Somewhere, along a carpeted corridor with grand glass fixtures and cheap replicas of artistic women paintings, Jaebum’s facing the door in a nicely furnished room, stewing quietly in his compact bubble of stress.

He’s listening to Youngjae deliver instructions to Bambam over the radio, arms folded across his chest. It wasn’t easy infiltrating even this quieter part of the brothel to set up a saferoom of sorts, and smuggling Bambam in as part of a shipment had been the only way to access the higher levels, without arousing any suspicion.

This mission’s been given every fibre of his concentration, as per every assignment Unit Seven’s received, but even now, though, the level of compromise he’s being forced to expose his team members to is grating on him uncomfortably.

Some members, though, he thinks would be able to stand a little more compromise, kind of like-…

“!”

Jaebum pinches the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb, massaging the spot wearily at the explosion into his earpiece.

“We’ve reached the location, standing by for Retrieval, Jaebum,” Mark sounds slightly queasy, no prizes for guessing why.

“They’re everywhere!”

No sane standard human male should be sounding so elated about everywhere, but then again Jaebum’s long given up on attempting to classify Jackson anywhere near sane.

“Jackson, for the hundredth time-…”

“Hyung, they’re on the ceiling!” Jackson sounds delighted. “And the walls! It’s a room full of !”

“Jackson-…” Mark’s hesitant baritone over their comlink settles some form of relief, at least, into Jaebum’s chest. “God, Jackson, don’t touch that, you don’t know where it’s been-…”

“Hey if you press this switch, they move!”

“Jackson-…”

“Be professional,” Jaebum snaps over their radio. “You’re supposed to be standing by for Retrieval, so stop screwing around and prepare!”

“Hey, get it, he said screwing around, and prepare-…”

“Jackson.”

“Fine, fine,” the younger man finally grumbles, and Jaebum sighs impatiently.

He knows why JYP had assigned this team to this mission, knows that it had been in order of omission, with their seniors currently on a much more dangerous assignment and their sister team still in the process of forming the ranks, but this doesn’t make anything much better. It isn’t an , not something they can sleep on, and not a rescue mission, so it’s not like they’ll be feeling particularly heroic about it either. It’s your clichéd “this firm is stealing my profits and I want you to get rid of it so I’ll be richer” kind of thing. And while Jaebum’s secretly glad to get rid of a brothel, especially one like this, the fact that they’re doing this for the monopolistic power of another one just robs him of every bit of satisfaction he would’ve initially gotten.

So here they are now, at the classiest brothel Jaebum has ever had the misfortune to set foot in in his life, trying to find something that’ll bust this place for good. It apparently used to be some uppity research hospital thing of some sort until it went bust due to rumours and bad publicity, and was hastily sold for a cheap price to some shady businessmen after that, leading to the birth of this hole. They have an entire level for nurse-related roleplay, according to Youngjae’s ill-gotten blueprints (and much to Jackson’s interest).

“Hey.”

Jaebum turns around, frowning at a stray pair of handcuffs hanging on the dresser top and trying to shake the nagging feeling of fear that weighs heavy in his gut, and abruptly chokes.

Each member of his team, he’s learned, has developed different ways of driving his blood pressure dangerously high. Jackson does this simply by talking. Bambam attempts to touch up his mission gear with leopard print, Yugyeom hijacks their dropship PA system to blast Chris Brown music, you get the idea.

Somehow, though, no one seems to do it as well as Unit 7’s very own deputy leader.

Jinyoung doesn’t seem to notice, straightening the creases of the sailor-fuku critically in the mirror.

“How do I look?”

“Uh-…” Jaebum scrambles for a word that sounds at least vaguely professional. Miraculously, he manages. “Convincing.”

The other man looks unconcerned, flattening the skirt against his spectacular behind, before padding over to the duffel bag on the floor, and Jaebum very pointedly looks away when he bends over to tug a bundle of cloth out.

“Fishnet or flesh coloured,” Jinyoung says critically as he straightens, untangling the bundle.

Jaebum eyes the fabric warily, staying clear on the other side of the room. “Are those stockings.”

Jinyoung finally smirks at him through the mirror as he sits comfortably on the bed, the springs bouncing and sheets bunching where his skin comes into contact with the mattress, starting to work one of the stockings up his right leg. “You know we aren’t always going to get a mission where I get to dress up.”

