i

To say Jae is nervous about the meeting the person he’s going to room with for the next year  would be slight understatement. It so nerve wrecking. It doesn’t really show on the outside, but on the inside he’s shaking. What if they don’t get along? He’ll have to live with someone he doesn’t like for several month and has no desire to whatsoever. But regardless of the thought running through his head he find himself in front of his future room, taking a deep breath and knocking. He doesn’t get a response, so he uses the key he got to open the door himself.

The room is empty, and Jae looks around, registering everything he saw to his mind. There are two beds, two cupboards and two desk, all arranged neatly and symmetrically. On the right side a big black suitcase is already laying on the bed, various items of clothing spread out. The wall is already covered with some bands posters also and photographs. there is also a heap of books on the desk.

Seeing as there is nothing else he can do until his roommate returns, he starts unpacking and folding his clothes into the cupboard on his side. He just finished hanging up the picture of his family when the doors open with a bang and his head flies up.

The person standing there isn’t exactly like what he imagined to be honest, he is imagined some nerd or some emo kid, judging by his roommate stuff. But, his roommate who are in front of him who looks like  two year or a year younger than him with dirty blonde hair colour and he is very very good looking.

“Uhm, hey, I’m Jae. Park Jaehyung .” Cursing his nervousness, he waits for a response. The other is staring at him, and if Jae hadn’t known better he would’ve thought he looked appreciative.

But before it can get some awkward, the guy shakes his head a bit and extends his and, a bright smile on his face.

“Brian.”

Jae can feel his face grow red as he shakes his hand, trying to ignore the fact that the smile make Brian looks like a ing sun.

*

It’s been two weeks since he first met his roommate, and they have been quite eventful. He has made a new friends already, and classes have started, but he doesn’t  have any homework yet, leaving him more time to get to know Brian. He found out that boy is a Business Admin major. A year younger over Jae, and has a weird obsession with taking pictures every second his breathing. Jae almost kicked Brian straight into his face when Brian pushed his camera to Jae’s face when he was lying on his bed and Brian simply just said ‘your eyes just looked really pretty. He also found out that Brian used to stay at Toronto and fluent in English. Jae is so happy when he find out that fact, since his Korean is still rusty even after two year he studying at Korea. Both of them end up using 70% English in their daily conversations.

All in all, his first two weeks have passed in a blur, and he’s in the bathroom on Sunday morning, humming a song that’s been playing on repeat on his phone recently. He strips and turn on the shower happy that no one’s here at this time and he got the good shower. Washing his hair, he starts singing, first quiet, then louder, and he turn off the water, he’s at at full volume, pouring every emotion he has into the notes. He slips into sweatpants and hoodie, gathers his stuff and pulls the curtain aside, still humming, only to stop dead in his tracks

Brian is leaning against the wall, towel hung over his shoulder. He is clearly waiting for Jae to finish, and he doesn’t know how long he has been standing there and listening to his embarrassing shower concert.

So he does the only thing logical right now, and tries to flee. Which doesn’t turn out to be a good idea, because before he can take two steps, Brian grabs his wrist.

“That was amazing. Was that OneRepublic song?”

Jae blushes. “Yeah, you know it?”

“It’s one of my favourite songs. But where did you learn to sing like that? Your voice is so good!”

Jae feels his face grow even redder at the words  “No, I’m not....” Jae smile grow wide, and he’s beaming at Brian. It’s only now, after two week of living together , that he realizes he’s taller than him, not that much but still. They are standing in the bathrooms looking at each other, stupid grins on their faces, until the door burts open and a student strides in, and they separate, and Brian disappears in the shower. Jae smiles stupidly, and there’s a little jump in his steps when he makes his way to their room.

*

It’s a week later and his desk is a mess already so he decided to clean it while his roommate’s out. While shuffling through paper piles, he finds an old sheet with words scribbled down on it, and he laughs silently when  he sees it was some song that he write three month ago, Jae picks up his guitar and end up singing the song what he wrote before. He’s so engrossed in the lyrics that he doesn’t notice the door opening and Brian is staying still on his bed.

It’s only when he turn around and see Brian smiling shyly.

“Okay, that was amazing did u write that?”

Jae smile sheepishly. “I might have written that….”

Brian eyes widen at that. “Wait, what? You wrote that ? That is so cool.Oh my god is there anything you can’t do?”

The older grins at that. “Well, I’m bad in Korean, I bad in dancing, and I’m a terrible cook-“

“oh that’s not a problem. I’m  actually really good in kitchen and dancing. Also my Korean skill is good.  Looks like I’m capable enough to cover your flaws!”

Now Jae is the one who widen his eyes. What the hell is that suppoded to mean?

Before he can asked, he swear to god that his handsome roommate, Brian Kang just winked over his shoulder on his way out.

*

Before he knows it, two months have passed and today their some of their senior invited them to their house party. But instead of being excited about the party like Brian, he already tell him that he’d pass. He’s been in a bad mood all day.

“Hey, are you okay? You looked so down today, what’s wrong?” Brian asked him, while he is getting  ready for the party.

“Nah, I’m good. Just a little bit tired for today,”

“C’mon Jae, spilled out I know you are not okay. You are usually humming to any song you are listening but you just so quiet today,”

Jae looks at Brian concerns face and amazed on how Brian notice about that. Jae sighs before he speaks.

“ I will tell you later, isn’t you have a party to attend?”

Brian nods, “Okay, but you will promised me that you will talk about it okay?”

Jae only smiles.

*

It just 10 minutes after Brian wen to the party but Jae already in a mess. He let out his frustrated feelings by punching his pillows and tearing up his song writing book before end up sobbing in his bed.

