How do I breathe?
How do I sleep?
With you not beside me
You're all the things I could not see
But now they're infront of me

---

“There’s an event today! Want to come and see?” Kim Ara pulled my classmate Lee Geumhee and me by our arms. We were studying for our upcoming exam. The test was after the break on the readings in our Psychology 1 book. Ara wanted us to go with her that's why she kept on asking and telling us about it while she begged us to come. The truth was she couldn't understand what she was reading anymore.

We’re from the School of Nursing, freshmen and it is being tough for us. Since we have countless minor subjects and a few major classes, our unit load is great. I'm determined to study well and pass all my quizzes or exams, however, because life in college was never easy and having difficult courses makes it much harder.

Besides, I'm just starting my college life.

“Okay, fine. Let’s go already,” I sigh deeply while breaking my thoughts. I looked at Ara while I tucked my book and things away from the table’s surface. I stood up and rolled my eyes at her getting our belongings and heading to the auditorium.

Together with my friends, whom just so happened to be my classmates, we decided to watch the competition.

The auditorium was full of people already. The far side of the seats was already filled, so we chose to sit near the stage, in the third row and started to watch while the MC announced the next group consisting of seven people. I counted them, but they're only six. Thinking quietly, I decided to ignore their number.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the next group to perform for this song and dance competition, the representatives of School of Dentistry, first years! Let's all welcome Got7!"

***

They started to come on stage. The lights went dim and the lights went back to normal as it and off with different shades of colors, then the audience started to scream louder when they began to dance; so loud that I felt like my ears were about to explode.

I looked at them one by one, the six boys wore suits with red army print on them and they all looked gorgeous, especially the one with the dyed red hair. He’s been a great dancer to see, and he was hot on stage. I couldn’t help but to watch in awe, not just about him, to be honest, but all of them while I kept calm. I didn’t want to look like a crazy fan girl.

I noticed the screen behind them, their group name flashing with the song they performed entitled “This Love”. It had a great beat and I kind of liked it. 

I felt Ara standing up dancing through the music, I noticed that Geumhee’s swayed to it also. They looked like fan girls now. I was just startled by them.

Ara suddenly shouted as she nudged my arm. “Come on, dance with us! Look around you, you’re the only one who’s not into this!” She screamed in my ears. It is so loud that it was deafening and do we look like we're at a concert? Gosh, this girl surely is silly. Of course I will not fangirl over them. I never bothered to join their craziness with Got7. I’m not into this kind of thing. I’d rather study and read books. We have upcoming exams. But I’m loving the song. Now I’m starting to stand up, feeling the beat and moves through it.

I can’t help but smile as they perform because they look like dolls. Gorgeous dolls, like Ken from ‘Barbie’. I was kind of liking them already. They are so hot. I simply forgot everything I said earlier in my mind and eating my own words. Fan girl-ing is quite fun. No, it is very fun. I feel happy right now.

“We live for this love!” I squealed.

***

School became busy after competition day, indulging in the entertainment we had during our precious break time. We now faced the wrath of nonstop exams and quizzes, plus requirements that we needed to pass. No time at all for social life.

During Zoology class my professor gave us a short break and a bit of exercise. Ara whispered something beside me, I had sat together with her and Geumhee. “You remembered the dentistry boys, Got7?” I looked at her quietly as I signaled her to continue, nodding. “I got their numbers! I know you liked the red head anyway. Oh, his name is Kim Yugyeom.” I blinked and listened intently to her. “I also got Jackson’s number! He's definitely my type." She smiled at me happily. "He's from Hong Kong and he's Chinese. You know me, I have a soft spot for them. Do you remember the blond haired guy?" I nodded again. "Oh! Right, I forgot to tell you." She glanced at her side where Geumhee was sitting while pointing her thumb at her. "I gave Bambam’s number to Geumhee already, the one who’s a bit skinny with black hair and has very smooth moves. He's from Thailand and she likes him so much. They’re actually texting mates now.” She speaks as if she's gossiping about her to me. “What? That’s just so fast.” My eyes widened. I can’t believe it. It feels like she was a detective. “How did you get their number?”

“Easy peasy, JB’s my cousin. He was supposed to perform. Got7 means they have seven members in the group and they were introduced as seven right? But he got sick,” Ara's expression became sad and then turned back to normal. I patted her back as I answered her. “Oh, I see. Then, well that’s great for Geumhee,” I looked away from her as she started to write something. “Here, it’s Yugyeom’s number. Message him because we need inspiration. Our lives are so busy right now that we’re stressed out and I hate it,” she shoved the paper at me.

At the end of the semester, my text mate was ‘Junior’.

At first I thought I was having a conversation with Yugyeom. It was funny how we were actually older than them. Noona. Yes, we’re called Noona.

It happened that we ended up meeting each other, thinking that he was Yugyeom, but he turned out to be Park Jinyoung. Ara explained to me that the number she gave me got mixed up and I ended up texting Junior instead. I was excited to meet him at first because we exchanged so many text messages, and he was so sweet that I didn't know I could feel that way. Being as immature as I am, I fell for his words and with the help of my friends, Ara and Geumhee, they got me closer to him. I always called him ‘Junior.’ It was his nickname, and from his innocent looks and adorable eyes that I used to stare at, I didn't mind him talking all the time in our conversation. He sure knew how to wrap me around his little finger.

I also never thought that liking Yugyeom would end up with me liking Jinyoung instead.

At first I liked the feeling of me crushing on someone, adoring someone. I guess at first I was infatuated, but as time went by I was falling deeply in love with him. I never knew behind his innocent looks that he was a Heartbreaker.

Some days I would see him with other girls, they were flirting but I never minded; blinded by what I felt for him. He never responded to my text messages anymore; and he'd say that he was busy, that he doesn’t have time for texting back. I never cared how pathetic I looked because of him. It never even bothered me that I'd chase him around like a puppy. If his group had competition off-campus I'd be there. I supported him and his whole group. I was even proud how they become more popular. Even at other universities, they were well known.

Sometimes I even ended up being hurt because he would ignore me, and when I called him he didn't answer. I know that he'd already taken me for granted, that no matter what my friends told me, he was already dating some other girl, I didn’t listen because deep inside my heart I really loved him. I wanted him so much that I thought I couldn’t live without seeing him just for a day. It's true that when you're in love, you give your all. You're not able to think about what is right or wrong for you. If you truly love someone you don’t look for their faults, you don’t look for answers, you don’t look for their mistakes.

Instead, you fight the mistakes, accept his faults and overlook the excuses.

And he was my first love after all.

One day, I saw him by chance in the cafeteria with a girl and I knew it was his new lover. They look so sweet together. The girl's very attractive, no wonder she became his girlfriend. And while I stare at them, I felt my tears start to fall on my cheeks. I touched my face and at that time I looked away and when I looked back at them they were already kissing.

From that moment on I never thought that I would feel the pain from my chest go away, my heart shattered into pieces.

He took a glance at me as I turned away and proceeded to where I was going, vowing to myself to forget him and move on.

The next day, Ara scolded me when she got in my bedroom. Hovering over my sleeping form as I lay there overcome by depression. All the curtains were closed, my room was full of darkness. I have no energy for the day ahead. “I told you already, JB said that Junior’s a playboy. He never settles for one girl. Did you see that he has a new girl again after breaking up with his previous one and that happens for about four days?! Just four days, not even a week. So please get over him. We know they're popular.”

“If you were in my position you'd see it’ll never be easy. I have always endured the pain of seeing him with someone else.” I buried my face into my pillow, weeping. “You chase him around too much, and I’m the witness of your crazy love for him. I jus