15 November 2014

There is nothing left in my heart anymore
just an aching emptyness.

Hyomin wrote those words in her little white diary, while sitting on the bed in her dormitory room.
She sighed silently while trying to put in the paper her feelings but, not long after, she gave up. The girl didn't know anymore how and what to feel, actually she didn't even feel really alive. 

Sometimes Hyomin asks herself how she endend like this. How could she -the energy pill of the group- become so introverted, silent, sad and broken. 
How could she fall so easely for someone and make her life dependent on that person.
Hyomin had always her life in her hands, it's with her own effort and positivity that she became member of T-ara and a rolemodel for many girls around the world.  

But all changed.

It changed three years ago, when Hyomin understood that she likes girls too. It changed that night when she found herself sleeping once again with Jiyeon next to her. (Yes, both roommate often slept in the same bed, Jiyeon always said that she loved to fall asleep while hugging her Hyomin unnie and the oldest didn't oppose either since Jiyeon was like a little sister to her.) But that night, after Qri's and Eunjung's birthday party, both where a bit tipsy and, without even realizing what the two where doing, they began to kiss passionately behind the walls of their shared room and the next day both found themselves without clothes in Hyomin's bed. After the first moment of shock, Jiyeon and Hyomin decided to just forget what happened and keep it as a secret.
But things didn't go like planned, they found themselves making love once again and again. Maybe it was because they needed love, maybe it was because they trust in eachother so much, maybe it was to relief te stress, they didn't know exactly why but it felt right. 
And with every touch, every kiss and every smile of Jiyeon, Hyomin didn't see her anymore as a sister but more as a lover and was falling for her day after day a bit deeper. She tought Jiyeon was loving her back too, but she changed her mind after a talk with the younger.

Flashback 

20 September 2013

All six girls finally arrived in their dormitory after a long promoting day. While Boram was in the kitchen searching something to eat, Soyeon was in the shower, Qri was playing with her phone and Eunjung was fastly turning on the tv to watch one of the drama she was following, Jiyeon and Hyomin where already in their room, ready to go sleep. 

"Unnie, can we talk a moment?" Jiyeon said softly with her husky voice after a moment of hesitation, while sitting on her bed. 
 Hyomin was focused on reading articles about T-ara on some internet sites on her handy while lying on her bed. The husky voice of Jiyeon took Hyomin's attention and the girl turned her head away from the handy to look at the maknae.
"Huh?" Hyomin noticed the serious face of Jiyeon and sat as well on the bed. "Something wrong?" she then asked.
"No... It's just.. I'm a bit confused." Jiyeon said looking away. It made Hyomin a bit uneasy.
"Confused? What makes you like that?" Hyomin asked, standing up to sit next to the other. Jiyeon looked once again to Hyomin, she could reflect herself in those dark brown, big and beautiful eyes.
"About us unnie..! I mean, what's going on with us? Did we become friends with benefits or what?" Hyomin was taken aback from Jiyeon's words and didn't know what to say. She also didn't really know what was going on between the two, but surely she didn't think of being a 'Friend with benefits'.
"I-.. I don't know either." Hyomin mumbled with her thin voice, after a moment of silence. The two looked at eachother and the oldest was thinking that maybe this was the perfect moment to confess. She wouldn't find another moment like this to finally speak out her true feelings.
The girl opened to talk, her body was tensed and her hands where trembling slightly.
"Actually-"
"You know what unnie" Hyomin was interrupted right away and let Jiyeon talk. "I think we should just forget everythink." the words came out softly of the maknae's mouth but it stapped Hyomin right in her heart.
"Hu?" was the only cofused sound the girl managed to make come out from .
"We have to stay focused on our work. It is too complicated and I'm afraid we can damnage our group if we act like this." Jiyeon added to make things clear.
"You are.. right." Hyomin said after taking a deep breath and forcing a little smile. 
"You know, you are always been my favourite unnie." Jiyeon said, looking deeply in Hyomin's eyes. It made smile Hyomin a little more, even if she was hurting inside.
"And you my favourite maknae." Hyomin the said.
"Wait, that doesn't count. I'm the only maknae here, it's obvious that I'm your favorite." Jiyeon poutes cutely, How can Hyomin just resist at such a cute face, how can she not kiss that girl.
Hyomin leaned without thinking in and kissed the soft lips of the other, closing her eyes a second.
"Unnie, I thought you agree with what I said a few minutes ago." Jiyeon looked a bit confused, but she couldn't deny that she became a bit addicted of Hyomin's kisses.   
"It- It's just some sort of g-goodbye kiss...?..! okay?" Hyomin stuttered while trying to justify her action. Jiyeon unfolded her lips in a smile and then let out a little giggle.
"I love you unnie." the youngest then said, looking sweetly at the other.
"I love you too." Hyomin answered back and her eyes where reflecting all her love.
Jiyeon could sense the truth behind Hyomin's words, she also was saing the truth. She loved her unnie, with all her heart. 
How she wished to kiss Hyomin forever, take her out on dates, give her all the love she had inside of her and make her happy.
But Jiyeon knew that it wasn't right, it was too dangerous for the group and for themeselves. What if a scandal comes out about the two dating? It would create a real chaos. And Hyomin wouldn't have the force to contain all the pain. Jiyeon already saw her unnie broken down for the bulling scandal, it was already too much.
At the end it was better to close this story even befor it could start for real. Even if it hurted, Jiyeon always put her Hyomin unnie before everyone, and this was the best for her. 

"Let's make a promise." said Jiyeon, forcing her best smile. "Let's be sisters forever." Jiyeon lifted her little finger.
Hyomin hesitated a moment, she was now sure that Jiyeon never really felt something for her. Sisters forever huh... she tought.
The girl knew that if she makes this promes, she has to forget her feelings for Jiyeon and to move on. 
Hesitating a few seconds, Hyomin wrapped her little finger around the one of Jiyeon and said. "I promise. Sisters forever." smiling slightly even if her heart was breaking in thousenth frames.

End of flashback.

"Unnie I'm back." Jiyeon said, opening the door of her shared room with Hyomin. Her voice was tired, she just ended two long hours of photoshoot and it was already 09:25 p.m.
Hyomin jumped slightly in the air, she was still with her diary in her hands and closed it fastly putting it under the pillow of her bed. She didn't want Jiyeon to know about this diary and even more, she didn't want the young girl to read what she wrote inside. Her biggest secrets where inside of it, all her feelings and toughts. It was something really personal.

Jiyeon p.o.v.

I frowned noticind that Hyomin was hiding that little white book from me. It's not the first time that I see her hiding it fastly everytime I go inside the room but I always make as if I don't notice it. At the end it's maybe something personal from here, but I can't deny my curiousity.
 "Why did you come back so late? Wasn't you schedule going to end at 7p.m.?"  Hyomin asked making as nothing was going on, looking at me while I was taking off my black bag and leather jacket. 
"Ah, the photographer came late and he was also sooo annoying. Two hours to take two photos for an advertising."  I rolled my eyes in annoyance while sitting on my so loved bed. "and you.. what did you do today?" I asked, hoping that  Hyomin would tell me someth