Taekwoon met Hakyeon on a Friday.

            A Friday night, to be exact, in a nightclub packed to the corners with tipsy bodies and pulsing EDM. Jaehwan and Wonshik had pushed him through the door, insisting that he needed to try it just once. Taekwoon’s protests were lost in the pounding bass, but it didn’t really matter because the exact same protests half an hour before had fallen on similarly deaf ears. Jaehwan pushed him into the nearest booth, Wonshik went to buy him a drink, and Taekwoon only scowled.

            “Drink this,” Wonshik ordered, setting the glass on the table.

            The scowl remained in place. “What is it?”

            “Does it matter?”

            “You know I’m picky about my alcohol.”

            Wonshik folded his arms. “This is why we never take you anywhere.”

            Taekwoon sighed and downed the glass in one swallow. He spluttered and choked, wiping at his mouth with the back of a hand. “That’s disgusting.” He pushed the glass away.

            Jaehwan laughed and took a swig from his own glass. “No one drinks alcohol for the taste, Taekwoonie. You drink it for the effect.”

            “That’s stupid.” Taekwoon shook his head. “I don’t want to get drunk. I don’t even want to be here. Can I go home?”

            “No.” Wonshik sat next to him, effectively trapping him against the wall. Taekwoon considered crawling under the table to make his escape. It must have shown on his face because Jaehwan raised an eyebrow at him and shook his head.

            The song must have changed – all EDM sounded the same to Taekwoon, so he couldn’t really tell – because Wonshik stood and threw his hands into the air. “I love this song!” He crowed, grabbing Jaehwan’s wrist and pulling him to the dance floor.

            Taekwoon recognized his window of opportunity and didn’t hesitate to take it. He was almost out of the booth – and ready to make a run for it – when a voice sounded behind him.

            “Hey, do you wanna dance?”

            It was a male’s voice, and Taekwoon paused while his mind sorted through every possible plan: he could continue walking and pretend he hadn’t heard anything, or he could turn around, spit out a quick “no”, and then continue walking until his escape was complete. Was it normal for guys to dance with other guys at nightclubs? Would a simple “no” suffice, or was Taekwoon obligated to elaborate? At this point, he had been frozen in place for a solid ten seconds and felt like an absolute idiot. He drew in a breath and turned to face the speaker.

            He was staring at Taekwoon with an amused smile on his lips. His blonde hair nearly fell into his eyes, which were dark and ringed with a delicate touch of liner. Taekwoon thought he looked too fragile to be here, with his slender build and soft features. But then again, what did Taekwoon know about nightclub-goers?

            “S-sorry,” he mumbled. “I don’t really--”

            “Swing that way?” The boy raised his eyebrows.

            “Dance,” Taekwoon finished, feeling his face grow hot.

            The boy laughed, a whole-hearted laugh that showed all of his teeth and turned his eyes into crescents. “Can I buy you a drink at least?”

            “Um.” Taekwoon threw a glance over his shoulder, where Jaehwan and Wonshik could be seen dancing a little too closely. If he ran for the door now, they would probably never notice. If he stayed for a drink, they would never let him leave. “Actually, I uh… I have to go. Sorry.”

            The boy blinked and opened his mouth to say something, but Taekwoon turned and bolted through the door before he could hear what it was.

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            Taekwoon ran into Hakyeon on a Wednesday.

            Quite literally, too, while he was searching in his backpack for his incessantly ringing cellphone. One second the sidewalk in front of him was clear – save for a handful of pigeons – and the next second he was slamming face-first into another human being. He cursed and stumbled backward, his backpack slipping to the concrete as his phone continued to ring.

            The person reached out to steady him, and Taekwoon was surprised to see those dark eyes, without the liner this time, and that windswept blonde hair. Judging by his expression, the boy was just as surprised as Taekwoon.

            “Are you okay?” His voice had a soft quality to it that Taekwoon hadn’t been able to hear in the nightclub. It seemed fitting; a perfect match for his delicate features.

            Taekwoon nodded and grabbed his backpack from the ground. He remembered running from the boy at the club, and the tiniest bit of guilt was still rooted in his chest. He mumbled a quick “sorry” and slung his bag over one shoulder.

