He rubbed the sleep off his eyes and stared at the pure white ceiling. The sun was shining brightly through the window of his room, announcing the beginning of a new day. Myungsoo lazily tossed and turned to his side, only to face the empty side of his bed. It had been empty for so long that Myungsoo could almost forget that it was once full with someone's presence. Almost. The fact was, that he never was able to forget, nor he thought he will gain the ability in the future. Mostly because he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to erase any of those sweet memories…

He sighed and slowly got off the bed, he didn’t feel any kind of enthusiasm to face the new day. It wasn’t going to be any different from his other days. He would go through his daily routines, then go to the studio and practice with his bandmates. Then he would come back home exhausted and fall on his bed and sleep till the next morning. Sometime he didn’t even have the energy to take off his shoes. He couldn’t see anything exciting in his life. It was just hope in his heart that made him go through all these boring, tedious days. The hope that his loved one would come back some day…

He went to bathroom and washed up. Then he stared at his reflection in the mirror. A raven-haired boy with god-like features was staring back at him. His face was flawless, but there was something so wrong about his eyes. They were beautiful in shape and color, but terribly cold and void of emotion. But people who knew him from past knew that they weren’t like this since birth. They were once bright and lively, not gloomy and stone-hard like now.

He didn’t really feel the taste of cornflakes in his mouth. He actually didn’t have any appetite, but he had to eat. He didn’t want to pass out during practices and worry his bandmates. He then got dressed and styled his hair a little bit. His clothes were black, like always. When he was with his loved one he would even wear pink, because he liked pink stuff. But now that he was alone and seemingly no one cared about his clothing, he'd always wear black. Nothing suited and expressed his veins more than black.

He grabbed his phone and wallet and was about to open the door when his phone's screen lit up with a message. He wanted to ignore it at first, but when he saw the name of the sender, he opened and read it.

From: Sungjong

Happy birthday hyung! :*

Myungsoo got a little confused.

"What? Today's my birthday?" he whispered to himself and frowned. He checked the date on his phone and hit his forehead with his palm lightly.

'How could I forget it? What if he's already there?' he thought to himself and nearly panicked, but when he checked the time he relaxed. It was only 9 in the morning.

'He was never a morning person.'

He was reminded of the times Sungyeol would sleep-over at his house and then he had to wake him up at the morning. One time he accidentally hit Myungsoo in the face with his elbow. He was still asleep and didn’t mean it of course, but he apologized a hundred times and bought Myungsoo an ice cream to make up for that.

The memory brought him both smile and tears. If only he hadn’t left… Myungsoo was pretty sure they'd be the happiest couple ever. People would envy their love and they'd hold each other's hand while walking down the street, smiling proudly at any passenger who passed by them… it was such a pity that he wasn’t there to watch his performances, greet him when he'd come back home exhausted, or drink his coffee while telling him how his day had went. He felt like every second of his life that he hadn’t spent with Sungyeol was an utter waste. What is life when the one you love is not there to share it with you?

Myungsoo sighed and quickly wiped his tears with the back of his hand. He still had hope. He couldn’t lose it too, maybe because it was the only thing he had left. He forced a smile on his face and went out…

He knew the way to the café by heart. The café that he and Sungyeol used to go and hang out. It was the place that Sungyeol had promised to come to on one of his birthdays… Myungsoo could still see the car driving away, with Sungyeol's smiling face stuck out of one of its windows, shouting his promise.

"Wait for me Myungsoo! I'm gonna come back on your birthday… at the usual place! Just wait for me!"

He clearly heard the words, as if they were being spoken right then and there. He had replayed Sungyeol's voice and words in his head time and time again since that day. Maybe because he was afraid to forget them. Maybe because he had clung to them to gain the strength to live on.

Myungsoo arrived at the café and sat down at a table, back facing the door, and ordered a latte. He then put his elbows on the table and cupped his chin. He did that only when he was deep in thought or was remembering some memories. Now he was thinking back to all of his past birthdays…

Myungsoo was a completely normal boy living happily with his family. He was a cute kid and everyone liked him, although he was a little shy and didn’t talk much. His parents were loving and provided him with everything he needed, and he had a brother 2 years younger than him, named Moonsoo. Everything was fine, even perfect, until his 7^th year of life.

