When Gongchan signed up for college, he wasn’t thinking about stalking people. He was thinking more of things like partying and getting drunk and spying on slumber parties, only he wasn’t that kind of guy at all, so maybe he should’ve known better. Whichever was the case, this ‘following a fellow student around the campus’ activity wasn’t right and he knew it, but it was safe. At first, he started doing it because it gave him a feeling of purpose and helped him not to feel so lost and lonesome, but he became addicted to it when he first heard him sing.

His name was Jung Jinyoung and he was a Junior. What Gongchan liked the most about him was that he seemed a bit of a loner too; a lot of people talked to him in the halls, but he only seemed truly happy when he was walking on his own somewhere with his earphones on. One day, he had a guitar with him and even though Gongchan had class, he followed.

Jinyoung sat down by a tree thinking himself alone, and Gongchan sat nearby with a book on his lap to play pretend if he was discovered. After a few warming-up chords, Jung Jinyoung started singing.

Gongchan forgot all about being discreet and peeked a look between the bushes behind which he was hiding; he sang beautifully- hitting every note in a way that seemed effortless, and Gongchan was sure he had never heard the song, but the feeling it gave him was one of familiarity and comfort, even if it was a really sad tune.

Falling and falling and falling and falling, I look around me and there’s no one for me

Falling and falling and falling and falling. No matter where I look, I’m alone, I’m all alone now

When he was finished singing, Jinyoung looked down at the floor and sighed. When he got up to leave, Gongchan didn’t follow.

***

Jinyoung noticed the freshman one day in the cafeteria. He thought that maybe he had seen him before, but this was the first time he had really seen him. He had puppy looking eyes and beautiful tanned skin and by the end of the day Jinyoung was positive he was following him around. At first he felt paranoid, but he couldn’t do more than trust his instincts when he entered the restroom and the kid waited outside tying his shoelaces the whole time, like it was normal for someone to take that long to make a single knot. It might have been creepy if it was another person, surely, but this boy looked so lost and alone that he couldn’t help but think the whole situation was ridiculously cute. He decided that, for now at least, he was going to wait and see what would happen next.

Since he heard him singing, Gongchan couldn’t focus very well in studying. Or in doing his chores. Or in breathing. He tried not to stalk Jinyoung too much, but everytime he saw him with the guitar under his arm he just couldn’t help it. He marched zombie-like behind him.

Jinyoung had been singing the same painful song about forgetting and time passing away for days now, it seemed that it really worried him to be left being less than a mere memory fading away, and Gongchan had to fight the urges to jump out the bushes and tell him that there was no way someone could forget a person like him. He lost himself in his voice as he sang and imagined he was brave enough to talk to him.

Later, when Gongchan was alone in his dorm trying to make some sense out of his biology text book, his eyes drifted to a bunch of colorful posts-it that had been left unnoticed until now. Maybe he wasn’t brave enough to talk to him, but he could write.

When Jinyoung opened his notebook after picking some more books from the shelves, he found a bunny shaped post-it glued to his notes.

“I’ll remember you”

The handwriting was neat, almost like a girl’s, but he knew it wasn’t a girl who was behind it; he had someone else in mind. When he looked up to see if the puppy looking guy was around he couldn’t see anybody but the librarian, when he looked further, he saw that the entrance door was still moving. Jinyoung ran to look outside, but the aisle in front of him was empty.

***

It was a little cold outside and Jinyoung was about to give up and go back to his dorm that was surely warmer that this damp carpet of grass when he sensed another human being sitting down at the other side of the bushes. It had to be him, but he wasn’t going to look because he didn’t want to be obvious. He was sure that, for that kid matters, he didn’t know he was being followed.

After the library incident, Jinyoung couldn’t think straight. He found himself looking around every corner, staring at reflective surfaces, listening carefully to hear if there were footsteps behind him, all to know if the puppy kid was behind him. The puppy kid, no, Gongchan, his name was Gongchan. He found it out, he asked people, because he needed to know- it didn’t seem right not to have a name for him, not when Jinyoung just wasn’t able to take him off his mind. “I’ll remember you” Those words meant more to Jinyoung than they probably meant for Gongchan when he wrote them, he probably didn’t know what he was saying, how much Jinyoung wanted to hear that phrase, but it worked; now all his attention was on him and Jinyoung just couldn’t stop staring.

That’s why he wasn’t surprised when he started feeling weird. When he started thinking about Gongchan too frequently and when he started noticing things such as the way he walked and how he carried his books and how he hid from him when he thought he wasn’t looking. But if Gongchan was still too shy to talk to him, he wasn’t going to force him, instead, he was going to give him hints. He was going to sing for him.

If we’re together in this place, you’re more beautiful than anyone else. My dear, don’t be shy, open your heart.

Gongchan sat straighter when he realized this song was a different one from the melancholic one his hyung had been singing the past week, and then he sank again into the bushes’ branches when he paid attention to the lyrics. He was talking about things Gongchan wasn’t probably meant to hear, thing meant for another person… but they were so pretty that he had to stay. Stay and steal a little of his love as he stole a little of his company every day.

