It had been twelve months today. Twelve months that you had been “dating” Lee Joon, twelve months of the most intense emotions you’d ever felt in your life. From the highest of highs to lows so deep it hurt for you to draw breath. He was like a drug you couldn’t give up, one that filled you with euphoria, making your skin hypersensitive to the slightest brush of his touch, hungry for every time his eyes met yours and his beautiful infectious smile spread across his face. One that sent you into painful withdrawals when he wasn’t around, which was all the time. Whenever you thought about him, hot shame flooded through you over the strength of your addiction to him. You were in over your head and you knew it.

As you sat at your dressing table in your lingerie carefully applying your make up, you realised yet again that it was well past time you dragged yourself out of this nightmare. Not yet though...first you had to get through tonight. It was your first anniversary, and Joon was taking you out to the most expensive restaurant in town to show you off, before you spent the rest of the night at the latest club with your entourage. You were going to need to draw upon every last bit of your considerable acting skills to get yourself through the night before you could speak to Joon privately and convince him it was over.

You knew he’d be okay with it, sure he’d argue at first but in the end he’d accept what you said. There were still things that needed to be discussed though. A story would have to be worked out and agreed upon, statements would have to be drafted up, and your respective agencies would want time to come up with the best way to break the news to the public without ruining either of your reputations. You knew your agency would lose its mind, your popularity owed just as much to your relationship with Korea’s hottest new actor as it did to your own talent and beauty. They weren’t going to be happy, but you were too important to their bottom line for them to argue with. No, telling them was going to be the easy part. The fact that you had just been cast in a Hollywood movie which would require you living in America for the next year just made it easier. There was your built in believable reason for your “relationship” ending right there.

Telling Joon though? That was going to be the hardest thing you’d ever done in your life. It should be easy...there weren’t supposed to be any emotions involved on either side, because your “relationship” wasn’t real in the first place. It was an invention of your respective companies when you starred in a movie together as lovers. The publicists thought it would be a good idea to spread the story of your onscreen relationship leaking over into real life to promote the movie, and the next thing you knew, the two of you were flavour of the month, being invited to every opening and movie premiere. It had started out fun, you and Joon enjoyed each other’s company more than you’d expected to, and you both loved the challenge of acting out your relationship well enough to fool everyone into believing in it. And god knew you both looked good together. Dressing up and going to the best restaurants, with a hot man on your arm and all eyes on you was exciting beyond belief. Of course you were madly attracted to him, any woman with a heartbeat was, but that didn’t affect anything. Your focus was on your career and your career only...men only reached your body, not your heart.

The first few months had flown past in a haze of movie premieres, good food and late nights. You didn’t have many friends, all your time and effort was spent working and networking, and Joon was the same. It didn’t take long before the two of you were best friends, spending most of your spare time together. You got used to stumbling home with Joon, the two of you supporting each other to negotiate the stairs of your building in your semi intoxicated state as he saw you home safe. Each time you’d invite him in to have a coffee and each time he’d refuse, gently pushing you inside and waiting till he heard the door lock clunk home before he called out good night and made his own way home.

Eventually there came a night that was different. You’d been out together as usual and Joon had been invited to the table of a huge director who was looking for cast members for his next big hit. They wined and dined for hours, and the director had a prodigious appetite for alcohol. Worried, you’d hovered nearby, staying at a separate table with the partners and wives of the director and his entourage, watching Joon get steadily drunker and drunker. Halfway through the night you switched to water, wanting to keep your wits about you so at least one of you was sober enough to get you both home safe. Finally the men finished drinking and departed in pairs, until only Joon was left sitting at the table, his head hanging down as he slumped over the table.

Knowing he was too drunk to get up from the table without falling over, you smirked to yourself and went over to help him to his feet. Smiling crookedly at you, Joon laughed as you struggled to get him to his feet, his arm slung over your shoulder as you supported almost his full weight. Throughout the ride home Joon stayed draped over you, his head resting heavily on your shoulder and his soju soaked breath tickling your neck as he rambled on drunkenly. When the car pulled up out the front of your building you belatedly realised you should have directed the driver to take Joon home first, and you leaned forward to give him those instructions. Joon interrupted you both, pouting and complaining that he had to see you to your door first, or he wouldn’t be a man. Besides, he added with a low chuckle, he wanted you to offer him coffee like you always did.

Shaking your head you figured you could just call him a taxi from your room later on, so with the help of the driver you dragged Joon out of the car and began struggling with him up the stairs. Reaching your apartment, you propped Joon up against the wall beside your door while you fished your keys out of your bag. Unlocking the door, you turned back to Joon and began to manhandle him in the door. As soon as you got close to the sofa, you unwound his arm from your neck and gave him a little shove to send him in the right direction. Stumbling, he lost his balance and grabbed your wrist as he fell, pulling you down to land on top of him as he measured his full length on the sofa. Making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a purr, he wrapped his arms around your waist and closing his eyes he rubbed his face against yours.

