That kid, who seat beside the window, is always look at outside the windows. She doesn’t have a seatmate and friends, I think. I never see her talk to others. Who is she? She’s one of my students. I’m a new transfer teacher in here, this is my first month. That kid already caught my eyes since my first day. She’s too cold.

            She never ask, just speak when I ask her. The other teachers didn’t surprise about her act. She was a transfer student on second grade. Since her first day, she always cold likes that. She didn’t care about others. The way I see her is like something bothering her. That’s way I asked her to see me after the class end. I’m her homeroom teacher after all.

            “Miss.” Her suddenly voice surprises me. She’s standing in front of my desk with red headphone is hanging in her neck.

            “You’re here. I need to talk with you,” say me with my serious tone.

            “Okay.” And she just answers like that.

            “Sit first, Hongyok.”

            She nod and sit at the chair in front of me. She looks at me with her usual look, her flat face.

            “Why you’re always looked outside of the windows?” ask me.

            “Because the class is so boring,” answer her. I don’t know she’s telling the truth or not.

            “Boring? Hongyok, you need to pay attention more while you’re in the class. You’re already in third grade now, you won’t go to uni?”

            “I don’t know. Is it important to go to uni?”

            My eyes are like going to pop out hearing her answer is really surprising me. She’s alone and not has any dreams. It’s so heartbreaking.

            “If you’re not going to uni, what will you do then?” ask me again.

            “I don’t know.” She shrugs. “Sleep, maybe.”

            “Seriously, Hongyok. Do you have a dream?”

            “I was, but not now.”

            “Why?”

            She looks at her wristwatch. “Sorry, Miss, I need to go now. If you have anything important to talk, better talk now. I dislike chit chat.”

            This kid seriously has no manner. How can she say that to me, her teacher? So, in her eyes, my questions before aren’t important?

            “Okay, you can go.”

            “Miss, you don’t have tried to look care to me. My life isn’t your business. Good evening, Miss.”

            I’m so speechless hear her words. Miss Fern who sits beside me, her desk beside my desk, is hearing my conversation with Hongyok.

            “She’s always like that to all teachers here. So, don’t be so offended and just let her be like she wants,” says Miss Fern.

            Can’t a teacher care to her student? The more I’m thinking the more I feel she’s lonely and hurt inside. I don’t know what’s happen to her before, but I’m sure she’s hurt.

***

            It is nine and I’m hungry. Thankfully, not far from my house, there is a fast food restaurant. I can just walk there. No queue at the counter, so, I can order without waiting.

            “Good evening. Eat here or take away?”

            The world is so small. Hongyok is standing behind the counter with the restaurants’ uniform. We’re both surprised.

            “What you’re doing, Hongyok?” ask me.

            “Work, Miss. So, can I take your order now?”

            “U—uh, yeah. Hmm… I want one spicy chicken, one rice, one cream soup, and one iced lemon tea.”

            She repeats my order and preparing them. I look at her while she’s working. An 18^th year’s old girl is already works at the fast food restaurant make me wondering why her parents let her do this. When I was 18^th, I busy enjoyed my youth and the other side, she works.

            “Why you’re working?” ask me while paying.

            “So, I have money,” answer Hongyok.

            “Your parents let you do this?”

            “This is your order, Miss.” I know she’s trying to shoo me. This kid is really hard to approach. Because there’s a few people behind me without I realize, I back off while bring my order.

***

            When lunch time, she always dissapear, not in the canteen. I can’t find her and no one knows too. Most of the students don’t know who is Hongyok. Seems like she totally stay away from any relationship.

            I find a door to the rooftop when searching Hongyok. I just know that this school has rooftop. It’s cool because I like school that has it. And she’s there, sit in the bench while eating her lunch. I know her secret place now. I smirk and walk toward her. The red headphone is shut her ears. She raises her head then eating again, act like it’s nothing if I know her secret place.

            “Why you’re eating here alone?” ask me then take a sit beside her.

            “Because I like it.”

            “Why you aren’t going to the canteen? You don’t have any friend?”

