His meeting with Choi Minho is, he’d like to believe; a fate.

It’s a fate, it must have been fate. There’s no other way around, he’s sure of it. Just when he was in the lowest point of his life and was about to give up on himself, God had arranged him to find this hard working young man named Choi Minho who didn’t even seem to know that word ‘giving up’ exist.

He always dreamt of becoming a singer, idol, anything as long as he can sing but life is not fair, especially for someone with average face and a pair of too small eyes. So after failure in his multiple attempts, Sunggyu decided to stay away from entertainment world, finished his study and working full time in a consulting firm. The salary is good, the work is okay, he thinks that he would be normal citizen from now on, and not going to give a single about idols out there.

He never knew how the existence of one Choi Minho would change his life forever.

:::

It was Thursday evening, he just received another call from his manager who complained about revision to be made even though it’s already past working hours, when he exasperatedly switched the TV and Minho’s face filled the big screen.

Even if there were millions of word he could come up with, ‘starstruck’ might be the most appropriate word to describe him as he watched raw, undiluted passion painted Minho’s blazing eyes. It’s like a vortex of liquid fire, spiraling endlessly, flickering; alive and free. Unbounded. Unrestrained.

Choi Minho is handsome, but that was the last thing in Kim Sunggyu’s mind, because it was his pair of too expressive eyes that casted a spell on him. It might have been a curse as well, Sunggyu thought when he found himself glued to the TV every Thursday to watch the quiet yet passionate boy race his way to the goal.

He started looking up for Minho (and SHINee’s) picture whenever he was left with nothing to do, or when he’s in the train, or when he’s having his lunch, or when he is waiting in line for the cashier. He had Minho’s picture as his wallpaper, even woke up and fell asleep to SHINee’s song. Sunggyu convinced himself that being a fan of an idol is a completely, and totally healthy thing to do (disregarding the fact that he is a 27 years old office worker and the singer he’s a fan of is seven years younger than him, and also a male).

And when he found himself consulting the sales attendant about the best affordable outdoor photography lens, Sunggyu told himself again and again; it’s fine, this is ‘normal’.

He only admitted he was in too deep when he came to Dream Team shooting with his new camera, sitting amongst the cheering female fans who gave him a totally non-discreet curious look. Sunggyu ignored them and let himself enraptured by Minho’s athletic performance. His lens followed Minho to capture his every movement. He mentally thanked the sales attendant who had suggested the lens to him, the shutter speed and wide aperture enables him to catch Minho’s action even when he’s bolting as fast as lightning.

Sunggyu was aware at what he’s signing himself in, he’s basically starting a fansite and despite the voice of logic in his head that he shouldn’t be doing this, his fingers still move to type the watermark over his photo; ‘Me & You’, was the name he chose before he hit the save buttons of his keyboard and uploaded the picture to his newly opened site.

He continued coming to Dream Team shooting every week, assembling his camera before drowning himself between the sea of female fans. His fansite started to grow little by little, earning more members and follower with every picture he posted. People still assume he’s a noona though. Sometimes, as he edited another picture at 3 am in the morning, Sunggyu wondered if anyone will ever believe him if the said, he, Kim Sunggyu, 27 years old boring guy who’s doing accounting and auditing full time is fansite master of SHINee’s Choi Minho.

:::

By the time SHINee announced their comeback, Sunggyu already had a corner in his room dedicated for Minho more than for SHINee. The wallpaper of his phone was no longer a picture from news site or another fansite but  a picture he took himself.

Sunggyu is excited. This will be his first comeback since he started his fansite activity which means there will be another first time coming like first music stage and first showcase. However, the one that excites him the most is the first fansign. He wondered how Minho would react if he knew he had a fanboy. Sunggyu is aware that he’s not the only male fans SHINee have, but he’s also aware that he is the only male fansite master which sets him apart from the other fanboys.

His excitement is doubled when he finally listens to Sherlock, the song is catchy and the choreography is world class. Not to mention Minho’s outfit compliments his long legs and slender figure. He was getting thinner though, Sunggyu thinks as he opens his 10th SHINee album and gets another Key photocard. The temptation to hurl the said card is there but he remembers that Key is innocent and Woohyun, his cubicle mate, might have wanted it so he gently puts the card down, murmuring a silent apology to Kim Kibum. Today is not his lucky day.

But lady luck decides to stick by him in the following weeks, because Sunggyu finds himself in the line for a fanmeet and high five sessions with SHINee. This would be his first time being face to face with five shining (blinding in Minho’s case) SHINee, and they will have a music show recording in the morning too. Screw work, he missed Dream Team recording last week because of his boss. He will finalize the report later from home.

So, Sunggyu got up at four freaking am in the morning, straightened his newly dyed hair, tightlined his eyes and dressed in white t-shirt, ripped jeans, and camo jacket. He was definitely not dressed to impress Minho. Right.

“It’s only proper,” Sunggyu told his own reflection in his phone screen for the hundredth times again, “They dress up so well to meet their fans, you have to dress just as good.”

Sunggyu stands in the middle of screaming fans in the front of KBS building, camera in hand. As soon as SHINee come out of their fan, Sunggyu weaves his way and take as many pictures as possible, trained fingers repeatedly pressing the button while his other hand stabilizes the lens to get the sharpest picture.

His height put him on advantage and luckily few girls make a way for him to pass through and take more pictures. Later, he isn’t allowed to take photos with his camera inside the recording venue, so he settles down with sneakily taking photos with his mobile phone and stay low profile. He will get the chance to meet Minho soon.

The start of fansign passes with a blur, just now he was standing in line and suddenly he is already in front of Onew, SHINee’s leader. Sunggyu keeps his head low when he asks Taemin for a heart sign just beside his signature. Jonghyun smiles at him and draws three hearts just to make him blush. Key is nice too, throws him a bright smile and draws a giant heart for his fanboy. Minho is last in line, with his honest smile and childlike eyes. Sunggyu is going to faint.

Unbeknownst to him, Sunggyu is not the only one who is going to faint. Minho was initially surprised but mostly elated when he sees Sunggyu in between the crowd of girls coming into this fanmeet.

Minho used to pay a lot of attention to him as he was the only guy who came to his dream team recording for the past two months. It was hard to ignore him when he was the only male specimen carrying a big shotgun-like camera in the sea of small, petite girls carrying similar ensemble. This guy was also the one cheering for him during the Idol Sport and Athletic Championship last month.

Ever since, Minho had secretly anticipated seeing the guy. He noticed that his mystery fanboy only came to his outdoor activities and he was not present in his previous album promotion. Hence that the guy became a (his) fan from Dream Team. It made Minho’s heart swell with pride, knowing that he had brought yet another fan to his group, a unique and loyal one at that.

Seeing him this close, Minho realizes that the guy is definitely older than him, maybe even older than Jinki hyung. He has round cheeks and small eyes but Minho could see that he is actually on the slim side. No. Minho must not drool seeing his ripped jeans and the sliver of skin peeking from beneath the teasing fabric.

Minho only realizes that he has been staring when he felt Key, not so gently, nudges his calf with his shoes. Grinning to hide his embarrassment of being caught, Minho looks up at the older male who’s flipping the pages of his album to find the one he wants to be signed on.

The tremble of Sunggyu’s hand when he places the album on the table doesn’t go unnoticed by Minho. It only spurred his ego to the point he’s sure he’d explode in place, and when he sees the pages spread on the table, Minho has to bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from punching the air and yodeling in victory.

“Thank you for coming to this event, may I write your name in here?” Minho pulls the album a little bit closer while looking up at Sunggyu who stays silent.

“It’s Sunggyu,” he finally says with a hint of lisp

“Sunggyu, huh,” Minho repeats, testing the name on his tongue; he likes it. “Should I add hyung ? May I call you hyung?” Minho asks excitedly, grinning from ear to ear.

Sunggyu’s eyes visibly widens at the preposition. Minho chuckles when he noticed Sunggyu blushes at the mention of the word hyung but Sunggyu is too absorbed in his own thought to realize the way those pair of bewitching eyes glint.

“Well, Hyung,” Minho softly calls, breaking Sunggyu from his reverie. The elder blinks and he feels his breath being knocked away from his lungs when his eyes find Minho’s, the very same pair of big, caramel chocolate eyes that had bind him in a curious, curious spell.

God if you exist please bestow upon me a power to go on, at least to stand here until this torture, this sweet torture ends.

“I-” Sunggyu stutters, biting the corner of his lips before muttering, “yes, please.”

Minho beams and Sunggyu has to grip the edge of the table to stand straight. Minho scribbles down ‘Sunggyu hyung fighting!’ after his signature, complete with small hearts and kiss marks, before handing the album back to visibly blushing Sunggyu who accepts it with a small yet sincere smile.

Sunggyu fingers the cursive lines briefly, totally aware at the fond smile he’s sporting. Behind Minho, the manager tells him to move so Sunggyu quickly (yet carefully) shove the album into his handbag before meeting Minho’s handsome face one more time.

“Choi Minho, fighting!” is the only words Sunggyu manages to mutter before he runs down from the stage and calms down his rapidly beating hearts.

He congratulates himself from not tripping but then his ears caught the faintest of whisper leaving Minho’s lips; “Cute.”

This is not happening! Sunggyu’s mind screams as he trips on the last step which almost sends him into a nasty and embarrassing fall. Thankfully, he manages to catch himself by grabbing the hand of nearest security staff. Sunggyu apologizes profusely at the tall male then scurries away from the venue, ignoring the voice in his head that tells him he’s missing a chance for a good shot.

:::

All the way home, Sunggyu refuses to look into any reflective surface. He doesn’t even dare looking at his own phone in fear of seeing the state his face is in right now. He resolutely looks down at his shoes, mind still reeling from the short yet destructive comment Minho made at him.

Sunggyu is still on autopilot mode when he edits the pictures he had taken earlier today. Satisfied with the quality of his photos, he posts them on his website. Only then he returns to himself, lying down on his back while groaning loudly, Minho’s words still buzzing in his head and he’s all too aware with the high-pitched scream that tickles his throat.

“Cute,” Sunggyu whispers to the quietness of his room. He recalls Minho’s smile, the crinkle of his eyes when he grins, his low and warm, enticing voice, the way his fingers curled around the marker when he signs. How much Sunggyu wishes they are wrapped around his own instead.

“YAH! KIM SUNGGYU!” Sunggyu roars to himself, bolting upright to sitting position while pulling on his hair, “What the hell is wrong with you, YAH! He’s 20 years old, he’s an idol! He’s a he!”

His palms slide down to cover his face as he heaves a sigh in attempt to calm himself down. When he’s composed enough, Sunggyu braves to look at his own reflection in the mirror. The face that greets him is almost foreign yet similar at the same time. It’s not that he never experience the strange flutter his stomach makes at the thought of someone, it’s just this is the first time it ever happened with someone whom he doesn’t personally know, a public figure as well at that.

“It’s okay,” he shakily tells the face staring back at him in the mirror. The male has his sharp eyes and his pointy nose, but there is beautiful hue of scarlet painted across those cheeks and stars are sprinkling those eyes. But what surprises him the most is the smile he’s sporting. He doesn’t remember when was the last time he ever smiled like this, so carefree, so genuine, so happy and content.

At some point in his life, together with his dream to become a singer, Sunggyu might have or might have not been given up his reason to smile as well.

I’m screwed aren’t I? Sunggyu thinks, tracing his own smiling lips. When he first saw Minho, he was in the verge of giving up himself and Minho taught him to not give up. And now, like this, Minho is giving him a reason to smile again, a smile he had long since forgotten.

He had heard how other fans said being a fan of an idol can bring you happiness. Before he know Minho, it had sounded so foolish. Even if he dreamt of becoming one himself, he thought it’s impossible that you can gain happiness just by the existence of someone who doesn’t even know you exist in this world.

Minho might have noticed him today but there is no guarantee that the idol will still remember him. For Minho, Sunggyu is just another face in the crowd, just another faceless fan who’s willing to dedicate themselves for him. But he hopes that Minho is not that cruel, he’s really attentive and kind to his fans, proof being how he inquires Sunggyu’s age, and,

‘Cute.. ‘

“Oh My God,” Sunggyu groans desperately, burying his hotly burning face in his palms once again.

Sunggyu spends almost an hour repeating the same devilish circle; reminding himself it’s fine to fawns over his favorite singer despite their obvious age difference and their gender, being depressed when he realizes it’s unlikely that Minho will ever notice him, before ultimately ending up with Minho’s sweet, sweet compliment ringing in his ears. He also decides to have a long bath, hoping it can take his mind away from the event that had transpired that day, at least making him calm and rational enough to function. The bath does help, Sunggyu finds himself more refreshed when he exits the bath with rather calm state of mind.

After drying his hair, Sunggyu browses SHINee’s fancams and more news on the internet. That’s how he come into one post in Pann : ‘Lucky fansite master-nim, always got eye contact with Oppa’. He feels his own cheeks heating up and the attempt to convince himself that it’s from the long bath is in vain when he scrolls down to read the article further.

Oh boy, they’re talking about how lucky Me and You fansite master-nim is, because Minho always looked at her and gave her heart signs. Many fans speculate how beautiful Me and You master-nim is, how easily she captured Minho’s attention in the midst of fangirls crowd.

“It’s easy because I’m a guy dummyyyy .. “ still blushing, Sunggyu chuckles and rolls down in his bed. He looks at Mingo’s signature already hanging in his bedroom wall and he giggles remembering Minho’s voice calling him hyung.

He slips into reminiscence before finally releasing a high-pitched scream that’s been bubbling up inside ever since his eyes found Minho’s in that fateful fanmeeting. “He calls me Hyung!!! Oh my God, he freaking calls me Hyung! We had eye contact! Oh My God, Choi Minho, why are you so-UUUGH!!”