“Aah Joon, let me up” you gasped, all the breath had been knocked out of you when you landed on his hard chest.

“Umm...can’t we just stay here? It’s so comfortable and you smell so nice.” he mumbled into your hair, tightening his arms around you as you struggled to get up.

“I know...you told me already about five times. C’mon, let me up so I can make you that coffee. Either that or you’re having a cold shower, you seriously need to sober up a little.”

“Coffee...is that all you’re offering me?” he smiled lazily up at you as you pushed yourself up with your hands on his shoulders.

You frowned down at him, “Coffee or a cold shower Joon, and I’m starting to think the cold shower would be a better idea.”

Joon chuckled as he relaxed his grip around your waist, “Ok, get up before I start trying to talk you into joining me in the shower.” Rolling over on his side on the couch, he dumped you on the floor unceremoniously, smacking you on the and laughing loudly as you squawked.

“Aish Joon, cut it out you loser.” you laughed as you scrambled to your feet and hurried in to the kitchen.

Turning on the kettle you gathered your cups and began making the coffee, only to freeze when Joon came up behind you and placed his hands on the bench either side of you, trapping you between them.

“Haven’t you ever thought about it though? You and me?” he murmured in your ear, his lips barely brushing against your skin and the heady scent of the alcohol on his breath filling your nostrils. “I think we should try it out, it might make this fake relationship a bit more interesting, you know?”

Turning around in the cradle of his arms, you leant backwards over the bench as he loomed over you, his gaze roaming over your face and body.

“Jesus, how did you get in here so quickly? And so quietly?” you gasped, ignoring his question, because yeah, of course you’d thought about it, but you weren’t going to tell him that.

“Maybe I’m not as drunk as you thought.” he said quietly, smirking with one side of his mouth, “Maybe I’m just drunk enough to accept that “coffee” you keep offering me though.”

You in a deep breath of air, “Joon, I meant coffee I swear and you know it, nothing else. Don’t start this ...we’re friends. You don’t want to ruin that do you?”

“What, you don’t want me?” He looked surprised, “I could have sworn you did...anyway, who said we’ll ruin it?” he said as he leant down further, his breath tickling your throat as he edged closer and closer. “We’re both professionals, I think we can handle it without any emotions getting involved. I know you can anyway.” he growled.

Your back was flat against the bench now with nowhere else to go, and you were just about to try to slip out of his arms to the side when his words registered. “What do you mean by that Joon?”

“C’mon, everyone knows you’re the ice princess, no one can get through to your heart. They’ve all tried but all you’re interested in is the job.” his head dropped further and his tongue slid down your exposed throat to your collarbone, where he nipped you lightly before adding, “Just like me. That’s why we get along so well.”

You shuddered as a cry escaped your lips, and the sensations crackled along your skin; fever rushing along your veins, fizzing through your body like your blood had turned to champagne. Going boneless, you slithered down and ducked under Joon’s arm. You needed to get away from his dangerous mouth before he tempted you into doing something you knew would be a bad idea. You hurried to put some distance between the two of you, but even drunk as he was, he was too fast for you. His hand shot out and grabbed you around the wrist, gripping hard enough that you knew there would be bruises tomorrow. Pulling you towards him, he stood as immovable as a statue while you pushed hard at his shoulder and twisted your arm trying to pull your hand free.

Silently the two of you struggled in the middle of the room with only the sounds of your harsh breathing filling the air, until finally Joon had had enough. Twisting your arm up behind your back so you couldn’t struggle anymore, he locked his gaze with yours until you couldn’t look away. “God, I want you so much. Tell me to stop. Tell me you don’t want this. You know I wouldn’t hurt you, so tell me you don’t want this and I’ll go.”

You felt like you were drowning in his dark eyes, the bottom falling out of your world as you spiralled down into a pit of wanting. Desperate to stop this while you still could, you opened your mouth to tell him to stop but the lie wouldn’t come out.

Joon’s face darkened and his voice was rough as he backed you up against the wall and pressed himself hard against you. “Tell me you don’t want this!” You could feel the heat of his skin and his heart thumping hard through the fabric of his shirt and the thin satin of your dress. Your insides felt like they were melting, heat pooling between your thighs. Shaking your head from side to side, you tried to speak, but all that you could do was breathe his name. He moved his head forward and leant his forehead against yours, “Tell me you don’t want me.” he whispered, his soft lips moving against yours as he spoke into your open mouth, and you were lost.

The next morning the sound of Joon softly singing as he dressed woke you. You rolled over on your side, your white sheets tangled around your bare legs as you watched him pull his white singlet over his head. As if he felt your gaze, he turned around to see you looking at him, an enigmatic expression on your face as you watched.