            “Why I need a friend when I can do all things alone?” She answers my question with a question. I think she were has problems with her friends.

            “Nope, you can’t do all things alone.”

            “Yes, I can.”

            “Why you—”

            “Miss, I think I told you before that my life isn’t your business.” She cuts me! This kid, seriously. “If you curious with my life, its waste your time and you’ll regret it. So, I warn you again, don’t you ever asking about my life, again. I hate when someone try to look care to me.” She’s looking my eyes sharply.

            She stands and leaving me behind. Akh! Why I have a student like her? This is so frustrating. I just wanna help her. Why she doesn’t understand what I mean?

***

            This is her third day not attending school and no one knows why she’s absent. That’s why I’m here now, in front of her apartment. No bell, then I’ll knock it. After, I don’t know how many times I’ knocking it, the door is open. Hongyok is standing there with her pale face, wearing pajamas, and messy hair.

            “Why you’re here?” asks her, seems looks annoy see me.

            “You won’t let me in first?”

            She turns her body and walking in. I’m following her after close the door. Her apartment is smaller than mine. One room, one toilet, a small kitchen, and a room for all: watch television, also for dining room, and sometimes for living room. She’s leaning on the sofa then closes her eyes.

            “You sick?” my right hand touch her forehead, but she slaps it. Her eyes is pop out, seems angry. “I’m just worrying, okay. Why you’re angry because of that?”

            “You want me to tell you a big secret of me, Miss?” I’m sure she smirks. Something is suspicious, but I still ask it. Well, I’m curious.

            “What is it?”

            “I’m into girls. So, if you won’t me to like you, you better stay away like I told you before.”

            It’s shocking me, but I don’t know whether she’s telling the truth of not. Her face looks serious. I don’t know how to react if it’s truth.

            “You’re lying, right?” I need to make sure.

            She stands and it makes our gap just one span. Reflex, I back off, but one step backward for me, she’ll following with one step toward me, until I can’t step backward again. My back is touches the wall. She’s taller than me, so, she needs to bow to make our eyes is equal.

            “I’m not lying, Miss,” answers her. Her face is coming closer to me.

            My heart is beating so fast. I don’t know what she’ll do. Closer and closer, I can feel her breath in my face. Before her lips touches mine, she stops.

            “You know, Miss,” whisper her. “I can kiss you right now is I want.”

            My sense is back and I push her body away. She’s laughing awkwardly. For me, it’s sound awkward. She forces to laugh.

            “So, you better listen to my words, Miss. Some people say that something like this can infect others. Stay away, Miss, stay away. I’m not a human, but an alien. Just think that I don’t exist. Please, go ho—uhuk, uhuk.” She’s coughing really hard and from what I see, I know she’s in pain now.

            It’s so sad to watch a young girl has some much pain inside her body and heart. She touches her chest and she’s breathing loudly. I’m coming toward her.

            “Have you gone to hospital, Hongyok?”

            “None of your business.” She’s saying in colder tone than before. She’s sitting on the sofa again. “Just go, Miss.”

            “Shut up, just rest in your room. I’ll make you a porridge,” reply me while walk toward the kitchen.

            After a few minutes, the porridge is ready and I bring it to Hongyoks’ room. She’s closing her eyes. So, I put down the porridge on top of the small desk beside the bed. I touch her forehead again, she’s too hot for a human. I back to the kitchen, get a bowl, then pouring water inside it. I also get my handkerchief out of my bag then compress Hongyoks’ forehead with it.

            “You need to eat. Open your mouth.” Hongyok won’t open . “I’ll leave once you finish eat. So, stop being stubborn and just eat.”

            Good thing she listens to my words and really finishes the porridge. Still with her eyes closes, she says something.

            “Leave. Stay away from me. I may be like you if you’re keeping being like this. Don’t pity me. I’m a disgusting creature. So, just hate me. It’s better for me.”

            “In the kitchen, there’s porridge more, eat it and get some rest. Don’t think too much. You’re my student, that’s why I need to take care of you.”

