A/N: you may want to should listen to ‘One Year Later’ by Onew (SHINee) and Jessica (SNSD) while reading this. PS. Because the song won’t be long enough to play through the whole oneshot, you may want to replay it unless it’s irritating you. ^^ Link to song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6Bg-zxWCII

“Happiness is like butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will elude from you.” -Teresa

25^thDecember 2011

It has been a year. The familiar Christmas songs playing over and over again, the same old café, the very atmosphere, unchanged.

It felt the same—

No.

Nothing was the same.

He knew it wasn’t the same once he stepped into the café, never the same.

However familiar the Christmas songs are, however similarly-decorated the café is, he knew deep down, it wasn’t the same.

Never the same.

Because, she’s not there.

He scoffed at himself. Of course, why would she be there?

“We are over.”

We are over.

They are over.

/ It feels like I've been dreaming for a long time /

He stirred the coffee that he ordered. The same aroma—

It tasted bitter. He sneered at himself for still thinking of her.

It has been one year.

“Merry Christmas.”

He recognized that voice—

No. I’m just hallucinating. It’s not her.

“Heechul?”

It’s her. He was sure of it. The same soft yet cold tone.

It was her.

It was Jessica Jung, the woman… no… the girl he loved.

The girl he loved so deeply, even till now.

/ I've wandered and wandered around for a while /

“J-Jessica?”

He barely looked up. He had no courage to look up. What if, it was just a dream?

She smiled feebly at him. “You never changed.”

He inhaled slowly. That was it.

She is real. It was not his hallucination.

He was sure that was her. Her tone, the arrogant yet mellow tone of hers, that can’t be wrong.

It is Jessica.

It is Sooyeon.

Indeed, he did not change. Like every Christmas, he sat at a corner of the café – the café he will show up in every Christmas. Indeed, he did not change. He still ordered the same coffee as he did for the past four years. He… he still loved her. He still remembered her.

“You did not change either,” He replied coldly. He forced himself to appear aloof.

He looked up at her. She looked thinner now. She seemed paler too.

All these while, are you living in pain too?

She laughed. It killed him. That laughter that melts his heart every single time, it did not fail to do so this time—

Let the coldness in me numb my pain. Let the bitterness in me wash away our memories gradually.

“Forget what I said just now, you became grumpier now—”

Cheeky as she sounded, it was the truth.

“—I don’t remember you being so grumpy when I first met you…” Her voice trailed away.

~~~

25^thDecember 2007

“Why are you here alone on Christmas?”

He remembered himself trying to hit on her but failed terribly.

She rolled her eyes in annoyance, “And why can’t I?”

He almost retreated after being crudely rejected by the arrogant woman when there was this fairly crazy lady barging into the café all of a sudden and giving a tight slap to the shocked woman who by now, seem to lose all of the arrogance she had initially. Or rather, she seemed pretty enraged. Scratch that. She was fuming.

The fight between the two only stopped when he unknowingly defended the arrogant woman from a sharp knife that stabbed straight into his stomach. Unpleasant as it may be, that was the start of their awkward friendship that to begin with, wasn’t at all delightful.

That was just the beginning.

~~~

“You are such a busybody.”

The way she had subtly thanked him for blocking her from the razor-edged knife and how she in turn, reprimanded him for meddling with her affairs, causing himself to be in such an awful state, intrigued him.

“You are such a troublemaker—” He rebutted haughtily.

She scowled when he said that but did not deny the fact that she did cause trouble to this stranger that she barely knew.

“—celebrate Christmas with me.”

She was dumbfounded, confused at his sudden request to celebrate Christmas with him when to tell the truth, Christmas is already over. The bewildered look on her face, her uncertainty was unanswered as he just dragged her away forcefully out of the hospital although he was still in his hospital pajamas.

He was rather proud of himself. To be honest, he had no intention of defending her when the knife came along. It just happened. If you called it fate, then probably, they are destined to meet and he was, frankly, glad that he took the stab instead.

“What the hell?” It was all she could say when he laid on the wet patch of grass in the middle of a soccer field.

“Merry Christmas.”

