Light blue covers laid over your legs slightly bunched around your hips, a lightly printed gown outfitted your figure while your hair hung over your shoulders. Your hands cradling your phone between them as one hand had tubes running in and out of it while your other hand held a white bracelet around it. Constant beeps and buzzes surrounded you and the smell of antiseptic burned your nose.

Brushing your thumb across the screen of your phone, you slowly thumbed through the pictures held on the tiny memory card within. Pictures of your family trips and scenery pictures filled most of your phone as you loved to take pictures of little things that reminded you of something else.

Flipping over a few more pictures, your thumb stopped when you saw a picture of you and your boyfriend, Taeyang. Hugging you from behind, his snap back turned sideways and falling down on your face as a bright smile lit up your face, pressing a kiss on your cheek, his arms held you tightly and the photo tinted black and white showed the true feelings between the two of you.

Hearing the monitor next to you slightly pick up pace, you knew your heart was beating faster at just the thought of him, how he would hate to see you right now. Yet you couldn’t help it, it was your destiny, your condition, your fate.

A pain slowly struck your chest, an instant tightening pain causing your eyes to close and your hand to reach up and grab the gown over your chest. The monitor next to you beat erratically and uneven as your head felt light, leaning back against the bed, you tried to open your eyes just to find your vision blurry.

Blinking a few times, you reached over to your phone, your body curled into a ball, your hand still clutching your chest while your other hand quickly pulled up Taeyang’s messages to you. Typing a simple three letter phrase, you sent off the message as nurses came rushing into the room, your vision phasing to black.

– A year ago –

Descending down your stairs into the basement, the heat of the day started to fade with every step, the cool temperature of the basement welcomed you underground as you padded across the soft carpet to the old comfy couch. Grabbing your favorite blanket on the way, you the television and let it warm up as you walked over to the couch. Tucking one leg underneath you, the blanket cascaded over your legs as you sat against the comfy fabric of the couch.

Leaning against the arm rest, you thumbed through your movies on Netflix before finding a newer movie that was recently released. Turning off the lights, from your seat, you happily leaned back and watched the movie start and pull you into the story.

A little while later, you heard the front door open and close, from upstairs. Pausing the movie, you listened to the person shuffle across the floor in socks, set keys down on the counter and open and close the refrigerator before those same footsteps slowly descended down the stairs.

Slowly, a smile pulled onto his lips as he leaned on his arm against the corner of the wall.

“You started a movie without me?!” Taeyang, your long term boyfriend, gasped as the smile he tried to hold in shined through his lips.

“I saved the best parts for you” You cooed, trying to make the situation better. Patting the spot next to you, he looked down a moment, his tongue rolling across his lips before bringing his bottom lip between his teeth.

Moseying over to the couch, he sat down right next to you, his arm closest to you resting on the back of the couch before moving closer to you. Adjusting yourself to accommodate him, your head rested against his arm, your legs crossing over his lap and your body curled against his side.

Taeyang adjusted the blanket across your legs and his lap, his hand slipped under the blanket as his large hand rested over your smooth legs. Pressing Play, you curled back into his arms as his thumb brushed over the smooth skin on your legs slowly. Engulfed in the movie, the two of you watched the characters move through the plot, your heart hanging on the edge of the seat as you watched the action play out before your eyes.

The final credits rolled as the screen faded to black, he exited out of the movie and leaned back, kissing your head on the way.

“Should we watch something else? It isn’t too late yet” He suggested, checking his phone for the time.

“Sure, but you can choose, since I chose the movie” You smiled and s your arms around him.

“I’ll choose a good one” Taeyang smiled and hummed, singing a soft song while he thumbed through the movies once more. Choosing a movie a little slower in pace, but still fun to watch, he played the movie.

While the movie loaded a moment, he laid back against the couch. Pouting, you looked over at him, noticing that he was taking up the whole couch with his body, pushing you against the arm rest uncomfortably. Tilting his head cutely, he patted his chest as your pout turned into a smirk before you carefully moved over him. Easing your body down on his, his arms wrapped around you and pulled the already warm blanket across your body.

His arms crossing over your back as he looked down at you. “Comfy?”

Humming in agreement, he played the movie, your hands rested on either side of him, playing with his shirt absentmindedly as you enjoyed the movie that was playing. Feeling him lift one of his hands, he brought it to your hair as he absentmindedly played with the ends.

Purring under his touch, you moved your head into his hand causing him to chuckle under you. Moving the wrong way, a pain quickly shot through your body, paralyzing you in pain. Closing your eyes, your fingers tried to remain relaxed as you tried to take deep breaths to calm yourself, however, this time was different. Instead of helping, the pain just increased with intensity. Your heart feeling like someone stabbed it and twisted the knife from side to side.

Tucking your head into your chest, you opened your mouth a moment to see if your voice would sound. Your tightened fingers slowly gripped Taeyang’s shirt  and pulled it away from his body slightly. Soft whimpers came from your opened mouth as a tear or two spilled from your eyes.

