Is life worth living? Is there no hope?

I had been on the operating table too many times. And I'm living in pain.

One time, I woke up early morning, and there was pain in my abdomen area. Maybe, it's just one of those days again, I said to myself.  I suffer from abdominal pains from time to time for different reasons, so I thought this was just one of those days. I took Ponstan 500 for it, and the pain lessen. There was discomfort, still. But after a few minutes, the pain started to intensify. I thought to myself, I don't think I should take anymore medicine.

Everyone was asleep, and I don't want to wake up my mom, in particular, who has a high blood pressure. So, I waited for a few hours,  waited for everyone to wake up, especially my mom. The pain was getting worse by the minute.

I was glad, when my mom finally woke up,I heard her door, which was across from mine and she woke early that day, too. I waited for her to be fully wake-up and waited for her to take her medicine first, she takes a 6 am medicine. But often went back to sleep after taking the medicine.

When I could not take the pain anymore, I came out of my room and walked a few steps to the stairway and sat on the stair, looked first if my mom was okay, before I told her in a calm way, I need to go to the hospital. I could not even walk 5 paces. I did not want to suprise her too much.

I'm the kind of person, who does not want to go to the hospital, and I guess mother's instict, too.

One look, that was all it took, my mom said, okay. I asked her first, mom, did you take your medicine? And she said yes. I was afraid, she might raise her blood pressure because of me. I went back to my room and lay down.

She woke up my cousins, who were living with us, and one cousin went out to find a taxi.

She changed clothes and took what money she had, for the transport fare and to pay the doctor. It was an emergency, so we did not know exactly what was wrong with me. I changed clothes, too, slowly, because I was in so much pain. They had to wait for me.

And when I had to go down, I had to stop several times just to come down from the stairs. Walking was so hard to do, I had to stop several times, I had to say 'wait' or' hold on for a moment ' and sit down. I could not stand straight at all, I was doubled over.  I had to sit several times and held my breath. It was so excruciating, I could not discribe it.  Even upon reaching the taxi, I had to stop right at the door and sit down, I could not possibly take one step to get in, to save myself.

The ride to the hospital took a few minutes, but it felt like years to me.

I'm quite used to pain, so I could take pain usually, but this was different. I did not want to groan, but I could not stop myself from groaning. It was just so painful. I keep looking at my mom, if she was alright. And I keep biting my lips to stop myself from groaning , I held on as much as possible, but it was no use, I could not stop myself, I was giving this small sound. I kept it to the minimal sound that I could possibly make. I kept holding my breath, just so I won't groan. I was worried about my mom.

Upon arriving at the hospital, we went to the emergency room, we gave the necessary information, but by that time I could not stop groaning loadly. They could not even talk to me. I could not even say my name. They had to say it for me.

Let me cut the story short, they had the tests done, and gave me and injection of a pain killer. They had called my doctor. I was going to be prep for surgery. I had  4 specialists with me at the operating room, when all was set and done.  I had only hope and a prayer that I'll survive it, but I'm alive today.

Second story, a few months ago my mom had surgery for appendectomy. Her appendix burst. Her chances was 50/50 or less, but she was made of tougher stuff to just give in. I thought, I was going to loose her.

I was praying so hard, I had only hope and a prayer,  I was crying, when they told me of the diagnosis. I did not show my mom, I was crying. I called relatives, and let them know we were at the hospital, and they came.

We did not know any doctor to the hospital we went to. But, thank God, we had the best doctors we could possibly asked for. They were assigned to us. They were the specialist of the specialist, you could say. We only knew of this after all the circumstances, of course.

One of her doctors, who cleared her, a cardiologist, even help in on one case in the emergency.

He said, he was just passing through and look in on what was happening, and saw that the patient was not breathing, the other doctors were trying to revive the patient, but were having a hard time. And he went in and step in on the case. He was able to revive the patient. He was in the operating room, when my mom was operated on, he was observing the operation and in case something happened, he was there.

These were only two stories in my life, where in, I had only hope and a prayer. I do have so many stories, where in, I had only hope and a prayer.

Is life still worth living?? My mom and I fought to stay alive. Sometimes, hope and a prayer were all we had.