She raised her eyebrow doubtfully at the stranger who frustrates yet interests her so much.

“Christmas is over, stranger.” She mockingly teased the stranger.

Cocky, but he liked it.

“Heechul.”

“What?” She was caught by surprise. What did the stranger just say?

“Kim Heechul—”

He shook his head in amusement when she still stared at him, puzzled.

“—that’s my name. Gosh, you’re so slow.”

He caught her glaring at him but softened to a gaze as she finally spoke up again, “Jessica Jung—”.

“Uh-huh.” He remarked as he smirked as though he was expecting more.

“—Sooyeon,” She had said it exceptionally soft on purpose but the next thing she knew was that he was rolling on the grass, laughing hysterically.

“I prefer calling you Sooyeon then.”

This cracked her up. Not that she found her own name amusing, but because he was the first person to call her by that, instead of Jessica.

She secretly adores being called Sooyeon.

~~~

/ As if we made a promise /
/ Standing here in front of each other like that day from four seasons ago /

25^thDecember 2011

“Perhaps, I did change.” He fidgeted uncomfortably. He was at a loss of words.

He didn’t recall himself being so awkward around her.

Maybe, I don’t understand her anymore.

“Are you okay?” He questioned as she rubbed the temple of her head as though she was having a terrible headache.

“It’s nothing,” she pushed away his left hand – the one he had placed on hers when he leaned forward, concerned at how she seemed to be having a serious headache.

He ruffled his own hair in frustration. It was killing him, to see how much they distanced.

 “You’re still so stubborn, aren’t you?”

She appeared indifferent though.

How can you appear as though you don’t care about our past anymore? Don’t you know that I’m dying inside?

“We have broken up already. Y-you don’t have to touch me.” Her voice was emotionless.

Are you really so detached now? Have you forgotten everything? My promise— our promise?

~~~

25^thDecember 2008

“Here? Seriously, I don’t want to get slap by some crazy again.” She complained as she settled herself on the exact same seat where the two close friends first met.

 “Why not? Isn’t it our first anniversary being friends?” He chortled at the thought of how he had taken a stab for her on the Christmas one year ago, resulting them in becoming acquaintances and now, close friends.

She slapped his arm playfully as the two burst out laughing together.

“I haven’t asked you this before… b-but, who was that woman one year ago?”

He had been dying to ask this burning question since one year ago but never brought himself to ask.

It would be awkward, that had always been the reason why he never asked her why was it that the seemingly deranged woman had suddenly barged into the café and began throwing insults at her.

He peered at her buoyantly as she wet her lips and opened then shut it again as though she wanted to say something yet stopped herself from doing so.

Scrutinizing her closely, he beckoned her to say the truth, she finally gave in.

“Fine. Let me ask you something first.”

He nodded carefully, still staring at her.

“Do you believe in happily ever after?”

That stuck him. He absolutely had no idea how to answer.

Should I say yes? Should I say no?

He doesn’t know.

“I don’t know?” He answered her truthfully.

She sniggered, annoying him a little as it seemed to be that she was openly making fun of him.

“Do you even know what love is?” She mocked him.

Of course he knew. He loved her. It wasn’t her beauty that attracted him. Neither was it because she was the first woman who captivated him. It was her warm heart that was concealed under her unmoved appearance that enticed him, her swollen-headed yet modest in the inside personality that charmed him. She was different. She was imperfectly, perfect.

He always knew that she was not haughty like how she seemed to be, he was always aware that she was fragile although she tried to look tough on the outside. He knew that she was just like a little girl who wants attention and he knew that she holds a deep heart – a deep heart that he wants to understand, to unravel.

He wants to be there for her.

When she gets into trouble for vandalizing public property whenever she was in a bad mood and decides that she needs something to vent her anger, he wanted to be the one who stayed by her. When she was having trouble at work with her superior throwing her tons of work to do, he felt that he had to be there for her.

It wasn’t how he felt for a friend. He didn’t treat her like a friend. That was more than friends.

That was love.

He knows what love is.