Taeyang watched from above, your body tense and tight, the definition of your muscles showing strain as his own heart started to pick up. Not knowing what to do, he tried to take deep breaths to keep himself calm. His large hand spread across your back as he slowly felt your muscles relax.

“You okay, ______?” He whispered against your head, fear of uncertainty filling his mind and soul, while worry knit his face together.

Taking a moment or two, you feel your muscles release and relax, falling limp onto his body from exhaustion. Regaining your strength after a moment or two, you lifted your head, your fingers untangling themselves from his cotton t-shirt.

“I love you” You whisper, your eyes slightly b with tears from the pain that resided.

“I love you too” Taeyang pressed his lips against your forehead, thankful that you looked better than before. Guiding your head back down to his chest slowly, he rubbed your back and made sure that you were comfy and warm.

That was the first time, the first time that you admitted that you loved him, and he loved you, the first time the pain was unbearable, the first time you thought it was the end.

Months passed as your heart pains became more frequent and increasingly severe, sending you to the hospital a few times. Seeing specialist after specialist, you tried to search for answers to the pain that your heart was causing you.

After another year, you finally had your answer. A condition that was rare yet mostly found in the elderly, not in a healthy adult like yourself. With the outcome only leading to a coffin.

– Present –

I love you

Taeyang’s phone lit up with the message that you had sent, his hand going into his pocket while his guy friends were taking their turns at racing one another. Opening up your message, he smiled seeing your three worded text.

I love you too, jagiya

Taeyang send the message, unaware what was going on with you.

“Uh oh! We all know why Tae is smiling” One of his friends teased

“He got a text from _____” Another friend sang causing Taeyang to push their shoulders, sending their virtual cars off of the track. Within the next moment, his phone vibrated repeated times.

“Hello?” Taeyang’s voice chimed over the answered call as a nurse cleared on the other line.

“Mr. Dong Youngbae?” The sweet yet different voice questioned over the phone

“Yes, this is him” Taeyang’s facial expressions quickly changed, not hearing your voice.

Pulling his phone away from his ear, he checked the caller ID. Seeing that it was your phone and not your voice, something was wrong a strange feeling began to sink into the pit of his stomach. Turning around, his hand gently rested on his hip as his eyes lifted to his friends making kissing faces. Heading back to his bedroom, the girl on the other end took a deep breath.

“Is something wrong?” Taeyang finally asked, closing the door to his room as his feet slowly paced around his room.

“Are you related to Miss. ______ ______?” The woman asked with a shaking voice.

“Yes, she is my girlfriend” Taeyang turned and leaned against a wall of his room as the feeling in the pit of his stomach continued to grow.

“Has she ever told you about her condition?” The woman questioned curiously as Taeyang focused on hearing what she had to say.

“She doesn’t have a condition, she gets sick from time to time and needs to go into the hospital but it isn’t anything major.” Taeyang explained, exactly what you had told him the last time you had stayed in the hospital.

“Well, sir, she has a rare heart condition, one that isn’t easily treatable.” Her words got slow and soft as Taeyang could feel his own heart begin to tighten and ache.

“What do you mean?” Taeyang tried to keep his voice from cracking as he slowly let himself slide down the wall until he hit the floor.

As the nurse explained your condition, the symptoms and the pain it brought you, he listened helplessly while his world fell around him. Hearing everything that you are going through without his knowledge.

“Ma’am, can you tell me where she is please?” Taeyang whispered, his voice cracking from the tears constantly running down his cheeks.

Within an hour, Taeyang went from his apartment to being right outside your hospital room door. Trying to prepare himself, his hand hung on the handle for a long moment before he finally pulled open the door and stepped inside. Sliding the door behind him, his eyes fell upon the only bed in the room.

The soft blue blanket hung over your sickened figure, your back turned towards the door as a machine or two softly beeped, breaking the silence.ever second or so. With you in this state, almost brought him to tears, he had never seen you this sick nor had he known that you were fighting against time.

“_______?” Taeyang whispered softly, not wanting to disturb you if you were sleeping. With no answer, his eyes lifted to the heart monitor above your bed. Slowly taking one step after another into your room, he rounded your bed slowly and sat in the chair next to where you laid.

his lips slowly, he reached his hand up and rested it over yours, your skin colder and paler than normal, dark circles under your eyes showed more than you wanted him to know. Small tubes ran in and out of the back of one of your hands, on tube filled with a deep red solution and the other one was clear.

Following the tubes up to the hanger on your bed, he saw one bag of saline and the other of blood and medicine.

“Baby?” Lifting up his other hand, he brushed away your hair from your eyes, his heart breaking at the sight, such a weak and fragile state. Letting his eyes trail down your figure, he pulled up the blanket to try and keep you warm as he sat back and held your hand in his.