Burying his face in his pillow, Sunggyu is totally conscious of how pathetic he is; 27 years old male, single, and crushing over 20 years old idol. But what is wrong in that? He’s just doing what he loves, supporting the person that he loves as well, and he’s not being a nuisance to other people, right? Is loving an idol is that grave of a sin?

Sunggyu speaks to his pillow, “It’s okay. It’s gonna be alright, there’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing Kim Sunggyu.” He fell asleep that night repeating the same thing over and over with SHINee’s ‘Honesty’ drifting in his room.

:::

Days passed quickly and in the flurry of his works, Sunggyu momentarily forgets that he is a fansite master if not for the occasional notification from his site and social media. The Board of Director meeting is barely done when Sunggyu excused himself from the meeting room and rushed to the restroom. He can’t believe it what he sees in the online news portal: ‘Minho injured his ankle during ISAC Recording’ completed with a photo of Minho grimacing in pain. Sunggyu regrets his decision not to come to the recording, he should’ve been there.

He enters an empty cubicle before leaning on its door, sliding down until he’s crouched down and his head is between his knees. Sunggyu curses; he wants to be with Minho right now, he needs to see the boy but he know it’s impossible.

“Sunggyu, you okay?” Nam Woohyun, his cubicle mate inquires.

“I’m fine.” Sunggyu huffs. He cannot find himself focusing on his job after, keeps on making the same mistake or unable to get a draft right. His boss scolded him but Sunggyu barely cares. He leaves the office as soon as the clock hits 6, ignoring his boss’ call to finish his report the next day.

Sunggyu checks his schedule, Minho will attend music show recording the day after tomorrow, so he sets a plan to finish all remaining job tomorrow and skip work during the day of Minho’s recording. After he finished typing whatever job he has remained, Sunggyu checks the online portal site for further news about Minho’s injury.

He almost bristled upon reading the comment section, the amount of hate comments are insane. He can’t imagine how Minho must be feeling right now, on top of being physically hurt, he also has to suffer from these nonsensical accusation. Sunggyu almost leave a comment to defend Minho but decided against it, there’s no use of fighting against anti and haters, he’d rather talk to a wall than those stupid, foolish people.

Instead, Sunggyu leaves encouraging comment and logs on to his fansite accounts, writing a lengthy post about his support for Minho and wishing him to recover as soon as possible.

‘SHINee Choi Minho I know,’ Sunggyu writes, ‘is someone who works hard and is passionate at anything he does. He lives without knowing what giving up is, all Minho knows is how to devote himself to what he is doing at the moment. It’s because he is such Choi Minho, I adore him in the first place. Other people might say he is just greedy for victory without enjoying the game, but surely those people are the ones who only focus on the outcome, surely they are blind and ignorant, because if they pay attention and watch closely, they will see it’s not true. I will always be supporting Choi Minho, even if you say he cannot sing, even if you say his rap is terrible, for me those are words of the blinds, because they clearly cannot hear how Minho had improved, cannot see how sharp Minho’s dance had been. I will always be supporting Choi Minho because he is the one who taught me to work hard and be humble at every occasion regardless of who you are. Choi Minho, fighting!’

He doesn’t even bother checking what he wrote before pressing the ‘Send’ button. In seconds, his post received lots of favorite and upvotes alike. Many also retweet his status, voicing their agreement with Sunggyu’s opinion. ‘As expected from Me & You Master-nim!’, some people commented.

More and more positive responses pop up, even some people who had criticized Minho began reflecting on their comment and leaves supportive words as well after considering Minho’s well behavior. Satisfied, Sunggyu promises himself not to miss Minho’s activity the day after.

:::

The next day is filled with works and nagging at Woohyun. Sunggyu kind of regret being sour the whole day when he got home exhausted and dark circles apparent so he makes sure to take warm shower and prepares his skin before sleeping, he even puts on sheet mask to ensure his face is dehydrated enough.

Sunggyu wakes up the next morning feeling refreshed yet restless at the same time. He doesn’t prepare his usual ensemble for music show recording because today he comes to make sure that Minho is okay, not to take picture of him. Clutching SHINee’s lightstick and album in his hand, Sunggyu heads to the fanmeeting venue.

After getting inside the hall with no difficulty, Sunggyu discovers that apparently, despite Minho’s injury, SM decides to keep going with their Sherlock promotions. The other four SHINee members are dancing on stage while Minho sits by the side of the stage, sometimes smiling and waving to his fans. However, Sunggyu notes that something is definitely wrong. His smile is less genuine and not as bright. It must have been because of his hurting ankle, Sunggyu thinks.

Minho was feeling sick this morning and his ankle was still hurting that he couldn’t even walk without putting too much pressure on his left foot. Last night was one of the worst for him. The management scolded him for getting the injury, told him that he couldn’t take care of himself properly. His mood got worse when he read the fans comment at the fancafe. Of course many of them sent him words of encouragement, wishing him to get better soon. But there were several who said that it is better if SHINee continue the promotion as four, ‘Who needs Minho anyway? He can’t even sing ke ke ke’. Other comments were harsher and the person even made it far by writing ‘The Advantage of not having Minho in SHINee’.

It was a common knowledge that the first time SM decided to debut him, it was because of his looks. Minho auditioned for his singing and dance talent, but his technique wasn’t as excellent as the others and his dancing was less sharp, the management and producers liked him a lot though. However, Minho worked really hard for every song they recorded, the time he needed to memorize dance routine got shorter day by day, and he also practiced his singing whenever he could.

Reading those comments made him uneasy that he couldn’t get a good sleep, and during those times, s were his source of strength. They told him that people said those mean things because they did not know him, if they did, they would see how hardworking he was and how much he had improved. But sometimes, even words from s were not enough.

Just when the lecherous thought was threatening to overcome him, his eyes caught a familiar face. Minho grins when he sees a glimpse of Sunggyu’s caramel hair in the center of Shawol’s crowd. He might not be able to see Sunggyu clearly but the image of Sunggyu’s face is already printed into his retina, burnt into his memory. He would really like to jump and shout ‘SUNGGYU HYUNG’ but that would not be something polite to do, not to mention the possible problem it could brew later.

So he manages another smile, this time more sincere, this time more honest and looks directly at the fansite owner, hoping it could convey the unexplainable feelings gnawing on his heart. When he sees the series of aperture closing and opening, Minho knows his feeling manages to get across.

His emotion gets the best of him and Minho is just a human, slave to his own feelings, so he let them take control. He raises his thumb to his lips, kisses it, then gives the thumb-up to Sunggyu, eyes narrowing to crescent with the widening of his grin.

The fans go wild with their cheering after seeing Minho’s action. The idol laughs, silently chiding himself for his impulsive action. ‘Well, everyone is happy,’ Minho muses, sneaking another glance at Sunggyu’s direction. He feels himself blush upon noticing the expression on Sunggyu’s face but before he could do anything, his name is called and Minho has to resume the activities.

His ankle is still hurting but the ache in his heart is completely gone. The staff asks him if he’s ready and with another quick glance toward the row of fans, Minho answers firmly, “anytime.”

Meanwhile, Sunggyu finds himself rooted to the spot, his eyes are locked to the spot where Minho was. His body is tingling in the most uncomfortable yet pleasant way possible. He watches until the performance recording is over, even though his mouth is silent, his heart is not, he keeps on praying that Minho can finishes today without straining his ankle further. After watching over Minho entering SHINee’s van that will take him home, Sunggyu returns to his own home.

:::

Sunggyu writes a long blog post in the middle of his lunch time and publishes it in his website in the evening. He might sounds like a pressed fangirls, but who cares, people should not get away after insulting Minho like that. They couldn’t see how much effort Minho put into his work, how passionate he is on stage and how dedicated he is when performing. For a 20 years old boy, Minho shows a good progress and strong presence despite his short lines in SHINee’s songs. He’s also kindhearted, always supports his hyungs and dongsaengs, and always says nice things to other idols. Minho is also super polite and his aegyo is not so bad. He has a body of a god but his heart is like a child, pure, undiluted, and honest. He has a childish side but he’s mature enough to contain himself. Isn’t his co-worker’s account about how pleasant he is enough proof for that?

Sunggyu is smitten to the point of no return. Not that he wants to return, he smiles fondly at his newest wallpaper where Minho is grinning to HIM through HIS lens and giving a thumb-up with smiling eyes.

:::

SHINee’s next fanmeet is scheduled in Busan, that’s 5 hours from Seoul. Sunggyu considers himself lucky that he is chosen again to get into the fanmeet, he must not waste his chance to take more photos of Minho, right?

Sunggyu prepared a printed canvas as a souvenir. It’s decently size around 20 x 30 centimeters with his favorite picture of Minho, the one where he is holding his fist in front of his chest before his round in Dream Team. Choi Minho’s ritual. Sunggyu managed to capture the exact moment when Minho opened his eyes, long lashes casting shadow on his skin and his fiery eyes peeking from beneath his lids, it is his most favorite picture of Minho. Along with it is a long handwritten letter with positive message for the younger, as if writing for his own dongsaeng, not to an idol who’s more than five years younger than him and he admires to on daily basis from behind the screen and his camera lens.

On this event, Minho seems to recognize him from the very beginning. He keeps on smiling and throwing hearts to the older male’s direction. The crowd of fans gets wild, assuming that the heart signs are aimed at them. Sunggyu didn’t waste any second to capture Minho’s every move through his camera lens, satisfied with the amount of eye contact he receives from Minho.

When they’re finally standing face to face, Minho manages a small smile of recognition and receives a paper bag Sunggyu gives to him, purposely making contact by grazing Sunggyu’s fingers with his own.

“Hullo, Sunggyu-hyung!” Minho greets him cheerfully.

The said hyung nods dumbly ‘, he remembers my name!’ He croaks out a weak, “H-hello, Minho.”

“Thanks for coming, I am so lucky that you come far away to Busan for this fanmeeting. I must be the most blessed being in the whole world!”

Sunggyu flushes a pretty shade of scarlet that makes Minho wants to pinch his smooth cheeks. Ignoring Minho’s last remark, he manages to stutter, “A-are you okay? I mean, is your foot still hurting?”

Blinking a few times, Minho tilts his head aside, wondering what Sunggyu is talking about because he is so taken with the vivid scarlet dusting the elder’s cheeks. They stare at each other for another second or two until Minho realizes what Sunggyu is trying to say, “Oh, my foot, my ankle? Yeah, it’s still hurting a little but I will recover in no time.”

Sunggyu doesn’t bother to hide his concern by sighing loudly in relief. With his frown gone replaced by the most sincere smile he can give, he meets Minho’s eyes, “Of course you will, you eat so much, I’m sure you can get better quickly. Sometimes I wonder if you are even human with that black hole excuse you call stomach of yours.”

The cheeky grin Minho gives him almost makes Sunggyu faints at the spot. “Aww, are you that worried about me, Sunggyu-hyung? Don’t worry, my love for you is also as big as that black hole, it’s endless~”

“What-” Sunggyu sputters. “Are you seriously telling that to every fans of yours? That’s so cheesy, i-in a bad way,”

Minho’s cheeky grin evolves into a feral one that makes Sunggyu screeches internally. He leans forward, tilting his head to perfect 45 degrees before replying, “Nope. I only tell this to my loveliest, most handsome fan, Sunggyu-hyung~”

“Love-” Sunggyu is flustered, still not believing his ears, and he needs to stop his face from making dumb expression, “Love-What?” Sunggyu bristles, his mind still cannot process what had just transpired between him and his idol. He is totally oblivious to the glare Minho’s manager gives him but thankfully, Minho is aware.

“Give me your album, Hyung,” Minho says quickly, offering his palm to the bewildered Sunggyu when he hears the hushed whisper of his manager telling him to hurry up. The other male just stares at him while opening closing his mouth like a fish. Minho thinks it’s cute, very cute, so when his brain tells him to just take Sunggyu’s hand, that’s what exactly Minho does, ignoring the sharp inhale of his manager behind him.

“Sunggyu-hyung, please give me your album~” Minho asks with his aegyo, making his voice high in purpose and opening his eyes as large as possible while grasping Sunggyu’s palm in his own.

Sunggyu reacts as if he was struck with lightning, he immediately retracts his hands from Minho’s warm and large ones. His jaw is clamped shut tightly while his eyes are wide like he had just seen a ghost. He cradles his right hand with the other like he was burnt, the skin where Minho’s fingers just grazed is ablaze.

What the hell is happening? Sunggyu thinks dazedly, his mind is still reeling and shudders running down his arm paralyzing him. Whatever attempt to make sense of what happened fly out of the window upon noticing the look of hurt flashing in Minho’s eyes.

“What the hell are you doing!?” Sungyu hisses lowly, “You’re not supposed to do that. It’s against the protocol. What if you’re hurt? You’re lucky it’s not just any fan but me.”

The silence that follows his small outburst is deafening. Sunggyu is thankful that he was hissing and whispering the whole time or else he’s not sure if he’s still allowed to stand here in front of Minho and asking for his sign. His blush deepens when he sees Minho’s big eyes are still trained on him

Sunggyu clicks his tongue in fake irritation. He grumbles quietly under his breath while rummaging his back to take out his album. Sunggyu splays the album open before putting it a little harshly at the table, tapping an exact spot where he wants Minho to sign at.

“Here, please write For handsome Sunggyu-hyung, I promise I will get well soon,” He orders briskly. To his surprise, Minho is still not moving, he doesn’t even make an attempt to grab his marker. Frustrated and completely aware at the look he’s getting from his surrounding, Sunggyu takes the marker and hands it to Minho, “Aish, are you that mesmerized by my handsomeness that you even forget how to sign your album? What are you waiting for?”

That seems to earn him Minho’s attention. The idol barks out laughing, he laughs so hard, so carefree that his head is tossed back, exposing his tanned, and smooth neck for Sunggyu’s eyes to see.

“What are you laughing at?” The fansite master asks, flustered. Minho subsides his laughter by holding his knuckle in front of his mouth. He averts his gaze from Sunggyu’s and begins writing instead.