His heart is in pain

Jae just want to get out from his room, packs his stuff and went back to California or any other part of the world where he can’t find Brian anymore.

Yes, Brian.

His head and hurts a lot just thinking about Brian.

Brian Kang, or The Handsome Loser as what his minds calling him. Has been flirting with him for this whole month. He doesn’t know if Brian is really flirting with him or just being super super nice and friendly with him. Brian always with him, and keeps saying nice stuff and he even hugged him randomly and he keeps saying “I love you, Jae!”

Which is driving Jae insane, because his heart keeps fluttering everytime Brian is around and he scared if this feelings will ruin their new developed friendship and Jae doesn’t what that to happen because Brian is a nice person.

But his heart can’t obey with what his mind want.  He knows he is in love with Brian right now and the worst part is he have zero courage to talk about it with Brian. Mainly because he scared with what reaction Brian will give if he confess. What if Brian will hate him and end their friendship?  Jae getting anxious thinking about it. Jae bites his lower lips and take his jacket. He will get some fresh air. He will end up insane if he keeps thinking about Brian. But when he about to open the door of his room, he see Brian standing in front of him.

Jae furrowed his brow, “What the hell are you doing here? I thought you are-----“

“I’m worried about you.”

“Uh, o—okay but I’m okay.”

Brian sighing before  take Jae wrist. “Let’s go.”

“What? Brian stop, where you gonna take me?” Jae was surprised when Brian suddenly half dragging him and confused.

“Just follow me.” Brian tighten his grips on Jae wrist, its actually makes Jae wrist hurt a lot but since his brain cant processing what is happening right now he just stay quiet and just let Brian to dragged him to some place that only Brian and God know.

*

Brian end up dragging him to a park near their hostel building and still grabbing Jae wrist.

"Speaks," Brian said. His voice souds cold and different in Jae ears. It makes him shivers, and the cold night air is not helping at all.

" I-I'm okay,as I said before I'm okay,"

"Can you stop with the 'I'm okay act? Because for the God sake Park Jaehyung, I can sense that you are not okay and you keep avoiding me! What the hell, Jae?"

"Stop it, Brian. Stop." Jae tried to speak but suddenly his vocabulary is gone and the only word he can said is

Stop making me feel like a loser, Brian.

Brian shaking his head in disbelief. "So you gonna play this kind of game with me? Okay, Jae just do it, do what ever you want. You asking me to stop right? I will stop give a about you."

Jae looks at Brian eyes. His eyes is black, even under the dim light he can tell that Brian eyes is cold, it different from his usual warm gaze. Brian finally letting go Jae wrist and leave Jae alone at the dark and cold park. Its cold and lonely just like the way Brian looks at him.

Jae wrist is hurt and he know t

Jae’s wrist is hurt, and he know his wrist is bruising but he doesn’t know either his heart or his wrist are more in pain.

*

It is the second weeks after that night and Brian officially treating Jae like he never exist, he never talk to Jae anymore or even stay in their room except when it is a time for him to sleep. He will go out every time Jae is in their room and it’s make Jae feels helpless. He always act like he is okay and don’t care about Brian silent treatment, even though he felt empty inside.

Jae felt worthless, and alone. It seemed that he couldn’t do a right thing to fix this mess that killing him inside and Jae know that he had accidentally fallen, deeply, madly in love with Brian. All Jae wanted to do was curl up and confess all of the things that he kept bottled up. But he couldn’t and after that night. He knows it’s too late.

Jae take a look at the right side of his room wall, which is full with picture that Brian put on that wall. He realised Brian already take out some picture of Jae from his wall.

Except for one picture.

Jae can’t help to take a look at the wall closer so he get up from his bed and take look at the picture of him.

Your eyes just looked really pretty.

“Hey.”

Jae is startled from that voice, and he actually thinking that voice is coming from his imagination, because in no way Brian will said hey to him, but when he turns around he can see Brian. Standing infront of his bed, with his hand on his pockets. He looks nervous.

“Hey.”

So come over now and talk me down

Jae take a very deep breath and rubbing his nape, he always did that when he feels nervous.

“Can we talk?”

“I thought you don’t want to talk with me.” Again, with that emotionless tone. Just like the last time when both of them talked

“ Looks, I’m sorry Brian for acting like a coward, but I don’t know how to talk about it.”

Brian just stay silent, but Jae knows he is listening.

“ I just missed the old us, it’s feels so different after that night. I feel like I lost something important in my life. And this room, its not feels like a home anymore without you. It’s like a gray area.”

Brian slowly approach Jae, and now both of them literally few inches away and when their eyes meet Jae can feels at how Brian is looking at him now.

It’s warm.

Brian smile for a little before said. “ I should said sorry too, I should respect you if you are not ready to open up your problem and I shouldn’t-----“

Jae leans over and press a soft kiss to the corner of Brian’s mouth.

“I love you. This is what I was thinking about Brian. I’m n love with you and I don’t know how to said it before, but now I know. “

“Park Jaehyung, you crazy boy,” Brian sighs. Brian takes Jae cheeks in his soft hands and presses his own lips to Jae’s. Jae arms are betraying him, and wrapping themselves around Brian neck and kissed him back.

Brian is the one who pull away first. “I’m really glad that  you told me this. Really glad. Even you should told me sooner or even me should tell you sooner, because I’m desperately in love with you and everything about you."

"And I'm so glad that there is nothing bad are happening to you, I'm so worried for these past weeks" 

Jae take a look at Brian smiling  face. It’s feels perfect, and he feels like at home. It’s feel like when they first time meet each other and Jae know Brian is the one who he want to come home too.