He was so young that didn’t even understand the meaning of "cancer", something his father said his mother was suffering from. He only understood that his mother was wasting away before their eyes, and none of them could do anything, but wait until the day her misery would end. And that day didn’t take too long to arrive.

Myungsoo's mother passed away on his 8^th birthday. Myungsoo couldn’t remember much, but he clearly remembered that he started screaming and crying frantically when they covered his mother's face with a white cloth. He hadn’t seen something like this before, but he felt like he won't be able to see her ever again. And he was right. He didn’t see her after that. All that remained was some pictures, some clothes, and many, many memories.

Myungsoo had been depressed after that. He couldn’t eat and sleep properly. He couldn’t play with other kids. He couldn’t concentrate in school and he even failed some objects. The only times he felt a little more normal were the times that his brother was with him. Moonsoo, despite being younger, would always manage to protect him and cheer him up somehow.

4 years after his mother's death, he felt a little better. He was finally getting accustomed to the life without his mother, when the second tragedy happened.

Moonsoo got involved in an accident and went to a coma, one week before Myungsoo's 12^th birthday, and he died on March 13^th. Again, exactly on his birthday, he had lost one of his loved ones.

When they were burying his brother, Myungsoo felt like all of his emotions are being buried with him deep in the ground. It hurt so much that Myungsoo preferred not to feel anything at all. His father would try to be there for him and not let him feel lonely, but it was impossible. Of course he appreciated his father's presence and efforts, but it just wasn’t enough. He couldn’t experience the same feelings he had towards his mother and brother with his father.

So, he got colder and more mysterious day by day. He didn’t talk to anyone or even looked at them. He didn’t mean to do it, but some students in his school started to fear him. They practically ran away when he wanted to approach them, although he didn’t do it that often. Myungsoo didn’t want to get hurt because of that, but he still was a human and he felt rejected. He was always alone at lunchtimes and that didn’t help his depressed condition at all.

A little after that, some of his classmates started to call him L, and he strangely liked that nickname. Maybe because he didn’t feel like Myungsoo anymore. Maybe because he had changed a lot. He wasn’t the same person that his parents had named Myungsoo.

Birthdays are supposed to be happy days for the birthday person and his family and friends, but to L, it was a cursed day. As his birthday got nearer, he felt more and more depressed. He found himself crying without even realizing it. Some teachers had found out and tried talking to him, but he just assured them that it's nothing. He even saw horrific nightmares, but didn’t let his father know. He'd just silently cry and shiver in fear… the fear of losing someone else. He thought that he's going to lose his father on his 13^th birthday, so he committed suicide at March 13^th, 12 o'clock. He took lots and lots of pills, so that he won't have to witness his father's death. Fortunately, his father decided to check on him that night, and he noticed the empty bottles of pills beside the seemingly asleep boy.

L survived, but his depression got even worse. He refused to go to counselors too. He believed deeply that he's not ever going to be normal again. After his suicide, people tried to make themselves more distant. Even teachers seemed to be somehow afraid of him, like he was a mad person that would try to kill them all if they offended or approached him. They tried to act normal around him, but L was a clever boy and understood them. He decided that he'll go with their flow and show them what they expected of him, a mysterious, dark monster.

Something that he didn’t think that would ever happen, was for someone to be able to break through his façade. But some unknown, random boy did it. Not only he managed to break the façade, but also he stirred and woke the seemingly dead feelings inside L's heart.

It all started with an accident. L was heading to gym to attend his PE class, when a ball hit his head. The ball was too heavy, and L assumed that he had gotten a concussion. For a few seconds he couldn’t feel anything but pain, but suddenly there were warm hands on his upper arm, and he could feel someone's hot breath on his face. It made goosebumps spread all over his body. He held his breath and slowly opened his eyes, only to see the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his entire life.

The boy was lean and tall, even taller than Myungsoo himself. He had brown doe-like eyes, flawless nose, plump, pinkish lips, and cute chubby cheeks. He even had a sweet voice, as he asked if he's ok, is he hurt? But L could only stare at him. He didn’t know was it because of the hit, or he was actually mesmerized by the boy in front of him. He just couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

He was drawn out of his daydream though, when the boy slapped his face lightly.

"Are you ok??" he nearly shouted. L shook his head right and left, as if trying to clear his mind and regain his focus.