            “You’re not my parents, just teacher. Don’t try to look cool with playing a nice teacher, even my parents never care about me. I no need anybody, include you. You’re bothering me. So, I’m begging you, Miss Aom, stay away from me. Just leave me alone.”

***

            That night, my head full of Hongyoks’ words. This is my first time have a student like her. But to be honest, this isn’t my first time meet someone like her, a girl like girl, I mean. I was met them. Since elementary to junior high school I was attending girls’ school. Because there’s no boy at all, we were so used and no weird if we fall in love with some girls, including me.

            Yeah, I was falling to a girl. She’s my best friend at junior high school. I like her just because I was spending most of my time with her. But our relationship wasn’t smooth. We’re just together as a couple for two months because I found she kissed another girl. But just that my history with a girl, no more. I never think to fall in love with a girl again, even I don’t know if it was love or just like.

***

            The next morning, I see Hongyok sits in her chair. She isn’t looking out the window this time, she’s scribbling on her book, but I don’t know what it is. When time break, I go to the rooftop and find her there. As always, eat her lunch alone. I sit beside her and give her a pear.

            “How’s your condition?” I touch her forehead. She’s staring at me sharply, but I don’t care. She isn’t as hot as before. “Were you going to see a doctor, Hongyok?”

            “Why you never listen to my warning, Miss?”

            “I just wanna be friend with you.”

            “We’re student and teacher, never be friend. I think you forget that I don’t need friend.”

            “Why you’re so hard to get close to people?” ask me. I’m curious with her reason.

            “Because I won’t hurt if I alone.”

            “You won’t hurt if you’re alone? What a silly talk. It’s hurting you more if you’re alone.”

            “I like being alone.”

            “I’ll be your friend.”

            “No need.”

            “Yes, you need.”

            “Why you so stubborn, Miss?” she looks annoy.

            “Why you so stubborn too, Hongyok?” reply me and its make her annoy more.

            “Whatever.” She stands up the leaving me alone again. She also throws away a pear from me to the garbage can. Does she really hate me?

***

            After that day, I always have a lunch with her at the rooftop. We’re still arguing and then she’ll leave me behind. But somehow, I feel she’s closer to me now.

            “Miss Aom!” A girl student from my class is disturbing my concentration, checking the assignments of my students. “Hurry, Miss! The new girl is fighting with the boys in the class.” Her face is red, maybe because she runs to here, teachers’ office. The new girl she means is Hongyok.

            I run to class with full of thoughts. Why Hongyok fights with boys? This is making me worries. In the class, I see Hongyok is fighting with 2 boys from my class too.

            “STOP!” shout me. Hongyok and the boys stop fighting. The boys’ looks scare, but Hongyok isn’t scare at all. “You three, follow me.”

            I walk back to the teachers’ office. They’re following me behind. I sit on my chair, stares them one by one.

            “Who was starting the fight?” ask me serious and a bit angry.

            “She was, Miss. Suddenly she punched me, I didn’t do anything to her. Maybe she hold grudge to me, Miss.” Mario is trying to explain the situation. His face is a mess. It’s seems Hongyok punched him hard.

            I put my eyes on Hongyok. “Why you punched him?”

            “I dislike him,” answer Hongyok.

            “Why you dislike him?” ask me again. It doesn’t make sense if she punched him just because she dislikes him. Even more, why she dislikes him? As long as I knew, she doesn’t know anyone nor have friends in this school.

            “Because he’s ugly.” Hongyoks’ answer makes Mario angry.

            “Who’s talking here? You think you’re pretty, huh?!” says Mario. He’s gonna punch Hongyok, but Sunny hold him.

            “Seems like my punch isn’t hard before.” Hongyok is glaring at Mario and that makes Mario becomes quiet.

            “And why you punched her, Sunny?” ask me to Sunny, Mario’s friend.

            “Because she punched Mario, Miss,” answers Sunny who standing between Hongyok and Mario.

            “Hongyok, Sunny, and Mario, each of you get detention. I want all of you make a song, anything. You can’t copy paste another song, I’ll know if you do it. I’ll give you a week and you’ll perform it in front of the class.” When Mario about to protest, I cut him. “No protest or I’ll give you another detention harder than this.”