            “It’s not your fault.” The boy was smiling, though Taekwoon couldn’t imagine why. “I should have paid more attention to where I was going.”

            “Cha Hakyeon, I swear to god--” It was Wonshik’s voice, and Taekwoon was beginning to wonder how many times he could be surprised in one day. He turned to see him striding up the sidewalk toward them with a coffee clutched in his hands. “Taekwoon, what the hell are you doing here?”

            Taekwoon looked back and forth between them: Wonshik’s eyebrows were raised in surprise, and the boy – who must have been Hakyeon – was still smiling.

            “Taekwoon and I just happened to run into each other.” Hakyeon waved a hand vaguely. The way he said his name made it sound as if they had known each other for ages, and Taekwoon frowned.

            “I was on my way home,” he mumbled, glancing at Wonshik. “What are you doing here?”

            Wonshik’s eyebrows rose even higher. “Do you know each other?” He used his coffee cup to gesture between the two of them, completely ignoring Taekwoon’s question.

            “We met at the club the other day.” Hakyeon shrugged lightly.

            Taekwoon scowled. “I don’t think ‘met’ is the right word.”

            Hakyeon grinned again and Taekwoon found it unnerving that he was always smiling. “Taekwoon’s right; we would have met properly if he hadn’t ran away from me before I could even buy him a drink.”

            Taekwoon sighed. Jaehwan and Wonshik had pestered him all weekend about his sudden departure from the nightclub, and they had only just stopped mentioning it.

            “You were there and you didn’t even say hi to me and Jaehwan?” Wonshik made an annoyed sound in the back of his throat. “We could have introduced you to Taekwoon if that’s what you wanted.”

            “Well he looked pretty uncomfortable,” Hakyeon quipped. “He wasn’t even hanging out with you guys. I thought a dance and a drink might make him feel a little better, but he doesn’t dance, apparently.”

            “Can you please stop talking about me like I’m not here,” Taekwoon muttered. His face was growing hot at being the center of attention, and all he wanted was to go home.

            “Right,” Wonshik said, leveling a glare in Hakyeon’s direction. “You were supposed to be in that café twenty minutes ago. I have been sitting in there with this stupid coffee since like three, waiting for you to show up. I’m tired of you being late to everything.”

            “And I’m tired of you nagging because I’m late to everything.” Hakyeon stuck out his tongue. “We’ve been friends for four years; aren’t you used to me showing up late?”

            “Surprisingly, no,” Wonshik retorted.

            Hakyeon only laughed and grabbed Wonshik’s wrist, pulling him toward the coffee shop. “Taekwoon, come have coffee with us!” He tugged on Wonshik’s arm. “It’s okay if I invite Taekwoon, right?”

            Taekwoon stood in the center of the sidewalk and stared after their retreating backs. At that moment, he was quite sure that the world existed solely to screw him over. Wonshik – one of the few friends he had who was determined to involve him in absolutely everything – was friends with Hakyeon, the strange and rather obnoxious boy who also seemed determined to involve Taekwoon in absolutely everything. All Taekwoon wanted was to go home. He hoisted his backpack higher up on his shoulder and turned to leave.

            “I’ll buy you a coffee.” Hakyeon’s voice was laced with amusement. “Or are you going to run away from me every time I offer to buy you a drink?”

            Taekwoon closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose. He didn’t want to pass up free coffee, but Wonshik and Hakyeon seemed like an energy-draining combination. He turned again to see Hakyeon smiling at him from farther down the sidewalk, his fingers still wrapped around Wonshik’s wrist. Taekwoon raised an eyebrow, but Wonshik only shrugged. With a resigned sigh, Taekwoon shuffled forward and followed them through the coffee shop door.

            Hakyeon and Wonshik had apparently made plans to discuss a homework assignment, which made Taekwoon wonder why he had been invited to come along. According to Hakyeon, the two didn’t actually have any classes together, but Wonshik was positively hopeless when it came to phonology and had to beg on his hands and knees until Hakyeon, the God of Linguistics, agreed to help him. Wonshik insisted that Hakyeon was exaggerating that last bit, but Hakyeon only shook his head and made shushing sounds until he stopped talking.