Jaebum makes a strangled noise, turning away to pretend to busy himself with whatever’s closest to him, which happens to be the handcuffs from earlier. He takes a step away, and picks up a map instead.

“It’s not dressing up,” he snaps. “If the mission necessitates it.”

It hadn’t been Jaebum’s idea to have him dress up like this, but Youngjae had noted after a thorough pillage of the place’s security system, along with help from Mark, who’d posed as a customer, that there were some parts of the brothel they’d need to pass that were off limits to everyone except staff. And then it’d been either Bambam or Jinyoung, and the team’s mom would literally rather dress up like a e than let their baby do it in front of all these strange men, so Jaebum supposes he should be grateful, except he isn’t. Not really.

“But it’s convincing enough that you’d want to sleep with me?”

Jaebum is fortunately (or unfortunately) saved from having to respond to that by Mark’s voice on the radio.

“Friendly reminder that the rest of us are still here.”

Jinyoung swears under his breath, while a disappointed whine resounds loudly.

“Aw, hyung! This was our one chance-…”

“Sorry Bambam, I kind of want my ears preserved too, thanks.”

“Damn, that was like, listening to a really cute romantic comedy,” Jackson sounds awed. “That or this is reminding me of a movie Mark and I watched last week.”

“You two watch softcore together?” Yugyeom’s voice has just the right amount of dry judgement, and Jaebum snaps out of it at that.

“Yugyeom, can it,” he orders, bruised. “And speaking of you, Bambam,” Jaebum tries to regain control of the conversation, turning away from the biggest distraction in the room, now pulling on knee-high leather boots, cheeks a little flushed, like the way he’s dressed isn’t begging for him to be hauled down to his knees or on his back on the nearest horizontal surface. “Have you picked up on anything yet?”

“No,” Bambam says ruefully, obviously still smarting. “Had to hide for a while so I got held up. Stop talking to me, hyung.”

Jaebum takes a deep breath. “Yugyeom? Everything good out there?”

“Yep, hyung, it’s completely clear out here, other than the usual erts here for their weekly dose of immorality.”

“That’s good,” Jaebum runs the plan through his mind once more. “Youngjae? Have you shut down power yet?”

“Yeah, it was pretty tough for simple brothel security,” Youngjae sounds mighty uncomfortable. “The main security’s cameras show the rooms, hallways and the lobby, and the service corridor where Bambam is. Shutting down power now. Leaving the emergency lights on for you guys.”

“Heh, see anything good on the cams?”

“Jackson, shut up,” Jaebum checks his watch, feeling a little sorry that Youngjae’s being subjected to this (at least he doesn’t have to go undercover too, though, the leader heaves a mental sigh of relief. Then Jaebum might really be dead). “Youngjae, keep an eye on the corridors. Bambam, move in, stick to the service hallways. Retrieval team, on standby.”

“Hyung, don’t you-…” Youngjae hesitates for a bit. “Don’t you think-…”

“Yes, you just gotta bear with the people for a while, Jae,” Jaebum says distractedly- someone’s clomping past their room, making odd noises that he doesn’t want to think too much about.

“No, hyung, this isn’t about the camera feed,” Youngjae huffs. “I’m just saying, don’t you think it’s weird that they hired the whole team on an espionage mission? It’s been mostly smooth sailing so far, I don’t get it.”

“Rookie mistake?” Yugyeom suggests, after a moment. “Either way, it’s easy money for us. I’d rather not look a gift horse in the mouth, you know?”

Jaebum hesitates. That’s true- he happened to know that the client’s frequented SM before, so they’re no stranger to the services that the three companies offer. Why would they have hired the whole team for an espionage mission?

Unless…they thought the whole team would be necessary for whatever was in store here?

He’s lost in thought on that until Bambam’s voice comes over the radio, slightly overconfident in the way he speaks when he’s trying not to show how nervous he is. “Hyung, I’m at the service elevator, in position.”

Jaebum blinks, focusing back on the situation at hand. He glances back at Jinyoung, fully dressed now, who nods. You’re on.