To Kim Heechul, love is Jung Sooyeon.

~~~

“That man lied to me.”

He was stunned when she spoke up again all of a sudden.

“That damn woman was his wife. He told me he wasn’t married—”

“It’s okay. He doesn’t know what love is.” He interrupted her.

She stared at him for a second before looking away once again.

“I loved him.”

His heart ached as he noticed tears gathering in her eyes.

I love you.

“But he taught me that happily ever after does not exist.”

I will make you happy.

He his lips; rubbing his hands against his thick coat wore for the cold weather.

Clearing his throat, he looked into her eyes.

“I love you.”

His heart dropped a little as she dropped her cup of coffee, spilling it. She was indeed, shocked.

She shrugged and covered her face with her left hand, “I don’t believe in love anymore.”

Why are you so stubborn?

“Believe in me, then. I will make you happy.”

He stared at her with hopeful eyes.

You know how I feel for you… right?

“I don’t believe in happiness either.” She leaned back on her seat, looking away from his gaze.

“I will prove to you that happily ever after do exist.”

Before she could react, he had pulled her out of the café to the deserted soccer field once again, just like one year ago.

~~~

“25^thDecember 2008, Kim Heechul met Jung Sooyeon. 26^thDecember 2008, Kim Heechul and Jung Sooyeon became friends. 18^thApril 2009, Kim Heechul and Jung Sooyeon celebrated Jung Sooyeon’s birthday together, watching the sunrise. 19^thMay 2009, Kim Heechul fell in love with Jung Sooyeon. 10^thJuly 2009, Jung Sooyeon gave Kim Heechul a peck on his left cheek as a birthday present—”

“You still remember?”

There was nothing between us that I forgot.

“—25^thDecember 2009, Kim Heechul confessed to Jung Sooyeon.”

We will be happily ever after, I promise.

He held her hands, “Accept me. I will give you happiness.”

He bit his lips nervously as she lowered her head, blinking a few times as though she was in deep thought, before muttering a short reply.

“You have to keep your promise then.”

It was then when he realized that she had indefinitely accepted him.

He will never forget the moment when he carried her up, running around in circles while carrying her and cheering in joy.

He will never break his promise.

~~~

25^thDecember 2011

 / Those beautiful stories that we wrote down together /
/ Those eternal promises that we prayed for at that time /
 

“Why? W-Why did you break up with me?”

He finally brought himself to ask this question. He can’t take it anymore. He wants to know why.

“I told you before, there is no such thing called happily ever after.” She shut her eyes, making him unsure whether it was because she refused to listen to him.

What do I mean to you then? Our memories? Do you feel nothing in the past one year?

/ They're all coming back to me now and I don't think my heart can take it /
/ I've even restrained myself at the thought of you /
/ How has your one year been /

~~~

25^thDecember 2009

“You can’t forget me while you’re in army, okay?” She tried to force a smile. Blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall any second, she stopped herself. No, she can’t let him worry about her. She will not worry him. She had to be strong. She can survive without him for two years.

“I forbid you to forget me too. Promise me that you will wait for me okay?” He faked a smile. The two long years in army meant not being able to be together for two years. It will be difficult for both of them, but he will stay strong for her. He can survive without her for two years.

“I-I promise you.” She stuttered, already on the verge of tears.

They waited for Christmas to be over.

26^thDecember, he has to go.

As it was time for him to go, they locked in an embrace. How I wish this moment will stay forever.

They pulled away reluctantly. Watching him walk away from her, she cried. It was the first time she cried ever since they were a couple.

“I don’t want you to go!” She shouted and ran towards him. As they pulled in for a hug once again, he kissed her delicately.

“We will be happily ever after.” He whispered into her ears as they sobbed in each other’s arms. “I love you.”

“Kim Heechul, remember Jung Sooyeon.”

Just wait for two years. We will be together then.

25th December 2011

/ For a long time, I've been living, having forgotten of you /
/ For a while, I thought I was doing fine /
/ However I started to realize it as time passed by /
/ That I am nothing without you /

“Don’t tell me there’s no such thing called happily ever after! You were the one who broke our promise!” At last, he snapped. He doesn’t understand why. Why is it that happiness is just within their reach and yet she wanted to ruin it? Why is it that she broke up with him? Why is it that she never told him the reason why?