            After an hour of struggling, erasing, rewriting, and complaining, Wonshik packed up his bag and headed for the door. Taekwoon grabbed his empty coffee cup and made to follow him, but Hakyeon’s hand on his sleeve froze him in place.

            “Can’t you stay for a little bit?” He was looking up at Taekwoon with a hopeful smile. “I feel bad for inviting you when all we did was talk about homework. You didn’t even get to say anything.”

            “I’d prefer to keep it that way.” The words had already left his mouth before Taekwoon realized they sounded rather rude. He frowned and tried to backpedal. “What I mean is, I don’t really need to say anything. I prefer silence most of the time.”

            Hakyeon tilted his head. “How come?”

            “Um.” Taekwoon sat back down and kept his gaze on the floor. “I don’t know. I guess it just seems stupid to waste time and energy talking about things that don’t matter.”

            “So are you saying that most people spend their time talking about things that don’t matter?” Hakyeon’s tone seemed laced with a genuine curiosity that confused Taekwoon. He merely shrugged in response.

            “Then let’s talk about things that do matter.” Hakyeon grinned. “I can buy you another coffee if you want.”

            Taekwoon had never known that such insistent people existed, and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. He felt it would be rude to leave, but did he really want to stay? Hakyeon rested his chin in his hand and looked up at him.

            Taekwoon bit his lip and folded his hands together in his lap. “One more latte and I’ll stay.”

            Hakyeon’s smile was bright as he went to the counter to order another drink.

            Taekwoon was on his way home three hours later with a feeling in his chest that he couldn’t explain. It could have been the caffeine, it could have been the way Hakyeon smiled at him, or it could have been the way they had talked freely and openly for three straight hours that felt like minutes. Hakyeon was so easy to talk to, and that made Taekwoon feel strange. Whether it was a good strange or a bad strange, he still wasn’t sure.

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            Hakyeon messaged him on a Monday, asking to meet again.

            Taekwoon’s first instinct was to decline, but that same strange feeling led him to agree and ask for a time and date. Maybe the ease he felt around Hakyeon was destined to be fleeting, but he figured he might as well make the most of it while it lasted.

            They met at the beach the next day. Hakyeon’s hair was tousled from the wind and his smile was brighter than the sun and Taekwoon thought he looked nice, though he never would have said so.

            “Walk with me, Taekwoon.” Hakyeon linked their arms together and headed down the sidewalk. A brisk breeze always blew in from the water, and it tangled his hair even more as they walked. His hair looked brighter here, Taekwoon thought, like the sun itself had lent its color to the strands. Everything about him was bright, and Taekwoon wondered why. Taekwoon wondered a lot of things about Hakyeon.

            “You’re staring at me.” Hakyeon’s tone was light and airy. “Is there something on my face?”

            Taekwoon turned his face away and shook his head. He tried to pull his arm away as well, but Hakyeon tugged on his sleeve and refused to let go.

            “Are you trying to leave already?”

            Taekwoon frowned and glanced over at him. “No, I just don’t understand why you want me here.”

            Hakyeon blinked. “Why wouldn’t I want you here? We get along well, don’t you think?”

            “But why?” Taekwoon’s voice was small. “We met not too long ago. Why is it already so easy to talk to you?” It had sounded better in his head, and Taekwoon kept his gaze locked on his shoes. He prayed that Hakyeon couldn’t see the blush that was creeping up his face.

            “Does there have to be a reason? Sometimes people just click, you know?”

            Taekwoon opened his mouth to respond, but closed it again when he realized he had nothing to say.

            “What are you blushing for?” Hakyeon reached over to poke Taekwoon’s cheek, laughing as Taekwoon squirmed and turned his face away. “How cute.”

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            Taekwoon realized he was in love on a Sunday.

            It had been two months since he had first met Hakyeon at the nightclub, and their relationship had a strange dynamic that no one could explain. Jaehwan was convinced they had been a married couple in a past life. Wonshik was just annoyed that Hakyeon spent more time with Taekwoon than he did with him and Jaehwan.

