The angst is strong in this one, lol

Siwon kept his trademark grin plastered on his face as he quickly strolled down the hallway and out the side door. He was greeted by several happy, smiling faces as they sent well wishes and congratulations to be passed on. Siwon nodded and waved his customary three- wave, afraid that by opening his mouth he'd actually cry. No one would understand why, because he was the one that usually held it together out of all of Super Junior. He rarely cried. Today was the day for it.

He found a bench in the gardens, hidden by a large group of trees and well-manicured shrubs, and sank down on it. There, alone and blocked by the foliage, safe from prying eyes, Siwon covered his face with his hands and leaned his elbows on his knees. His shoulders shook with silent sobs. His heart was finally, finally shattering that last tiny little bit. There and alone with his thoughts, Siwon was allowed to be human.

It was his fault, really, the reason he was here and not in that building celebrating with his friends and brothers from Super Junior. Siwon loosened his tie. His fault. If he'd only been honest. If he'd only told the truth, maybe things would be different. Siwon dropped the tie, sliding off the bench to his knees on the ground beside it. He put his hands on the ground in front of his knees. His breath came in short gasps. His chest ached painfully. What was this? Was the great Choi Siwon having an anxiety attack?! That couldn't happen! Siwon never got anxiety over anything in his life.

"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Those words were on repeat. He wasn't sure who exactly they were meant for, just that they were said with complete sincerity. He ran the fingers of one hand through his hair. A hysterical bubble of laughter choked him as he realized he just wiped leaves and dirt through his usually pristine hair. The stylist would have his hide. Maybe they'd have to call the whole thing off. The best man was losing it. They couldn't have that at the wedding.

Siwon was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the footsteps crunching through the leaves to where he knelt. Someone let out a deep sigh at the sight of an obviously unkempt and completely depressed Siwon. The person sat on the bench, placing a hand on Siwon's shoulder. He yelped and spun at the unexpected contact.

"Appa! W-what are you d-doing here? How did you find me?" Siwon wiped his face, hoping to quickly come up for a reason to be in the gardens.

"Siwon-ah. What's wrong, Son?"

"I just needed some fresh air. It was getting a bit hot in the room with all of us together."

"Son, after all these years you know you can't lie to me. Me, your own father. Come here."

Mr. Choi held his arms out. Siwon climbed back onto the bench and allowed his father to pull him into his arms. He couldn't hold back the tears. His body shook as he cried against his father's chest. It was the first time in a long time he'd been held like that. It made him feel like a little boy again, it made him feel loved. He felt his father run a hand up and down his back.

"You can't hide forever, Wonnie. Everything will be starting up soon. They'll be looking for you."

"I know," Siwon croaked out. "I just needed a minute to myself. I was feeling suffocated in there. I'm sorry, Appa. I'm so, so very sorry."

"Wonnie-yah, what do you have to be sorry for? I can only imagine what you must feel: the love of your life marrying someone else and you're the best man at their wedding."

Siwon sat up, afraid that his feelings had been found out by his father. Mr. Choi smiled at his son and placed his hands on either side of Siwon's face. Siwon gave him a confused look. Why wasn't he being yelled at?

"It's true, isn't it? What you feel for that young man in there? Don't try to lie to your father now."

Siwon turned, dropping his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees once again. He in a deep breath and let out a long sigh. Might as well get it over with. His father was right. There was no use in trying to lie to him. He could always tell when Siwon tried.

"I couldn't help it. I-I'm sorry, Appa. He worked his way in and never let go."

"And what makes you think this isn't some little crush or something?"

Siwon's shoulders slumped. There it was. His father was going to try to explain it away so that they could brush it under a rug and Siwon could be "normal" again. There was no possible way any son of his could have feelings for another man.

"No, Appa. It's not just some crush. We've been through a lot together, more than I even have time to explain. I know I should just smile and be happy for him, but I can't help it. He's so easy to love. And he's irritating, he gets under your skin and into your heart. I can't... I had to get some fresh air."

Mr. Choi slipped an arm around his son's shoulders. "I've come to realize over the years that you can't help who you love. While I may not agree with you loving that boy, I can't stop loving my son. You're hurting right now, and I'm here for you."