            “Okay, Miss,” says Sunny.

            “If you get it, you can go, but you need to go to the clinic to treat your wounds.”

            Sunny and Mario are nodding. “Okay, Miss,” says them together then goes out from the teachers’ office.

            “You too need to treat your wounds in the clinic,” say me to Hongyok.

            She’s nodding. “Okay, Miss.”

***

            I see Hongyok again in the fast food restaurant near my apartment. Her apartment is far from here. So, why she’s working here?

            “Why you’re working here?” ask me when she’s finish preparing my order.

            “Because it’s far from the school.”

            “Have you treated your wounds?”

            “Yes, I have and if you’re finish, you can go, Miss, because people are waiting behind you.”

            “Huh! Okay, okay.” I show that her words make me sullen, but she doesn’t look guilty.

            I sit not far from the counter. When I about to eat, someone approach me. I don’t know that person is, but seems like that person know me.

            “Aom? Aom Sushar?” She’s a woman. I thought she was a man because she has a short hair, wearing black shirt, and black jeans also her chest is flat.

            “I’m sorry, but who are you?” ask me feel guilty because can’t recognize her.

            “Tina. I’m Tina,” answers her with a bright smile.

            My eyes pop out. “No way. That Tina?”

            “Yes, that Tina. Can I sit here?”

            “Yes, you can. Oh my God, you become so different now. I can hardly recognize you.”

            She’s laughing. “Yeah, I know.”

            Do you remember my ex-girl? That was Tina. She was has a black long hair and looked so feminine. That’s why I can’t recognize her at first. It’s been years since we were broke up. After broke up, I was mad at her for years, but not now.

            “So, how are you, Aom? Who’s your lover now?”

            “I’m fine like you see, Tina, and I don’t have a lover now.”

            She looks at me with suspicious look. “No way Aom is a single. You’re pretty and how can you be a single?”

            “Stop teasing me. I’m not pretty because if I am, I’ll have a lover now.”

            She’s laughing again. “Wanna go back to me?”

            “And gonna see you kisses another girl again? No, thanks, Tina.”

            “Yeah, I was a jerk, right? I’m sorry, Aom. I was a fool, did that—”

            Tina stops her talk because suddenly Hongyok come and put her jacket on my body.

            “Your shirt is showing everything, Miss. So, you need to cover it,” whisper Hongyok on my left ear.

            “Seriously?” I’m a bit shock. “Okay, thank you, Hongyok.” I smile at her. She just nods then goes back to the counter.

            “Who is she?” asks Tina curious. “Is she your girlfriend?”

            “Ha-ha. Of course, she isn’t. She’s my student.”

            “Really?” Tina looks doesn’t sure with my answer. “Why she gives you her jacket? I think she like you, Aom.”

            “Nope, Tina. She just wanna save me from embarrassment. She said that my shirt is too thin.”

            Tina looks at my shirt. “Yeah, it’s too thin, she’s right.” She’s nodding. “Anyway, I’m sorry for what I did before to you, Aom. I was hurt you and ruined our friendship.”

            “I already forgive you years ago. Just don’t do that again to anyone who loves you.”

            “I won’t, Aom. To be honest, I think I get karma a few days ago. My girlfriend was cheating on me. I saw her hugged and kissed another girl. On that time, the first time that I thought was, ‘Ah, so, this is what Aom felt years ago’. I don’t know before how hurt it is.”

            “Ah… so, you just realized it a few days ago, huh?”

            “Yeah, sorry, Aom, replies Tina, guilty.

            “Never mind, I forgive you already. So, you’re single too now? Just married with any man.” I’m teasing her.

            “Hahahaha…. You’re sounding like my mom. She wants me to get married as soon as possible. She doesn’t even know that I have no appetite to the men. How about you? When you’ll get married? You’re old enough.”

            “I’m just 22, Tina,” protest me. “I still want to enjoy my youth.

            We’re still talking until I realize that my wristwatch showing 10.30 pm. When I look at the counter, Hongyok isn’t there. Is she already going home?