            Taekwoon pondered this as he sat next to Hakyeon on the sofa. There was a movie on the television screen – they watched movies together every Sunday – but Taekwoon wasn’t paying much attention. Wonshik had said something to him the day before, and it kept slipping into the front of Taekwoon’s mind, like a moth drawn to a light source.

            “There’s something weird about you two,” Wonshik observed, using a straw to jostle the ice cubes in his glass of lemonade. He had been silent for several minutes while Taekwoon ate, so the sudden topic of conversation had Taekwoon blinking in confusion.

            “What two? What’s weird?”

            “You and Hakyeon.” Wonshik’s eyebrows lowered. “What’s going on between you guys, anyway? Something you aren’t telling me?”

            “What are you talking about?” Taekwoon put his sandwich down. “What’s weird about us?”

            “You’ve known him for two months, and you guys are already closer than we are, and I’ve been friends with him for four years. I’ve never seen him act like this around anyone. It’s weird.”

            Taekwoon could only shrug, but his stomach twisted and his chest felt funny. He thought it was a little weird, too, but it was impossible for him to put it into words. It was almost as if their souls had known each other in another time, another place, but he couldn’t say that without people jumping to all sorts of conclusions.

            “So are you dating, or what?” Wonshik laid his palms flat against the table and eyed Taekwoon with his eyebrows raised. “Neither of you have said anything, and I hate being kept in the dark. Aren’t we friends?”

            Taekwoon coughed and felt the blood rush to his face. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Wonshik had come to that conclusion, but the mere thought of it made him breathless and nervous. “We’re not dating.”

            Wonshik kept his eyebrows raised and nodded slowly. “Uh-huh. Whatever you say.”

            Taekwoon let out a soft sigh and pressed his back farther into the couch. He needed a word for their relationship, some sort of explanation he could use when people questioned them. But he hated lengthy, unnecessary explanations. He and Hakyeon just fit together, like puzzle pieces. Why did he need to explain that?

            “Something wrong, Taekwoonie?” Hakyeon rested his head on Taekwoon’s shoulder, something he often did when they watched movies together like this. Taekwoon thought about saying no and turning his attention back to the TV screen, but Hakyeon knew him better than anyone and could see through each and every lie like they were made of cellophane.

            “Wonshik thinks we’re dating,” he said with a frown.

            Hakyeon laughed. “I know. He asked me about it, too.”

            Taekwoon leaned back to look at him. “What did you tell him?”

            “No, of course.” Hakyeon glanced up at him, eyes bright. “Unless you wanted me to tell him that we are dating. But really, it would’ve worked better if you had asked me on a date first.”

            Taekwoon blushed and shook his head. “No, I was just wondering because when I told him that we aren’t dating, he didn’t seem to believe me.”

            “He didn’t believe me, either. That must be why he asked you.” Hakyeon reached up to brush a stray bit of hair away from Taekwoon’s eyes. “Does it matter?”

            Taekwoon bit his lip. “No, I guess it doesn’t.”

            Hakyeon wrapped both arms around one of Taekwoon’s and returned his focus to the screen. The room was quiet for several minutes before he spoke again. “There’s actually something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

            Taekwoon felt his stomach turn to water. No good conversation started off that way. He cleared his throat. “What is it?”

            Hakyeon kept his head on Taekwoon’s shoulder and absently drew designs on the back of Taekwoon’s hand with his fingertips. “So, you know how my birthday is coming up soon?”

            Taekwoon nodded.

            “Well.” Hakyeon let out a breathy laugh that sounded far from amused. “My parents decided to let me choose my present this year. Apparently turning twenty-three and finishing your undergrad studies is a big deal or something.”

            Taekwoon couldn’t see where this was going. “Yes, and?”

            Hakyeon sighed. “They offered to send me to grad school in America. They’d pay for everything; it’d be an incredible opportunity…” His voice trailed off.

            “What’s the other option?” Taekwoon felt like something was stuck in his throat.

            “Grad school in Seoul, which is good too, really. I mean, it’s only a few hours from here…” His voice grew quiet, and Taekwoon leaned forward in an attempt to see his expression. Hakyeon ducked his head and let out a breath.