Smiling a greeting at you, he walked back over to the bed and climbed back on it, laying down next to you to gaze into your eyes. “See, I told you this wouldn’t ruin anything. No emotions involved, just like I said.” He reached out to smooth your bangs out of your eyes, and you felt your heart cracking in two. “We’re professionals right?”

Solemnly you gazed back at him, and this time you managed to force the lie out, “Right Joon. Professionals...we just mixed our business with pleasure this one time.”

Rolling you on to your back, Joon hovered over you, “Not just this one time, that was too good to never do again.” he smiled down at you cheekily, “Ever heard of friends with benefits? That’s us. We get along too well to let a little thing like ruin it.” He leant down and nuzzled your nose with his before dropping a swift kiss on your forehead and pushing himself back up off the bed.

“I’ll see you later, I’ve got an audition to go to. We’ve got that restaurant opening tonight, you want me to come pick you up about 9?”

You nodded silently and watched as Joon finished dressing and left your apartment. The door banged shut behind him and you fell back against the bed, feeling the quiet emptiness closing in around you.

Sternly forcing the tears away, you finished your make up and turned to check the time. Joon would be by to pick you up in about half an hour, so you only had a little bit of time left to finish dressing and putting on your jewellery. The thought of seeing him again so soon instantly set your body on fire and your heart racing. You had been sleeping with Joon regularly ever since that night, and every time you did you fell deeper in love with him. A love you knew he didn’t return and would reject if you shared it. He hadn’t changed, if anything he was more focused on his career than ever before. You had thought that with time you’d be able to get him out of your system and go back to your comfortable relationship with him...treating the like a pleasant pastime just as he did. When you were alone, you were sure your heart would be able to resist him the next time and you convinced yourself of it over and over.

But then you’d see him, and he’d smile at you, or do something as insignificant as brush a finger up the sensitive skin on the inside of your arm, and your defenses crumbled, shattering the walls you’d carefully built up to protect your heart.

The strain of it all was beginning to tell on you, and two months ago you had finally come to the realisation that you had to get out now, before you broke and confessed to him. He was your best friend, and he knew you inside and out...all of your secrets except for this, your biggest one. You didn’t want to lose him as a friend and you knew that would happen if you were stupid enough to let him know that you’d let your emotions get involved.

You knew that he was starting to suspect something too, a month earlier, not long after you’d decided that you would have to end this all, you were laying in bed together and he’d asked you whether you were still happy with their arrangement. You’d panicked...you weren’t ready to end it just yet, so you’d just smiled your enigmatic smile and told him again that you were a professional, and not to worry about you, your emotions were under lock and key. He’d gone quiet and watched you silently for so long that you’d gotten uncomfortable and made up a story that you had a headache and asked him to go home. He’d left quietly without giving you his usual hard kiss and wink on his way out the door.

Walking swiftly into the kitchen you made yourself a glass of neat scotch and poured it straight down your throat for the courage it would give you. Hissing, you felt the burning liquid travel down your throat and in to your empty stomach, sending fingers of warmth radiating throughout your body. Gathering up all your strength you prepared yourself for the night ahead. By the end of it, you were determined that this fake relationship which was ruining your life would be over.

Joon’s POV

Joon took a deep breath as he parked in front of her building. Looking up at her window, he could see a faint strip of light showing through the heavy block out curtains, and he knew she was up there, calmly getting ready for their night out. His entire body tensed as he thought about what he was about to do. He knew she wasn’t going to like it, but he couldn’t go on the way they had been any longer.

She had changed lately, her smile wasn’t as quick to come to her lips, and it never reached her eyes anymore. He knew she was getting tired of their arrangement, but he didn’t want it to end, not now, not like this. He had hoped when they first began fake dating that she would eventually begin to care for him as something more than a friend, but she had never shown any sign of it. Every time he’d try and get a little closer she’d freeze up and scared of pushing her away with his affection, he’d backpedal and find a way to bring up their professional no emotions involved arrangement, hoping that would reassure her. These past months though, he’d found it harder and harder to pretend. He could feel her pulling away, and the thought of not being with her, not being able to hold her, was like a chill running through his body. A month earlier he’d almost broken, laying in bed with her he was so filled with the scent of her, how right it felt to lay here with her, just their hands linked underneath the blankets as they stared into each other’s eyes, he’d asked her straight out if she was still happy with things the way they were. It felt like love to him, but she’d smiled and told him her heart wasn’t involved, then rushed him out of the apartment with a bull excuse about a headache.

Frowning he turned the tiny ring box over in his hand before closing his fist around it. His heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest, and he wasn’t sure whether he would have the courage to go through with it. He knew she didn’t feel the same way about him as he did about her, but maybe he could convince her that taking their relationship to the next level would be good for their careers. Either way, he knew he couldn’t go on another day without confessing to her. Whether he managed to swap it for a real one, or get thrown out on his , he was determined that by the end of the night this fake relationship that was ruining his life was going to be over.