But he can't do anything about it.

She slapped him hard. Then she leaves.

He let her go. Again, he can't do anything about it. 

She isn't appear on his dreams, why he had to ask her to stay?

She can't make him calmed down, why he had to ask her to stay?

She didn't even remember his favourite song, why he had to ask her to stay?

Because she wasn't her. Nothing resembles her.