            “Hey, look at me,” Taekwoon said softly. Hakyeon shook his head and Taekwoon’s chest felt tight. He never acted like this. Taekwoon reached forward to place his index finger under Hakyeon’s chin, gently turning his head until their eyes met. “Why are you telling me this? Just choose the option that you want the most.”

            “That’s the problem, Taekwoon.” Hakyeon’s voice was almost a whisper, and he refused to meet his eyes. “I don’t really want either of them.”

            Taekwoon frowned. “Why not? You can’t just give up that opportunity--”

            “I want to stay with you, you idiot.” His voice was strained, and for a few seconds Taekwoon thought he had heard him incorrectly. He blinked, frozen in place, as his stomach turned to knots.

            “You what?” He whispered.

            “I want to stay with you, did you not hear me the first time?” Hakyeon’s voice was louder now, and edged with sharp annoyance. His eyes found Taekwoon’s, and there was a brightness trapped behind them that Taekwoon had never seen before. “Either way, I’m going to have to leave you, and either way it’s going to . I don’t like the thought of being away from you.” He frowned, and it was disconcerting – seeing such a dark expression on someone as bright as the sun. “Doesn’t it bother you at all? Or is this totally one-sided, and I’m an idiot for even thinking it?”

            Taekwoon shook his head and grasped for words: something – anything – to explain to Hakyeon that the thought of being away from him made his chest ache and his stomach hurt. But he had never been good with words, and everything he wanted to say evaded him like shadows fading in the morning sun. He could see tears gathering along Hakyeon’s lashes, and something inside him broke into a thousand pieces.

            “I guess it was stupid of me,” Hakyeon choked out. He stood and grabbed his bag from its hook by the door, pulling on his shoes and leaving the apartment without looking back.

            Taekwoon sat in the same place for two hours and wasn’t surprised when he cried.

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            Taekwoon let all his defenses down on a Tuesday.

            They hadn’t spoken since Sunday, though Taekwoon had tried time and again to get ahold of him. It hurt, knowing that Hakyeon was in pain because of Taekwoon’s inability to verbalize his feelings. He liked to think that he had come to terms with those feelings over the past few days, but in all honesty the idea of being in love terrified him. He had never felt such a strong attachment, and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with it.

            He had spent all day Monday trying to come up with acceptable confession speeches, practicing them in front of the bathroom mirror like a speaker the day before a press conference. He always ended up a blushing, stuttering mess and eventually decided to stop trying.

            When anxiety woke him up early on Tuesday, he reached for his phone reflexively and tried to call Hakyeon again. No answer, which wasn’t surprising but still hurt regardless. It was Hakyeon’s birthday, and Taekwoon couldn’t let him make his final decision like this. He could still decide to leave the country – Taekwoon couldn’t stop him either way, and wouldn’t try to – but letting him jump into the decision completely blind to Taekwoon’s feelings was something Taekwoon could never forgive himself for.

            He finished his daily routine mechanically, brushing his teeth and pulling on an outfit without giving any conscious thought to either of them. He was heading down the stairs and toward the bus stop when he realized he had no idea what he was going to say. He was on the bus to Hakyeon’s apartment when the anxiety set in again, and he was standing in front of the apartment door when the anxiety was eclipsed by fear. Hakyeon had admitted that he felt some sort of attachment, but Taekwoon had spent hours convincing himself that it wasn’t the same attachment he was feeling. The material that built up a bond of friendship wasn’t nearly the same as that which built a bond of love, and Taekwoon knew that. But he also knew that if he tried to play off his feelings as simple friendship, Hakyeon would see through him instantly, like he always did.

            He drew in a shaky breath and knocked. His stomach twisted into knots after three minutes passed without an answer. He rang the doorbell. Nothing. He ran a hand through his hair and tried not to let his frustration get the best of him. The longer he waited, the more anxious he became, and he was sure that by the end of the day he would be sick from the stress of it.

            Taekwoon pulled his phone from his back pocket and highlighted Wonshik’s name. It rang once, twice, three times. Taekwoon was about to throw the phone against the wall when Wonshik’s voice finally drifted through the speaker.