“To my most handsome,” Minho recites, his hand is moving slowly in purpose. “And most charming, Sunggyu-hyung. Heart mark.”

Sunggyu feels his cheeks burning hotly though it’s nothing compared to the patch of his skin where Minho’s fingers had touched him earlier. “Do you really need to say that aloud?” He whines.

Minho grins even though he’s aware that Sunggyu cannot see it. “I promise and swear that I will get better soon. Heart mark. Heart mark.”

“Yah, how many heart marks are you going to leave there??”

Minho finally finishes his signature with another three heart marks. He looks up, returning his gaze to Sunggyu whose cheeks are still decorated with the prettiest shade of red Minho has ever seen. Breaking into a smile, he replies, “If it’s for my most handsome hyung, then I have more than plenty.”

To be honest, Sunggyu doesn’t remember what happens next because his mind is flooded with the image of Minho’s smile and the idol’s answer is replaying again and again in his head like a broken record.

Needless to say, he passes the next week with his head up in the cloud.

“You’re being creepy,” Woohyun gave him a sly smirk while stealing fries from Sunggyu’s lunch.

“At least I’m not greasy,” Sunggyu counters. Woohyun gives him a dramatic gasp, not that Sunggyu cares, but he cares for his french fries which is why he slap’s Woohyun’s hand and glares at him.

:::

Later that week, SHINee gathers in their dorm living room for monitoring and evaluation. The topic of their conversation drifts into popularity and fansite dedication. SHINee has lots of fansite master sticking through their debut performances and stays loyal to them. They’re thankful that most of their masternims are level-headed and mature enough, also supportive and attentive to the five members.

Among five of them, Jonghyun’s affinity to his fansite is the most well-known. The main vocalist is also known to be actively monitoring the other SHINee member’s fansite. He was just about to leave for the kitchen to make some tea when he notices a canvas photo of Minho hanging on the wall just beside Minho’s shared door.

Jonghyun his brows, eyes widening slightly in recognition. “Well, this is new…but I’m sure I had seen this before...”

“It’s great, isn’t it? Sunggyu-hyung gave this to me, he also gave me a really, really heart-warming and encouraging letter,” Minho responds enthusiastically.

Jonghyun looks at the younger member with a somewhat amused smile on his face, “Hyung, huh?”

Minho launches into a story about how he met Sunggyu, also reminding Jonghyun that Sunggyu was that one male fan he had accidentally touched during their latest fansign. When Minho enters the subject of how Sunggyu, apparently, always taking picture of him during Dream Team, Jonghyun’s jaw drops then he immediately bolts to their shared computer.

He logins into his twitter account, typing a name of certain Minho’s fansite he stumbled upon few days ago. There were few fansites opened recently, among them, there is one Minho’s fansite that happened to capture Jonghyun’s attention the most since almost eighty percent of  pictures are from Dream Team recording; ‘Me & You’

It’s not that Dream Team’s picture is rare, it’s just obvious that whoever running the fansite becomes Minho’s fans because of the said show. Jonghyun can see it from the quality of the picture that the masternim is dedicating herself to capture every single of Minho’s emotion when he’s racing in the frame. He might be an amateur when it comes to photo but Jonghyun can tell the fansite master really takes attentive detail to create the most dynamic motion photo.

Suddenly, they’re huddling together in front of Jonghyun’s laptop, scrolling through Me and You website after the main vocalist had hollered in loud, obnoxious laughter that makes him wheeze in the end while clutching his sides.

Taemin laughs the loudest when he sees the series of pictures of Minho doing gwiyomi.

“Yah, where is the flaming charisma?” Jonghyun remarks. “You’re doing a lot of aegyo lately. I mean, among us it’s natural but in front of fans? Not so much.”

Ignoring the elder’s teasing, Minho smiles as he scrolls down ‘Me and You’ twitter page while grinning like a whale. Who would have thought that Sunggyu, his Sunggyu-hyung is the owner of Me and You. It’s rare for them to have a fanboy, and so it’s a huge surprise for SHINee that the master-nim of Me and You is a guy. A guy who is much older than Minho no less.

“How did he manage to have lots of good photos and eye contact with you, Minho-yah?” Key looks at Minho, flabbergasted, soon the sudden realization hits him and he screeches scandalously, “OMO don’t tell me!”

Minho throws a pillow at him.”Hyung-Sunggyu-hyung just has a good lens,” he tries to defend himself even if he knows he fails miserably from the way his cheeks are considerably heating. “And he is a really good photographer.”

“Yeah, and so is the other fansite masters,” Key jeers and Minho’s blush deepens.

Minho points at the vocalist with eating grin on his face, “B-but Jonghyun-hyung also does that!”

“To who? One in A Million Noona? She has been with me since my debut and one of my first fansites, of course I give her eye contact. This is a barely one year old fansite we’re talking about,” Jonghyun argues.

“And a male one,” Taemin quips.

The tallest of the five find himself looking away to avoid knowing grin his bandmates send him, “Be-because he’s male, that’s why it’s easier.”

“Bull,” Key cackles. The teasing comments continue endlessly and Minho finds himself groaning or covering his face time to time from embarrassment.

With the (annoyingly persistent and persuasive) suggestion from Jonghyun, Minho writes an e-mail addressed to Me and You master-nim. It was a short introduction, mainly about how Minho is thankful for what he did and an invitation for a dinner in a family restaurant.

He proofread the e-mail many times, making sure he didn’t write anything weird or indecent, he even had Jinki checking it for him. Just before he can hit the ‘send’ button, Jonghyun and Key butts in, shoving him off the chair that he unceremoniously ends on the floor.

“YAH!” Minho roars.

“I’m looking forward to meet you my most handsome hyung,” Jonghyun giggles, “Choi Minho, heart, heart, heart.”

“Send!” Key follows with excited yell and fist in the air. The two Kims high five each other with a pair of similar grin adorning their faces. They turn to scandalized looking Minho who’s still sitting with his cold in the floor.

“How-why,” he stammers.

Jonghyun’s grin grows in smugness before answering the youngest’s question, “Are you really that charmed by his handsomeness that you’re not aware how how loud you are?”

Key laughs hysterically like a banshee, the very same way he did when he was doing Hello Baby Skit almost 3 years ago. “Please don’t forget who’s sitting beside you. My skin was crawling the whole time, did you even hear how cheesy you were? I can’t believe you really said that, to a male fan no less.”

Jonghyun and Key reenact the whole exchange between Minho and Sunggyu, Jonghyun playing Minho and Key playing Sunggyu. They exaggerate the part where Minho says Sunggyu is handsome; Jonghyun winking every single second while throwing his killer, feral grin, and Key fluttering his lashes with dreamy sighs.

“Y-YAH! STOP IT, WE WEREN’T LIKE THAT!”

Minho tries to hit them but Jonghyun and Key are somewhat faster, maybe it’s because Minho’s flustered state has affected his hand-brain coordination. They lock themselves in Jonghyun’s room, disabling Minho to reach them. After few angry bangs, Minho leaves them along, retreating to his own room while grumbling begrudgingly and completely aware of his flushed face.

Once he's in his room, he throws himself to his bed with a loud groan. He doesn’t even dare to imagine what kind of answer Sunggyu will give him. Minho hopes he doesn’t scare his fansite master off.

:::

The visit to his therapist put Minho in anxious mode. His doctor told him to take full rest if he wanted to get better quickly and he called SM management to schedule a full week rest for Minho. The idol checked his inbox frequently, with faint hope that Sunggyu replied the e-mail he sent last weekend.

Minho shouted and pumped his fist in the air when he read Sunggyu’s reply in his inbox. He reenacted the whole Ring Ding Dong choreography before calming himself down with three deep inhale and exhale routine and opens the e-mail. The reply from Sunggyu was positive; very positive, it successfully lifted his previous bad mood from hearing his doctor’s verdict.

He quickly made an appointment, this time with his beauty salon to get full treatment. Minho didn’t know the reason behind his action, he only knew that he’s going to meet Sunggyu-hyung tomorrow and he had to look as good as possible if not better than usual.

So here he is the very next day, in the quiet corner of the restaurant where SHINee used to eat, waiting for Sunggyu. His managers are seating two tables away from him, too busy scribbling notes and schedules adjustment.

“Minho-sshi.”

Minho looks up to see Sunggyu standing by the table, in white button up, black pants and a briefcase. Sunggyu throws his jacket and briefcase in a chair before sitting in front of Minho.

“Minho-sshi, thank you for the invitation. It’s a huge pleasure for me.” Sunggyu chides himself for being so awkward in situation like this. He’s been telling himself that it is not a date and that he should not act like a shy teenager but he just can’t help it. Minho’s warm longing gaze makes the inside of his stomach flutters.

“Hyung, your lisp, it’s cute,” Minho grins charmingly.

“T-thank you. Nobody ever told me that before,” Sunggyu replies shyly, not quiet meeting Minho’s gaze.

“How could nobody tell you that before? But, wait, does it mean I’m the first? I’m the first one?”

Sunggyu knows the affinity Minho has for victory and it’s really cute that he’s still excited when it comes to trivial thing like this. He chuckles, “Yeah, you are the first one. Are you happy?”

Sunggyu had expected Minho to pumps his fist in the air, shouting in victory like he usually does in Dream Team. He didn’t expect Minho to smiles sweetly, leaning forward at him while cradling his chin with his palms. “Uh-huh, if I’m the first one for Sunggyu-hyung then I’m happy. Really happy.”

“Oh my God, are you usually this cheesy?” Sunggyu fakes a gag despite knowing it won’t hide the blush that’s threatening to burn his face. He’s a fan, this reaction is natural when a fan meets his idol. At least he is not screaming himself silly.

“Eh, not really. But you know I’m a maknae in my family, right, Hyung? I naturally have a lot of aegyo, I just didn’t have a chance to show it until lately.” Minho wiggles his brows.

“Imagine what will your fans think of you once they know you’re like this, you’re ruining your flaming charisma image.”

“But my fan here in front of me,” Minho leans back to his chair, smiling smugly with half-lidded eyes, “is still in love with me despite all that, and that’s enough for me.”

“Aish, this brat. Don’t get too full of yourself,” Sunggyu huffs, looking away in a futile attempt to hide his flushed face.

“Hyung, are you blushing? Have anyone told you that you’re cute when you’re blushing? Please tell me nobody had done that.”

“What? So you can the first again? No way. Why are you so excited about something like this anyways?”

“Because it’s my fansite Master-nim, of course I want to be the first one for you.”

“Lord, save me,” Sunggyu smothers his face with his palms. “When I started I didn’t know I’d be a fan of this cheese ball over here. I swear you’re much much more greasier than Woohyun.”

“Woohyun? Who’s Woohyun? Is he handsome? Had he told you that you’re cute when you blush?”

Sunggyu grimaces, “Ew, no. Please don’t compare yourself to him, you’re insulting yourself. I’d smack him first before he can make any comment about my blush, not that I show him my blush or anything.”

“Good, please save your blush exclusively for me, just like I give this thumb-up,” Minho presses his thumb to his lips, kissing it noisily before flashing it to Sunggyu, “for Me & You only!”

Sunggyu gapes at the male in front of him, is he really the same Minho? That Flaming Charisma Choi Minho? He nurses the bridge of his nose, “I can’t believe we skip the formalities and went straight to this-this, whatever you call this-”

“Flirting?”

“YAH!” Sunggyu seethes, face as red as tomato.

Minho laughs openly and it reminds Sunggyu at the way Minho laughed in the last fan meeting. Sunggyu wets his bottom lips at the sight of that skin again. “You are so cute, Hyung. Are you sure nobody has ever told you that before?”

“Shut it you, brat,” Sunggyu puffs his cheeks in annoyance, nostrils flaring. It only serves to make Minho squeals like a lovesick teenager. The idol quickly reaches out to pinch Sunggyu’s cheeks, making the elder male squeaks in surprise. “YAH!”

“Ujujujujuju, Sunggyu-hyung,” Minho cooes in his aegyo voice, “cutie, cutie, Sunggyu-hyung~ You also look like a hamster, has anybody tell you that before?”

Sunggyu goes to a complete mental break down; What is this? What is happening? Who is this? What- his body is totally frozen until a loud cough from a general direction behind Minho, probably his managers, snaps him away from his trance.

”With trembling hands, Sunggyu curls his fingers around Minho’s way too warm wrists and pulls them away from his face forcefully, frowning with narrowed eyes. ”Haven’t your parent teach you how to respect your elder?” He hisses.

Minho pouted in disappointment, “I respect you a lot hyung, you know it. I know you’re older than me, Hyung, but how old are you again?”

Sighing, Sunggyu pulls his still entwined hands with Minho down until they’re just hovering above the table. “Aish, this is why I said I can’t believe we skipped the formalities-”

“And went straight to flirting. It’s fine, I can see Hyung’s cute face-”

“Oh my God, are you serious?” Sunggyu groans morosely. He is not sure if he can keep up with Minho’s flirtiness anymore. He knew the boy is a potato sack of aegyo deep down but he never know Minho is this flirty. Is he naturally flirty with guys too? That doesn’t sit well with him.

“So, Sunggyu-hyung, I was saying,” Sunggyu vaguely wonders why Minho doesn’t retract his hands from Sunggyu’s hold, not that he hates the feeling of having those strong wrist under his skin, but he is distracted with the way Minho’s eye drops and a lazy, crooked smile settles across his handsome face, “How old are you again?”

Sunggyu gulps, he recites whatever prayer he remembers to compose himself. Damn, just how hot can Minho be? “I’m 7 years older than you, I’m 27 this year.”

“No way! You’re 7 years older than me?” before Sunggyu can respond, Minho continues, “I thought you’re just, I don’t know, 3 years older at most? You look so young, hyung!”

“Says someone whose leader is like a vampire,” Sunggyu mutters. He looks down pointedly at their still joined hands before unclasping his fingers ever so gently, suddenly conscious at their closeness. “Uhh, I’m sorry I’m not supposed to touch you like this.”