            “Tina, it’s getting late. I think we need to go home. I need to work tomorrow morning.”

            “Ah, right. Sorry, Aom. No meet you for hmm… 8 or 9 years? Whatever, makes me forget the time. We can be friends again, right?”

            “Of course, Tina.” I stand up and she too.

            “Where’s your home? I can drop you off,” asks Tina while we’re walking to the outside of the restaurant.

            In the parking lot, I see Hongyok is smoking and a fixed gear bicycle beside her. I don’t know she smokes. She sees me too and locks her eyes on me. What’s that kid doing there, instead of going home?

            “Aom, c’mon, let me drop you off,” says Tina again.

            “No need, Tina. My house is just 5 minutes from here. You can go first.”

            “Really? Well, if you say so. Then, I’ll get going.” She gets in to her car, a white city car. She turns on the engine. “Bye, Aom. See you next time.”

            “Bye, Tina,” reply me with a smile.

            I walk toward Hongyok who still smoking. I take her cigarette and throw it away. She looks angry when I do that.

            “What you’re doing?” protest her. “That’s my cigarette.”

            “That’s the point. Since when you’re smoking? I can give you another detention because of this. Smoking isn’t good for your health. Its kill you slowly.”

            “It’s good then because I’m scared to do something that kills me instantly.”

            Another surprise from her and I hate it. “Don’t talk like that. Respect your life—”

            “Even when life isn’t respecting me?” She cuts me with a bitter tone. “Whatever. You won’t go home?”

            “Of course, I am. Why you’re here? Your shift is already done? You’re waiting someone?”

            “I’m waiting my jacket.” Her answers make me remember about her jacket that still on my body.

            “Ah, sorry. I forget.” I’m ready to take it off.

            “Not now. Take it off when you’re already home.”

            “Ah, right, okay.” I start walking to my house. She’s following me while bring her bicycle.

            “You just use bicycle from here to your house? It’s too far, Hongyok.”

            “But I like it.”

            “Tsk! These kid really something. You’re so stubborn and expressionless.”

            “You’re annoying because always ask questions to me. Also doesn’t care others feeling. I told you before, like couple of times, stay away from me, but you still coming to me. You know, Miss, I like older women than younger ones.”

            “So, you like me?” ask me, just want to actually.

            “What if I am?” she questions me back.

            “No problem. I can’t stop someone to like me, it’s your right after all.” I stop my step in front of my apartments’ fence. “My house is in 2^nd floor, number 202. You need to come with me.”

            “Why?”

            “Your wounds need to be treating.”

            “I already was.”

            “You need to clean it twice a day. Come on, park your bike.”

            In the end, she’s following me behind. I take out a key from my bag and open my doors’ apartment. When I walk in, she’s still following me behind. I give her a signal to sit on the sofa and wait there while I bring my first kid aid in the kitchen. I take off her jacket and put in on the sofa then sit beside her. I make her face toward me and treating her wounds on her face.

            “Done.” Her wounds aren’t much. Seems like she can fight. “Why you punched him? I want your honest answer.”

            “I—I told you that I hate him.” I don’t know why I feel she’s acting weird now. Her eyes aren’t at me, but looking straight to the door.

            “Why you hate him?”

            “Why you always wanna know?”

            “Why you aren’t looking at me?” I feel annoy when someone talking to me, but not looking at me.

            “Who was the guy before?” Instead of answering me, she still questioning me back.

            A bit unexpected she’ll ask that. “Why you’re curious? Jealous?”

            “And if I say yes?” She looks at me for seconds, and then turns her head again.

            “You like me for real?”

            “If I say yes?” She turns her head again to stare at me. She seems serious, but for seconds, she changes the direction of her eyes then she’s becoming awkward. “I need to go.” She stands up and wears her jacket.

            “What’s happen? Why you’re acting so weird?”

            “I—I’m not.” Her eyes are avoiding me again.

            “Why you’re avoiding me?” I’m trying to touch her shoulder, but she slaps my hand.

            “Miss, it’s really better if I’m going now. Good night.” And before I can hold her, she runs from my apartment. I don’t know why she’s like that. Well, I always can’t figure out what she’s thinking and feels inside. So mysterious yet cute sometimes.