            “Yeah?” It was a frustratingly casual greeting.

            Taekwoon exhaled slowly. “Do you know where Hakyeon is?”

            A pause. “Uh…”

            “Don’t lie to me, Kim Wonshik. I’m serious. I’ve been trying to get ahold of him for days and I just took the bus to his god damn apartment and he isn’t here. Or maybe he is here, and he’s just ignoring me, I don’t know--”

            “Jesus, calm down. He’s right here but” – there was a crackle of static as Wonshik sighed – “he says he doesn’t want to talk to you.”

            Taekwoon had been expecting that, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. “I’m sure he doesn’t, but… I have something to tell him.” He could hear muffled speaking as Wonshik relayed the message.

            “He says you can just tell me, and then I’ll tell him.” There was a sharp bite of annoyance in Wonshik’s tone, but Taekwoon couldn’t tell where it stemmed from.

            Taekwoon shook his head, but then remembered that Wonshik couldn’t see him. “I need to tell him in person. Can you just… Just tell him to meet me at my place. At like… six? Yeah. My place. At six.” That gave him a few hours to piece together his composure and come up with a half-decent explanation for why he was acting like this.

            “I can tell him, but I can’t guarantee that he’ll--”

            “Please.” Taekwoon didn’t stop to think about how pitiful he sounded. “Tell him that I said please, and that it’s important.” He hung up before Wonshik could say anything else. The anxiety set in full-force when he realized that he had no idea where this was going.

            He took the bus back home, though the ride seemed twice as long as it had the first time. His apartment building loomed tall, blocking out the sun and casting him into cool shade. He could barely make out the plants of the rooftop garden, dark black specks against the searing sky. It struck him that it must be peaceful up there, with plants as your only company and the entire city laid out at your feet. He could use a bit of peace.

            He shuffled into the rickety elevator and pressed the button for the uppermost level. He frowned when it let him out on the eighth floor instead of taking him all the way to the roof. He pushed open the small door labeled “sky garden” in peeling letters and padded up the metal staircase.

            It was hot – hotter than he had been expecting – and the sun was almost painfully bright. He thought about how Hakyeon would look up here, all sunshine-y smiles and golden hair. The picture made his chest hurt and he wanted to scream and cry all at the same time.

            He sat in the nearest chair and tried to think of other things. The garden really was beautiful, with wrought iron tables and trees in white pots. The glass wall encircling the roof’s perimeter didn’t make Taekwoon feel very safe, but the silence and seclusion were enough to make up for it. His chest still felt tight, and there were a dozen voices arguing in his head, but his surroundings were quiet and he figured he couldn’t really ask for much more.

            He sat there long enough to watch the sun trace its path across the sky, and by then he had a plan, albeit a haphazard one. It was barely after 5:30, which wasn’t enough time at all but he tried his best to pretend like it was. Taking the elevator back down, he dashed across the street to the bakery on the corner before realizing he had no idea what kind of cake Hakyeon even liked. He frowned at the display case, as if it alone was the source of all his anxiety.

            He shuffled back to his apartment building ten minutes later with some fruit-and-cream thing that had seemed like the best option. Choosing a cake flavor was rather low on his current list of worries, but every decision had anxiety wrapping around his neck like a noose. He went back to the roof, placed the cake box on a table, and prayed to each and every deity that a curious bystander wouldn’t snatch it while he was gone. He checked his phone. 6:03. He fought back the rising nausea and headed for the elevator.

            Hakyeon was already at Taekwoon’s door, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He raised an eyebrow when he saw Taekwoon leaving the elevator.

            “You know,” he started, not meeting Taekwoon’s gaze. “When Wonshik said you had something to tell me, I thought it would be ‘happy birthday’ or something. But apparently it’s more important than that.” He eyed Taekwoon then, but his expression was neutral. “Out of all the people out there who could forget my birthday, I never thought it would be you.”

            The hostility in his voice made Taekwoon stop. “Forget your birthday? Hakyeon, I called you this morning; you’re the one who didn’t pick up the phone. I even called Wonshik so I could find you, I went all the way to your apartment--”

            Hakyeon’s gaze was fixed on his shoes, and Taekwoon thought for a brief instant that he wasn’t listening.