Other than a ball of cheese, Minho also seems to be a ball of surprise because just before Sunggyu can completely let go, it’s now his turn to have his wrists trapped inside the other’s palm. “It’s fine,” Minho says with a level stare.

After a seemingly eternal silence, Sunggyu finally finds his voice back in between of his loudly beating heart. “If-if you say so.”

“Well, then, I guess we should return to formalities, right, hyung? I believe you owe me an introduction since I’m sure you know pretty much know about me already,” Minho puts their hands on the table.

Sunggyu gives their hands another glance before meeting Minho’s to avoid the speeding of his heart. But it seems to be the wrong move because the moment they find Minho’s beautifully carved face, he finds his heart rate doubling in pace. Sunggyu mentally berates himself, get a grip, Kim Sunggyu, you’re not a teenager in love, for God’s sake. But when his gaze flits toward Minho, Sunggyu begrudgingly admits that maybe he is in love, not a teenager but it barely does any difference.

“Ah well, um, so as we’re in the restaurant, what do you want to eat, Hyung? I bet you’re starving,” Minho hands Sunggyu the menu card while he has the other for himself.

They make their order then in between their meal, talk about many things. About Sunggyu’s boring work, his annoying cubicle mate Nam Woohyun, how he spent most of his salary and bonus for SHINee album and merchandise, even about Minho’s love for football which thankfully Sunggyu appreciates more or less.

“I wanted to be an athlete, I could see myself running in the field and score two or three goals, playing for British Premier League,” Minho sniffs, picking on his meal with metal fork.

“You won’t be singing Sherlock on stage, not even dancing to Ring Ding Dong then?” Sunggyu teases him before gulping down more of his drinks

“But then you wouldn’t meet me, and we wouldn’t be here together. Fate brought us here together, Hyung!” Minho grins .

‘Hyung .. ‘

Sunggyu looks at Minho closely, he wouldn’t admit it out loud but he loves the way Minho calls him hyung with full endearment, with the way the syllables roll out of his tongue, his smooth voice and bright eyes.

“Hyung do you, um, do you mind if we spend more time together? Tomorrow? Wait, I know that you have work and stuff, I won’t bother you, you know hyung.. It’s just, I really want to talk to you more.” Minho chuckles but his eyes are directed to the table next to them willing to avoid eye contact with the older.

Sunggyu remembers his quarterly report, pondering about the presentation he has to make for one important client, but the nervousness that bellies Minho’s voice, the faint glow of pink on the handsome man’s cheek seemingly makes what he remembers unimportant, and the words that come out of his mouth is, “Sure, Minho yah.”

He thinks, as he watches the smile blooms on Minho’s face like blossoming flower in the beginning of spring when winter ends, nothing else matters.

:::

Sunggyu crammed a full day of work and finalized his proposal just before lunch time. With the excuse of remote work, Sunggyu bids goodbye to Woohyun, packs his laptop and papers into the brown briefcase and take the train home. Taking off his business attire, Sunggyu mulls the pros and cons of taking a shower and which clothes he should wear, this is definitely not a date right? It’s just him being a good hyung for Minho. Wait should he wear eyeliner and bb cream?

Sunggyu arrives at SHINee’s dorm around 2 pm, in oversized t-shirt and blue jeans, bringing his laptop and snacks from nearest convenience store. Minho greets him with warm hug and grabs his wrist, leading him into the living room where various boxes of gifts are laid messily. Apparently Shawols were sending Minho encouraging letters and gifts, wishing him speedy recovery and protecting him from reading antis comments.

“I was about to unwrap the fangifts hyung, let’s open them together with me!” Minho says as he motions Sunggyu to sit beside him on the floor. Sunggyu is barely seated down when Minho put a flower crown on his head, calling Sunggyu a forest elf because of his fair skin and pretty eyelashes.

Sunggyu was startled by the statement, but then Minho smiles that big warm smile of his and Sunggyu instantly mirrors his expression, silently wondering why is the Shinee dorm so quiet. They open the boxes and read fanletter aloud, finding various present for Minho. Starting from herbal drinks, vitamins, new t-shirts, plushies, chocolates.

“Hyung give me your hand,” Minho requested. But Sunggyu pays no attention to him, too busy unwrapping one gift with difficulties so Minho takes his right hand, caressing his palm before slipping ring-shaped candy on his ring finger.

When he felt Minho’s fingers on his palm, Sunggyu’s first instinct was to reprimand the younger about the excessive skinship. He is left speechless for few seconds after Minho put the ring on him. His heart beats wildly in his chest and his stupid brain just send him images of Minho down on his knees proposing him with diamond ring.

“I gave you a ring hyung, “ Minho points at the green ring candy, a childlike smile brightening his well-sculpted face. “You have to put one on me too now.”

Sunggyu is still trying to wrap his mind on what Minho have said when Minho puts the ring in his palm, his expression eager, but his eyes are clear, sincere. Sunggyu secures the ring on Minho’s ring finger, agrees to follow the plot if that is what the younger wants.

Minho beams at him in that instant, his hands secure Sunggyu’s right palm before gives the knuckles a short kiss. “Thank you hyung, for everything, let’s stay together for a long time,” he murmurs straight to Sunggyu’s skin, sending goosebumps running down his spine.

Sunggyu wills himself to remain unfazed, not really sure about his feelings anymore. Silently wondering if it is a mere idol infatuation or if it evolves into something more. It’s a crush, he told himself, a celebrity crush, nothing more and nothing else.

Minho insists that Sunggyu spend the night at SHINee’s dorm, because the other members would be coming home late from a recording and Minho hates staying at home alone doing nothing. They order chicken and open Jonghyun’s secret beer stash. Minho laughs out loud at the delivery ahjussi’s puzzled expression seeing Sunggyu in flower crowns, silently mouthing at the old man, ‘He is cute isn’t he?’ before he left them in hurry with flustered smile.

“Please hyung don’t take them off, you’re so pretty in them,” Minho pleads when Sunggyu almost throw the crowns away, blushing furiously.

“You’re lucky to have a hyung like me, you know,” Sunggyu relents before munching on a piece of chicken. Minho ceremoniously hugs him, muttering something about lucky dongsaeng and a loving hyung, but Sunggyu can’t hear all of the things he said in between giggles as he can only hear how loud his heart beats in his chest.

They finally move from living room to Minho’s room, the one that he shares with Key and Taemin. Minho invites Sunggyu to one of the beds shortly after closing the door. Minho sits beside Sunggyu, their heads propped by pillows against the headboard. Minho opens the browser on his tab and streams the live show where Shinee will perform in, while Sunggyu works on voting with his own laptop and mobile phones.

Despite his effort to stay awake and keep up with Minho’s enthusiasm, the lethargy of staying overnight and typing too many digits into excel workbooks makes Sunggyu sleepy. Also Minho is too warm, is that why he’s called ‘The Flaming Charisma’? Because he is practically a walking furnace?’ He turns his body towards Minho, looking up at the younger’s expressions who blabber on and on about Onew’s dance move and Taemin’s pretty hair. Sunggyu feels his eyes closing, the heat radiating from Minho’s body isn’t helping his drowsiness either.

Minho is too excited to notice Sunggyu who fell asleep beside him. His face is scrunched up like he is in deep thinking, his lips slightly parted and this close, Sunggyu looks harmless and cuddly. Minho stands up, brings their laptop to the table adjacent to his bed. He takes the flower crown from Sunggyu’s head, and then pets his hair slightly before joining Sunggyu on his bed, lying down face to face with the older. He scoots closer until he could put his arms on Sunggyu’s waist, willing himself to sleep.

They are awoken sometimes around midnight with Key screeching ‘OMO SO CUTE’ and Taemin’s evil grin. Minho is certain that the other SHINee members took tons of photos and kept blackmail materials in their phone, but at the moment he’s too busy trying to keep their mouth shut in fear of waking Sunggyu up. Understanding Minho’s concern, Onew ushers his dongsaengs out of Minho’s room despite Key and Taemin’s protest.

When Sunggyu wakes up the next day, he is totally oblivious of the commotion he caused. Sunggyu remembers how he closed his eyes again after tracing his finger up Minho’s jawline, five more minutes, he thought. Not five more minutes to sleep but five more minutes to stay like this; curled against Minho with the idol’s arms resting heavily around his waist.

He almost got a heart attack when Jonghyun is the first person he sees upon exiting the room. SHINee’s main singer is as small as people says he is, yet that small body bellies a powerful voice that even Sunggyu adores.

Still, the shock of seeing the other 4 members in the breakfast table is nothing compared to opening his eyes to find Minho’s sleeping face barely a breath away from his own. He is handsome. Totally, impossibly, sinfully handsome. Sunggyu thought he had this drilled to the back of his mind but Minho is still fully capable of rendering Sunggyu breathless despite his belief that he is already used at seeing Minho’s adonis-like face up-close.

This can’t be.

:::

When the promotions of Sherlock almost comes to the goodbye stage, Sunggyu already spent more of his time following SHINee, going every place Minho texted him. Late nights were time for multitasking; editing photos on his PC and working on his laptop. Sunggyu only got three to four hours of sleeping before work, going to tv stations twice a day, and finished his auditing late at night. The fansite master duty is demanding, but the result of his photo and the attention Minho gave him is satisfying.

Minho got better after the Korean promotions ends. He came out on variety shows and was filmed mentoring rookies football team for ISAC. The recently debuted rookies looked at him like he was some kind of god. For his team, Minho was serious and enthusiastic, yet he was still his dorky self in front of his fans. Then news of their upcoming Japan tour came and Minho told him that he had to leave for a couple of weeks.

Thinking seems to be the last thing in Sunggyu’s mind, he finds himself booking airplane ticket and hotel in Tokyo. His mother immediately calls him after he texted her that he’s leaving for Japan, “It’s dangerous, you cannot go to foreign country alone! What if you’re caught in the ring of human trafficking?!”

Despite knowing how illogical his mother’s worry is, and as a good son who does not want to suffer karma from denying his mother, Sunggyu tries to persuades her by telling her that Dongwoo is going to tag along during his holiday in Japan. Dongwoo is his old friend since he was in middle school and his mother is already familiar with him. With reluctance and long speech, she finally agrees and gives him her blessing.

Sunggyu attended Minho’s departure with cameras and extra ninja skills before meeting Dongwoo near the immigration office of the airport. The apartment where he and Dongwoo will be staying is ten minutes away from Minho’s. The idol has told him all his plans and Sunggyu filled his journal with his and Dongwoo’s own traveling plan, SHINee’s concert and a day-out with Minho was written with red marker in between. Sunggyu successfully diverts his attention away from Minho until the concert day, admiring the beauty and bustling city of Tokyo, noting some delicious eating place to take Minho to later (he doubts Minho even had chance to enjoy Tokyo like what he is doing right now).

When the concert day finally comes, Sunggyu feels a bit guilty that his mind is more occupied by the thought of his upcoming ‘outing’ with Minho. Still, he fulfills his duty as Minho’s fansite master, photographing as much moments as possible. He is lucky that his seat is close one to the stage and once Minho spots him, he barely needs to put any effort at all, Minho is more than willing to give him as much fanservice as humanly possible.

The next morning, Sunggyu wakes up with thousand butterflies fluttering in his stomach. The hotel he’s staying doesn’t come with breakfast so every morning he and Dongwoo had to walk three minutes long to the nearest convenience store. But today Dongwoo has his own plan so he already left earlier when Sunggyu was still asleep. Sunggyu buys himself a carton of milk coffee, a chicken-mayo riceball, and another one with salmon filling. He returns to his room but he can barely swallow his breakfast, eyes locked to his phone as if it will explode anytime soon.

Robotically, he turns toward a yellow plastic bag on the feet of his bed. Jonghyun and Kibum had come up with this plan to dress Sunggyu up as a girl for their special outing, and somehow Minho finds it to be brilliant cover up idea. Sunggyu groans, almost spilling his rice from his mouth; just what the hell was in their mind? And what was he thinking as well that he agreed and purchased the auburn wavy wig from donki hote two days prior when he was hauling kit-kat in that store. He will pick Minho up in the hotel he is staying in two hours, with wig.

Suddenly he feels the urge to call Minho and tells him that this is a bad, bad idea. But Minho must be sleeping right now and Sunggyu doesn’t have a heart to disturb him. So he spends the remaining hours trying to get the wig right, it keeps on toppling of his head in his first tries. Quick search in the internet tells him that bobby pins do help, luckily, the hotel has that in the bathroom. Forty five minutes later finds Sunggyu standing in front of his bathroom mirror in his dark blue jeans, black hoodie beneath deep-avocado green coat that hides his manly figure. His now long, auburn hair is spilling down until it nearly touches his waist. The wig is heavy but the long bangs actually hide his face, it provides him warmth as well. Grabbing his dark grey beanie and huge glasses, Sunggyu makes his journey to Minho’s hotel.

Sunggyu calls Minho once he is inside, “I’m downstairs,” he says quickly. Sunggyu sits down in one of the couch in the lobby, pretending that he is asleep to avoid as much attention as possible. In less than five minutes, Sunggyu’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He reads the new message; wait by the elevator. Sunggyu hurries to the designated place and checks his reflection in the mirror, he knows he looks weird but he hopes he does not look abysmal at least.

Minho emerges from the elevator looking as regal as always and Sunggyu’s oxygen is out from his lungs. It is unfair how good-looking Minho is even if he is dressed so simply; jeans, dark blue sweater and white button up shirt underneath. His black coat is draped on his shoulders like a cape, perching on his head is identical beanie with Sunggyu’s own; the one that Sunggyu got for the two of them (in his defense, it was a ‘buy one get one’ program and Sunggyu likes the beanie a little too much).