"I just don't know what to do," Siwon said softly.

"Well has he ever been given the choice? Does he know how you feel about him?"

"And I should tell him on his wedding day?" Siwon asked his father with a shocked look on his face.

"Or wait until after when it's too late to change anything? Siwon, I'm the one officiating the ceremony. Trust me when I say that it'll be easier to stop a wedding than waiting until it's too late."

"And you're okay with this? Me being with another man? All these years..."

"I love my son," said Mr. Choi. "I will not turn my back on you. I'm getting too old to argue with you about who you love. Besides, my Bible says to not judge, and that's something I've been needing to relearn. Now, get your backside in there and confess to your soulmate!"

Siwon jumped up. He turned to his father before he ran off. "Appa, you're the only one that knows where I'm headed after the wedding. If things go bad in there, I still plan on going."

That was when Siwon took off inside. His long legs brought him to the side door quicker than his mind was ready. Several of the decorators stared at him like he'd lost his mind. Maybe it was because he had lost his mind, or maybe it was because of the mud and leaves sticking out of his hair. It's possible it was a combination of both. Siwon made his way down the hallway to the room he'd ran out of just an hour earlier.

The door burst open. There was only one person inside, and he gripped the doorknob until his knuckles were white. Everyone else had run off for various errands, or for food, or whatever. It didn't matter. The groom was alone and panicking. Siwon slid into the room and shut the door quickly.

"Where have you been?" Kyuhyun yelled. "And what the hell happened to you?!"

"I needed some fresh air. If you get a chance, you should check out the gardens."

Siwon gave Kyuhyun a half smile as he wandered over to the mirror. He stared at himself in horror. His eyes were red and puffy. His cheeks were splotchy. Not only did he have mud and leaves in his hair, but there were a couple of sticks too. He went to work picking at his ruined hair, hoping to fix as much of it as he could. They still had two hours before the wedding started, so he had plenty of time. Hands joined his as a voice tsked behind him.

"Siwon-ah, what's wrong? This isn't like you."

Kyuhyun, always ready with a snarky comment kept things more serious. Siwon's hands were shaking and he couldn't seem to make eye contact with the younger man. What made it worse was the way Kyuhyun's fingers felt running through his hair. Siwon wanted to both hug him and run sobbing from the room. He wasn't sure which would be the better option.

"Wonnie-yah, you've got too much gel in your hair to get all the dirt and crap out of it. We may have to call in the stylist again. What happened out there?"

Their eyes met in the mirror, and Siwon couldn't look away. Kyuhyun's gaze was piercing. It was like he could see Siwon's every thought. Siwon really wanted to hide at that point. Kyuhyun gripped his shoulders and turned him to face him. Siwon tried to lean back against the counter in a cool pose. Kyuhyun stepped closer, the look on his face clearly stating he was calling Siwon's bluff.

"Siwon. My dear, Siwon." Kyuhyun reached both hands out to cup Siwon's face. "I don't know what I would do without you. It hurts to see you so upset. Please, Siwon-ah, please tell me what's wrong."

"I'm in love with you and I can't stand that you're marrying someone other than me. I wish it was me you were going to say your vows to in a couple of hours. I wish-"

Kyuhyun's hands dropped back to his sides. His eyes were wide with shock. Siwon just knew that he made a terrible mistake. He took a deep breath, gathering up the last of his willpower before doing the unthinkable. He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against Kyuhyun's. Kyuhyun didn't react. He was still stunned from the confession.

Siwon leaned back with a sad smile on his face. He knew what he needed to do to keep his sanity, but it would hurt the person he loved. He ran his fingers across Kyuhyun's cheek. Kyuhyun seemed to be stirring out of his daze. He could sense something was very wrong.

"Siwon-ah. We can talk. Don't do anything stupid."

"Kyu, I don't think I can stand there and watch you marry someone else. I'm sorry."

Being the stronger of the two, Siwon was able to easily shove by Kyuhyun. He made his way to the door. Kyuhyun grabbed his wrist, stopping him for just a moment. Siwon took a deep breath and pulled his arm away.

"Please let me go in peace."