"Yeah. No need to worry." He said and started rubbing his head. The pain had dulled a little, but it was still there.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Does it hurt too much? I really didn’t mean to hit you!" he sounded like he was at the verge of tears, and L smiled at that. Something he hadn’t done in a long time. But he couldn’t help smiling at the boy in front of him. He was just so cute.

"No, it's okay. Really." He said and then his eyes went down to where the boy's hands were still touching. Noticing it, he quickly drew his hand back and mumbled a 'sorry'. L chuckled at his blushed cheeks. He was obviously embarrassed.

After a few awkward moments of the two of them just standing there, the boy stuck his hand out and looked at L's eyes directly.

"I'm Lee Sungyeol. Nice to meet you."

L glanced at Sungyeol, and again he was mesmerized by the blindingly bright smile on his face. He hesitated for a while, and Sungyeol was going to draw his hand back, when he quickly reached for it and grasped it tightly, as if his life depended on it.

"I'm Myungsoo. Kim Myungsoo." He shook Sungyeol's hand lightly, despite the death grip he had on them. He could tell that the doe-eyed boy was surprised by his actions, but still he smiled.

"Ok then, Myungsoo. I'm gonna treat you to an ice cream after school. I'll wait for you by the gate." He then smiled once again and started running towards the basketball team. He didn’t even give Myungsoo time to protest. And strangely, Myungsoo found his heart beating a little faster at the thought of spending time with Sungyeol.

He and Sungyeol got close pretty fast. Soon Myungsoo befriended all of Sungyeol's friends, who were 5 funny and friendly guys. Sunggyu, Dongwoo, Woohyun, Hoya, and Sungjong treated him like they had known him for years, and Myungsoo could open up to them easily.

They made sure Myungsoo was never alone. They made him hang out and have fun with them. His depression was slowly being cured, as he and Sungyeol fell in love with each other and became inseparable. Sungyeol made sure not to leave him alone during his birthdays. He'd always take him on an exciting date on his birthdays and get him beautiful presents. His horrible mentality of his birthdays was being replaced by a bright and beautiful one. He now felt like the luckiest boy in the whole universe to have Sungyeol by his side.

The connection between him and his friends became even stronger when the seven of them decided to make a boyband. They have even named the band, Infinite. They used to talk about how to dress on stage, how to do fanservices, what genre of songs should they sing… simply dreaming of their future. Together. They were together even in their dreams. But something shattered that beautiful dream.

Sungyeol had to move to another country with his family, because of his father's job. That made all of his friends sad to no end, but for Myungsoo it felt like his heart was being ripped. After all those dark days, he had found happiness again and now that happiness was leaving him. He thought he couldn’t take it, but Sungyeol gave him hope, just as he had given him love. He promised he'll come back on his birthday.And that hope was the thing that made Myungsoo go through all hardships all these years.

2 years after Sungyeol's departure, they debuted as a six membered boy band named Infinite. He was 19 that day, and he promised to himself that he'll make Infinite an international band, so that Sungyeol can watch them wherever he is. They had reached their dream, but he still hadn’t come back…

A drop of tear fell into the cup of untouched, cold drink. Myungsoo desperately wanted to cry, but he couldn’t ruin his image and disappoint the others. His hand unconsciously went to his heart, to clench the shirt above it tightly. He pressed his eyelids together, he couldn’t cry here.

'Where are you Sungyeol? Can't you feel how much it hurts being without you? Can't you feel how lonely I am? Don’t you miss me? Have you forgotten me? You came and saved me when I was cold and desperate. Where are you now? Why did you have to make me fall in love and then leave me? Please come back Sungyeol. I really, really need you now. Please come back to me…'

He now was a sobbing mess. He couldn’t care about his image anymore. He was too broken and lost to care about anything at the moment. His hope was fading away by second. He checked the time. It was already an hour past noon, and he hadn’t come.

'Maybe he isn’t going to come at all. Maybe he has found someone and forgotten about me already…' negative and horrible thoughts came to his mind one after another, and he felt like he'll go crazy if he sits there for another minute. He had to leave that place.

He was standing up, when someone put his hand on his shoulder and stopped him. His mind couldn’t process what was happening, but a second later strong arms wrapped themselves around his shoulders tightly and an all-too-familiar voice whispered in his ear.

"Happy birthday my Myungsoo."

And suddenly, Myungsoo knew that he won't have to feel sad, lonely and desperate ever again.