Jinki sits at the edge of the bed, mesmerized by the sleeping form lying unsuspectingly upon the white sheets, bathed in the gentle glow of moonlight. He lets his eyes rake over the body, starting from the mess of dirty blond hair that rests on the pillow and his head, down the slope of his neck, rising with his shoulder only to dip down low at his slender waist. There, he halts for a moment to examine the expanse of skin that stretches over the boy’s lean, back before continuing the body’s contour to the curve of his hip where finally a blanket stops his journey.

Jonghyun is truly beautiful.

Never in his life can Jinki remember encountering anyone as stunning or as amazing as the boy before him. With the peaceful rise and fall of his chest, a conscience as pure as the cotton sheets, Jonghyun holds a beauty immeasurable to any man. So why, Jinki wonders, why would this innocent creature ever think so lowly of himself?

Jonghyun has always been such a cheerful child. He still is, even in high school, always running around with a wide grin permanently in place and a playful glint in his eyes. Jonghyun is the kind of person who would do anything for his friends, who made sure everyone was happy before taking his own needs into consideration. He writes straight from his heart, love songs and ballads, poetry flowing from pen to paper in the most beautiful of ways. The amount of compassion and kindness Jonghyun stores in his small body never ceases to amaze Jinki.

But when Jonghyun is alone, when nobody else is around, when he is left with only his mind and heart as companions, that’s when his true feelings surface. Because despite being so out-going and friendly, despite taking everyone in and treating them as long lost family, Jonghyun thinks it’s never enough – that he’s never enough.

In the dark hours of night, he often lies awake with his arms clutched tightly around his middle, silent drops of insecurity running rivers down his cheeks. Jonghyun will stay up into ungodly hours of the morning, bringing himself down for the disappointed look on Kibum’s face when he can’t go with him to the mall or for not getting the perfect grades his parents want him to get or for being too fat in some places and too thin in others. Jonghyun will only see his own fault in everything and anything, even if he has no fault at all.

The first time Jinki discovered Jonghyun’s solitary suffering was about two years ago, back when he was still in his senior year of high school and Jonghyun’s sister’s boyfriend. He was sleeping over and woke up in the middle of the night in need of a relief to his bladder, but when he stepped into the hall, small sound of whimpers and sobs made him stop. Confused, he wandered over to find the source of these noises only to open the door to a teenager trying to muffle his crying in his pillow.

Jinki didn’t have a very close relationship with his girlfriend’s little brother at the time but he still felt his heart break at the mere sight. He never was very good at dealing with people in distress, so as he sat down on the bed and Jonghyun’s tearful wide eyes snapped up to his face, he had no idea what to do. Truthfully, on Jinki’s part, it was very awkward when he lifted his hand to hesitantly pat the fifteen-year-old’s head. Jinki figured it had worked because before he had a chance to comprehend, Jonghyun’s terrified face crumpled and he buried his face in Jinki’s chest, clinging to him for dear life. Jinki held him for only God knows how long, muttering it’s okay’s and I’m here’s into the top of his black hair.

After that incident, Jinki grew a sort of need to protect the younger boy, a need to mend his wounds and heal his every scar. Even when Jinki was no longer Songdam’s boyfriend, he still came to see Jonghyun, to look after the fragile boy and now, two years later, Jonghyun is sleeping serenely in Jinki’s bed, his Safe Haven of choice. And though Jonghyun has accepted Jinki’s help throughout those two years, fears and self-hatred still haunt him, holding him captive in their wicked claws.

Jonghyun shifts slightly in his sleep, breathing out a contented sigh. Jinki smiles lovingly at him and pulls the blanket up to his shoulder, giving a brief touch to Jonghyun’s shoulder, the boy shivering in response.

Jinki sighs and leans back on his arm, eyes never leaving Jonghyun. He thinks of how Jonghyun always tries to hide the turmoil raging in his head, how play-pretend has become his favorite game over the years.

It works, for the most parts. Jonghyun’s friends never notice a thing, but Jinki does. When Jonghyun comes to class with huge bags under his eyes, they simply dismiss it with Jjong’s got insomnia again, or when Jonghyun laughs along with his friends when he’s made a mistake in front of the class, they never notice how his grin drops at the corners or how the glint in his eyes fade. And worst of all is when Jonghyun looks at himself in the mirror with scrutinizing eyes and a disapproving frown while they only have eyes or themselves.

Jinki never misses it and his hearts aches and screams when Jonghyun tries to laugh it off.

He always does.

That’s when Jinki feels his heart contracting in his chest to the point of outright bleeding because he knows that he will never be able to help Jonghyun unless he let’s Jinki in.

Jonghyun turns around in the sheets, eyes blinking blearily up at him. “Jinki?” He sounds so small and unsure. “What are you doing up? It’s cold without you.” He reaches a hand out hesitantly.

Jinki takes it and laces their fingers, moving under the blanket. He lets Jonghyun press close to his side, maneuvering his free arm around him so his fingers can tangle in the boy’s bleached hair while Jonghyun rests his head on his shoulder.

Jinki hangs on to the feeling of Jonghyun relaxing against him. This is the closest he’ll get to Jonghyun, at least for now. He doesn’t know when Jonghyun will open his heart to him or if he ever will, so this will have to do. So he clutches the hand in his tighter, buries his fingers in Jonghyun’s hair and inhales his scent, storing it at the bottom of his lungs to keep forever.