"I-I..." Kyuhyun's voice sounded uncharacteristically broken. Was he crying? Siwon knew if he looked back, he'd want to stay. He kept his back turned. Kyuhyun took a couple of breaths to steady his voice.

"I need you here. You're my best friend. You, Siwon, you are the one I go to for help, for advice, for someone to help me play my pranks. I don't know what I'll do if you leave me."

"Your wife will be that person for you. Cherish her, Kyuhyun. You chose this, so make her feel like the beautiful bride I know she'll be."

With that, Siwon opened the door, ducked out into the hallway, and closed the door behind him. He started running, not caring who was in his was. He didn't want to get stopped by any of the other guys. He didn't want to have to explain himself.

Siwon climbed into his car and sat for a few seconds. He was really doing this. He was really running out on his best friend's wedding. As he drove off, his phone started blowing up with messages and calls. Siwon shut the phone off and kept driving. It was the first time in his life he felt free.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

One week later

Siwon dug his toes into the sandy beach. He only had three days left of his vacation, and he planned to enjoy every second of it. The house he'd rented was on a secluded beach. There was no television, which didn't matter because he spent most of his time outside. Siwon looked back toward one of the cliffs. That one. He'd hike that one in just a little bit.

The sound of a car crunching onto the driveway up by the house didn't disturb him. Siwon was expecting a visitor. After getting to the beach house, it had taken him three days to finally turn his phone on and check his messages. He had 324 texts and 27 missed calls. Over the next day, he'd listened to all the calls and read most of the messages. Finally, he broke down and called that one person.

He faced the ocean even as the other person walked up next to him. One quick glance down, and Siwon could see that they'd taken their shoes off. It was an excellent choice if they were going to be walking with him on the sand. He grinned at the ocean, actually happy for the company.

"You ran away, Siwon-ah."

That? That was the first comment they wanted to make? Not a "how are you? or a "are you okay?" He let out a hefty sigh. So much for relaxing through the rest of his vacation. Maybe he should have just not answered his phone until he was ready.

"I did."

"Why?" came the softly spoken question. "Why not try to stay and figure things out?"

"Figure what out, Teukie-hyung?! Kyuhyun was marrying someone else? I'm not going to stand in the way of that. It's not fair to her. His fiance did nothing wrong."

"True, but what you did wasn't fair to the rest of us. It wasn't fair to Kyu." Leeteuk moved to stand in front of Siwon. "Do you know how distraught he's been the last several days when you completely disappeared? He's been beside himself with worry."

"He should be concerned with his wife," Siwon said with a sad note to his voice.

"What wife? He couldn't get married after what you said. He stayed in that room after you abandoned him, crying. Crying! I was terrified! I've never seen him cry like that. It was like he'd just lost his best friend."

"He... He's not married?"

"No, he's not. Now Siwon listen to me. I know you said to not tell anyone where you were, but I couldn't not tell him. He's barely eaten for the last week. He's, he's not his usual self. I don't think he's even played video games."

"You didn't." Siwon stepped back from Leeteuk and started pacing the beach in front of him. "Hyung! You promised! I'm not ready to see him. I need to get my feelings in order before. Dammit meddling Teukie-hyung!"

"Please forgive me." Leeteuk put his hands on Siwon's shoulders, stopping the pacing. "Please. I can't see any of my babies hurting. It hurts me to see you like this, so just turn around. I think the world will be better."

Siwon's heart threatened to beat out of his chest as he slowly turned. There, three hundred yards up the beach, stood Kyuhyun on the deck to his house. The younger man leaned on the rails. His shoulders were slumped and he looked like he hadn't slept in days, but to Siwon he looked gorgeous. It didn't matter that he was wearing a goofy gaming t-shirt and board shorts. Kyuhyun looked perfect.

"Hyung, what do I do?" Siwon whispered.

"That, my lovely horse, is up to you. Go talk to him."

Leeteuk shoved Siwon toward the house with a smile. He had faith that the pair would work things out. If they didn't, he'd have to give up his meddling matchmaker ways. That did not sound like any sort of fun. He was good at getting people together.

Siwon stumbled his first few steps across the beach, then gained confidence. He was Choi Siwon. Everyone loved him. Everyone thought he was good-looking. Now, if only he could make eye contact with Kyuhyun, things would be good. Was the house always this far away?