“Okay, let’s go through the plan again,” he says, as Jinyoung disappears out the door. “Youngjae’s deactivated the power, and when Bambam gets back out in the open and starts running and messing up, the guards will be busy trying to do damage control. That’s Jinyoung’s cue to go upstairs, where he’s going to let me in, we bug the place, Youngjae shuts it down.” he sweeps his eyes across the room as he leaves, fifty counts after Jinyoung’s left, eyes lingering over the retreating figure of the other man momentarily, before he turns and walks in the opposite direction. “Yugyeom, keep on lookout and get our escape route ready.”

Jaebum steels himself for a second, tugging on the blazer he’d been holding and taking a pleasant breath, before walking straight into the grand foyer of the place, carelessly taking a flute of complimentary champagne from a passing waiter’s tray.

He’s trying to ignore the way the hooker in (only) the leather straps and bright pink afro is looking at him from some distance away, pretending to take a sip from his glass. Jaebum has never been one for over-the-top displays of firepower and violence, but at that moment all he can think about, sourly, is how very much he’d like to blow this place to smithereens, excessive damage report paperwork be damned.

He seems to get his wish granted when something explodes above them- the chandelier trembles, tremors running deep through the ground, and a hush falls over the crowd, everyone’s heads craned curiously towards the double doors at the head of the stairs.

“Bam,” Jaebum mutters, frowning as he heads away. “Tone down on the distraction a bit, you don’t want the bouncers down here going up to get you.”

“Uh…hyung? That wasn’t me.”

Jaebum stares in the direction of the explosion, a frown creasing his forehead- a man in a top hat and suit is on the ground trying to do damage control, reassure everyone that things are fine with high unconvincing laughter.

Then something, or rather the lack thereof, suddenly occurs to Jaebum. “Retrieval team,” he says in an urgent whisper. “Retrieval team come in.”

Static silence holds for a good two seconds or so.

“Mark?” Jaebum’s voice goes a little hoarse. “Jackson? Respond, now.”

Then a muffled yell resounds through the cavernous place, and the grand double doors burst open, a body tumbling down the carpeted stairs, barely managing to regain their balance before they smash into the bannister.

Jaebum’s stomach feels like it’s turned to ice.

Mark stands unsteadily from the foot of the stops, breathing heavily through his black half mask, blood soaking into the fabric on his shoulder, eyes locked onto the thing still standing in the doorway, whatever the hell that is.

The fur-human thing seems to fill up the entire door frame with its build, thick yellow fluid dripping from various orifices, one arm and three legs gnarled and twitching, odd squeaking noises bouncing off the ceiling and walls like marbles.

It’s like something out of one of Yugyeom and Bambam’s latest sci-fi horror Xbox games. This is partly ridiculous and partly confusing and mostly terrifying, because whatever it is, it just managed to throw Mark, Mark, out a door and down a flight of stairs.

It’s clear now that this isn’t just any case of espionage, it’s something a lot uglier and a lot bigger that could pretty much wreck the entire human population, for crying out loud. And they all just got severely underpaid for this job, Jaebum is so demanding compensation from their client after this is over.

“Youngjae,” Jaebum doesn’t have to lower his voice anymore, not with the way the crowd’s started buzzing with anticipation and fear, louder than his own thoughts. “Youngjae are you seeing this?”

Youngjae doesn’t reply for a moment, probably a little overloaded from everything he’s seen tonight. “Transmitting live images to everyone now. What the heck is that even-…, it must’ve gotten loose when I cut the power to upstairs.”

A moment of silence passes as the thing starts prowling down the stairs- moving surprisingly quietly for something that big.

“Hyung, it’s getting closer to Mark, should we-…should we help?” Youngjae sounds worried. 

“Youngjae hyung,” It’s Yugyeom, now. “The hospital this was built from- what were the rumours circulating it again?”

Jaebum’s mouth goes dry as Mark stumbles down a step, torn between blowing cover to go and help, and letting Mark handle it himself. Youngjae’s voice has an unmistakeable hint of fear when he replies.

“Hybrid research.”

Just then, the tension is broken as a distinctive (but muffled) yell rings out from behind, and the thing (hybrid??) turns, only to get bowled over as Jackson, bleeding freely from a gash on his arm and donning a mask as well, fires a clean spread of bullets across what Jaebum supposes might be its face, before sinking a shoulder and elbow into it and sending it tumbling down the stairs.

