054. wilting; Baekhyun

Nothing.

A crystal, angular vase lie on its dark raven vanity cherishing its delicate life, a vibrant stem of navy blue sweet peas. A sparkle; a glimmer of bright light reflects off the vase given by the tiniest sliver of moonlight creeping through the cracks of the room's ripped curtains. Baekhyun, rested against the leg of his bed, eyes at it with a blank stare. Head knocked back and rested against the edge of the bed, arms rested on his curled up knees, he stares while his mind is blank.

 

He heaves an empty sigh as the image slowly becomes ingrained into his wide, brown pupils. The way the various petals barely hold its shape- the way each limb is slowly detaching from its body and fading onto the wooden surface of the vanity counter. The flower he held for a year was starting to lose its life and color. It was a sweet pea given by someone special to Baekhyun- a sweet pea that represented a farewell- a pleasurable time.

 

Noticing the early signs of the flower finally losing its life, Baekhyun is faced with several sentimental images of the soul behind the vase. There is only one person whom this flower reminds him of- this one and only figure that could only be imaged forever as a shadow. A shadow that graced his heart with a pleasurable time, but bid farewell right after. One whom left him alone in this hell hole of a world and took his happiness along with it. Baekhyun swore from that day on, he would move on, never shed tears, and never look back. Regret and mourn would become the death of him had he not closed off the feelings beforehand- building a wall that blocked himself from tears and pain. The result of his actions left an empty, beating heart filled with blank stares and meaningless memories.

 

Every now and then, Baekhyun’s void eyes would water up, threatening to burst his bubble- just like now. Except, he’d always hold his breath until the urge went away. Never would Byun Baekhyun ever shed a tear again over his shadow.  His shadow had long gone taken half of his life away, and he only had so little left to hold onto before he lost his sense of self and sanity.

 

 

Baekhyun spent that night embedding his eyes onto the melancholic, blue flower whilst internally withering away.

 

 

He liked to think that every fallen petal from that day on symbolized a year taken from his life. That when the sweet pea lost all its limbs, he would be gone.

 

Barely blinking an eye, he’s watched every single year he’d lost since the very first. A very long wait ensued for his very end. Prepared? He didn’t know. However, accepted? He had long accepted his disappearance since he received that darned flower.

 

It was always dark in his single roomed apartment. Unevenly painted white walls casted a gloomy gray as an effect from the untouched curtains hiding daylight from the windows. Baekhyun only seldom leaves his never-ending dark world called his home. Why would he need to when there was nothing left in the world for him to do other than rot? His essentials for survival were no longer important- he felt nothing and only left when he wanted to feel something.

 

Never really leaving his favorite spot on the wooden floor next to the leg of his bed, Baekhyun’s eyes scrolled over to his forearms after he combed back his long, unkempt hair from his forehead. An action that did not help for it fell back to its previous position anyway. Faint and gray-like, his pupils traced each and every long and bumpy healed gash present on both his forearms. Old memories quickly flashed before his eyes- painful memories that no longer pained him rather he held dear to him as if a fairytail.

 

 

 

 

He was a hopeless case.

There was something seriously ing wrong with him, people often told. Which would often break his mindful peace and rack annoyance in his mind. He knew. He knew it so well he was abnormal, that he was ing weird. He was rendered mute by decision when he was a child. Baekhyun had a voice, but never chose to use it. He’d often think there was no point using his energy to speak when his actions could be justified. The only time his family heard his voice was when he broke down and cried. And when he turned sixteen, that was often. No one ever knew why, but Baekhyun would be in his own world of never-ending nothing. Void of any emotion in his eyes other than sadness, Baekhyun had random breaking spurts triggered by something, but the pattern of triggering possibilities were so wack that no one could figure out just why he broke down. From worry, his parents placed him to see a psychiatrist by the age of seventeen, however his mute state did not do anything but get them anywhere. His lack of participation and want to write down his responses tested the patience of his doctor. Diagnosed with mild depression, the doctor sent him pills and on his way- a hopeless case indeed.

 

And of course his family wasn’t the best off in financial terms. A couple financial hiccups sent their bills piling and the pills weren’t helping Baekhyun any better. He just needs treatment. After a couple months of no progress, his pills were long abandoned and was forcefully resorted to see a psychiatrist a few times a month. To hell with that. The amount of progress he made with every expensive, hourly meeting was as much as the beating heart of a corpse- nothing. Years and years of nothing brought him to even more nothing. His collected down spiral of nothing led him to the greatest mishap his pathetic excuse of a life could have brought him. Graced with him on his twentieth birthday was his privilege to become a legal majority as a citizen of Korea. Along with that came his parents’ guilty laughs as that morning, his belongings were in boxes.

 

He was forced to move out of his own home.

 

We love you, we really do… but we just can’t keep up with the debt piling up from the treatment of your condition, Baek… we’ll send you money for rent from time to time, you’ll be fine honey.

 

 

 

 

Well ain’t that bull?

 

Forced to move into a dinky old apartment located nearly at the other side of town, Baekhyun really felt like . His parents for sure did not care about him anymore. He was just another body there to waste their money. His visits with the psychiatrist stopped after three long and agonizing years of nothing.