Sunggyu is too busy appraising his idol to notice that Minho is basically doing the same thing to him. He runs his eyes up and down from Sunggyu’s high top sneakers and the reddish-brown hair that spills down his chest. His clothes perfectly conceal that he is a man and with how the bangs cover the right-side of Sunggyu’s face, nobody can tell that Sunggyu is a man unless they take a close look. There is a loud bell ringing in his head but at the moment, all Minho can think is he finds his hyung cute regardless of the situation.

“Where is your sunglasses?” Sunggyu asks. His deep voice reminds Minho that this ‘female’ in front of him is indeed his hyung.

Minho feels around the pocket of his coat and fishes out the item in question. “Here, hyung. Don’t worry, I’ve done this multiple times already.”

“And you’re still caught by Japanese tabloids as Changmin’s girlfriend,” Sunggyu snorts. Minho groans. That’s a very funny yet embarrassing memory.

“Come on, Hyung, let’s go,” Minho slides the glasses to his face. His hand reaches out for Sunggyu’s but he pause mid-air. Sunggyu is looking at him pointedly, and then his gaze flickers to his outreached hand, then back to his face. “Okay, lead the way, Hyung. I’m not familiar with the train here.”

Sunggyu feels a pang of loss but he assures himself that this is the best for both of them. They walk together side by side to Shinjuku station. Turned out Minho has never ride anything but car before despite his multiple visit to Japan. Sunggyu is thankful that he has familiarized himself with the maze that is Shinjuku’s station. They wait for the train bounds for Kichijouji at the platform, enjoying the warm sun, crisp air, and steady murmur as people move around them. Nobody seems to pay them attention, too busy looking at their own phone or talking to each other. They boarded on the wrong train; the one that stops every station instead of one that only requires two stops until Kichijouji.

“I’m sorry,” Sunggyu murmurs, quiet but loud enough for Minho to hear. The train rattles and jostles at a sharp turn, causing the men beside and behind Sunggyu push Sunggyu closer to Minho. He is about to curse (in Korean) but inhales sharply when he feels warm arms around his waist and solid chest against his own. Sunggyu looks up to find Minho resolutely keeping his head turned to the right but the Sunggyu is close enough to see the flush shading Minho’s cheek. The elder male looks down, biting his lip, and wishes that his own blush is not as apparent.

They safely arrive at Kichijouji where they’re going to spend their time until lunch at Inokashira park. Sunggyu tells Minho that he bought new lens with him. This trip will help him to exercise his photography skill and now he has his favorite (more like; his only) model and perfect setting, also plenty of time, he doesn’t think he want to pass the time with just by talking alone.

They do talk in between of course, the topic switches from one to another; the concert yesterday, Sunggyu’s job back in Korea, Minho’s father, Woohyun’s nonstop message (this one got Minho looking murderous for five seconds until Sunggyu purposely linked their hand together), the stash of chicken that Jonghyun carried along with him to Japan, even about Sunggyu’s trip to Yokohama. They made it to a small bridge overlooking the lake where it is by no mean secluded but not many people frequented the area for it is considerably darker and shaded than the rest. With the sun already up high, this is a perfect place to rest under the canopy of trees.

Minho sits on the railing, watching Sunggyu who’s already back to his photographer mode, trying to capture birds playing on the lake. His hyung’s lips are tucked out in concentration, his posture looks painful but he guesses dedication is needed to take good pictures. And Sunggyu is a very good one, Minho always checks Sunggyu’s newest picture, the quality is always constant if not getting better.

Smiling to himself, Minho begins to wonder how he starts having this weird feeling whenever he thinks of his hyung. At first he thought it was the same one he had for Changmin-hyung, but when he spoke about this to Jonghyun, the main vocalist of SHINee had given him a funny look, blended with such solemnity that left him with a very weird expression.

“I don’t think so,” he remembers Jonghyun telling him. “Do you really think it’s the same?”

He was very surprised when word, “no,” quickly left his mouth.

Startled, he stared at equally perplexed Jonghyun. But the elder’s expression quickly slipped into a pensive one, lips pulled into a tight smile. “Then it’s up to you, and no one else.”

Jonghyun’s words haunted him to the point he could barely sleep sometime after a long night chat with Sunggyu. He enjoys being with his fansite master, but sometimes, recalling Sunggyu’s first sleepover in his dorm, Minho cannot help but feels like he still need more. This thing going between them is not enough to satisfy him. He wants something else, and when Minho realizes what it is that he is longing for, he is seized with fear. There are too many things that he needs to reflect on, but now, being together with Sunggyu, Minho wants to forget the heavy rock that keeps on weighing him down.

“Hyung,” he calls out softly.

Sunggyu’s shutter flashes two more times before the disguised man looks at him, “Yeah?”

“Come here,” Minho motions with his hand, smiling.

Sunggyu tilts his head in confusion. Yet he complies, slinging the strap of his camera on his shoulder as he walks toward Minho. “What? Are you hungry already?”

But Minho doesn’t answer his question, not verbally, not with his action either. He does act but it doesn’t serve as solution to Sunggyu’s question at all. Because Sunggyu is sure that kiss is not the answer to ‘are you hungry?’

Unless they mean ‘hungry’ in less innocent way, then probably this is Minho’s way of saying ‘yes’.

Sunggyu freezes like he’s made from block of ice because Minho – his idol Choi Minho – is kissing him straight on the lips. He’d be lying if he said he never dreamt of how Minho’s lips feel like, he imagined them to be soft, cushiony like marshmallow (No, Sunggyu did not kiss a marshmallow imagining it was Minho. He did not... okay, maybe he did. But he was drunk that time). Whatever his mind conjured up for him is nothing compared to the actual thing.

They’re soft but they’re nothing like marshmallow – firm yet plush, Minho’s lips settle just right above his own. Oh, they’re also slightly chapped. Sunggyu mentally thanks God, at least this way he knows that Minho is human just like him (his next train of thought is buying Minho the most expensive lip balm out there in the market, but that can wait, later). Minho tilts his head, adding more pressure to their lips that Sunggyu squeals in surprise. He trembles when Minho smiles to their kiss, he pulls Sunggyu close by the waist that the elder male is standing between Minho’s knees.

‘Dangerous!’ his mind screams. But the chaste kiss is fogging his mind, he is too heady to think. When Minho shifts again for better angle and his unoccupied palm is on the back of Sunggyu’s head, he decides to pay no attention to the wind at all and melts into Minho’s searing kiss instead.

They part with a sigh. Minho rests their forehead together. His lips are red, and curled into a contented smile. “I’ve been wanting to do that since forever,” he mutters.

“What?” Sunggyu asks, breathless and mind still a jumbled mess.

Minho kisses him once again, short and quick but it leaves Sunggyu’s tingling lips burning even more. The heat wakes him up, he stares wide-eyed at grinning Minho, “this.”

“What?” He is aware of how un-eloquent he is right now but that is the last thing in his mind because Choi Minho did not only kissed him, but also confessed that he had wanted to kiss Sunggyu, apparently since forever.

Minho takes Sunggyu’s hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles, smiling with mirth but the pink on his cheeks do not go unnoticed by Sunggyu. “To my pretty, pretty Hyung. Thank you for being a good fansite master.”

Sunggyu wants to point out that you do not kiss your fansite master to demonstrate your gratitude but he gets what Minho is trying to say and it is a very, very dangerous ground. He contemplates whether he should pursue the topic or not. Minho doesn’t seem inclined to do so, quite satisfied with just grinning at Sunggyu and keeping him close. So Sunggyu carefully makes his choice and follows after Minho’s example, relishing the feeling of having his Minho close.

After a while, Sunggyu speaks in trembling voice, “Will you tell me the reason behind you action?”

“Maybe,” Minho takes a deep breath, “not now. Let’s just-“

He doesn’t continue and Sunggyu sees no need to press on either. They stay like that for a while until Sunggyu deems it’s time for lunch. They do not walk hand in hand though, but apparently Minho likes it bolder because he wraps one arm around Sunggyu’s shoulders, keeping him close that they’re walking pressed against each other. Sunggyu’s face is aflame but the confident grin in Minho’s face and the way his eyes shine stops him from protesting even if he knows it is probably the right thing to do. They make some stops until they arrive at the place Sunggyu recommended. The food stalls are too inviting to pass; taiyaki stalls, croquette, okonomiyaki, eclair. By the time they arrived, Sunggyu is half-full already. Minho actually exclaims that he is still hungry and orders two main dishes.

They do not speak about the kiss at all but Minho manages to coax Sunggyu into going to karaoke after older accidentally mentioned how he likes singing. They exit the restaurant with smiles, then after ten minutes getting lost, they finally find the karaoke box. Minho sings first and Sunggyu spends the four minutes cursing SM to the hell and back. He knows Minho can sing but not this good. His honey-like voice deserves some spotlight, what the hell is SM thinking letting such talent go to waste? They does him dirty.

Then it’s Sunggyu’s turn to sing. He is incredibly nervous, it’s been some time since the last time he visited karaoke or singing in front of anyone but his own reflection in the mirror. He avoids singing in public since ‘that’ day but Minho’s brilliant eyes and expectant face mercilessly tore down the wall he has built up so sturdy all those years ago. Smiling bitterly to himself, Sunggyu begins to sing.

:::

Minho insists to walk Sunggyu to his hotel. This is Japan, Minho convinces him, nobody can tell. Despite the dubious reasoning, Sunggyu lets the young idol do as he wishes. At least their hotel is close to one another. He even accompanies Sunggyu to his room.

“I’m sorry it’s small,” Sunggyu says. He forgets to make his room this morning, too worried fussing over his appearance. Speaking of his appearance, he is now free to take his wig off. Sunggyu excuses himself to the bathroom and emerges two minutes later in his own hair. Minho beams at him.

“Of course Sunggyu-hyung is better like this. Come here, Hyung!” He calls out, opening his arms wide.

Sunggyu gives him a withering look, “You’re supposed to return and have a rest, it’s already late.” Minho’s arms fall to his laps, pouting hard at Sunggyu with big, pleading eyes. Sunggyu steels himself, “I’m not falling for that, Choi.”

“Buuuuuut,” Minho whines cutely. He lifts his arms again this time for grabby hands, “I still want to stay with my prettiest Hyung~”

“Aish,” Sunggyu turns around to hide his flush. His mind is still reeling from the kiss he shared with Minho back in the park. He tried digging it from the idol but their conversation ceased after he said to Minho, ‘I do not ask you about the kiss so you do not ask about why I no longer sing either,’ earlier in karaoke box when the younger male persistently asked him about his reason to stop singing. “You really should leave,” he says again once he is composed, “You are leaving tomorrow morning, right? Have you even packed?”

He seems to hit bull’s eye. Minho groans loudly, he throws himself into Sunggyu’s where he’s now lying on his back. Sunggyu watches from the corner of his eyes as he makes himself a cup of tea. “I really really wish I can spend more time with you, Hyung...” he whispers.

Sunggyu’s heart trembles, so do his legs and hands that he almost drops his cup. Taking a shuddering breath, Sunggyu sits down on the chair, scared that his feet will give up upon himself. “We still have plenty of times in Korea,” he stops before adding, “and I don’t have to wear wig over there. We can easily hang out together because we’re both males-“

“But I cannot kiss you,” Minho says bluntly. Their eyes meet and Sunggyu torn between pouring his cup of tea to Minho or to straddle the younger and kiss him. The next moment, a nervous smile slips into Minho’s face and Sunggyu’s words die together with it. “You’re right, I should go.”

Minho stands up, does a little stretching, then pulls Sunggyu to standing position, smiling bashfully at him. The older man himself cannot stop his lips when they curl into similar looking smile. “Be careful.”

He has anticipated this but it still doesn’t prepare him when Minho bends down to press a gentle kiss to his lips, “I had a good day today, Sunggyu-hyung. Thank you.”

When the door is closed before him, Sunggyu sends this thank to the God that Dongwoo is not back until two hours later.

Sunggyu doesn’t sleep after that, not even in plane. He only sleeps once he is back in his room, the thought of his idol swirling like vortex in his mind. Usually, it blesses him with nice dream but tonight, it seems to catches nothing but bad dream.

:::

Sunggyu can’t believe his eyes when he sees the news portal this morning.

‘Blind item of boyband member A sleeping with his sassaeng’

Someone who claimed to be an entertainment insider described in details how the idol invited his sassaeng to the dorm to spend the night, picked the sassaeng up with company’s car for a late night outing, even the sasaeng visited the idol’s hotel when the band is on tour abroad. Obviously many idol fans are enraged, believing that what the idol did is disgusting, while others despised just how far a sassaeng would go and do for their idol.

Dispatch added more fuel to the fire by spreading photos from their ‘Japan reportage’.

‘Male idol enjoying date during Japan Tour’

There is no further doubt that the two persons in the blurry photos are him and Minho. Sunggyu checks on the top comments where he finds fans speculating whether it was Minho or the other male idol. There were many enraged fans who called oppa a traitor for dating a foreign girl. But the worse is that some fans who made a speculations that Minho is the blind item.

In the time span of hours, many concluded that it was Minho who slept with his sassaeng fangirl. SHINee fancafe is in chaos with the amount of fans trying to find out who is the Japanese girl, to the point of accusing each fansite master of betraying the fans - idol barrier code.

Sunggyu wants to cry so badly.

So this is how he lives now, following younger male idol around South Korea, even abroad. Sunggyu scolds himself for going with Jonghyun and Key’s plan. Indeed the date was awesome, being with Minho beats all the kind of best feeling in the world. But is he worth all the trouble? Minho doesn’t deserve all the hates and accusation. The boy is too young and SHINee is at their career peak after struggling with their Japan invasion.

The dread feeling comes to him when he realizes that they might find out about the real him. A guy behind Me and You. Before today, he was somehow glad that no one ever suspected him as a fansite master. Most of the fans were too absorbed in watching their idols, some of them predicted him to be a paparazzi. Well not that he was complaining. But now?