Minutes turned into hours as the daylight bled into the night and the night morphed back into the day. Not sleeping a single minute, Taeyang remained by your side, reading the monitors and watching the medicine as it slowly transfused into you.

“Owwww” You hissed, your other hand reaching up and clutching your heart, grabbing the hand that is in yours tighter.

Taeyang leaned forward and held your hand tightly, as your heart rate increased dramatically, hearing it on the monitor, Taeyang watched anxiously as the nurses quickly flooded into the room behind a doctor in a long white coat. His eyes widened in worry as he held onto your hand tighter, unsure of what was happening, he watched as the nurses handed the doctor a syringe. Quickly inserting the syringe into an open ended needle, already inserted in your hand, he pushed the fluid through you as your muscles slowly relaxed.

“W-What just h-h-happened?” Taeyang questioned, his eyes lifting from you to the doctor.

“She has Long QT Syndrome” The doctor handed the emptied syringe back to the nurse as another nurse began to ready another one, just in case.

“W-What is that?” Taeyang stammered, his hand holding onto your limp hand

“Long QT syndrome is an inherited heart rhythm disorder that can cause fast, chaotic heartbeats. The rapid heartbeats, caused by changes in the part of your heart that causes it to beat, may lead to fainting. These irregular heartbeats can be life-threatening.” The doctor explained as another nurse checked your vitals and recorded them.

“She will be okay” Taeyang moved his eyes from the doctor to your sleeping form, your breathing steady, yet your closed eyes spelled exhaustion and fatigue, “Right?”

“She has been having them for a long time, for a year or more.” The doctor informed as the nurses began to file out of the room slowly.

Feeling the weight in the room change, Taeyang knew that the doctor didn’t need to say more. It was only a matter of time, the war that you had taken on was slowly taking you.

“Is there a fix for it?” Taeyang whispered, his voice cracking as his eyes brimmed with warm sorrowful tears.

“The catch is, she has a few other issues associated with her heart along with the Long QT Syndrome. she has Cardiomyopathy as well.” The doctor kept the words easy to understand for the moment, before explaining.

“The muscle in her heart is deteriorating it is commonly known as Heart Failure.” The doctor paused for a moment, his lips before continuing, “She is already on the heart transplant list, she has been but there isn’t a match.”

The doctor waited a moment, letting the news sink in as Taeyang let a tear roll down his cheek, his heart breaking for you while so many questions clouded his mind.

“I’ll be outside if you have any questions” The doctor bowed before making his leave.

“Wait” Taeyang called after the doctor. The doctor’s footsteps slowed to a stop as he turned and looked at Taeyang.

–

A strong pair of arms wrapped around you as you slowly woke from the cloud of drowsiness. The familiar scent pulled you out of your sleep as your eyes slowly opened to a familiar face sleeping next to you.

Your wondering eyes moved over his beautiful lips, his cute nose, his black fanned eye lashes. Reaching your hand out, your fingertips slowly brushed against his clothes, finding the fabric a little thin you lowered your eyes gradually until a hospital gown came into your view. Widening your eyes, you pulled back hoping it was just your gown over his clothes.

“Sweetie?” Taeyang mumbled next to you, snapping awake once he felt you pull away from him.

“W-Why?” You stammered, not able to find any more words, your fingers gently pulling at his gown

“I can’t let you die” His words muted the beeps and the buzzes of the machines around you, suddenly you felt like it was just you and him. Your tongue fumbled around inside your oral cavity.

“I don’t know why you didn’t tell me sooner” Taeyang whispered, his hand cupping your face.

“I didn’t want you to be worried, I wanted you to be happy, I wanted us to be happy. I didn’t want you to be stuck next to me in a hospital when you should be out with your friends.” You tried to push him away with your words, knowing that it was going to be the end for you, and it shouldn’t be the end for him.

“I wish I knew” Taeyang rubbed your side, “I wished I could have brought you flowers and pictures and spent more time with you, I wished we could have gone to the beach and did a road trip together. I wanted to do so much with you.”

Coming to a loss of words, you gave in and moved back into his chest, his arms held you tightly against him as if you were never leaving.

“Tae?” You hummed feeling the pain creep back into your chest, knowing your weakened state, you closed your eyes as they swelled with tears.

“Yes, ______?” Taeyang whispered, his voice laced with love for you. Lifting your eyes, you felt the pain in your chest build as your neck tensed, your body tensing as he carefully laid you flat on the bed, his body resting on its side as you kept your eyes on his.

“I…” You breathed, Taeyang hanging on your every word, “Love you…”

Closing your eyes the beeping stopped as a constant hum took over. Your eyes stayed open a moment longer, taking one last look at the love of your life before closing your eyes, earning your angel wings.

My boyrfriend thinks that I say “I love you” at random moments. Truth is, I have a heart condition. I say it when I have chest pains, just in case it is the end.