Why?

Why is it that you don’t love me anymore?

Don’t you know that I can’t live without you?

Don’t you know that I have been living in agony ever since you broke up with me?

Where is the happiness we were looking for?

“I’m sorry. I broke our promise. This will be the last Christmas I’m celebrating with you. I promise.” I will keep my promise this time.

She pained him.

Forbidding himself from crying, he laughed at his own wishful-thinking, “Last Christmas… the last Christmas… I see, nothing could bring you back to me.”  How I wish you will just break your promise this time.

/ At that time, if only we had been a bit more mature /

Perhaps, it had always been my wishful-thinking. I thought that you liked me. Maybe, you were tired of me all these while. Why didn’t I realize it earlier?

/ If only we knew how we would be right now /

I could never change your thinking. If only I knew that our love will end up like this, I will never drag myself into this mess.

/ I have no confidence in overcoming these endless regrets /

All along, we were impossible. How I regret believing that we will live happily ever after.

/ So I've had to just repress them /

I will forget you. I will forget Jung Sooyeon.

/ One year has passed like that /

It has been a year. It’s time. I will allow the coldness in me to numb the pain in my heart that you gave me. I will let the bitterness in me to wash away all our memories—

—even if it hurts.

~~~

25^thDecember 2010

“Merry Christmas.” It had been a year since he went into the army. Once again, they went to the café where they first met to celebrate Christmas.

“I prepared this.” As she looked at him, confused, he pushed a small wooden box to her.

“What is—”

“This is a time capsule. Let’s do something special this year.”

She was about to ask him what they were going to do with it when he picked her up, running towards the soccer field while carrying her.

“Put me down! I feel like throwing up.” She yelled.

Alarmed, he placed her down immediately. “Gosh, are you okay?”

“How dare you carry me up in front of so many people? It’s so embarrassing!” She punched him playfully.

“Let’s bury our time capsule here.”

As she looked at him questioningly, he passed her a piece of paper and a pen.

“Write.”

“What?”

“What do you think will happen to us one year later?”

She eyed him doubtfully.

“I will be out of army by then. What do you think will happen to us?”

She laughed at how immature he was.

“You’re such a juvenile boy.”

“You are such a childish girl.”

As she crossed her arms, wanting to rebut, he placed his second finger on her lips, as though motioning her to keep quiet.

“Don’t deny. You are always my girl.”

She had scowled at him.But secretly, she loved being his childish girl.

~~~

“Don’t look.” He joked, covering the piece of paper he was writing on.

They had dug out a small hole at the corner of the soccer field, burying their time capsule underneath.

“You sure it’s okay to do this?”

“Of course! No one plays soccer here anyway.”

“Are we going to look at this one year later?” She asked, curious about what he wrote.

“We will come back together next year to look at it. You can’t peek at it while I’m still in army!”

She chuckled, shrugging her shoulders.

“Promise me!”

“Fine.” She stuck out her tongue playfully, lying down on the soft patch of grass as the two looked up at the sky.

“There are no stars tonight,” she grumbled.

He cupped her face with his hands, “One year later, we will come and see the stars together. I promise.”

That night was magical.