The comments and fans rage is now spread internationally through news portal and forums. SM stayed quiet through the storm, which is not unusual but still disappointing for many. Fans had wished SM to come out and tell them that the whole news is a slander to taint SHINee and their good image.

The call from SM comes shortly after lunch at his workplace. It was one of the higher ups, who recognized him through the information and photos submitted by SHINee managers. Kim Jinho specifically remembers his audition, which is also sort of scary. But he indeed tried for SM three times before. Sunggyu would rather not contemplate his past failure longer because he is completely unprepared for Director Kim’s next sentence.

“I think it is best for you to stay away Sunggyu. Away from us for real. You should have paid more attention to this when I said that to your face.”

“I fully remember what you told me Sir, but that sentence and this thing are not related at all because -”

“But this happened, Sunggyu. You could destroy Minho’s career in a flash.’

Sunggyu almost laugh at the absurdity of the situation, but it comes out choked and he is not sure if he can stop himself from yelling profanities at the director. He takes a deep breath before managing a reply.

“Kim Jinho-nim, I admit that this should not happen. About my ambition in the past, I would like to point out that I’ve moved on and I’m content with what I have now.” The other side stays silent during his speech, so he continues, “I understand that SM is worried for SHINee and especially for Minho. Please note that my whole existence is not supposed to harm Minho or SHINee in any way, but the publications and fans speculations have gone too far because SM did nothing to confirm this. SM, as the agency, and you as the director should have come with a counter measure and PR strategy to protect him. Since I consider Minho as one of my dearest dongsaeng, and an idol I adore, I sincerely request you to do whatever to get him out of this mess.”

“Don’t start lecturing me, Sunggyu-sshi. I am not the one who jeopardizes his career and future.” Jinho sneers disdainfully.

Sunggyu cringes. “Just.. just please do something for him, and let me do my part.”

“I expect nothing less from you Sunggyu-sshi. It’s been a pleasure,” and the line is cut off, just like the thread that connects him to Minho; severed.

:::

Sunggyu called minho for a talk, just the two of them without the managers. So the younger picks the safest place for them that turns out to be SHINee’s dorm. Sunggyu agreed because he would rather not lead groups of girls following Minho into his apartment.

Minho hugs him as soon as he enters the apartment. It’s now that Sunggyu notices how Minho always hug him whenever they meet, leaving warmth all over his skin, he shudders when Minho pulls Sunggyu closer or rub his back in calming motions. Despite his reluctance to leave Minho’s warm embrace, the talk is more important.

“Minho-yah, we need to talk.”

So then they’re lying side by side on Minho’s bed. The younger hasn’t even try to start a conversation, he gives Sunggyu time to calm his mind and begin the conversation himself. Minho cranes his neck to his left where Sunggyu stays motionless, his breath steady and eyes dark.

“You know, when you asked me about why I didn’t sing, I told you that I have reasons right?”

Minho remains quiet so Sunggyu continues “I have always been dreaming to be a singer to have my stage and crowd of people sing along to my lyrics. I never dreamt of becoming famous tho, I just want people to hear me out through my song. So I can share my feelings and be heard at once. I was a wild child you know, and my parents kind of against me entering the entertainment biz. They don’t want me to sell my body.” Sunggyu chuckles

“Hyung,” Minho chokes, but Sunggyu motions him to keep quiet and let him continue.

“So I auditioned for agencies, met producers, auditioned again, sang in bars, joined small gigs, worked part times. I was young and I must admit I was more than persistent to join an entertainment agency.”

“Did you finally join one?”

“I almost did Minho-yah. Despite how many times your agency rejected me, I kept on auditioning until I finally accepted into one small company. I trained for quite some time but in the end decided to quit cause I didn’t see any future there. I was accepted into another though, this one is in the middle tier, debuted two idol groups already. My mentors were promising, I got chance to show them some of my songs. But yeah.. they asked me to do many things i don’t quite agree with,” he gestures vaguely to his face, “and though i have come to terms that I never been a good obedient innocent boy, those kind of things are not for me. I flat out refused the offer and they kicked me out. They made sure no other entertainment agencies would let the stubborn, bad mannered, ex-trainee in.”

“Those idiots are blind, I don’t understand how come they didn’t appreciate someone as talented as you.”

“You’re spoiling me rotten with the compliments, you know?” Sunggyu furrows his brow and push his lips into a pout. As he focused his eyes on Minho, he notices how upset the younger is.

“Don’t be upset, I’m over it.” Sunggyu pauses a bit, “So, in spite of the dreadful circumstances, and the small amount of money I had, I decided to continue studying and found a decent job. I stayed away from the idol world and the entire entertainment buzz, you know, for few years. I was afraid that I would be upset to see the other trainees made it to debut stage, performing on music shows. Well apparently it didn’t hurt me even a bit. I was okay, life was good, my job was demanding but the remuneration was fulfilling. I thought that I would be away from the idol world and music stage forever. That was until I saw you.”

Minho lies down and put his right arm on Sunggyu’s midriff. The older turns to his right so he comes face to face with the younger, their noses almost brushing. He faintly recalls the kiss they shared by the lake and the warmth of Minho’s lips on his own.

“You know, you’re a really amazing person, truly one of a kind. You’re kind, you’re handsome, you’re humble, always polite and attentive to your surroundings. You’re always honest but careful not to hurt anyone’s feeling. You treat everyone equally, never discriminate everyone. But what I love the most about you is that part of you who doesn’t seem to know what giving up is. It’s as if you only live to give your best at anything you do, it doesn’t matter what it is; singing, dancing, rapping, sports, your study, you devote yourself for that. You are selfless, you never think of yourself, always putting other people above yourself, I know that’s why you’re such a hardworking person, it is because you know many people will be happy when you’re giving them the best you can give. You’re not doing it to prove yourself, you do it to put a smile on people’s face.”

Minho grins bashfully, “You praise me too much, Hyung.”

“What? It’s the truth,” Sunggyu shrugs. “And the last thing I would ever do is to put your career, the dream you pursue, to an end. If I would ever harm you in any way, I would forever blame myself for it.” a pause. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us, you know, weighing the available options, wondering how it would work out. In the end, I think it’s best for us to go on our own ways from now on.” Sunggyu’s voice is calm and soothing, but the final tone in his speech is suffocating. His chest hurts and tears are threatening to burst out of his eyes anytime soon.

The younger is torn between hurt, confused, and anger. So the separation is what Sunggyu decided for them? Minho willing himself not to be mad at Sunggyu for being so cruel because it’s clear enough that Sunggyu came to this conclusion with Minho’s best intention in mid.

“Hyung,” Minho starts, but then he catches how the other is unmoving and had his eyes closed. It’s only some times before 9 pm, but with how Sunggyu was complaining about losing sleep and bad appetite, Minho understands that the other must be dead tired, restless, that he almost fall into slumber.

“Hyung, I know i never told you this, but after meeting you, I spent most of the time wishing to always wake up with your lashes fluttering against my skin, your breath on mine…” Minho pauses to exhales sadly. “There were times when I didn’t know where to look but now even among the crowd my eyes can only find you. I always find you, Sunggyu hyung. I love my job as idol, I truly do but then I found you and suddenly there seems to be more meaning to it than it already is - to make you happy by being Minho of SHINee, to see you smile whenever you see my performance. You are my source of strength…”

Sunggyu looks up to him from beneath sleep-hooded lips. “Minho-yah...I will be selfish just this once. Is it alright? You have to agree with me. ”

“What is it, Hyung? Tell me?” Minho takes Sunggyu’s hand in his and kisses the knuckle gently, “You just have to ask because all I can is give when it comes to you, Hyung.”

Sunggyu smiles despite the tightening of his chest. “Thank you for looking at me, I am ..” he rasps “I will always remember you and want you to remember me, but please don’t ever try to find me after this. Just do your best and move on”

“Why?” Minho frowns, “How could you ask me those things when you’re here with me now and nothing else matters? Why don’t you want me to find you? Did I do something wrong?”

Sunggyu stares at Minho’s eyes, those eyes that begin everything, those eyes that had pulled him into this existence named Choi Minho. Those eyes that could spoke thousands words just with a simple gaze. Those eyes he had come to love so much.

“Minho, think about it, are we even together?” He starts, careful not to let his voice waver too much. “Are we ever going to be more than friends? More than a dongsaeng and his hyung?”

More than an idol and his fan?

Minho was taken aback by the question. Sure he imagined how their relationship would progress in the future. The pictures in his head was always about them sneaking a secret date in the middle of world tour, holding hands before going to sleep, him kissing Sunggyu’s eyelashes, knuckles, making him smile, seeing him smile. But the rational part of his brain has been sending many questions he could and would ask himself; if he would be able to make Sunggyu stay by his side forever, if Sunggyu would be committed to him in more intimate relationship, if they would ever make it far without forever hiding from the world.

“I…” Minho hesitates.

“All I ever want, Minho-yah,” Sunggyu begins again, curling his fingers on Minho’s longer ones. “as cliché as it is, is your happiness. Please don’t you ever forget that.” And for the first time ever since their first encounter, Sunggyu presses his lips on Minho’s quivering ones. To Sunggyu’s relief, the younger doesn’t say anything afterwards, closing his eyes instead. So despite the storm of thoughts brewing inside his head, Minho kisses him back, slow and gentle like Sunggyu is made of glass.

“Hyung,” Minho murmurs after they parted but Sunggyu already has his eyes closed, curled to his chest and Minho just couldn’t continue his speech. His mind is cluttered with so many things he wants to tell Sunggyu but he doesn’t want his words to fall into unlistening ears and vapors into thin air. So Minho follows after Sunggyu, closing his eyes and prays that the older male will still be there when he opens his eyes.

:::

Sunggyu reopens his eyes sometimes in the middle of the night, faking sleep are not easy when one is troubled.

“I’m sorry I lied,” he whispers, tracing Minho’s lips with his trembling fingers. “I want you to find me,” he chokes out brokenly, eyes watering with tears. “I’m so selfish I want you to look only at me...Minho, I-”

When the first tear falls, Sunggyu bites back a strangled sob. He can’t, he can’t continue like this, not when the next words he’s about to say will likely change the nature of their relationship. He almost betrays whatever decision he had made earlier. He tries to blink the tears away but the more he realizes what’s going to happen after this, it becomes impossible.

In between his silent cry, Sunggyu laughs at his poor heart, because even like this when his vision is clouded with his own tears, he still can see Minho, clearer than ever. “I’m such a fool,” he whispers. “God, I’m so pathetic, aren’t I-”

“You’re not.”

Sunggyu’s gasped, his eyes went wide as he watches those lashes flutter open, revealing a pair of the most beautiful and warmest eyes he had ever seen.

“I will find you, Hyung,” Minho mutters. He scoots closer until his lips are above Sunggyu’s eyes, the older closes his eyes instinctively. “Even amongst millions of people, I will always find you.”

Minho plants kiss on Sunggyu’s eyelashes, the warm puff of breath hitting Sunggyu’s eyelids, lulling him to sleep.

:::

Minho almost panics when he wakes up alone the following morning and finds no trace of Sunggyu in the apartment. He almost presses the call sign on his mobile when SHINee’s manager enters his room and rushes him to prepare for today’s schedule. Minho drags himself through his schedule, barely motivated but for the sake of his team, he has to pull himself together.

Minho finally loses it when he logs in to Me and You Website. The header of the website is made of one word that sends shivers down his spine: ME AND YOU - CLOSED. He clicks on the hyperlink and is directed to a farewell letter from Me and You master-nim. Minho scans the letter fast, barely catching excuses such as ‘being too old’, ‘can’t keep up with SHINee schedule’, ‘other personal things to take care’, and last a sincere apology for not being able to support Minho and SHINee any longer.

Minho stands up abruptly, alerting his band members, then stomps out of the waiting room. He marches to the empty hallway, opens his phone then dials Sunggyu’s number. He listens to the callback tone intently (Quasimodo from SHINee’s 2nd studio album), wishing that for once Sunggyu would answer his call like usual. It’s been more than a week since the talk and Minho couldn’t reach the older using whatever means of communications. The calls are left unanswered, the messages were not read. Minho visited Sunggyu’s apartment too, hoping to catch the older and talk to him, but no one opened the door for him that he practically tried to rip his hair off by pulling on them so harsh in frustration.

“Hyung what did i do wrong?” Minho bumps his forehead against the front door in despair. His fingers are trembling and tears are threatening to spill. He finds it difficult to breathe when worst scenarios play in his head over and over again: Sunggyu left him forever and he will never get the chance see the older again.

SHINee members notice his unpleasant mood and no matter how many times Onew told him to be open about it, Minho kept his concern secret. Minho is still a professional though, going through his entire schedule and performing duties, performing abroad and going back to Korea while preparing for their next comeback. He almost gives up on Sunggyu and willing himself to just wait for Sunggyu to miraculously appear before his eyes. But then he remember that he did promise Sunggyu to always look for the older - he should do the chase, the only problem is he does not know where to start.

It is only few days later when Minho remembers Jang Dongwoo. Sunggyu once sent him Dongwoo’s contact for emergency during their trip in Japan. Minho opens and search Sunggyu’s e-mail and finds Dongwoo’s mobile number. Minho punched the digits into his mobile phone then waits.

“Dongwoo’s speaking.”

“Hello, uh, Dongwo-ssi. It’s Minho, Choi Minho.” He introduces himself nervously, the thought of introducing himself to Sunggyu’s friend makes him jittery, it’s as if he wants Sunggyu’s friends to know that he is now a part of Sunggyu’s life (he does hope he still is).

“Minho?”

“Yes, I was a friend who went with Sunggyu hyung on his last day in Japan. He gave me your number for emergency. I hope I’m not bothering you by suddenly calling”

“Ah you’re that celebrity! Hahaha yes, of course I remember you, your face is almost everywhere.”

