It was already past midnight when Jongin got back to their dorm. Their schedule, for once, had not been as full as they were and it seemed like the other members had already gone to bed. It would be a luxury for all them to be in bed before the crack of dawn anyway.

He tried to tiptoe around, careful to not make any sound yet the door to his room had failed him miserably. The hinges creaked as if the whole building was going to fall apart any minute. Jongin thought of just running back out once the door opened but it was already too late. He had always been late, way before he even started. 

Kyungsoo was still wide awake, sitting in the middle of his bed, staring at the ceiling as if he could see through the roof and was watching the night sky. 

Jongin shut the door behind him making Kyungsoo's attention switch towards him. He wanted to bolt as soon as their eyes met. Jongin didn’t know why. That was what he wanted, wasn’t it? He wanted Kyungsoo to know. Hell, he even wanted Kyungsoo to be first one to find out. Jongin wanted Kyungsoo suffer as much as he had, once upon a time, when he was the one hurting. Yet the way the elder was looking at him with eyes void of emotion, orbs sparkling in the midst of the dark night, was as if telling him otherwise.

"You're home late. Have you eaten?"

Jongin eyed how his toes fiddled inside his socks. It was as if his heart was telling them to run away yet his brain was telling them no because he had had enough and running around in endless circles was way too tiring for him and his broken heart.

"Yes." He walked towards his closet, pretending to look for pajamas as he tried his hardest to ignore the clanking of the pieces of his heart inside his chest. "I went out to dinner with Soo-"

"I know." Jongin could feel Kyungsoo's gaze on the back of his head. Its warmth was seeping through his soul. "Amber told me. I saw the news too. Congratulations. I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks." His voice almost broke. 

Jongin heard Kyungsoo's body plopped on the bed followed by shuffling of blankets. Kyungsoo was already laying down, facing the other side of the room when Jongin turned to take a peek at the elder.

"I just wish you would have told me sooner though.” Kyungsoo sighed. “Or told me personally at least." 

Jongin could hear Kyungsoo's reverie fall apart with every word that came out of the elder's mouth. He thought it would make him feel satisfied or perhaps a bit triumphant but it seemed like his heart had already gone numb. 

"I didn’t think it was necessary." Jongin almost chuckled. "But don’t worry, you'll be the first one to know next time."

Jongin didn’t think there will ever be a next time.

Jongin turned to the elder once more. He regretted it almost as soon as he moved. Kyungsoo was looking straight him, eyes filled with emotions Jongin could never read. He would say it was love yet he had said that once and all he got was nothing but endless heartache.

"Do you hate me Jongin?"

"Why would I?"

"Then why are you dating Soojung?" Kyungsoo's voice broke. "I thought you said you love me."

Because Soojung is safe. Soojung will not leave. Soojung was there when I was falling apart. Soojung will not break my heart ... like you did.

"But didnt you say I can’t love you? Didn’t you say we can’t be together?" Jongin smirked. "I did what I was told, hyung. I moved on."

Kyungsoo bit his trembling lips, trying his hardest not to shed a tear.

"I just wasn’t ready back then." Kyungsoo plead.

"And now you are? Do you expect me to run back into your arms and beg you to love me back while I you senseless like I did last time?" Jongin walked towards the door, stopping just right before his hand touched the knob. It was a painful memory he had thought he had buried under the pieces of broken heart. "How convenient is that for you?"

Jongin glanced at Kyungsoo one more time before he turned the knob and pulled the door open. He was somehow thankful how loud the hinges creaked because he was scared that if he didnt, Kyungsoo would hear his heart shatter. 

What he didnt know was that Kyungsoo was just as thankful as he was. What Jongin didnt know was that Kyungsoo had just been hiding behind glittering lights accompanied by loud cheers and equally loud music. What Jongin didnt know was that Kyungsoo had loved him as much, or perhaps even more yet the elder knew that in their world, love would never be strong enough. Love would just shatter them into pieces until there was nothing left. And Kyungsoo hated how right he was as he watched Jongin disappear.

"Goodbye hyung." Jongin muttered before closing the door the second time that night. 

The living room couch looked terribly uncomfortable. He reminded himself to ask Junmyeon to switch rooms with him right before he fell asleep.