For the rest of the week, Jinyoung waited for Gongchan sitting by the same bushes, the kid didn’t follow him right away and he had to stay there pretending to warm-up his fingers until he felt his presence at the other side of the branches. They never spoke, and Jinyoung sang a different song every day, some days, when he stayed playing late, he sang the chorus more times than necessary so Gongchan could listen to it while watching the sunset.

You being slightly coy is so cute. Your pouting two lips are also very pretty
churuchuchu chuchu chu churuchuchu chuchu. I’m happy, I’m happy.

It was on Thursday when Jinyoung decided he couldn’t take any more of this, and after the sun had disappeared he ripped a page of his composing notebook and scribbled something on it, when he was done, he made a paper plane out of it and threw it away in Gongchan’s direction as he left. He started walking faster, as he could run away from what he’d just done, on the inside, though, he was glad he could behave so recklessly sometimes.

Gongchan was staring at the little paper plane’s silhouette. It was already late at night and the lights were off, the curtains were down and his eyelids were falling, but he still hasn’t reunited the courage to open that goddamned piece of paper. Finally, he fell asleep with the figure by his side.

The next morning, the piece of paper was all forgotten under the mattress.

***

Jinyoung practiced in his mind what he was going to tell Gongchan again and again, he saw him around the corners countless times and even though he hadn’t properly accepted his invitation, Jinyoung caught his eye at a given time, and Gongchan smiled at him, that was their first proper sign of human interaction. So Jinyoung supposed that it meant yes.

If only he knew in that moment how mistaken he was.

Friday came and Jinyoung left his last class earlier to have a shower and make himself look decent to see Gongchan (what for? He thought, he’d seen him enough time all tired and slovenly). At 4:50, he was sitting on the table that was closest to the window, so he could see Gongchan when he came.

But Gongchan didn’t come.

At first, Jinyoung thought he probably was just late. Fifteen minutes was rude, but maybe he had a problem and he would explain, it was all right.

But then thirty minutes passed and that wasn’t only rude but also mean, and if he didn’t want to come in the first place he could’ve said it. He could’ve just… not smiled at him in the aisle. And maybe that way Jinyoung wouldn’t be there waiting with a cup of cold coffee that he didn’t even want.

***

Gongchan was feeling all dreamy and light because he smiled at Jinyoung. And that wasn’t at all the best part, no, the best thing was that he smiled back.

And even if he hadn’t seen him around since Friday morning, he thought he could survive the rest of the weekend with just that image and the lyrics of the songs he sang in his head. Maybe, just maybe, he should talk to him. He seemed nice enough not to treat him bad even if he realized he was some weird kid.

Yes. He was going to act brave. Even if he wasn’t really.

He found him sitting on his usual spot near the bushes on Monday afternoon scribbling furiously on his notebook, his usually relaxed face darkened by a frown.

Gongchan gulped and took a step closer.

“Hi” he tried, feeling how his throat closed tighter “Can I sit here?”

“Why would you?” Jinyoung spat “Why would you want to sit now when you didn’t bother to appear last Friday?”

“I’m sorry?” this wasn’t going as Gongchan planned it at all. It was making his nervous, maybe he should just leave, his presence was obviously not pleasant to his hyung.

“Don’t play dumb” Jinyoung gave him the dirtiest look “You stood me up”

Gongchan felt like laughing “How could I? We’ve never even talked before” he wasn’t the one to defend himself, but this was plain ridiculous.

“I gave you that paper plane, with that message, and then you freaking smiled at me”

“You smiled at me first” Gongchan accused him “And I never opened the paper plane, I even lost it. How could I know?”

“How could I know that?”

“Asking?”

“Says the one who’s been stalking me for weeks and just reunited the courage to talk to me now” Jinyoung smirked.

Gongchan opened his mouth, but closed it instantly when he realized he didn’t have anything worthy to be said.

“Yes” Jinyoung continued, merciless “I’ve noticed you”

“I-“

“I guess you haven’t noticed the songs, either, have you?”

“I’ve listened to them all!” Gongchan replied too quickly. Proud.

“Stalker” Jinyoung laughed, but he didn’t seem mad, he looked rather joyful instead “Did you pay attention to the lyrics?”

“I tried not to” the youngest admitted, blushing softly “They seemed too personal”

“But you still wrote that note”

Caught. “I guess I did…”

“I sang those songs for you, Chan-ah” Jinyoung said, holding his delicate chin with his thumb. “I knew you were listening and I wanted to talk to you, so when you didn’t show up at the café, I felt really sad”

“But I didn’t” Gongchan was struggling to look him in the eyes, struggling not to look away “I didn’t know”

“Do you know what I want to do now? What I’ve wanted for this last week of watching you follow me around?”

The kid shook his head.

“This” Jinyoung said and placed a careful kiss on his dongsaeng’s lips. Gongchan opened his mouth a little, enough to give Jinyoung space to kiss him further if he wanted to. But he didn’t. Not yet.

Gongchan did.

He kissed him like he meant it, and Jinyoung followed.

“Do you often kiss strangers?” Jinyoung asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“You’re not a stranger to me”