“Yes, uh, thank you. Actually I really need your help.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know about Sunggyu’s whereabouts? I’ve been trying to contact him but he just won’t answer. No one open his apartment door, hyung. It’s like he disappeared suddenly and I’m worried. I really need your help,” he lets his voice carries his desolation.

Dongwoo sighs, and then quickly responds, “Well, I know something happened when he told me about moving back to Jeonju for a bit and planning a marriage.”

“Plan a what?” Minho bursts out.

“A marriage, a wedding, you know? A commitment ceremony and such.” Dongwoo elaborates lightly as if explaining to a child.

“Dongwoo hyung, uh, what should I do? Do you know where Sunggyu hyung’s hometown address is?”

“Hm, I could send it to you, though.. “ Dongwoo hesitates.

“I would be forever indebted to you for this, hyung,” Minho pleads, his voice wavers.

“I will send it, just wait for a bit. “ Dongwoo’s voice went dead from the end of the line but Minho’s phone beeps with notification few minutes after.

Immediately, Minho calls the older again, “Hyung, just tell me what you want to eat, okay? I will treat you once I get Sunggyu-hyung back. I gotta go now.” He feels sorry for abruptly ending the call to someone he’s indebted to but he has no time to waste.

Minho requests a three day leave to SHINee’s managers as soon as they’re back in SHINee’s dorm. His managers are a bit enraged by the fact that Minho requested a multiple days leave so suddenly, which means that he won't be appearing in one of SHINee's radio appearance. Onew and Jonghyun support him though, saying that Minho would need a rest once in a while and that he was a bit down lately

:::

Minho drives his brand new car to Jeonju the first thing in the morning. He silently scolds himself for being so possessive towards the older. After all, he must admit that he didn’t own Sunggyu, they weren’t in a relationship whatsoever, and that it would not be wise for him to crash someone’s wedding. But Minho knows his feelings, knows what he wants; and he wants to be selfish this once, just like Sunggyu was being with him the last night they spent together. He would be honest and tell Sunggyu everything, he would do go down on his knees begging Sunggyu to at least listen to him. He would deal with the consequences later. Yes he will, but for now his utmost priority is getting Sunggyu back.

He arrived at Sunggyu's house 15 minutes before 10am, only to find it empty. Using his mobile map, Minho takes the route to the Church, silently praying that he won't be too late, that he would be able to talk to Sunggyu before the wedding event take place.

As soon as he arrives at the church, Minho makes his way through small crowd of people, feeling so out of place in his black and white jacket. And he finds it ironic just how easy he spots Sunggyu who stands before the altar, looking perfectly fine in his black suit and styled hair. He hopes that this means he is still keeping the end of their deal - he will always find Sunggyu.

A quick glance to the empty spot before Sunggyu alleviates Minho’s distress. At least Sunggyu’s supposed bride has not come yet. He hates breaking woman’s heart, he is going to do it now but when he does, he wants to spare himself from seeing her tears. He already feels guilty enough as it is.

“Hyung, Sunggyu-hyung,” Minho calls out, alerting the people about his presence. The church hall turns silent and all eyes are on him in instant but Minho’s eyes could see nothing, nobody but Kim Sunggyu. Time seems to lapse into temporary halt for a moment, everything around him are blurred away, out of focus, while Sunggyu remains sharp as if he is the only thing being exposed to light.

Minho thinks Sunggyu is beautiful, sometimes he doubts if his hyung is even real because there was some moment when Sunggyu is too stunning to be real in Minho’s eyes. However the mixture of surprise, elation, and sadness splashed in vividly across Sunggyu’s face makes him human, almost like a chain that grounds him and reminds Minho that Sunggyu is human, real, just like him.

“Mi-minho-sshi?” the wind carries Sunggyu’s trembling voice across the outstretched red carpet that separates them.

Albeit the obvious trepidation, Minho still finds that nostalgic voice comforting. The pain that has been constricting his heart in tight, vice-grip is slowly slithering away that Minho finds it in himself to smile, “Sunggyu-hyung…”

“Minho-sshi, what are you doing here?” Sunggyu approaches him in slow and hesitant steps. He’s finally standing right in front of Minho, filling the empty space between them with his ever sedative warmth. This close, Minho sees the alarmed expression and startled look in Sunggyu's face. Minho almost gave up and sort of regrets his previous bravado, but he's a man and he promised himself that no matter what will happen, he has to tell Sunggyu everything. They both need closure. Sunggyu needs to know his true feelings and Minho himself has to admit it, for their own sake.

“I'm sorry hyung for everything I said, I was wrong I…” He swallows, God, this is hard. Confessing to Sunggyu alone is already easier said than done, let alone confessing to Sunggyu in the middle of his supposed wedding in front of his family and people who’s about to become his family once the tie of marriage between him and his bride is knotted. “You know that you're so special to me, right? I know I don't have rights anymore to say this now hyung, but I like you so much, I can't - I won't give you up to anybody else,” Minho holds Sunggyu's hands in his, he looks at Sunggyu's shocked expression and Minho feels like throwing up when his eyes visibly water.

Sunggyu stares wide-eyed at the man in front of him. Unconsciously, he curls his fingers around Minho’s longer ones as if making certain that he is real. Inhaling deeply, Sunggyu is startled when Minho’s nostalgic scent starts to fill his senses. He is willing to give up oxygen if he could breath this intoxicating aroma forever. He misses this; the heart-searing body temperature, the far-too expressive eyes, the deep voice that rings the bell in Sunggyu’s heart like wind to summer bell; he misses Minho, dearly. And even if he thought he was ready to let this man go, in the innermost part of his heart, his true feeling is locked away. And now with Minho right in front of him - coming for him - Sunggyu can feel that particular emotion struggling to break free from its constraints.

“Hyung, I-” Sunggyu’s finger lands on Minho’s lips, effectively silencing the young idol. Minho is obviously astonished, but he stays quiet nevertheless, eyes searching Sunggyu’s glassy, deep chocolate orbs.

Dazedly, they wonder if this is what people meant with ‘the moment they want to last forever’, because both wish dearly, earnestly from the most profound part of their longing hearts, that this very moment - this very moment when they’re touching, and gazing deep into each other’s eyes, when nothing else but each other’s presence matter - would last forever. They’re more than willing to let time continue, leaving the two of them behind in this beatific moment of being with the person you love.

However as much as they wish this moment last forever, they both know that there is a better moment to come. And the arrival of that moment depends on Sunggyu’s answer.

So Minho circles his hand gently around Sunggyu’s wrist, and without removing his finger, he speaks again, “Sunggyu-hyung, I love you. Please,” he pauses to swallow bitter bile in his throat that blocks the rest of his voice. He needs this out, he has to tell Sunggyu what his heart truly desires, only then he can really let Sunggyu free. “Please, come back to me…”

Sunggyu’s lips tremble but before any word can leave his mouth, a loud gasp is heard then a woman shouts hysterically, “Sunggyu-yah! Your mom fainted!”

:::

“You may kiss the bride!” the priest announces in cheery voice, looking happy for the bride and groom. The kiss is followed by loud cheering from the guests, their faces beam in happiness.

Minho fidgets in his seat, a bit uneasy when he catches the looks Sunggyu’s mom throws at him from the front row.

“Yah, are you okay?” Sunggyu’s voice bring smile back to his face. Minho tangles their fingers together, tightly holding Sunggyu’s right hand in both of his palms.

Minho scoots closer so he can whisper in Sunggyu’s right ear “I’m just so happy I could keep my promise to always find my prettiest hyung.”

“You’re crazy.” Sunggyu fights the bubble of laughter that comes out of his throat, not bothering to hide his flushing cheeks. Minho lovingly grins at his pretty hyung.

After causing commotion and panics this morning, Minho found out that the wedding ceremony was not held for Sunggyu, but for his older sister, Jieun. Sunggyu had to be there because he promised to help her preparing the event and to take beautiful photos. Luckily, not many people recognized Minho when he showed up so Sunggyu quickly fabricated a lie which consist of ‘an actor friend too excited over his casting’ and ‘he’s a bit weird but this happened often haha don’t mind him haha’ . People soon paid more attention to the bride so Minho was spared from the dreaded attention and further suspicion. Minho still feels guilty though.

The wedding ceremony went smoothly and here he is: seated at the family table along with Sunggyu’s parents, while the older is busy making sure the garden party goes smoothly, while snapping photos here and there. Minho looks around and found several older women looks at him with dreamy eyes filled with wonder. He instantly smiles at them, just like how he used to. The women squeal loudly but later tries to compose themselves after Sunggyu’s mother caught their act.

“So, Minho right?” Sunggyu’s mother begins the conversation, plastering a smile too rigid to be called genuine.

“Ah, yes Omoni, I’m sorry for the disturbance just now.” Minho smiles awkwardly, slightly unsure if she likes him being here or not.

“Sunggyu told me about you.” at this sentence, Minho freezes in his seat. “Well, he didn’t mention you specifically. But when he said about loving someone and doing the best even though it hurts, I know that something is different this time.” She waits until Minho lifts his head and when the young boy is about to say something, she continues “I don’t know how complicated the situation is, and I don’t really care what kind of relationship you have with my son, but what you did,” a sigh, “I don’t appreciate what you did just now.”

“I’m sorry Omoni.” Minho apologizes gravely, mentally chastising himself for his impulsive act.

“I’m not the one you should say sorry to. You almost outed him in front of the whole family and guests. If you really love him, how could you be so reckless?”

“Firstly, yes, I have to apologize to you for my impulsive action, I could have put Sunggyu and your family in dangerous situation. Secondly, the reason why i came here is because I need to be honest with Sunggyu hyung about my feeling, he deserves to know what i feel about him.” Minho says carefully, making sure that he is looking at Sunggyu’s mother’s eyes so she can see how earnest he is being.

“And thirdly, I want you to know I can’t live without your son. I fully realize that I’m a public figure, and one wrong move would put both of us into danger. I also have many people watching my every move. But I promise, as a man and as a lover, that I will always love Sunggyu. Which means I would do anything,” he emphasizes, “anything to protect him, to keep him from harm, to shield him from any danger that could befall him if our relationship was shed to light. And I know how selfish I am being but I absolutely have no intention of letting him go. Even if it meant exposing both of us to danger, even if it meant putting my entire career on the line.” Minho pauses once again. “I will never, ever let him go. Because I love him, as much as I know he does love me. He has given me too much than I deserve and I want to return it to him as much if not more. I swear I will devote the rest of my life to make him happy, even if our path is a thorny one instead of flowery one, even if we’re bound to hurt each other along the way. In the end, I do believe that as much as scar that we have to bear, we will be stronger, because you cannot love unless you know how does it hurt. And I promise I will heal the scar I might leave on him with much more love that he forget he was even hurt in the first place.”

Sunggyu’s mother does not say anything, she simply stares at Minho with slightly widened-eyes. Minho takes the liberty to continue.

“I love him,” Minho says again, smiling. “I love him, for a reason I cannot explain well, but I do not think love is something to be explained anyways, it’s something that you understand not by knowing what it is but by experiencing how it feels. And when I look at your son, when I see him, when he’s by my side, when he smiles, when he calls my name,” Minho closes his eyes as he pictures the person who has taken over his whole heart. He opens his eyes, and then meeting the face of the woman who has given birth to that person, he says, “I know, my heart knows; I love him. And nothing will ever change that.”

Sunggyu’s mother’s eyes soften, “Even if your fans leave you?”

Minho stills at the question. He loves his fans, yes, they are a large part of his life. Without their support, Minho wouldn’t be able to come this far. But he trusts his fans, his ‘true’ fans will not turn their backs on him, his true fans will support and protect him. Besides, Sunggyu is also Minho’s fan, one of the most loyal at that.

“I am certain,” Minho answers her question, conviction clear in his eyes and voice.

Truth to be told, Sunggyu’s mother is taken aback by Minho’s honest confession. She had had expected the young man to relent and drop the issue, but the fire in his eyes and the tone of his speech are too fascinating. She looks at the younger silently before sighing, as if the weight on her shoulder is lifted. At least even if his son is ‘different’, he’s together with someone who really cares about him.

“I’m not saying I give you my blessing or anything,” she begins, looking pointedly at Minho, “but I sincerely hope you will do your best to protect my son.”

“Most certainly, Ma’am!” Minho smiles brightly at her, feeling a particular heavy weight being lifted from his shoulders.

“Are you having fun talking about me?” Minho breathes a sigh of relief at the voice. Sunggyu returns to their table, camera dangling on his chest and amused smile on his face.

“It looks heavy,” Minho comments then he immediately stands up, removing the strap from around Sunggyu’s neck carefully.

“Thank you,” Sunggyu smiles gratefully to his dongsaeng and receives Minho’s smile in return. The two of them are completely oblivious to the curious glance her mother sends their way.

“Oh my dear, of course he needs to know all your embarrassing past.” Sunggyu’s mother replies before taking an unnecessarily long sip of her drink.

Sunggyu sputters in embarrassment, blush coloring his milky cheeks. “Mom!”

Minho watches as the mother and son starting to exchange banter, a large grin plastered across his face. There is still an issue that needs to be addressed between him and Sunggyu but for now, he is quite content with where he is; back with Sunggyu by his side.

:::

The party ends before midnight, the guests gave final blessings to the newlyweds and the family returns home completely exhausted. Sunggyu’s mother had kindly offer Minho to stay, so who is he to refuse such kind hospitality, especially with the stunt he just pulled earlier that day.

Minho enters the bedroom after the much needed shower, dropping himself behind Sunggyu’s curled up body, slowly sneaking his hand to hold the older closer. Resting his head on the crook of Sunggyu’s neck, Minho exhales, both in relief and in delight. Relief in finally managing to overcome the long, arduous day. Delight in having his favorite hyung back in his arm. A voice in his head chides him angrily; he is not your ‘Hyung’ anymore, he is your ‘boyfriend’.

“Hehe,” Minho giggles straight to Sunggyu’s ears, causing the elder to jump slightly.

