Loving you is my biggest mistake

Words: 4053

Jung Hoseok sat down on the white couch in the huge living room of his house. He stared at the black television screen and laid his hands on top of his lap. He was exhausted and one or two drops of sweat were rolling down his face. He had been cleaning the huge house of his for the past three hours, and he was so exhausted that he really felt like dying. Jung Hoseok, who always tried his best to keep smiling now stared at the television screen with a blank look on his exhausted face and the Jung Hoseok who always did something sat on the white couch and just stared.

He was very exhausted, both physically and mentally. His eyes felt heavy and the thoughts running throught his mind were tacky. But he just couldn't go to sleep — he wouldn't allow his eyes close until Min Yoongi was at home, safe and with him. Jung Hoseok wouldn't close his eyes, not even for a second before he could see that Min Yoongi was alright and peacefully sleeping next to him.

Hoseok didn't know how long it had been going on. It probably was closer to more than two years, but for Hoseok it still was only a few weeks. And he didn't like the idea to count the days when he was taking care of his beloved one. If he was with Min Yoongi the days didn't matter.

Hoseok and Yoongi had been dating for six years, and Hoseok was very proud of it. He hadn't even thought about breaking up with the cutest thing on the planet Earth — he couldn't even think about losing Yoongi. Even though it was hurting him to be with Yoongi, Hoseok was one hundred percent sure it would only hurt even more to let go. 

Hoseok blinked his eyes and moved his gaze to look at his feet — there was a hole on his sock. For a while the young latter thought about standing up and finding a new pair of socks so he could do at least something, but pushed the thought away as soon as he remembered how exhausted he felt. The black-haired young man turned to look at the grey clock ticking on the wall which was showing that the time was almost 4 in the morning. Only 6 hours before his day of working would start over again — and at least 2 more hours before Yoongi would come back home.

That was one of the reasons why Hoseok was always so tired and very exhausted. He slept only maybe four or three hours a night, and at daytime all he did was working at his office and at home, so had no time to take naps. Many of his friends had recommended highly that he really should go to sleep earlier — and Hoseok had tried it, but he just couldn't get any sleep if he was alone in the big, king-sized bed in their bedroom. He would only lay in the bed alone for hours and think about everything unnecessary until Yoongi would arrive, and a long time ago Hoseok had decided it was better to do at least something before the pink-haired latter would show up than wait for him in the bed just laying still.

But why didn't Yoongi come home earlier?

Hoseok had been pondering it for a while. Was it because of him? Because Hoseok wasn't good enough for the pink-haired latter, because Yoongi didn't feel good about coming back home? Because Hoseok was always trying to take care of Yoongi but it wasn't enough for him? Or was it more important for Yoongi to spend all the money Hoseok worked for to alcohol and druqs and to all the girls who Yoongi brought home now and then.

For the first time it had always surprised Hoseok in a way or another. When Yoongi came home  for the first time completely drunk, Hoseok had been really worried. He had immediately made Yoongi feel as good as he could, and get the older one to sleep. For the first time when Yoongi came home with all kinds of drug dealers and completely high, Hoseok was at the same time very worried and scared. But he had taken care of the older one and made sure that he could sleep well for the rest of the night. The first time when Yoongi threw a party at their house, Hoseok had been scared but quietly locked himself up into their bedroom. And when everyone else was gone, he made sure Yoongi was allright and put him to sleep.

And lastly, when Yoongi brought a girl into their home for the first time and ed her in their bed, Hoseok was hurt and broken. But when the girl was gone Hoseok went to their bedroom and made sure Yoongi was sleeping well, and gave him a good night's kiss on his cheek if there was an area which was not filled with lipstick stains. That was also the first time when Hoseok decided it would be better to sleep on the couch.

But when it started to happen more often, the less it hurt the young latter. Hoseok didn't know why it was like that — maybe he had just gotten used to it, or maybe it just simply hurt so badly that Hoseok didn't notice it anymore. And even though Jung Hoseok had thought about leaving Yoongi many times, many times, he never had the courage to actually do that. He would be worried to death if he couldn't check that Min Yoongi was allright.

Hoseok didn't know why Yoongi had changed so much.

He had thought about it a lot, but Hoseok couldn't say surely what had made the beautiful pink-haired latter to change himself so much. Hoseok remembered how Yoongi used to be against druqs and didn't even drink alcohol when others did, but suddenly the latter was the one to come home completely drunk every night. And if not drunk, then high from drugs which Hoseok couldn't even name even if he tried his best.

But he had thought about different reasons. Maybe it was because of their fights — after a while of their dating they fought a lot. About every little thing and detail, it would always be a fight and they would hurt each other before other one would cry or just simply go away. But they always made up their fights, and then everything was okay.

Maybe it was because of the opinions their reationship was getting. Yoongi's parents kicked him out after they found out that their perfect boy was dating a guy, and Hoseok's parents didn't like the idea that Hoseok was taking Yoongi to live in his apartment. Hoseok's parents hated the idea that Hoseok was sharing his money with someone from a not-so-well-off family, and that's why Hoseok's parents did their best to separate the boys. But their relationship was stronger and when Hoseok threatened to cut off his relationship with his parents themselves, they realized that he really loved the boy and left them alone. And when the two were walking around in town and holding hands, people gave weird glances at them. Some of the most idiotic passengers shouted something stupid for them, but Hoseok always tried his best to not to care about what others thought about them.

And the last thing the young man could think of was him. Maybe it was all his fault that Yoongi changed — maybe he hadn't treated the pink-haired boy well. Maybe Hoseok had hurt him without noticing it, maybe Hoseok hadn't given enough attention for him, and that's what changed the lovely boy to a drug addict.

Once again Hoseok moved his gaze to look at the black television screen. He thought about standing up and getting the remote control from the TV-table to see if there was a good movie playing, but it didn't take long when he once again remembered that he was too tired to do it. And just for a while Hoseok closed his eyes and relaxed his body — just for a second. To imagine Yoongi's beautiful face and perfect eyes. His skinny body and cute pink hair. 

But then he heard how the door opened and closed with a loud bang. Hoseok flung his eyes open and turned to look into the direction of the vestibule — soon seeing an exhausted boy coming into a view. Yoongi rubbed his temples and kicked his shoes off, walking into the living room without paying any attention to Hoseok. Yoongi sat down on the other side of the couch, and sighed heavily as he closed his eyes.

"What were you doing?" Hoseok asked even though he knew Yoongi wouldn't care about answering. Hoseok asked the exactly same question every night, but Yoongi never answered. It was bothering him that Yoongi didn't talk to him anymore, but Hoseok would never stop trying. "Are you okay?" Hoseok asked another question and looked at the fragile boy sitting on the couch.

And he had to admit that Yoongi had changed. When they first met his pink hair was lively, and his teeth were perfectly white. His smile had a meaning and his brown eyes were sparkling with different rays of joy and happines in them. His skin was smooth and had a nice color to it, and he had muscles and a nice body even though he didn't like to do sports. Yoongi would always wear his black glasses and neat clothes — he liked to follow fashion and the latest trends. Yoongi always smellt good and he was very