What should I say?
Where do I start?
I’m only hanging my head
You’re looking at me
In this awkward silence

"I don't love you. I never have." She only stands there. Her eyes shining with unshed tears. He just stares at her, without shame, without remorse. Maybe it's long time coming, maybe not.

"Yoongi, we've been together for five years and you only say it now? On our anniversary?" He can see her fist clenched and unclenched. She's trying to hold her tears. She refuse to look weak in front of him. Especially not like this.

"You know this bound to happen, Nari. I know you know since five years ago that I never love you." Her tears finally fall.

I don’t love you
I’m sure you already know
Even when I see you shedding tears
My heart doesn’t ache anymore

The first time Nari said 'I love you' to him five years ago, his answer is simple. He doesn't do relationship. He doesn't believe in love. He believe in physical attraction. Nothing more. But she only smile, staying by his side. She was something constant in his life. Someone who always there. He knows that Nari believes that one day he will fall in love with her. It never happened.

He always wanted to break everything off with her. To come clean about his feeling. But everytime he sees her smile, dimple prominent on her left cheek, he thinks, let's give it a try. Maybe I can fall in love with her. One year, turn to two, turns to three and suddenly it is their fifth year anniversary. He doesn't know what to do. He drinks himself to oblivion two days before and in his drunken stupor he heard Jungkook say, "Stop dragging her like this, hyung. Five years is long enough. Let her go. Gently." He guess saying it like that is not letting her go gently. Maybe he should say, "Let's break up" or "I have someone else" or maybe "I'm sorry but I have to let you go." Maybe he should do it after the anniversary, a month or two later. But Min Yoongi is blunt and he knows if he waits any longer, this will drag on longer.

I don’t love you
There’s no other reason
I don’t even want to say
I’m sorry or forgive me

"Do you have someone else?"  Her voice is so soft Yoongi almost didn't hear it.

"No, Nari. I don't. I've told you before, I'm telling you again, I don't do relationship. I don't believe in love."

"Then what are we? For the past five years?"

"You're something that is constant in my life. You're always there and I'm comfortable having you around." She just laugh. With tears and snot running down her face, she just laugh, dimple showing. Even like that Yoongi still think she's beautiful. But Yoongi doesn't know what to make of it. This is the problem with Nari, something that he doesn't quite grasp even after all those year together. She's not like his past lover, male and female alike. When they say they love him and he says that he doesn't love them back, they will scream, kick, shout profanities to show their anger. But her, she will just cry and then laugh.

That’s all
This is how I really feel
I don’t love you
I don’t love you

One month into their 'break up' Nari had ceased to exist. Phone calls went unanswered, text messages never replied and doors were never open. She even sent in a two week notice to her employer. Yoongi is worried. His friends are worried. Jungkook keeps giving him accusatory glare. Then suddenly Jimin said he saw her at her favorite coffee shop and they spend some time talking. She looks healthy although a little bit thin. When he asked her why she ignore all of them, her answer is, "I'm packing. I'm going somewhere soon." Soon is very soon. Two days after Jimin met her, Yoongi received a phone call from Hoseok. "She's gone, hyung." Is all he said. Gone, as in gone from this world. Not gone as she went some place else. The doctors said she overdose on sleeping pills. She was found by one of  their female friend, whom she asked to come to her house. She was found 'sleeping' peacefully wearing a soft pink sundress with matching rose bud flower crown. She was found dead wearing the gifts that Yoongi gave her for Valentine's Day, the only gift he gave her. She was cremated wearing the same clothing because somehow that is her wish.

As he watched the sky changes color from red to orange, he feels like his heart is hurting, aching for something. As the sky turns brighter when the sun rose higher, he realize as tears rolls down his face, with memories of Nari's beautiful smile, dimples prominent on her left cheek that he does love her after all. But now, all he had is the memory of her love. "It's okay," he thinks, he'll survive on that memory alone as he drinks his third bottle of soju. As he lay there basking in the sunlight, mind hazy from the alcohol, he thinks he saw Nari standing by the window in her soft pink sundress and flower crown, right hand extended, a soft smile etched on her lips with a gentle whisper of 'Yoongi.' He smiles for the first time since her death as he reaches for her hand.