“Yah! You’re being creepy!” Sunggyu snaps, hoping the annoyance in his voice can divert Minho’s attention away from his shivering state at hearing Minho’s voice so close.

The young idol pouts then tightens his hold around Sunggyu’s body, pulling him closer at the same time. Sunggyu yelps when he feels his back is flush against Minho’s solid chest. The sensation makes Sunggyu’s mind travels away to forbidden territory. Blushing, Sunggyu swats the thought away immediately, he is too exhausted for ‘these’ kind of thoughts.

“What is it?” Sunggyu moans tiredly.

“ ‘m not creepy,” Minho mumbles against the fabric of Sunggyu’s cotton pajama. “I’m your boyfriend.”

Once again, Sunggyu’s face blooms in vivid scarlet but just as soon, the temperature of his face cools down when he realizes something. Suddenly finding himself sober, Sunggyu tries to scoot away from Minho’s hold. When the younger is adamant at keeping him, Sunggyu says in level voice, “you are not.”

That seems to clear Minho’s mind as well. Right when his hold around Sunggyu’s torso loosens, Sunggyu quickly detangle himself then sits upright, fixing his messy hair before looking down at the younger male lying down before him. His expression is unreadable; lips pulled into tight line, eyebrows sitting flat above his staring eyes. At least he doesn’t look discouraged, or worse, angry.

“Not yet,” Sunggyu speaks again, snapping Minho away from his temporary reverie. Those big chocolate eyes flicker to his face, but the owner says nothing. Taking that as his sign to go on, Sunggyu continues, “I have not given my answer yet. Until then you cannot call yourself my boyfriend, or I as your boyfriend respectively.”

Apprehension clouds Sunggyu’s mind when Minho does not immediately respond. Did he upset the younger boy? After the brave display Minho put for him, Sunggyu realizes his current words might seem like he’s belittling Minho’s effort. What Minho did required a lot of bravery. Admitting and confessing your feeling alone need a great amount of courage, but Minho did more than that. He also professed it in front of many people, including the family of person he loves. Sunggyu has no intention of depreciating Minho’s at all, it’s actually the contrary. He needs to tell Minho his feelings too, straight and clear so there is no doubt between them because he respects the younger male.

“I understand,” Minho answers, surprisingly calm. “Then could you please enlighten me, Hyung. What is your answer?”

Sunggyu worries his bottom lips, averting his gaze away from Minho’s imploring ones. He finds that under them, not only breathing becomes a chore, speaking is close to impossible to do. Taking a deep breath, Sunggyu finally scoops up his courage and says, “I’m not sure.”

“What?”

“I mean,” Sunggyu ducks his head further in, desperately trying to hide his face away from Minho. “I’m not sure if this is the right thing to do. I almost destroy your whole career for my selfishness-”

“It’s Jonghyun-hyung and Kibum’s stupid idea.” Minho interjects, sounding irate.

Sunggyu sighs, “I know, but I’m years older than you guys. I should have known it’s stupid yet I went along with it.”

“Doesn’t make you the one at fault-”

“And doesn’t make me any less guilty either.” Sunggyu snaps, finally looking at Minho.

Before him, Minho is openly fuming, nostrils flaring and brows knitted together in clear display of agitation. Sunggyu’s feels his heart aching at the sight, Minho’s ire unmistakably stems from the thought of Sunggyu blaming himself, which speaks for itself how much Minho thinks dearly of him. As much as it touches his heart, Sunggyu wants Minho to acknowledge his fault and shortcomings as much as he appreciates Sunggyu’s gift and competence. True, the idea might come from Jonghyun and Key, but Sunggyu was not completely powerless either. He was older than the two of them and he could have refused, but he did not so he was as much to blame as the other two. The fact that he almost sent Minho’s career down the drain still stand, and it is the exact reason why he is ‘not sure’.

As for his feelings, Sunggyu has never been this certain before. He knows what his ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ are, they’re none other than the man before him. As long as he has Minho, he can sail even the seven oceans. As long as it’s what Minho wants, Sunggyu will grant whatever it is. There is no qualm about his emotion anymore, he loves Minho, that is for sure. And because he loves him too he is afraid to pursue this relationship any further. With or without this affection, Minho’s happiness comes first before anything and if his delight means Sunggyu’s downfall, than Sunggyu is more than willing to give up.

“Fine,” Minho exhales, his irritation slithers away together with his breath. Visibly relaxing now, Minho reaches out for Sunggyu’s hand, eyes pleading. Sunggyu gives him a fond smile and lace their fingers together, much to the relief of younger male. “But you’re not telling me that you don’t love me back, are you, Hyung?”

Sunggyu rolls his eyes yet still maintaining the same smile, “You’re so full of yourself are you?”

“But it’s true, right?” Minho presses on, “You love me, hyung. I know you do. That’s why you ran away…”

Minho’s word strikes right where it hurt, Sunggyu grimaces. It’s true that he ran away, there is no refuting that but hearing that straight from Minho’s mouth makes the previously harmless fact sting. But at least Minho understands why Sunggyu decided to take the action, even if only a little, Sunggyu finds consolation in that. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore than this, Minho-yah.”

“But being away from you hurts me more, Hyung,” Minho whispers weakly with bitter smile.

Sunggyu shakes his head. “While it might be true, being with me might damage your career. I don’t want that to happen, Minho-yah. If you stopped being an idol - I,” Sunggyu pauses to take a deep breathe, his eyes starting to itch from the incoming tears that prickle them sharply. “If you stopped being celebrity, I can never forgive myself. I don’t want that, Minho. I just want you to continue-”

“Even if I said my happiness is being with you?”

That catches his breath in his throat. Sunggyu’s jaw snaps shut as he stares at Minho who’s looking at him with eyes more serious than Sunggyu has ever seen him. He blinks then realizes that this is not the first time he sees Minho like this, in fact, this is a look that Sunggyu is already familiar with, except that he has never been at the receiving end of it - this is the look that Minho has on his face whenever he’s facing a challenge in Dream Team, the look that made Sunggyu fell for him in the first place.

The intensity of that gaze is too much that Sunggyu feels the need to look away and look away he does. But Minho obviously doesn’t like it because he immediately seizes Sunggyu’s face in his too-warm and too-large hands, forcing their eyes to meet. Sunggyu blushes heavily, breath coming in irregular interval as Minho’s face comes closer to his own.

“Hyung, I love you,” Minho confesses again. “Even if I’m no longer a celebrity, my feelings won’t change; I will still love you. And I know we messed up before but this time, let’s be more careful, okay? You are a guy, we can hang out easier than if you are a girl. Nobody will suspect a thing, they’ll only think of you as my Hyung, nothing more and nothing less.”

Sunggyu finds himself nodding mutely to Minho’s words, agreeing to his argument. It sounds logical enough, Minho is also famous for his affinity for his hyung. Them hanging out together would not raise any suspicion.

“Obviously you are much more than a hyung for me,” Minho grins, his serious look slipping away from his handsome face. “You are the person I love, Hyung, and I would really be honored to have you as my boyfriend. I want to make you happy as much as you have made me. I do want to protect you, Hyung. I promise I will never let any harm come to you. I will take care of you like you’ve been taking care of me, I-”

Overwhelmed by his emotions, Sunggyu lets his action speak in place of his words. He cradles Minho’s face in his own and kisses him, pouring all his emotion as Minho immediately reacts to it and kisses back with equal amount of passion. Tears are falling from his eyes as Minho lets go of his face and pulls Sunggyu to his embrace instead, he gently lowers the elder male down to the mattress while he props himself up above him, nibbling on Sunggyu’s lower lips as he begs for entry which Sunggyu gives him with a contented sigh.

“Yes,” Sunggyu says between kisses, tugging on Minho’s hair so the boy can give him a room to breath. Minho doesn’t immediately grant him the air he very much needs, instead, he descends kiss after kiss, both chaste and passionate ones until Sunggyu feels like all breathe in his lungs have been drained away. And as much as it kills him, the kiss also revives him, he never feels so alive before.

“Yes what?” Minho asks in a low growl. His lips are barely a breadth away from Sunggyu’s tingling ones.

The want is dripping so clearly in his voice that it makes Sunggyu squirms. He never thought he will ever evoke such reaction from someone, let alone an adonis-like man such as Choi Minho. “Yes, I love you. And, yes, as long as you promise me we’ll be careful, yes. Ah, , I can’t- I don’t-”

Sunggyu is saved from his fumbling by the scalding kiss Minho bestows upon his lips once again. He lets Minho take control of the kiss, following the younger male leads as he melts into his touch as if Sunggyu is reaching his boiling point. “Does it mean,” Minho nips on his bottom lips, swooping down for another quick kiss before voicing out the rest of his question, “that you agree to be my boyfriend?”

Their lips part but their eyes meet instead. Full to the brim with love and elation, of finally being accepted and allowed to be with the man he loved, Sunggyu nods enthusiastically with smile that’s more honest than he has ever shown before. “Yes,” he says, breathless. “Yes, I agree to be your boyfriend Choi Minho.”

When Minho smiles, Sunggyu thinks he’s seeing stars so close to his eyes that he is almost blinded. He is given another kiss then Minho holds him in his arms once again before rolling their body so Sunggyu is lying atop of Minho’s warm body, looking down at the brightly shining constellation in Minho’s eyes. “Don’t be scared, Hyung,” he says softly.

“Of what?” Sunggyu asks, entranced by the stunning view being presented at him.

“I will find you, always, I promise. I will always have my eyes on you so even if you’re lost, even if you hide, I swear I will find you.”

Sunggyu remembers the night when he has to bid his idol goodbye. As distant as it feels like, it’s actually not that long time ago. Despite how much they hurt each other in that tearful night, it was the night that changed everything for them. Sunggyu will always treasure that night and wishes that Minho would do the same.

“Find me,” he whispers in voice thick with emotion. “Just look at me, because that’s what I will do to you.”

“I will, I can’t look at anyone but you afterall.” Minho plants another gentle kiss to Sunggyu’s lips, smiling so delicately that Sunggyu almost cry at the tenderness of the moment. “I don’t know what future might hold for us but right now, I have no doubt at all because it’s us, because it’s me and you.”

“Me and you, huh,” Sunggyu muses, trying to conceal his yawn behind his hand but the sleepy blinks of his eyes give out his fatigue away. “It’s so fitting isn’t it? Don’t you think I’m genius?”

Realizing that his hyung (boyfriend) is already sleepy, Minho rolls them once again so instead of lying on top of him, Sunggyu is lying on the bed beside him. He reaches around for the cover and pulls it over them until they’re covering Sunggyu’s shoulder. “Mm-hmm, of course you are. You are my prettiest and most handsome Hyung.”

Cutely, Sunggyu pouts. “Boyfriend,” then he adds, “change the prettiest with genius. I’m not pretty, I’m handsome.”

“Okay,” Minho laughs, “my most handsome and genius Sunggyu-hyung, ujuju, you are so cute like hamster when you’re sleepy.” Minho coos, kissing the tip of Sunggyu’s nose and grins wider when Sunggyu’s face bursts in bright scarlet.

“I’m sleepy,” Sunggyu groans, hiding his face in the crook of Minho’s neck. “Sing me something.”

Minho is taken aback with Sunggyu’s request but complies anyway. Most importantly, Sunggyu rarely asks him anything. “Well, this is a new song,” he begins.

“Mm-hm?”

“Consider yourself lucky, Hyung. This is for our next album, written by Jonghyun-hyung and nobody outside our production team has heard it before.”

Sunggyu is alerted by that part of information and had he been not so lethargic, he’d give more appropriate reaction (such as bolting upright and preventing Minho from singing it, because as much as he’s honored, he doesn’t think it’s fair for another fans). But when even lifting his finger is already a chore, he can only nod sleepily.

Minho smiles down at the man in his embrace. For an instance, his mind tracks back the locus of his memory to the first time he found Sunggyu; a different face in the middle of the crowd, attracting Minho’s attention that one day, he finds his eyes looking for that particular face. Remembering the lyrics of the song he’s about to sing, Minho smiles at how fitting they are. He wonders if this is part of the fate as much as his meeting with Sunggyu.

“Come on,” Sunggyu grumbles, “sing already. I can’t sleep until you do.”

With a laugh, he kisses Sunggyu apologetically, then, “okay, your majesty. As you wish, I will begin.”

“You better do,” Sunggyu mumbles sleepily.

“Well, the song goes like this…

My eyes are looking for you,

So I found you.

FIN

 

Epilogue (or not) :

“Hyung.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m always curious but…”

“What?”

“Promise me you will be honest?”

“Yeah? Okay, I promise.”

“Hehe, I love you, Hyung.”

“Yah! Out with it already, I have report to finish.”

“Okay, okay. You’re so cute when you are- Okay, fine. Here is my question.”

“You’re taking years for someone who’s supposed to be good at running, heh.”

“Does ‘Me & You’ stands for ‘Minho & Sunggyu’?”

“...”

“...”

“....”

“Hyung?”

“Don’t mention it.”

“Hyung, you are-”

“I said, don’t mention it, you brat!”

“You are blushing! Awww, you’re so cute! So it’s true, huh? It stands for Minho and Sunggyu, right?”

“Uugh, fine! It is! Are you happy now?!?”

“Very, very happy I can die now.”

“...don’t die.”

“Ujuju, Hyung will be sad if I died, huh? Don’t worry, I won’t leave my favoritest hyung-”

“If you died, no one would pay my rent anymore.”

“...”

“I’m joking, aish, stop taking everything so seriously.”

“...”

“...Minho? You’re not really mad, are-”

“I love you.”

“!!...I know.”

“Thank you for always supporting me, Hyung. I promise I will never stop trying to make you happy. Even if things get hard, I will never let you struggle alone.”

“Of course, come what may, we’ll be alright, because-”

“It’s ‘Me and You’, right?”

“....”

“Hyung, you’re blushing again~”

“S-shut up!”