Mark leaps into action at that too, doing an evasive manoeuvre along the bannister that Jaebum almost wants to congratulate him for. He catches Jackson at the last moment, swinging them both to safety higher up on the stairs.

The crowd parts quickly as the hybrid tumbles into a sticky yellow mess on the floor, still squeaking, and someone starts cheering, thinking this must be the establishment’s idea of special entertainment.

“Well,” Jaebum can hear Bambam’s shrug through the radio. “We wanted compromising evidence. Guess we got it.”

Another door higher up is blasted off its hinges- another rabbit thing stumbles through, and , there are more of them coming, and no one seems to have any basic sense of self preservation.

The leader groans, tugging off his blazer, before muttering under his breath. “I hate this stupid job.”

“Hyung?”

“Change of plans,” Jaebum snaps into the mic, pulling on a black half mask of his own. “Yugyeom, keep the evac route clear, and make sure none of those things get out of the building, understand? Jinyoung, Bambam, Jae, focus on finding out where these things came from, and sweep for evidence to bust this place later. No one get bitten or consume anything suspiciously organic or yellow, because I am so not filing a med report if someone turns into a rabbit.”

“I never thought the day would come when I would hear Jaebum ordering me not to turn into a rabbit,” Bambam mutters.

Jaebum signals sharply, catching Mark’s eye just as Jackson almost gets mauled by some bird thing blundering down the stairs, and the crowd starts shrieking excitedly as the pair leap down, joining Jaebum on the ground- bulky guards are starting to pour out of the upper levels, now, holding dart guns and nets, and the situation is so bizarre Jaebum has tell himself this isn’t a dream several times.

“Plan,” Jackson wheezes. “Our radios got busted by Furface’s goo- you’d better have something good, hyung.”

“These things are coming from upstairs. We let the guards handle things here, fight our way up to the rendezvous,” Jaebum says grimly. “The others gather evidence, then Yugyeom busts us out of here.”

“No offence,” Mark says drily, eyes on the guards, clearly divided between darting every hybrid in sight and trying to assess the danger posed by the three newcomers in the foyer. “But that’s the tiest plan you’ve come up with in a while. And Yokohama happened just last year.”

“This isn’t the time,” Jaebum hisses, firing two shots and getting a charging bird thing right between the eyes, or where its eyes are supposed to be, anyway. “To bring up Yokohama.”

“Yeah,” Yugyeom sounds vaguely annoyed. “Considering I’m not jumping off this building to take out anything that gets out. Can you guys do some damage control? There are a couple of hamster things out here wrecking someone’s Lamborghini, and I’m running out of darts.”

“Jinyoung. How long will you guys need?”

“Jae’s located the labs, he’s locked it on our maps,” Jinyoung sounds a little out of breath. “Twenty minutes, tops. Hope you remember I’m not in the best attire to climb stairs.”

Jaebum pulls out a second gun with a little more force than necessary, nudging both Jackson and Mark, eyes on the foyer ahead. “Then we contain the situation upstairs,” he grits his teeth. “Watch out for the guards, don’t do what’s more than necessary. Twenty minutes, then we’re out of here.”

Mark groans, Jackson battle-cries, and Jaebum rolls his eyes- all in the fraction of a second before they split, clearing the lobby.

a/n: hello friends, if you've seen the tiny notification bar thing at the side you'll see that thanks to tj, this au is now 8k, resulting in the split into two parts, huzzah \o/ T___T

i feel like a pancake 

hope this wasn't too cringe-worthy...? >.< it's been a blast writing this series, honestly, i haven't felt this kick in ages, but i get that a lot of people might not feel the same way XDD would really appreciate if you leave a comment if you enjoyed it too/had something else in mind...? ;A; 

also friends!! i wanted to say this in the beginning but didn't sigh pies, if you guys have a prompt idea (a certain trope, scene, storyline) do leave that in the comments as well (tho no promises cries im sorry T__T)! it doesn't have to be something big, even stuff like "an angsty jackjae moment about XXX topic" is fine too! hmu with ur got7 spy au headcanons guys, this trope needs more love ;A;

yes well thank you for reading thus far, please stay healthy and happy my friends, and eat fruits and veggies. peace. again, comments will really and truly be appreciated >.< ily guys <3333