I can't do aegyo or cringy actions like Jaehwan hyung.

I'm not naturally as adorable as our maknae Hyuk.

I don't have the talents to write or produce music like Wonshik.

And I definitely am not both talented yet mysteriously quiet like Taekwoon hyung.

I'm simply the "visual" or the artwork of this six men group called VIXX. A display for fangirls to drool over and fantasize or make the group 'look' better. 

Is that why he doesn't pay attention to me?  Even though I've known him the longest? We even talked about how amazing it would be to debut together in the same group and in the end, we did. Did that not mean anything to him at all?

The beautifully bronze toned leader of our group, even since trainee days, Cha Hakyeon. Everyone calls me the visual of the group and even he says that, but the true visual and beauty belongs to him. His gaze, his skin tone, his unique vocal tones and that body... A body that is so mesmerizing that I can't take my eyes off of each time he dances.

I asked him to guide me during our dance practices numerous times just so I can sneak a peek or two at his body while he demonstrates those y moves in front of me. An excuse. 

I thought I was the closest to him since day one when we met but one by one, the other members took his attention away from me.

We all know Cha Hakyeon can be friends with everyone or anything that moves and what peeks his curiousity the most are mysterious creatures like Jung Taekwoon aka Leo. Leo hyung is quiet, timid and easily gets shy around the camera but when he's given the chance to sing, he becomes the loudest of all of us. That's what triggered Hakyeon's interest. How can one person be so different when he's singing and when he isn't and how can someone be so different from Hakyeon? Even after we debuted, fans were curious about Leo's personality to the point that once you're into him... it's game over or they call it 'Le-Shin-Set.' Even when the camera coincidently films him walking in the background, fans go crazy over him. Since Hakyeon and Leo are both 90'ers, and bipolar opposites, fans began to ship them together like no tomorrow. What's with the name "NEO"? Makes me sick just seeing fans hold those signs up at every event or concert we hold. After we debuted, our CEO even gave Hakyeon a mission to help Leo be more comfortable around fans and the camera which made those crazy fangirls even crazier. Is our CEO also one of those shippers? 

Even though me and Wonshikkie is the same age, Hakyeon always goes to Wonshik asking to be his dance practice partner or discussing about the groups choreography.Kim Wonshik, or the cooler version Ravi, not only is he an outstanding rapper, but he can also dance amazingly. A different genre of dance than our leader but they work so well together. A more unfair thing though, is when he got to be co-MC with Hakyeon during VIXX TV season 1 days. Whereas I was simply an 'artwork' but I couldn't complain because it was a miracle to have even made it into the group as a member when there were more talented trainees than me. But it was a goal I had in my mind that I would debut in the same group as Hakyeon no matter what it takes. I just have to work harder! 

Honestly, I was awkward with Hyuk at first. Who was this kid that suddenly joined us with two others during the most important time of our trainee days?  I didn't train so hard to get my spot for debut to be taken away by a kid who only came here for two months.  Especially by a kid who got all our leader's attention! My Hakyeon's attention! Cute?  How so?  It makes me sick hearing Hakyeon calling Sanghyuk 'cute cute cute' all the time while clinging on to him. He even gave him a kiss in front of the camera! Twice! There were so many times I wish I was born 'cute' instead of 'handsome' in the group just so Hakyeon would pay attention to me and there were even more times when I wish I was the maknae in the group instead. They always pair leaders and maknae together in groups right?

But after knowing Sanghyuk, we got closer and differences were set aside. We were a team and more importantly the 'maknae' line that keeps our hyungs together. 

When we talk cute, I guess you can't forget the other vocalist of our group who even introduces himself as the "cute main vocal" of VIXX. What's with that? How do you NOT cringe saying that about yourself? I cringe each time fans make me do aegyo. I can't stand it. It's not me at all. Unlike me, Hyukkie or even Ravi, Jaehwan hyung looks up to Hakyeon the most and he never joins us when we make fun of our leader. Usually, it's Hakyeon that makes fun of Jaehwan and sometimes even invites the rest of the members to pick on him but he never complains and just accepts it. When Hakyeon tries to pick on a member, we tend to ignore it or give him a petty 'comeback' just so he doesn't get too over confident being the oldest. But Jaehwan is different. Instead, he calls Hakyeon amazing, y and the best in front of the subject himself. Those are the words I wish I could say aloud too but each time my heart wishes to say those things, the words come out differently. 

I know it makes him upset. Even for an overly confident leader Cha Hakyeon or N, our jokes can hurt. I know that for a fact but can you blame me when he never pays attention to me like he does with the others?  He even makes friends with other groups easily like Minhyuk from BTOB. What's with "Hakyeon tells me everything he can't tell the members?" What is it that our leader can't say to us? Are you bragging about your closeness with the leader of VIXX even though your in another group?  I've known him longer than you, so why doesn't he come to me instead?

I've thought of many ways to get Cha Hakyeon's attention but he's so oblivious!  The only thing that I could come up with was...

Make fun of him as much as possible. Even if he gets upset, he's upset with me and that his attention will be towards me. I make fun of his dark skin even though deep down I find it to be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in this world. Photography is a hobby that I have and being able to capture that beauty is the best thing that could ever happen. But once again, I only keep these cringe-worthy thoughts inside. I'd rather bite my tongue than to say it out loud. I give it up to all those cringy drama-script writers. Even when I was acting in Glorious Days or Moorim, I cringe every time the script writer hands me a new chapter. How do they come up with all those things?

I also found another way to make him, Cha Hakyeon pay more attention to me. Tell him that I don't want to be in the same team as N in any program or games we attend to!  Because that makes him upset and he would want to get his little "revenge" by choosing you as his game partner. It's cute to be honest. During the filming for One Fine Day, I was always in the same team as Hakyeon, and despite me telling the camera that it was the worst days ever, deep down, I felt like I've won. Even during our Dynamite comeback, when we had to do that game during The Show mission, I delibrately showed an expression of not wanting to be in the same team as Hakyeon so that I could be with him. When we had to do that sit-up game, my heart couldn't stop beating loudly to the point that my ears even turned red! But I had to make an excuse of course, telling people that I only got red from anger and not blushing.

Wonshik once said it was "fate" that I'm always in the same team as Hakyeon but in reality, fate is what you make of it. Take every opportunity you can to make that fate your own and seize it.

End.

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This is just a one shot. No actual interaction between the members but I just want to write something in the mind of 'Lee Hongbin'. Hope you guys enjoyed it! Thanks for reading <3