***

            It’s been a week since I gave detention to Hongyok, Sunny, and Mario. Today is the day they’ll sing their songs. They can use any instruments. Sunny is the first who singing. His song is about his parents who passed away two years ago. He’s success bring the sadness with his song. Mario is the second, but he’s fails because he uses a song that already exists. So, he needs to make it again in 3 days.

            Its Hongyok turns now. She brings out her acoustic guitar and sits on the chair which is setting on the center of the class. I don’t know she can play guitar. She were always bring harmonica and just played doremi tone. Always said she can’t play other than that and didn’t have another instruments, but now she’s bringing an acoustic guitar. I feel exciting to know well she’ll gonna be.

            She’s starting to plucking her guitar then singing. Her voice is so good I think. Her song is about love.

            “I’m sorry…

            I’m sorry, but I love you,” sings Hongyok. “From the moment, I heard your voice,

            From the moment, you’re smiling,

            Ohh… I’m sorry, I love you…

            Your eyes, your lips, your neck

            Make me nervous.

            I’m sorry, baby, to love you….”

            I can feel her sincerity from her lyric. She’s really full of surprises. I don’t know why she’s hiding this talent. She’s so awesome. I give her a high point and I think not just me that amazed with her performance, but everyone in this class. Some people can’t even blink their eyes because disbelief seeing classmate who feels like stranger, performing so awesome likes that.

            On lunch time, I’m looking for her at the rooftop, but she isn’t there. I search everywhere, but can’t find her. Well, I forget to tell that she’s been avoiding me since she came to my apartment that night. I don’t know why she did this.

            She also avoids me when I come to her workplace. She’s switching with her friend when I’m about to order. So, I can’t talk to her, even just one second.

            Why you’re avoiding me?

            I message her while eating my night snack.

            Hongyok who stands behind the counter, no customer, take her phone from the pocket then staring at me. Without reply to my message, she put her phone back to the pocket. Suddenly, I feel angry because she’s so mean.

            Come to my house after work. If not, I’ll make you out from the school.

            I message her again.

            Hongyok reads it without reply again. I’m glaring at her and she’s looking at me expressionless. Like it’s nothing to her. Well, of course, I can’t make her out because I need to have a good reason to make her out, but her rank and points are always good. Whatever, hope she’ll be afraid with my warning.

***

            My clock already showing 11.00 pm and Hongyok isn’t come yet. Does she not believe my warning? Does she that clever? My eyes are focus on the television, but my mind feels uneasy because Hongyok isn’t there yet. She always makes me curious about her.

            Tok! Tok!

            Finally she’s coming. A bright smile is showing at my face. I run to the door and open it. Hongyok, with her flat face, is standing in front of me.

            “What is it, Miss?” asks her. “Can we do this quickly? Because I’m so tired tonight.”

            “Come in first.”

            She sighs, but still come in. She’s looking at me impatiently while crosses her arms in front of her chest. I sit on the sofa.

            “Why you’re avoiding me?”

            “Is this what you’re gonna talk about? Just because of this, you’ll make me out from the school? Unbelievable. Listen, Miss, I don’t know why I need to answer that. Remember, Miss, I’m not your friend, but I’m your student and you’re my teacher. I won’t become your friend. Why? Because I can’t.

            “Why I can’t? Because I love you, so much. I’m not kidding. Why I’m avoiding you when I love you? Because it’ll be more hurting when you know my feeling and then you feel disgust with me. You know the feel when someone you love look at you with disgust? I bet you won’t. Avoid you is the best way for us: we won’t hurting each other. I won’t make you like me, you’re straight and I won’t change that.

            “And that song, I was making it while thinking of you. Yes, it’s for you. It’s no good for me if we often together because your presence itself make my heart flutter, especially now. You’re showing your body too much: your neck, your chest, and your thighs. I become nervous if you’re showing your body too much.

            “About my parents, they were divorced because my dad like hit my mom. My mom made me out from the house when her new boyfriend was going to abuse me. So, they never care with me.

