When I heard his phone ring, I glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned slightly. I knew who it was on the other end of the phone line. How could I not? They were the reason that my first love was falling apart after five years.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, it wasn’t really Dean’s fault. Dean loved Crush as much as I did. He found it hard to live without him in his life too. It was no use blaming him. It would have been like trying to stop the sun from rising, useless. No, the person I blamed was Shin Hyoseob aka Crush. He was the one who stayed in the studio longer, broke off dates for no reason, forgot about our anniversary and completely disregarded me when I tried to speak to him about it. Why is he stringing us along? All I wanted was for him to tell me which one of us he loved and wanted. Which one of us held his heart and which one of us should leave.

I heard Hyoseob hang up the phone and braced myself for the words I knew were coming. "Haesol hyung I have to go. I’ll see you in a few days”. I didn’t even bother turning around and simply nodded my head. I waited until I heard the door close before closing my eyes and leaning my head against the back of the couch all the while fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes.

When did we become complete strangers to each other? When did our love change?

When I felt that I wouldn’t break down and cry, I got up from the couch and made my way into the bedroom. On my way I passed a mirror that hung on the wall. Stopping in front of it, I looked at myself. My hair was still short and blond, my body was still the same, but my eyes were different. All the life seemed to be missing from my eyes. I was tired and drained.

As I made my way to the bedroom, my eyes roamed and took in everything in sight. I stopped on a picture sitting innocently on the nightstand. I walked over to the picture, picked it up and saw myself and Hyoseob. Hyoseob was sitting on a chair and I was behind him, my arms wrapped around his neck from behind. I took it all in. The look of happiness on my face, the look of love on Hyoseob’s and I started to feel something I’d never felt before, anger.

I tried to rein it in at first, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hold it in any longer. So with a scream of pure rage I threw the picture across the room and watched with joy as it slammed into the wall breaking the frame and the glass inside. Unable to contain my anger anymore I went on a demolition spree around the apartment. I picked things up just to throw them. In an hour my anger was gone and I was breathing hard. I was shuddering so hard that my body was shaking as I looked at the destruction around me. Then I did something I hadn’t done in a long time, I cried.

I couldn’t stay here any longer. I ran to the bedroom, opened the closet and grabbed my suitcase. Whatever I could grab went in it. I knew Hyoseob would be home in a few days and I wanted to be gone by the time he got back. I refuse to stay another minute. I refuse to stay and wait for a man, who obviously isn’t worth waiting for. A man who didn’t think I was worth staying for.

When I was done packing, I looked around the room one last time. I found a pen and a sheet of paper. I wrote a simple note and taped it to the door on my way out. Walking outside, I took a deep breath in, hailed a taxi and told the driver to go to the airport. When I arrived at the airport, I called Yoon Sung hyung and Jae Ho hyung and told them that I quit and wasn’t renewing my contract with Amoeba Culture. Then I called Teddy and told him what had happened and that I needed help. Afterwards, I was on the first flight out.

When Hyoseob arrived back a few days later, all he found was a destroyed apartment and a note taped to the door, telling him that Haesol had left him and why, and he felt his heart break and shatter in his chest.