One year later, what will happen to us?

~~~

25^thDecember 2012

/ Could your feelings perhaps be the same as mine? /
/ Will you give me another chance? /

“I’m sorry.” She apologized once more, with tears welling up in her eyes. I will not let my tears fall.

“Will you give me another chance?” He found himself asking her. I could not forget her.

She looked down slowly, stirring her coffee.

He swore he saw sadness in her eyes.

She still loved me, doesn’t she?

Maybe, just maybe, I will have another chance.

/ I know now that we can never part from each other /
/ The one person I love and love again /

“I love you.” He leaned forward, kissing her soft lips tenderly. Give me another chance to love you.

“I’m sorry—” She mumbled, pushing him away. “—it will be our last Christmas together.” I’m sorry.

“Stop apologizing to me! Get out now. I don’t need you to be here. I-I hate you.” He turned away, pointing towards the exit of the café.

He watched her pick up her bag, staggering out of the café as though she could not maintain her balance.

“Goodbye, my love.” he managed to say before she disappeared out of his sight. It’s time to let go.

1^stJanuary 2011

“I’m sorry. Let’s break up.”

“What? Stop it. It’s not funny okay?” It must be a joke. He tried to keep his smile, although there was uncertainty in his voice.

“I’m not joking. I got tired of you. I hate it that you don’t spend as much time with me now that you’re in the army. Let’s break up.” She said it as though it was no big deal.

Does it really mean nothing to you?

There was coldness in her voice.

She is not the Jung Sooyeon I loved.

“Didn’t we just celebrate Christmas together a few days ago? We were so happy then. Why? Why break up all of a sudden?”

He waited for her to answer him as she seemed to space out for a few seconds before looking at him with a cold, icy gaze.

“I don’t love you anymore. Let go.”

Why are you so heartless?

As she shoved his hands away, he stood there, there was nothing he could do except watch her walk away from him. What happened to us?

She walked away from him, with a silent tear rolling down.

I’m sorry, Heechul. I can no longer be the Jung Sooyeon that you loved.

~~~

25^thDecember 2012

She’s gone.

I love you.

He typed the message, wanting to send it to her. But no, he deleted it.

We have broken up.

He had been dying to know her reason for leaving him.

Tired of him?

His life was in a mess ever since she left him. Yet, there was nothing he could do.

In the end, he just gave in to fate.

Perhaps, we are just not fated to be.

Perhaps, happily ever after does not exist.

Jung Sooyeon, the childish girl I love, is never coming back to me.

/ I wish we can go back to our first days /
/ To the beautiful, happy and loving days /

Jung Sooyeon, forgot our memories, our love, our promise – one year later.

/ Those heart-breaking stories and vain arguments /
/ Just bury all of that now /
/ And promise that we won't take them out again /
/ No matter how many seasons pass and how many years go by /
/ I hope that we won't meet like today again /

I will forget Jung Sooyeon, our love, our memories, our promise.

One year later, we celebrated Our Last Christmas.

Goodbye, Jessica Jung.

Goodbye, Jung Sooyeon.

Goodbye, my Last Christmas.

~~~

The clock chimed 12am.

Christmas is over.

Our love is over.

Our Last Christmas is over.

He allowed his tears to roll down his cheeks.

It’s time.

Time to forget their memories, his promise— the one he wrote in his time capsule,

 One year later, we will live happily ever after.

~~~

I hope Jung Sooyeon will find her happily ever after.

~~~

She broke down once she left the café.

I’m sorry, Heechul.

I’m sorry for leaving you.

Tears filled her eyes as she recalled their memories.

But, nothing could be the same anymore.

As the clock chimed 12am, she smiled.

Christmas is over.

Our Last Christmas is over.

I kept my promise this time. This is Our Last Christmastogether.

I love you, Kim Heechul.

Collapsing on the ground unexpectedly, she looked up at the sky.

I saw the star, our star—the one we promised one year ago.

One year later, this is our star.

~~~

“Why didn’t you receive treatment?” She heard the doctor’s voice.

“Because, I want to celebrate—”

~~~

26^thDecember 2010

Jung Sooyeon went to collect her medical report – Brain Cancer.

It all makes sense, her frequent headaches, how she often found herself losing her balance, losing focus easily, feeling nauseous.

She was encouraged to undergo a brain surgery but no—

~~~

26^thDecember 2011

“—I want to celebrate my Last Christmas with Heechul, Our Last Christmas.”

She knew that she had not much time left.

Goodbye Kim Heechul, my juvenile boy.

As a tear rolled down her cheek, she muttered under her breath, “I did not forget our promise.”

She smiled as she remembered the time capsule, their promise—

One year later, we will live happily ever after.

She died.

~~~

You taught me that happily ever after do exist.

I hope that Kim Heechul will find his happily ever after one day.

Bye Kim Heechul.

I lost to the twist of kismet.

I lost to fate.

~~~

A/N: And this is the end of the oneshot. If this is not sad/heart-breaking enough, I’m sorry. :( Honestly, it didn't really hit my expectation. But, ohwell. *shrugs*

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