            “Why I punched Mario? Because he was talked about your body. He imagined ert things with you. I hate to hear that. So, I punched him, but Sunny helped him and punched me back. So, I punched him too.         

            “I’m really sorry, Miss, that I love you, but I’ll be okay if you aren’t disturb me. I’m really begging you, Miss, stay away from me. Don’t try to be friendly. I won’t surprise if you feel disgusting toward me. It’s okay for me, no need to pity me.

            “Ah, you look good with the guy from before. Any questions, Miss? I bet you won’t. Well, good night and goodbye, Miss. I hope we won’t disturb each other again.”

            “That guy is a woman,” I become speechless. I think she already answer all my questions. “and she’s my ex.”

            “What?” she looks surprise. “Your ex is a woman?”

            “One of them, yeah. She was my girlfriend when I was in junior high school. So, I don’t know who I am, a straight or a bi.”

            She looks confuse with my confession. “Can’t I be friend with you? Is it really hard for you to be with me? I’m sorry, Hongyok, that I give you a hard time. For now, I won’t disturb you again.”

            “O—Okay.” She just replying like that and then she left me. When I see her back, seems like she has another thought in her mind. I don’t know why this moment hurt my left chest so much. Then without realizing, tears are coming down to my cheeks. I’m trying to stop it, but it can’t.

***

            She really acts like nothing happened between us. I also not disturb her again. She even changes her workplace. We back to be stranger to each other. Or, we never are more than strangers before? Then she graduates and leaves the school. Just like that. We never talk again.

***

            It’s been 4,5 years after Hongyoks graduates. Sometimes I hope that I’ll see her again in the fast food restaurant near my house. But she’s never there again. To be honest, I miss her so much.

            Rooftop becomes my favorite place in the school. I always eat my lunch there, hoping Hongyok will open the door and look at me with her cold yet warm eyes. But that’s never happen.

            School ends early today. So, I go to the book store before go home. I buy two sets of stationery for work and two novels.

            “Ah, Miss, you can get this novel authors’ autograph right there,” says the casher while pointing to the spot that have many people queuing. “From 01.00 until 03.00 pm. There’s fan signing.”

            “Ah, I see… okay, thanks, Miss,” reply me.

            HY. That’s the authors’ name who wrote “Strangers?” the book I bought. Well, I haven’t read this novel, but many people talks about it and recommend it. I’m queuing while take off the plastic cover of the book. I’m amaze when I look at the author because I knew her. I never imagine she’ll be a writer like now.

            “Hello! What’s your name?” asks her without raises her head and just accepting my book.

            “Aom, Aom Sushar,” answer me.

            She’s raising her head and staring at me. “Why?” ask me.

            “Ah, nothing.” She’s back to my book, writing something then gives it to me. “Thank you,” says her while smiling. This is the first time I see her smile. She’s so cute when smiling.

            “You’re welcome. Success for you.” I’m replying with smile too.

            I walk out from the queue and read what Hongyok wrote before in my book.

            Hi, Miss!

       I’m sorry, but I miss you so much.

            Her words make me feel warm inside and smile widely. It’s make me happy. Instead of go home, I stop at the coffee shop in front of the bookstore. I’m ordering an iced Americano then read Hongyoks’ book.

            I already read the half of the book when I finish my drink. I’m about to order again, but that kid really surprising me. She’s sitting in the opposite chair and staring at me with warm look.

            “Since when you here?” ask me.

            “I don’t know, maybe an hour ago,” answers her, not sure. “Is it good?”

            “Well, as far as I read, it’s good enough. I don’t know you like writing.”

            “And I don’t know you like to read.”

            “How are you, Hongyok?”

            “Fine, Miss. Want to order drink again?”

            “No, I’ll read it again at home.”

            “Go home?”

            I nod. “Yes. You?”

            She nods too. “Me too. Okay, I’ll set you off.”

            “Okay.” I won’t try too hard to get now since I don’t know when I’ll see her again.

            We’re going to the parking lot. She’s bringing a red Vespa. Seems her economy is better now.

            “Yours?”