            “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for nearly two days, actually, and you’ve completely ignored me.” Taekwoon felt guilty for the sharp edge his words carried, but anger came to overshadow his anxiety and he couldn’t help it.

            “Well you can’t say it wasn’t justified.” Hakyeon’s voice was smaller now, all the hostility gone.

            The guilt increased tenfold. “What do you mean?”

            “If you don’t care about me like I care about you, what’s the point? It doesn’t even matter if I go halfway across the world to study; I’ll be the only one upset, won’t I? If you don’t want me to stay, just say so! I won’t keep hanging on to you like an idiot; it just makes me feel worse.”

            Taekwoon was sure that his feet had been nailed to the ground, and the pain in his chest threatened to steal his words again. He had known that Hakyeon would have come to that conclusion, but hearing him say it felt a dozen times worse than he could have imagined. The anxiety was back and he feared he might cry. “Hakyeon, you don’t- you don’t understand…”

            “Don’t give me that, Taekwoon. I don’t want to hear it--”

            Before he could lose his nerve completely, Taekwoon grabbed Hakyeon’s wrist and pulled him to the elevator. It was supposed to be a final boost to Taekwoon’s confidence, but the long elevator ride dispelled it like air from a popped balloon. Hakyeon frowned and pulled his wrist from Taekwoon’s grasp.

            When the doors opened, Taekwoon headed up the stairs to the roof and only hoped that Hakyeon would follow. The sun had moved to the far edge of the sky, and the buildings of the city stood in stark contrast to the orange hue creeping across the horizon. It was lovely, but the nausea prevented Taekwoon from fully enjoying it.

            “Taekwoon?” Hakyeon was on the final step, brows furrowed and voice laced with confusion.

            Taekwoon sighed and gestured toward a table in the corner, where the cake box sat untouched. “I got this for you.” He tugged open the lid and pulled out the cake, feeling completely and utterly ridiculous. It had seemed like a good idea an hour ago, but Hakyeon was staring at him with a perplexed expression and he didn’t know what to say. He watched as Hakyeon made his way to the table.

            “Um.” Taekwoon swallowed. “Happy birthday.”

            Hakyeon blinked and glanced over at him. “Is… Is this really what you brought me here for? You couldn’t have said that over the phone? I thought it was important?”  

            Taekwoon’s heart was in his throat now. He had planned out a rough speech – better than the ones he had practiced in front of the bathroom mirror – but his nerves stole every word and he couldn’t get them back. He curled his fingers inward to stop their shaking.

            “Thank you,” he managed to whisper.

            “For what?” Hakyeon’s voice was too loud, something that always happened when his patience was wearing thin.

            “For being here.” Taekwoon’s voice was still whisper-soft. For being born, he wanted to say. For being in my life. But god, it sounded cheesy and ridiculous and he could feel his face heating up at the mere thought of saying it. He drew in a breath. “For… for being by my side, and for understanding me…”

            Hakyeon was quiet, and Taekwoon wished he knew why.

            “And I know” – Taekwoon exhaled – “I know that… I hurt you… and honestly, it could happen again because I’m awful with words, but--” Taekwoon’s voice broke and he bit his lip. “God, this is even harder than I thought it would be…” He sank into the chair next to the table and put his head in his hands. “I don’t want to see you hurt, Hakyeon, okay? I don’t want to hurt you. I never meant to. And all I can do is try- try and be better, try to express myself more--”

            “Taekwoon…” It was barely a whisper.

            Taekwoon shook his head. “I’ll start now by telling you everything that’s on my mind. I’m only gonna say it once, so- so listen carefully, okay?” He took Hakyeon’s silence as agreement and prayed that he could make it through without throwing up. “I-I’m thankful… that you were born, and that you came into my life when you did. And… and I’m glad you’re by my side because I need you.” His voice broke and he cursed internally. His face was hot and he had been staring at the same table leg the entire time. “You’re my everything, really, and I don’t want you to leave. I can’t stand the thought of you leaving.” His voice wavered and he could feel the tears, hot on his cheeks, and he couldn’t believe he was crying. He felt vulnerable and small and the tiniest bit afraid, and it was embarrassing.