Someone was walking toward him. It had to be Kyuhyun. Leeteuk didn't walk with those weird shuffling steps. Siwon stopped moving. His heart pounded. Pale feet covered in sand stood in front of him. Those were attached pale legs that didn't see much light, which were attached to a slim waist. Siwon couldn't stop his eyes from traveling all the way up to Kyuhyun's face. His best friend looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn't get it out. Kyuhyun's face crumpled as his hands hung at his sides.

"Siwon? No hug or anything?" his voice was cracking and it hurt Siwon to hear.

"He wasn't supposed to bring anyone with him. I, sorry. I wasn't ready to see you yet."

Siwon backed away. Kyuhyun lurched forward grabbing his arms just above the elbows. The older man stared back in shock. He ached to pull Kyuhyun into his arms, and in fact, he was used to skinship with all of his bandmates. Siwon simply could not torture himself with giving in. He took a deep breath, trying to shake off Kyuhyun's desperate hold.

"Let go, Kyu." Good God, his voice sounded ragged.

"No." Kyuhyun's grip tightened. "You are going to stand here and listen to me. I think I'm owed that much. You'll stand here, listen to what I have to say, and then, if you still want to leave me, you can."

Siwon's jaw dropped. Kyuhyun was pissed and scared and some other undefined emotion all rolled into one longing look. The singer/actor could only stand there, mute, and let Kyuhyun have his say.

"Fine. First thing, no no, we'll start at the beginning. For years, I've walked in your shadow. I've followed behind you. Oh, I've been known as a better singer and all that, but you definitely have the looks. You, though, you never let it go to your head. You were always kind to me.

When I had my car accident, I know you prayed for me. You cried when I came back. I thought you were embarrassed about my scars, but then you explained that it just made you realize more that you almost lost me. I started to understand something then: I cared for you.

You were always ready with a hug and a kiss for any occasion. I tried to brush it off all these years as fan service, because trying to think of it any other way would have given me hope. People liked to pair me with Sungmin or Ryeowook, and I willingly went along with it because it gave me another outlet for my feelings.

You became my best friend, my rock. I could go to you for anything. You were there to support me through every hospitalization, my second car accident, my failures and triumphs, and I tried to be the same for you. I tried to be only a best friend. My feelings just kept growing, and I couldn't stop.

I hoped you'd say something when I started dating her. There was a look you gave me when I told you we were getting married, and again I hoped you'd say something. You didn't! You didn't say a ing word and just kept that gorgeous, y smile plastered all over your face. You didn't even notice I was hurting just as bad as you.

Then, on my wedding day, you have to go and confess to me and run away. Like, what the hell, Wonnie? Could you really not see what I felt for you all these years? I was only marrying her because I felt that I was being pushed to marry someone. She knew my feelings. We'd already talked about it, about you. When I called it off, she knew why and supported me."

Siwon was shaking, tears streaming down his face. Kyuhyun returned his feelings. All these years suffering in silence, and Kyuhyun had been suffering right along with him. He lifted his hands to rub the ones still squeezing his biceps. Kyuhyun pulled in a wobbly breath.

"Wonnie, please. Say something. Dammit! I hate feeling like an angsty girl."

"Kyu, I," Siwon grabbed Kyuhyun's hands, pulling them off his arms. He didn't know what else to say. He was more of a man of action. That was it. Siwon yanked on Kyuhyun's hands, dragging the younger man off balance. Kyuhyun crashed into his chest with a gasp.

"What are you-?"

Kyuhyun's words were cut off by a pair of lips pressed to his own. This time, though, Siwon could tell he was reacting. It was sloppy and messy, but soon their lips moved in sync. Siwon felt butterflies in his stomach as Kyuhyun ran a hand underneath his shirt. He was being fiesty already, huh? Siwon leaned back slightly, keeping his mouth on Kyuhyun's.

"Out here in the open?"

"Yes, unless we get to the house real soon," Kyu answered breathlessly.

Leeteuk watched the pair from a distance as they kissed and tripped up the beach and into the house. His work here was done. He grinned as he tapped out a number on his phone and walked back to the car.

"Looks like you owe me that drink, Chullie. I'm coming back alone."