 

Speaking of which, ‘nothing’ became his often used, favorite word. It was the one perfect word to describe him- nothing. He really was nothing. That was his whole life-a bunch of nothing and crying. His nothing only became worse with his oncoming feelings of . It led him to unexcusable actions involving solace in a blade and alcohol. Years and years, his nothing felt just a little bit like something whenever he committed these guilty actions. Tears and tears were shed and Baekhyun never questioned how his body was able to produce so much water when he barely gave his body enough nutrients to support the production.

 

 

Closed curtains, a dark room, and red stained wooden floors was the only environment Baekhyun let himself wallow his life away in. Until one day, a doorbell had rung and echoed through his fairly empty apartment room. Having barely stood for the past couple days, Baekhyun’s steps were heavy, stumbled, and swayed as his mind was confused. Eyes half lidded as if just woken from a long slumber, he could only wonder what living and breathing soul would want to grace their presence to his door. He was confident enough to know that his presence in the world was long forgotten. Hesitantly and clumsily checking through the peephole, Baekhyun’s eyes were graced with a tall figure clad in dark, ripped skinny jeans, sneakers, and a thin, gray sweater. Although looking not even close to menacing, Baekhyun thought to himself that if he were to open this door and lose his life, he had nothing to lose. And so he opened the door, revealing his messy and groggy appearance before the sweet looking boy that looked close to his age. He blinked, blank face without a word.

 

 

“Hey,” the man smiled as if Baekhyun did not look like a living corpse. “I’m the landlord’s son. I’ve been sent to ask for this month’s payment since you are over two weeks late.” Baekhyun barely gave a reaction for he knew he was late. His parents had failed to send him money for the past couple months and he was out. He only made the gesture of fishing into his pockets and pulling the cloth inside out followed by a shrug. The visitor gave a visible frown before sighing. “Well if you can’t pay within the next five days, you’ll have to be kicked out.” His deep, soothing voice showing worry. In which Baekhyun only responded with a nod before moving to close his door, but the man stopped him before he could. Sudden and swift, large and warm arms wrapped around Baekhyun’s small and frail frame. Baekhyun could only blink in his awkward position. It was faint, but the landlord’s son whispered behind Baekhyun’s ear,”I’ve been meaning to meet you for a long time now. As the landlord’s son, I’ve grown to become familiar with the tenants in this building, but you. You never come out of this room and it worries me.” He pulled back and stared into Baekhyun’s empty eyes. “If you need me, I’ll be here.” Smiling, the man pulled out a piece of paper and pen from his jean pocket before quickly inking his phone number onto it. Handing it over to Baekhyun, he gave another big eye smile before ruffling his bed hair and walking out.

 

Baekhyun spent that night staring at his apartment door with ounces of confusion, nothing, and something altogether.

 

 

Was it warmth? Was it warmth he had felt when the man hugged him? Said those sweet, caring words to him? But how could Baekhyun know? For Byun Baekhyun has experienced anything but warmth throughout his pathetic life. What Baekhyun did know, however, was that he wanted to meet this man again.

 

 

Five days passed since that man visited him. His parents still hadn’t sent him the payment he needed to get the month’s rent off. Looks like I’m going to be homeless. On the sixth day, Baekhyun heard a doorbell. This was it. He knew it would be the time he is told to get out of this apartment- he was already packed. He opened the door without checking the peephole and blinked at his visitor surprised to see the landlord’s son rather than the landlord herself.

“Hey.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes were graced with the same gigantic eye smile he saw six days ago.

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun wasn't so serious with cutting. He’d do it perhaps a couple times on one day and none on the next. His ‘schedule’ was very sporadic. However, as time passed further and further from his twentieth birthday, his cutting slowly came to a cease. Especially after meeting the landlord’s son. About your rent, don’t worry about it- I’ll cover it for you this month just be sure to pay next month.

 

He couldn’t stop thinking about that man with the sweetest eye smile he couldn’t dare forget. Along with the generous gesture, the man also brought with him a crystal, angular vase holding a stem of navy blue sweet peas. And as he held the beautiful vase of flowers, the landlord’s son left him with a very last gift- a light kiss. Then he left.

 

 

Left from his life forever.

 

 

Never again did Baekhyun see that man- he wondered why.

 

However in that short span of two meetings, Baekhyun had been aware of the attachment he felt for that tall, happy figure. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. The landlord’s son was forever gone from Baekhyun’s sad life. What was the little glimmer of something in his darkness of nothing faded quickly and all that was left of it was a piece of paper with an unoccupied phone number and a vase of navy blue sweet peas.

 

Endless tears were shed when Baekhyun realized this. His short termed something was once again back to his life of nothing.

His tears were for nothing. They wouldn’t bring that man back to his life, so Baekhyun stopped crying. He stopped crying and hoping altogether.

 

That man was a driving reason why he had stopped. Why he felt hope and something only to amount into nothing.

 

Finally he tore his gaze from his wrists back to the vase. Expressing another sigh, Baekhyun was getting impatient. Life was slow. Agonizing and long. He just wanted his life to end, but he’d have to spend countless hours gruesomely staring at this flower, waiting for it to lose all its limbs.

 

His soul was wilting and he wanted the flower to follow with it.

 

Word Count of story: 2,215

Date finished: 16.06.27; 2:52 AM

a/n;
okay so maybe I bent the rules a little bit? By adding that figure in there but it's okay this is Baek centric anyway <3 If you're wondering if I had a certain person in mind, yeah it was Chanyeol LOL Hope it was good? Sorry, I spent so much time on this and it's still crap;; I will work harder. -BVJL7