            “Yes. I really work hard to get this, but I still use my bicycle sometimes. It’s healthier. Your house still at the same place, Miss?” She’s starting to turn on the engine.

            “Yes, still there.” I sit on her motorcycle, wearing the helmet. “I’m ready.”

            She runs her motorcycle with average speed, but suddenly she faster the speed of her motorcycle. Because of that, I hug her wrist tightly. She changes the speed again to average. When I wanna hold off my hug, she holds my arms.

            “Just like this.”

            Ah, I see now. So, she wants me to hug her. This kid is bolder than before. In 30 minutes, we’re arriving at my house. While she’s parking, I’m going to the house first.

            I go to my room to put my bag on the desk and changing my uniform to black tank top and short pants. I go out from my room while tying my long hair to horse tail. Hongyok is already on my house, sitting on the sofa while watching television.

            “Have you eaten?” ask me. “Wanna a cup of noodle? My fridge is empty now. So, I just have noodles.” I walk toward the kitchen, take out two noodles from the buffet.

            I stop my activity because I startle when someone is hugging my back. She’s kissing my neck now. I don’t know what happened in the 4,5 years with her that makes her changing like this. Before she won’t dare to touch me at all, even just my hand.

            “What are you doing, Hongyok?”

            “It’s your fault, Miss. You’re too y, I can’t resist anymore.” She’s kissing my neck again while her hands going inside my tank top, rub my skin.

            “Since when you become so bold like this?”

            Hongyok sighs, take out her hands and stop kissing my neck. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, Miss, but can you changes your tank top and pants into something more not revealing like this? It’s so hard to control myself when you’re dressing like this.” She’s going back to the sofa.

            “So, you want to eat or not?” ask me.

            “Nope, I’m still full,” answer her.

            “Okay then.” I walk toward her and sit beside her. “So, tell me what was you’re doing in the 4,5 years?”

            “I went to the uni and graduates in 3,5 years. Then I’m working at the publisher until now. I always like writing and 3 years ago I tried to post my story in the website that has many readers from around the world. Fanfics, you know that, right?” I nod. “Yeah, I was writing fanfics with many idols or actor and actress. So, many people acknowledge me.

            “One day, I brave myself to give my story to my boss and he was agreeing to publish my story, but my story still needs improvements. Then after 3 months, he published my story and the book that you bought today is my third book.

            “In my books, you can find our stories inside them. I always put our moments. Well, you can say that I always have you on my mind and heart. I was disappointed with myself because didn’t brave before. I was too scared with your reaction.

            “I was like a girl in my previous school and I told her. But I made her annoyed and after that, she always looked at me with disgust look. Another girl, she accepted me, but one day her mom was found that we’re lover. Her mom became angry and told me that was my fault to seduce her daughter. Because she believes that her daughter won’t like girls if I wasn’t approached her first. Then other students knew that I like girls, they were bullied me and hate me. So, I transferred to another school. I need to change my school once someone knew the real me.”

            “But, you didn’t change your school when I knew.”

            “Because you didn’t do anything to me and I also wanna saw you more before I graduated. I became hesitant to leave you when you said your ex was a girl.”

            “But you still leave me.”

            “Because I didn’t know what to do back then. I also not sure with your feeling.”

            “What about now?”

            “I still don’t know your feeling, but I’ll bolder then before to you.”

            I smirk. “Do ert things, you mean?”

            Her eyes are popping put. “I’m not a ert, I—”

            My lips shut her lips up. She startles that I kiss her first, but she’s starting to enjoy it. I kiss her passionately and she’s replying with bite my lower lip. We’re destroying each other lips for 2 minutes, maybe.

            “I miss you too, Hongyok,” say me to reply what she wrote before on my book.

            “I love you, Miss Aom.”

            “I love you too, Hongyok,” reply me then give her a peck on her red lips.

            She’s spending the night with me and goes home the next morning to work. We’re dating now. So, I can meet her anytime I want. I never think to date my student, but now I do it, even though she’s alumni. Well, you don’t know who you’ll love. I just wanna cherish this feeling. So, I won’t regret later.