            And then Hakyeon’s hands were on his face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs, and Taekwoon saw that he was crying, too. Hakyeon had crouched down so that they were at the same level, and he was staring at Taekwoon through his tears, and the colors of the sunset were tangled in his hair and reflected in his eyes and Taekwoon didn’t know what to do.

            “I’m sorry,” Taekwoon choked out after several seconds.

            “You have nothing to apologize for, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon whispered.

            Taekwoon shook his head and brushed Hakyeon’s tears away with the tips of his fingers. “I’m sorry I never said anything before this. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you- when you needed to hear it, I couldn’t tell you that- that I love you.” Taekwoon thought it would be a relief to say it, to admit it, but his chest still hurt and his breath still caught in his throat. “I’m so in love with you it hurts.”

            Hakyeon was smiling, and then he was laughing – short, breathy laughs that mixed with his tears. “Taekwoon, I love you, too. There aren’t enough words to express how much.”

            Taekwoon nearly choked on his own breath, and he could feel more tears building and rising, but Hakyeon’s hands were in his hair, carding through it gently as he made soft shushing noises and told him not to cry.

            “You’re crying, too,” Taekwoon whispered. He wanted to pull him close, to bury his face in his neck and wrap his arms around him and hold him there until he knew for certain he would never leave. His heart stuttered at the thought, so he contented himself with simply wrapping his arms around Hakyeon’s neck.

            Hakyeon’s hand was on his cheek again, and Taekwoon almost felt uncomfortable with how intently he was staring. A dark blue was pushing against the fire on the horizon as the sun dipped lower and lower, but there was a brightness in Hakyeon’s eyes that didn’t dim. Taekwoon felt a little dizzy and had to remind himself to breathe.

            Hakyeon was closer now, close enough that Taekwoon could feel his breath against his lips. It was terribly distracting, and Taekwoon couldn’t remember what he had been thinking about. Seconds stretched into minutes.

            “Can I…?” Hakyeon breathed, leaning closer. His hands had moved into Taekwoon’s hair and Taekwoon thought he might pass out.

            He managed to stutter out a quick “y-yes” before their lips met. It was soft and gentle – Hakyeon’s hands were light in his hair and moved to travel down his jawline with feather-light touches, as if Taekwoon might break. Taekwoon was definitely dizzy now.

            He tilted his head to deepen the kiss without any conscious thought of doing so. Hakyeon’s hands stilled in surprise. Taekwoon threaded his fingers through Hakyeon’s hair to hide the fact that they were shaking. His entire body felt hot. And he knew then that he couldn’t stand the thought of this being temporary. Even the thought of Hakyeon being hours away from him caused him to tighten his fingers in Hakyeon’s hair. He pulled back enough to whisper a soft “please don’t leave me” against the other’s lips. Hakyeon blinked in surprise, his gaze unfocused.

            “I’m not leaving you, Taekwoon,” he whispered back.

            “What did you tell your parents?”

            Hakyeon’s laugh was soft. “Nothing yet.” He pressed his lips against Taekwoon’s again. “But I’m not going. I won’t go anywhere without you.”

            The knot of anxiety in Taekwoon’s chest dissolved, and he let out a shaky breath. He let his hands slide from Hakyeon’s hair and moved to grab his wrists instead, pulling him up gently as he stood. He wrapped his arms around him then, burying his face in Hakyeon’s neck and clinging to the fabric of his shirt. Hakyeon’s arms were warm around him, and he was sure he had never felt so comfortable.

            “We should eat the cake you bought,” Hakyeon murmured against Taekwoon’s hair.

            Taekwoon shook his head. “It’ll be there later. I want to stay like this.”

            Hakyeon laughed again, as soft and gentle as the breeze on a lazy summer day. “Okay, Taekwoon. We can stay like this.”

            And even if that singular moment stretched across several lifetimes, Taekwoon knew it would be more than enough.

      this was not originally supposed to be this long...

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