It wasn't a bad day today. Your coffee was good this morning, you were more productive than usual at work, and when you had gotten home you had gotten a text from your boyfriend saying that his business trip was going well and he had a chance at being back a week earlier than planned. If anything today had been all around great.

But then why were you sitting in the corner of your room at almost 2 in the morning, with all the lights off and your loudest music blaring, gently rocking yourself back and forth while you were sobbing? 

Beats the hell out of you. All you had done was put on a pair of sweats and one of Hoseok's t-shirts, like you always did. You set your alarm for tomorrow morning and turned off the lamp next to your bed. You were tired and you knew it so you were epecting to already be asleep before your head hit the pillow. When you were still staring at the alarm clock an hour and a half later you knew something was wrong.

It wasn't until you were on your way back from the kitchen where you had gotten a drink of water, thinking it might help you sleep, that your chest started to tighten and your sight went slightly blurry that you realized what was happening. By then it was already too late.

You weren't quite sure what happened after you made the realization that you were having an attack but when you were coherent enough to take in your surroundings all of the sheets, blankets and pillows were strewn about the room, every picture was laying facedown on the surfaces they were set upon, and you were in the corner of the room between the wall and a dresser. You reached blindly for the remote to the stereo on top of the dresser tossing whatever wasn't the remote, your favorite perfume, a bottle of lotion, a few books. Finally you found it and blasted whatever CD was in at the moment, a leftover habit from when you had shared a house with four others so they would complain about the music every once and a while, not the sobbing coming from your room at four in the morning.

When you were finally positive that no one would see or hear, you let out all of the tears and the yells. You were shaking and your nose was running, you felt some pressure relieve at the sounds you were making, though they were still contained, but just as quickly as they were gone, more were back. Suddenly you were suffocating and your breath came in quick bursts that were making your lungs work ten times harder than usual, you were hyperventilating. And so you sat and you cried and yelled and rocked determined to breathe correctly and not let this beat you.

You're pathetic. 

No, I'm not.

There is nothing for you to even cry about, P A T H E T I C

I don't need a reason to have an attack, sometimes life just happens.

No one cares. You're crying for nothing. You're petty.

No.

You're P A T H E T I C. Pathetic and petty and attention seeking.  

I'm not.

Liars go to Hell.

Don't mock me.

This was always the hardest part. Trying to convince yourself you were okay that this was normal. How can you argue with someone who knows every move you can make, every word you will use, what exactly to say to push your buttons and get under your skin. How do you fight yourself?

Maybe if you weren't so focused on that little voice in your head you would've seen headlights shining through the window onto the wall, maybe if the music wasn't so loud you would've heard the car pull up, but you were preoccupied and the speakers were ready to blow themselves out, so you didn't.

The music was so loud, so loud, but not loud enough to drown out the little voice. Suddenly the music cut off and there was nothing left to fill the silence other than your sobbing. You curled further in on yourself to quiet some of the crying which seemed so loud now, louder than the music, deafening. You were pulled out of the corner and enveloped by a familiar scent and pair of arms. No sooner did your head hit Hoseok's chest that you were sobbing in earnest.

Still on the floor, he rocked you back and forth rubbing soothing circles into your back. He stood silent but his strenghth was the only thing grounding you from drowning in your own anxiety. For a little bit he just let you cry, let you yell and shake and try to breathe. It wasn't until he knew for sure you weren't going to be able to breathe properly on your own that he spoke up.

"Deep breathes Babygirl." He said, "Breathe with me." and he began taking deep breathes slowly in and out. At first you couldn't get your breathing to slow but that didn't stop him.

"In," he'd inhale "and out." and he'd exhale. It was getting easier for you to breathe now, it was still fast, but at least you weren't hyperventilating anymore and your yells were slowly turning into whimpers.

"That's my girl. Listen to my vocie breathe with me. Its alright Babygirl. Sometimes life just happens." He kept talking while maintaining his steady breathing pace and soon you were just snifling, throat raw and eyes puffy as he rocked you.

You felt safe in his embrace, you felt invinsible.

He said nothing as he stood and then helped you up onto the unmade bed. He was silent still when he lifted your head, placed a pillow under it and then layed a blanket over you and then another because he knew that you'd kick one off in your sleep. He kissed your forehead and walked out of the room. A little while later he walked back in with pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

"We don't want you to wake up with a headache now do we?" was all he offered as he sat you up, popped the pills into your mouth and brought the glass to your lips.

You just let him baby you mostly because you,liked it when he did but also because you had absolutely no energy to put up a fight. You heard him bustling around the room most likely cleaning up what he could. Finally he got into bed and soon you were cuddled up next to him. You fell asleep to his arm around you and his heartbeat lulling you.

You woke up the next morning alone in bed but what you smelt was fantastic.

Bacon and coffee.

You walked downstairs and sure enough Hoseok was pouring some coffee into your favorite mug. You smiled as you walked over wound your arms around his waist your face in his back.

"Morning Babygirl." he said as he handed you the mug and a plate of food. You mubled a reponse, which was furhter muffled by your face in his back, and sat on the counter watching him move about the kitchen while you ate. After you had eaten and were feeling better your stomach dropped when you realized the what time it was.

Noticing the look on your face Hoseok moved and stood between your legs and just hugged you. You felt like you might cry again.

"Don't worry I called Soo Young. Told her what happened she said she'd relay the message. You don't have to go to work today."

You heaved a huge sigh of releif at his words. He still didn't release you so you took to playing with his hair and like always it made him sleepy.

"I'm content to stay like this with you forever, Y/N. You're so beautiful in every sense of the word and I am so in love with you. You're wonderful and perfect in the most imperfect way and I am so lucky to be able to call you mine." He said looking up at you.

"I love you too Hoseok. I am so lucky to have someone who can make me feel so perfect even when I know I'm nowhere close. I'm so lucky to have someone who can make me feel so safe during my attacks and to have you be able to calm me down so easily. I am so lucky you understand what I'm going through and I love every single thing about you." You blushed. Hoseok smiled and then leaned forward but it was you that actually closed the distant between you two.

The kiss wasn't hungry but it was by no means innocent. Behind that kiss both of you could feel the love and care for and from each other. The fire behind it was so bright it burned white hot. You could feel every emotion, the fear of your attacks, the strength to get through them, but most of all, you could feel the love.

All you need in your life is Hoseok because as long as he's there, you can make it through anything.